In about the span of a year I am on my *third* broken computer... heh yeah. I'm up and running now on an old beat up computer which I found in my closet among my three dead one which turns out to still work... to a point. Anyway I'm back. It will not be so long next time. An update for Lyrical Chastity is coming too. I've actually just been writing on paper and have that one outlined to completion. Anyway let me know if people are still here and reading!! Thanks!

Chapter 11: "The Girls Next Door"

"GO GO GO GO GO!!!! What are you doing?! I said further to the left!"

"What the hell man you just shot me?!!"

Lucas and Jake were in their third hour of their video game marathon. Peyton groans from the table as she plugs her ears. Finally she can take no more and struts across the room and plants herself in front of the tv.

"HEY HEY HEY!" Both men whine as they lean to see around her.

"Hell no." Peyton angrily swings around and shuts off the television.

"What the hell babe?" Jake asks as he reaches for the remote, only as soon as his hand grasps it it was met with Peytons foot crushing both to the ground.

"Are either of you aware that you are not sixteen year old kids anymore?" Peyton snaps

Lucas and Jake look at each other absently.

"Luke correct me if I'm wrong but it's 3:30 and your son gets out of school in five minutes and you're supposed to be picking him up and Jake need I remind you that your daughter is upstairs running a fever of 101 and you're down here playing video games! Seriously!" Peyton turns out of the room with a huff and goes to check on Jenny.

LUKES POV:

The deepest human defeat suffered by human beings is constituted by the difference between what one was capable of becoming and what one has in fact become.

~ Ashley Montagu

It's been over three weeks now since I've last seen Brooke or Ben. I've been trying really… well I guess so. Its just been hard all around. It seems easier for Ben to connect to Brooke. They've seen each other over the years- I was the one who was gone.

Brooke called the house the other day and asked if Peyton could pick up Ben from school when she went to get Jenny. I was there, but who did she ask for? Peyton. It was only when Jenny got sick today that Peyton asked me to pick up Ben for her. Apparently Brooke has to go to a doctors appointment with Rachel or something.

I get there just as the kids are starting to file out of the school. Bens face is plastered in confusion as he walks towards me.

"I thought that Aunt Peyton was picking me up?"

I reach to take the bag from his shoulder. Surprisingly he lets me.

"She was going to but Jenny was sick today so she asked me to pick you up instead. Is that okay bud?"

He nods understanding. I open the door to my car for him and he hops in. I guess now that I am doing this whole fatherhood thing I should invest in a car with a backseat. Ben is surprisingly silent as we cruise along the road.

"Wanna go shoot some hoops?" I offer to the little boy. His eyes light up at the mention of the game that runs through his blood the same as it does mine and Nathans. He nods happily.

"Where ya been Luke?" Ben asks me pointedly. I can feel his eyes boring into me.

I grip the steering wheel harder as I try to come up with a reason, … or would it be an excuse? So like a coward I don't answer.

"I was talkin' to the talk to person at my school" Ben says in a sing song voice as he had one hand hanging out of the window and a finger from the other shoved up his nose.

"Uh huh?" I reply urging him to continue, anything to break the silence.

"Yeah an' I tol' her I am real sad about my momma and my daddy and that I miss them." Ben confesses pulling his finger out of his nose and wiping it on his pants. Sometimes he really is Haley's kid.

"I miss them too buddy."

"But you know what she told me?" He asks as we finally arrive at the river court

"What'd she tell you?" I pull my car to as stop and now I can finally turn and give this child my full attention.

"She told me I have a lot of people who love me. An you and Brooke grew me in your tummies and you're my momma and dad too, an I'm lucky cause I got two mommas and two daddies that care about me." Ben explains although I can tell that he is still contemplating something.

"That's right buddy." I smile at him and rub my hand over his sandy blonde hair that matched my own.

"You don't care about me Uncle Luke. Not like that way my daddy would." Bens eyes begin to tear.

I am so taken aback by the childs words I don't know what to say.

"Brooke tries to be like a momma does an' she trysn' cook for me even tho' it turns out all burnt an she gives me money for lunch an even when she forgets it she brings it school for me! My friend Tyler said she don't look like other momma's an his mom said shes as ol' as his sister n her shorts are too short but she loves me! You don't even call me!" Ben was at the point that he was sobbing now.

Do you know the feeling of the most ultimate failure humanly possible? I though that was the way that I felt when I left Ben for the first time but this, no this doesn't even compare. When he was younger he was none the wiser, and as sad as it is he never knew me from the start. The difference is now I am here and the people that had raised him are not. Now he is old enough to be hurt by my selfish decisions and broken promises. I promised myself that when I had a son I would never be like my father, and now her I am.

"Ben I'm so sorry! I'm sorry Ben. I will be better I swear- I will be there for you whenever you need me and I want to bring you out to shoot hoops, and I want to read books with you just like your mom used to." I pull the boy into my arms.

"I jus want my pappa back." He sobs over and over again.

"To become a father is not difficult, but to be a father is."

~ Unknown

Brookes POV:

It was so weird being there with Rachel at her doctors appointment. Looking at the screen at that little thing growing inside of her is just so surreal. It brought back to me so many memories of being pregnant with Ben. The first time that I went to the doctor it had been Rachel that had gone with me. Had the situation been different and Peyton hadn't been dating Lucas I am sure that she would have been there as well. Anyway, when the doctor put that cold wand on my stomach and the sound of Ben's heart beat filled the room it was like nothing else existed. The "bum bum" of his beating heart invaded my world and it was as if nothing else existed. It was terrifying.

"Rach, Rach?!" I wave my hand in front of her face. We're at Tric having a drink- well correction, I'm having a drink and Rachel is on her third bowl of the complementary chips and salsa. "How you feeling?" She finally raises her eyes to meet mine.

Shrugging absently she sighs.

"You know what you want to name her yet?" I try a different route.

Suddenly Rachel smirks.

"It's got to be something that won't get old when I have to scream at her like Gracie and Charlotte." I can see her eyes brimming with tears as she tilts her head up, in her own way refusing to let them spill.

"I've always wanted to name my little girl Ava."

"I don't know if I can do this Brooke." Wiping tears from her eyes she attempts to perk back up.

"Have you- have you um talked to Mouth?" There is really no good way to bring up that subject. Rachel has seemed so fragile lately I feel like I have had to tip toe around her.

She had moved into a condo not far from the café but it hadn't been really working out. She was there a grand total of a week before she came to stay at Nathan and Haley's with me. I didn't give her a choice in the matter. I had gone over there one day, she hadn't been picking up her phone which wasn't like her. The apartment was a mess, Gracie was screaming in her crib, Charlotte was coloring on the walls and the apartment was a mess. Rachel was sitting on her kitchen counter staring off into space like she was in another world.

Rachel has outwardly always been such a strong woman… it's just like something inside of her cracked and she lost it.

"I went over there the other day. He, he sent me a check for the girls or something I guess. I didn't want it so I was taking it back." She explains calmly "When I got there another car was parked outside in my old space. I still have the key so I just went on inside and there he was… on the couch, on top of Shelly."

"The clean teen?" I gasp

"The clean teen." She confirms.

"Rach, I'm so sorry." I didn't know what to say.

Never in a million years did I ever expect Mouth to do something like this, but if there is one thing that this life has taught me it's time hardens people. Rachel and Mouth worked back in high school when she was the bad girl who had the nerd under the tip of her finger and she was the it girl just out of his grasp.

It all changed when they had each other and the chase was gone and reality set in. They wanted different things from life.

"Don't be sorry Brooke. I have spent this entire past month sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I've never been like that. I'm not going to let this change who I am." She said confidently with the first real smile that I have seen her spring in recent memory. "I Rachel Gattina am over Marvin McFadden for good… I don't know why I was really ever "under" him" she adds with a smirk.

I smile back at her. It's good to have my friend back.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. I knew that you would always be a skanky whore." I joke with her.

"You an' me both slut." Rachel smirks back at me as she polishes off the chips.

"Now I think that there are some little people at home requiring out supervision and with your daughter there it is more than likely that the entire place will be charred to the ground by the time we get back." I smirk as I lead Rachel away from the table.

"Us with kids, how the hell did that happen?" She asks as we head to the car.

"I think Ben was the locker room after state championships." I reminisce.

"Hum, I think Charlotte was cheap vodka and a hot tub and Gracie was the fun house in the mirror room during the Tree Hill County Fair."

"Classy lady!" I mock her

"Touché."

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."

~ C.S Lewis

Next chapter should be lighter, and a new love interest for Rachel? We'll see!