Chapter Ten: In Your Dreams

I was wearing a white tuxedo with a yellow rose boutonniere and I am getting my hair brushed by my mother. She was saying something under her breath in a heavy New York accent, but when she looked up at me and locked matching brown eyes with me, she smiled brightly. "You look so dashing, dear. Don't worry. I am happy for you." She placed the Yamaka on my head with the smile flickering slightly.

I looked down at my shiny black shoes, suppressing a laugh with my smooth lips, feeling the familiar butterflies in my stomach. No, they weren't butterflies this time, they were doves, fluttering to and fro, and making me feel a little queasy. "Oh, Mom. Relax. This time I know that I have found the right person."

"That's what you said with Julie. And look where that took you." She looked up at me after straightening my golden yellow tie, her eyes glowing with those maternal tears that always formed on these occasions. I hate those tears.

"It took me directly where I needed to be. If she hadn't cheated on me, I don't know where I would be right now." I said looking in the mirror next to me, admiring the way I looked in my tuxedo, and smiling at my mother's yellow sundress. She always looked so young to the average eye, people guessed her age to be in the late thirties. They were always wrong.

"You would be living in a hotel nursing a bottle of gin and tonic, and we both know that. Now go out there and make your momma proud. You hear me?" She glared into my eyes as if her life, and reputation for that matter, was on a very shaky line. I nodded, hooked her arm, and pushed open the double doors that led to the outside.

It was an absolutely beautiful day. The sun was streaming down upon the two of us, the warm beams kissing the back of our necks, making me feel even more excited. The sky was as deep of a blue as the ocean on a smooth day, no clouds in sight, and two birds flew overhead as we stepped out. A small gathering of people were gathered in the white picnic chairs. Doctors from the hospital, some of my family, the cleaning lady all stood to their feet, all giving smiles as their wedding gift.

I walked down the aisle with my mother at my side, her yellow dress complimented with a straw hat with a yellow ribbon. I glanced dead ahead and saw my bridesmaids, er, husbandmaids? Dr. Cuddy, Dr. Cameron, and Dr. Hadley were all standing at the flower covered archway. Each one was wearing a yellow dress with white collars and shoes. They were all beaming at me, making me feel even warmer. My mom kissed me on the cheek and sat down next to my brother, who gave me a playful headshake and then a thumb's up.

I noticed Foreman and Chase were there, standing next to the archway, wearing black tuxedos with a yellow undershirt and vest. Both of them cleaned up rather nicely, and they were both watching me approach them with half smiles on their faces. I didn't mind. I was just grateful that Foreman agreed to be his Best Man. His. I suddenly caught sight of my groom and I felt the doves inside my stomach start to claw at me, making me feel nervous and oh so excited at the same time. My groom.

I don't care what anyone says, when Gregory House puts on a tuxedo the world stops spinning. He looked so incredibly handsome, that I blushed, making me feel even more like the blushing bride than I already was. Technically, we are both "husbands", but I can't help but feel as if I am wearing the women's clothing in the relationship. Hey. I cook, I clean, I love my mother, my clothes match my ties, I do laundry, do I need to admit to more survivable habits?

Greg's tuxedo was black with a golden yellow vest and tie, matched by his cane that was blackened wood with a gold cap. As promised, he didn't shave recently, but it was only light stubble, the way he knows I like it. His Yamaka matched his suit with a gold trim, making him look royal, reminding me of the saying "Every man's house is his castle", and I smiled. His eyes had such a rich, dark blue that put the sky and the ocean to shame. They were also sparkling in passion, love, and above all, devotion. I never thought I would live to see the day where those deep eyes would reflect those words with witnesses present.

I stopped, turned so I was facing House, and gave a secret celebratory smile to him. He gave me a smirk in return, the very sight of it causing me to feel as if I was going to grow a pair of wings and float away. It was either that or the doves in my stomach had multiplied and changed my very genetic make-up so I was now part bird man. Yeah, like that's going to happen.

The rabbi that was behind and between the two of us said a quick prayer, one I had gotten used to hearing, but the words seemed brand new to me. I had convinced myself that I slept through my other weddings, because my ex-wives had sucked the energy from me. Or was it that I had to chase House down to stop him from hitting on the bridesmaids or hitting his head from passing out from too much alcohol? He didn't do well at weddings, but he seemed to be doing amazing in this wedding.

As the rabbi went through the vows and I became increasingly more nervous, I felt the colours fade around me until House was the only thing I saw left in full colour. As if he was the only thing that mattered in the world, and as of right now, he was. No one had seen House and me kiss before, during the rehearsal we just kissed on the cheek because we were still a little weary of wandering eyes.

"Do you Gregory House take James Wilson to be your husband for as long as you both shall live? For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do you part?"

In answer, my finance growled. I blinked. Yes, I wasn't the only one who heard that right? I looked around at all the gathered people and they all nodded once as if he had said yes. I couldn't believe it. House growled again, this time louder and clearer, and the space behind him started to fade into blurry nothingness. The last thing I saw before it all went black were his eyes. Blue and piercing, slicing their way into my very heart and soul.

I sat up abruptly in bed, feeling my eyes grow moist. Not that dream again. The nauseating, wake up in the morning and not want to go to work dream that has been coming and going for about four and a half years now. It's never fair. He proposed to me, so he knows that he wants to marry me, but I never get to accept his proposal. I looked down at my hand and noticed the gold twinkle in the light coming from the half-opened shutters. It was still dark outside, with only the streetlight on, so no one would see me cry. No one would care either.

The tears racked my chest until I felt I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to throw up, the headache starting in my temple and spreading with a cold, raw pain throughout my forehead. I just wanted to go back in time again, and tell him to stay. But I am not Superman, nor will I ever be. Suddenly, I felt a shifting of weight, and there was a steady warm breathing near my ear, and I remembered I wasn't alone.

"Hey Greg. Fair is fair. I cried in front of you, after you cried in front of me, and we are even. Just don't rub it in my face that I am a crybaby okay? We don't need that spread around the hospital." I felt a small plastic object drop on my lap, and I recognized its sheen in the light, it was my cellular phone.

As I had done at least a thousand times before, I flipped it open, dialed our apartment's number, and let it ring until it got to voicemail. I felt my heart tighten in my chest like it was wrapped in cellophane when I heard the following message:

"Hey! It's Greg and James. Two full-grown, unmarried doctors living together. You know what that means don't you? That's right! We are still paying off our collage loans. Ha-ha! Please leave a message after the quick piano song. Ta!"

I haven't heard his voice in any of my dreams since he died, and I just didn't have the heart to delete this voicemail greeting. It was all I had left of him. He didn't ever tell me where his tape recorder diaries were kept, and it is likely I will never find them. I pressed one, replaying the message again, eyes closing in anguish. I listened to it two more times before laying back down on my back, continuing to press one again and again.

I felt the dog curl up next to me, with his head on my chest, and my heavily beating heart. I listened to the message until my cell phone battery died, or I fell asleep. As of right now I don't remember which one.