Chapter 10 – Wishful Thinking
"Did Derek ask you to come here? Is that why you're here?"
"No, Meredith, no," Addison rushed to reassure her. "He doesn't even know I'm here."
"He does now," Derek said, startling them both.
"What are you doing here?" The three of them said in unison.
"Addison?" Derek looked at her, waiting for an answer.
"I came to check on Meredith," she replied slowly.
"What are you doing here?" Meredith retorted.
Derek turned to her, his expression determined. "I want to talk to you."
"About what?" The words slipped out of Meredith's mouth before she realized she'd said them. Crap, she thought to herself. I should have told him to leave.
"Several things," Derek said. He glanced meaningfully at Addison. "Things probably better not discussed in front of an audience, so-"
"No," Meredith cut him off. "No, no, no. I don't want to talk to you, and Addison's staying. I want you to leave."
Derek glared at Addison. She stood up. "Uh, maybe I should give you two some time alone. I have to go check on… Umm, I have to go see… I'm going to go." She gave Meredith a quick smile as she made her way towards the door. She stopped next to Derek, and lowered her voice. "I'm giving you some time to try and fix things, but don't upset her." She looked towards the bed. "She's just…" she searched for the right word, "fragile right now."
Meredith rolled over on the bed and looked at them "You know, I can hear everything you're saying. This room isn't very big."
"Meredith," Addison said pleadingly. Meredith turned away. "Meredith. Just give him a chance. You two could be so happy together." When no response was forthcoming, she sighed. "I'm going to go," she said, giving Derek's arm a friendly squeeze. "Good luck." She slipped out the door.
After the door closed, Meredith stayed where she was, facing away from Derek. He crossed the room to see her, and she turned to the other side.
"Meredith," he said warningly, walking to the other side and grabbing her wrist to make sure she wouldn't turn away. As his eyes met hers, he faltered. Her eyes were so empty, they didn't look like they ever cried. "I want to talk to you."
"So talk," she said tonelessly, glancing at her wrist. "It's not like I can go anywhere."
Derek was at a loss. Now that he finally had her listening to him, he forgot everything he had planned to say.
He cleared his throat. "I want to know what happened yesterday."
Meredith looked surprised. Derek felt relieved. At least she had exhibited some form of emotion. "You really don't know?"
"No."
She shook her head slowly. "Addison said that she didn't tell you, and I pretty much knew Bailey wasn't going to, but I didn't think you really wouldn't find out what happened."
Derek shifted impatiently. "No one's telling me anything, and I don't know what happened, so if you could just tell me…"
"Did you sleep here last night?"
Derek was taken aback. "What?"
"Did you sleep here last night?" she repeated.
He shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah. You had a nightmare and I didn't want to leave you alone."
"A nightmare?" She sounded surprised. "About what?"
He shrugged. "I don't know," he said, looking intently at her face. "You kept telling someone not to leave and then your voice changed and you said to someone that it was their fault that he left."
Meredith was stunned. "I didn't realize I still had nightmares about that."
Derek treaded slowly. He didn't want her to realize how badly he wanted to know about this. "Who were you talking to?"
As Meredith looked at him, she came out of her shock and remembered she wasn't alone. Her face closed off back into blankness and she shook her head. "No one. It doesn't really matter."
Derek stepped closer to the bed. "It matters to me."
Meredith curled up tighter on the bed, her wrist still encircled by Derek's hand. "It's not important, and I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay," Derek said slowly. He didn't want to push too hard and risk her getting upset.
Meredith glared at him.
"What?"
"I'm not a mental patient, and I'm not fragile," she said, drawing out the word for his benefit. "I don't need you or Addison or anyone else to protect me from the world. I just want to be left alone!"
"I can't do that!" Derek sounded both frustrated and angry.
"Why not? You did it easily enough before. You chose Addison and you walked away." From the distant look in Meredith's eyes, Derek guessed that she was recalling the moment he had told her he was staying with Addison.
"Because I love you! I love you, Meredith. Not her, you."
As a distraction, it worked. Meredith's expression went from distant to horrified. She shook her head. "You don't get to say that to me, Derek. Actually, you don't get to say anything! I want you to leave."
Derek turned stubborn. "Tell me what happened, and than I'll leave."
"What happened…"
"Yesterday. I want to know, and then I'll leave."
Meredith drew in a deep breath. She pushed herself up on the bed, apparently fortifying herself for this conversation. But whatever she was about to say was interrupted as the door was pushed open and a woman in a white lab coat came in, holding her chart.
"Meredith Grey?" she asked, smiling. "I'm Dr. Walker. Dr. Bailey asked me to come in for a consult. If everything checks out, you can leave tomorrow." Too late, she stopped, her smile fading, as she realized Derek was in the room. Like everyone else in the hospital, she had heard the gossip about Derek and Meredith on prom night, especially in light of his and Addison's divorce.
For his part, Derek stared at the petite, cheerful woman, confused. He had met Dr. Walker a few times when he had visited the neo-natal unit, and once in Addison's office. As his eyes met hers, he wondered why she was there. Then her words registered, and he realized she was there for Meredith.
"Bailey asked you for a consult?"
Dr. Walker shifted uncomfortably, realizing what she had walked into. "I can't discuss that with you." She turned towards the bed. "Meredith, if you want, I can come back later."
Meredith immediately shook her head, seizing the out before Derek realized what was going on. "No, it's okay. Dr. Shepherd was just leaving."
"I'm not leaving until someone tells me what's going on." He strode over to Dr. Walker and pulled Meredith's chart out of her hand before she realized what was happening. "And I want to know why there's an OB/GYN here for a consult," he said, the words short and angry. He quickly scanned the top page of her chart, glimpsing only the word miscarriage before it was snatched out of his hand.
"Dr. Shepherd! I would think that, out of all people, you would understand the need for a patient's privacy!" Dr. Walker exclaimed, holding the chart tightly by her side, in case he tried to take it again.
Derek's world spun around him. She had had a miscarriage? He knew he had to talk to Meredith, but he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with this woman there. "Look, you don't understand," he said, desperation coloring his voice. "I need to talk to Meredith, so if you could just… come back later," he said, steering her toward the door.
"Are you her doctor?" she asked, her voice scathing.
"No."
"Her husband?"
"No."
"Well, in that case, you don't need to talk to her, and whatever it is you have to say can wait until tomorrow," she said, pushing him into the hall and firmly closing the door. "Now," she said, turning to Meredith. "How are you feeling?"
In response, Meredith burst into tears.
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Derek staggered out into the hall, searching blindly for an empty seat. His head was spinning. Miscarriage. A baby. My baby? Mine. Mine. Mine. A hand grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him through double doors to an empty corridor. As he was pushed into a seat, he looked up and realized the identity of his rescuer.
"Mark."
"Derek," Mark said, as he nodded to him and dropped into the next chair.
For a few minutes, they sat in silence. Finally, Derek sat up in his seat. "I should go see Meredith."
Mark slumped farther into his chair. "Give it a few minutes. She's in her room, and I'm here, so you don't have to worry your intern is off somewhere sleeping with me."
Derek was instantly infuriated. "I wasn't worried about that."
Mark just sat there silently. Derek stared at his feet, then raised his head to stare at his former best friend. "Did everyone know but me?"
Mark shrugged. "I wouldn't say everyone knew. Bailey knew, and Addison, and she told me… then there's Izzie and whoever she's told, but other than that…"
"So everyone knew." Derek said bleakly. "Do you know- Do you know how long she's known?"
"I think Addison said a couple of weeks." He paused. "I hear you've been having a hard time getting her back."
"Did Addison tell you everything?" Derek asked, embarrassment coloring his voice. His ex-best friend who had slept with his wife was not exactly the person he would have chosen to talk about his difficulties with Meredith.
"It's wasn't entirely Addison," Mark said in her defense. "The nurses, her friends… even the janitors know all about you two."
Derek sighed and leaned his head against the wall. "So what do you think I should do?"
That was how Addison found them 15 minutes later, deep in discussion. "What are you guys doing?" she asked in shock.
Mark grinned at her. "Derek was telling me all about his failure with the fairer sex."
"You guys were talking about Meredith?"
"Why not?" Derek asked, slumped in his chair. "No one else has been able to help me with this, so…"
"So you were talking about it with Mark," Addison said weakly. She couldn't believe this. Even though she had hoped the two of them could one day be friends again, she hadn't thought about what would happen when it did. Her ex-husband talking about his relationship woes to her current boyfriend, the guy she had cheated on him with? Addison sank down into a chair next to Mark. "He giving you any good advice?"
Derek shrugged. "Can't tell you until I try it."
"All right, well maybe you should go home now," she suggested. "Meredith's being released tomorrow, so maybe you should try some other time."
"I can't wait until tomorrow!" Derek said, fired up with excitement. "I have to get her at exactly the right time. Now could be the right time."
"Well, considering the fact that an hour ago you told her you loved her and she reacted with shock and horror, I don't think now's the right time," Addison said wryly, as Mark snickered beside her.
"You told her you loved her and she rejected you? Jeez, man, you really do have problems with this whole relationship thing."
However, Derek was distracted by what Addison had just said. "How do you know what I told her?" he demanded.
"Dr. Walker called me because she had such a hard time calming her down after you left," she said, glaring at him. "I told you not to upset her!"
Derek flushed, as Mark continued laughing beside him. "Well, she wouldn't tell me what happened. The only reason I found out is because I knew who Dr. Walker is and realized why she was there."
"Actually, I think you found out because you grabbed Meredith's chart out of her hand," Addison pointed out.
"That too."
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A week laterMeredith edged closer to Bailey as she spotted Derek coming down the hallway toward them.
"Grey, what are you doing? You losing your manners as well as your mind?" Meredith had been with Bailey the whole week, having refused to take any time off after she was released from the hospital. Bailey followed Meredith's gaze and spotted Derek coming towards them.
"Calm down, Meredith."
Meredith heard her, but had a hard time calming down. The entire week, she had carefully avoided being alone with Derek. Her roommates got rid of him when he came to the house, and she had been Bailey's intern the entire week and had stayed near at all times. Derek came over to them.
"Bailey, I need an intern."
Bailey nodded. "Karev's in the pit. I'll page him for you."
"Actually, I was hoping to borrow Meredith for a few hours."
Bailey looked at him, her eyes hard. "No." She turned to her intern. "Let's go, Grey. I'll go page Karev for you, Dr. Shepherd."
Derek watched, frustrated, as Bailey strode down the hallway, Meredith trailing behind.
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In the locker room at the end of the day, the three other interns were grabbing their stuff when Bailey walked in with Meredith. She nodded at them "I'm handing her off to you," she said, leaving. They had all agreed that someone would stay by Meredith at all times, to make sure Derek couldn't catch her alone. Normally, Meredith would have chafed at such restrictions, but she wanted to stay away from Derek more than she wanted her privacy.
Alex stepped forward. "Grab your stuff, and I'll walk you to your car."
As they headed to her car, she didn't realize Derek was lingering at his car, parked a few spots away.
"You going home now?"
She shrugged. "I might go to Joe's for a little."
Alex nodded. "Well, try not to overdo it."
They reached her car. "I won't"
As she slid into her car and Alex closed the door, neither of them realized that Derek had overheard their conversation. He quickly pulled out of the parking lot and made the turn to Joe's. As he walked into the bar, he chose a table in the corner, with a perfect view of the counter and Meredith's regular seat. I'm not leaving until she talks to me, he thought to himself, determined. She has to talk to me.
As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 9! I'm going to try very hard to update before next Saturday, but no promises! (I never make promises I'm not sure I can keep) After that, I'm leaving for school and I don't know how often I'm going to update. Luckily, most of the next chapter is already planned out in my head - it just has to be put to paper! For everyone who hasn't heard, the season 3 premiere of Grey's Anatomy is Thursday, September 21, at 9PM!