This chapter is for you, XStarNobleX. Your review for the last chapter was the best. Thank you. :] Also, thank you everyone for reading, reviewing and fave'ing!

Seated on my porch in a comfortable wooden lawn chair, journal and pen in my lap, I gazed up at the sky to see the black clouds forming. It was five in the evening. The breeze was cool, and the weather was too nice to pass up. The iPod played Cold by Annie Lennox into my ears, and I was softly singing along. There were too many thoughts in my head, accumulating the last few days, and I had no way of venting. Headaches were a regular part of my day now, and the aspirin didn't seem to be working. I took a deep breath and the soft earthy smell that always precedes the rain, relaxed me. It felt nice to sit here. I hadn't much ventured out of my room these last three days, while Finn had done everything he could to avoid even looking at me. The first night he had even slept on the couch in the living room. He wasn't home most of the day and usually just came for meals or at night to sleep, claiming to be at Puck's or at the school for football practice. His quiet hostility against me, of course, went unnoticed by Dad and Carole who thought that Finn was only spending so much time outside because he had spent almost a month cooped up in the house.

I needed a break from thinking about things like heartbreak and the drama. I had to stop torturing myself with these thoughts, and I couldn't tell anyone. But I couldn't concentrate with music, so I pulled out the earplugs and started writing in my journal.

"I feel an emotional void. But I don't want to cry and whine about what happened. I don't know whether I have wasted my chance or there is still hope. But how can I ever know, if he doesn't tell me? There is only so much thought I can put into this and only so many justifications I can offer, but whatever the case, it happened. I didn't know what it was like to have a secret love, and I'm afraid I couldn't control myself. The pain has settled into a kind of numbness that won't go away, and that, in turn, is forming into some kind of restlessness. I am not content. Far from it, in fact, but then I think back to the Cynics who said that happiness should not and does not depend on external material factors. They were so brash that they said true happiness doesn't even depend on health. And they said that real happiness, once found, can never be lost. That is something I absolutely can't agree with under any circumstances. I've seen real joy with Finn, and it went just as fast as it came. But it is funny how cynicism has come to mean something else entirely."

I saw Finn's car pull into to the driveway. Out of the passenger seat stepped Quinn Fabray, clad in a white spaghetti-strap tank top under a pink button down sweater, paired with a black skirt. The much dreaded pang of hurt and jealousy hit me like a train. To me, she looked ugly, even though her soft-looking blonde hair and genuinely happy smile were absolutely radiating positivity. She pulled out her purse. Finn also climbed out of driver's seat, happily saying something to her that I couldn't hear. When she saw me, she gave an unsettled look, but then took hold of Finn's hand and started walking towards the house. I was aware of the fact that as far as the people at school knew, the time we had been caught making out was the first time I had kissed him, and even then they probably considered it to be my fault; that I had come on to him. Finn didn't even look at me.

They reached the door and walked inside without giving me a second look. I sighed and went back to my writing.

"Was this quarrel between Finn and I 'meant to be'? I don't believe in a completely predestined life. Quite the opposite, in fact, but then again, the disputed idea of fatalism is one of the uglier arguments. The mediums and fortune tellers are handing out second-hand faith all over the world. The religions assert that there exists a fate for all human beings. If you believe in religion it's 'faith' but when you believe in a passing black cat, it's 'superstition'. And 'fate' is a little of both. The line between faith and superstition becomes blurred when it comes to destiny. But science always wants to prove natural reasons for all the events in the world. They say that the moment one starts to believe in the supernatural, one deviates from rationalism. I think fate's a very broad concept that encompasses all the choices we make, all the coincidences, and all of our luck. There are innumerable paths laid down for us in life, and our future depends on which paths we take. We were supposed to learn our lessons from the stories and stories about fate that said that we can't escape our destiny. Like the tale of Oedipus... but the fight was definitely my own fault. I'd chosen poorly. Looking at it now, I realize that I have learned something..."

A drop of water landed on the page and blotted a word. It had started to drizzle and the wind was getting stronger. I stood up to go into the house but then stopped. I couldn't go in there. God only knew what kind of repulsive acts Finn was likely to be performing on Quinn inside our room. The mere thought made me want to cry. I needed to do something else, and I needed to be somewhere else.

I did the first thing that came to mind. I pulled out my phone and pressed the speed dial number on the '2' key. She picked up after two rings.

"Hey, are you at home?" I said quickly.

"Hey, Kurt, I'm glad you called," Mercedes answered. "Yeah, I'm at home. You're coming over, right?"

She knew me very, very well. "Yes, I was thinking that maybe… We could talk."

"I heard what happened, Kurt. I knew you'd call when you were ready to talk."

"So it's all right if I come over?"

"You don't even have to ask!"

"Thanks, Mercedes."

"No problem. And hurry up, it's gonna start raining hard soon."

"I will. See you."

"'Bye."

I hurriedly went inside and picked my car keys out of a drawer in the living room. The journal and iPod, I put away in my bag which I put on the top shelf of the TV rack. The drive to Mercedes' place took less time than I had thought it would, but by the time I got there, the rain was heavy. I hadn't brought my umbrella, unfortunately, and in the short walk from the driveway to the door, I was drenched. I didn't even want to think about what this water was doing to the stitching of my ivory colored double-breasted Prada coat. Thankfully, not a lot of the water seeped into my shirt. I slammed my fist into the door thrice. Mercedes came at the door.

"Dear God, Kurt," she said and stepped aside to let me. "Should've brought an umbrella with you!"

"I forgot," I said, and quickly removed my coat. My pants were a little wet but not too badly. I left the coat to hang.

She took me to her bedroom. I sat on her bed, and she sat next to me.

Mercedes' gaze went from her fingernails to my face and I wasn't even looking in her direction. I looked at the window. The sun hadn't set yet but the clouds had made everything darker, more beautiful. The silence was thick. Neither of us knew how to start. This was a new situation. I'd never before gotten so heavily attached to another person as I had with Finn. And none of my crushes had ever reciprocated the gesture at all. Ever since the break-up, everything had been so alien and I wondered how people deal in these situations. How did they know what to do? How does one ever really know when to move on? I could tell that Mercedes didn't know how to go about this conversation, either. But I needed her, and her company was enough to make me feel marginally better. After a minute she put her hand on my arm and I looked at her.

"So..." she began. "Problems with the love life of my favorite man, huh?"

"I don't have a love life to speak of, Mercedes."

"Don't feel sorry for yourself, Kurt, because that doesn't suit you," he said with a little smile, but I could see a little sadness in her eyes.

"You don't know what I'm going through, and it's hard not to feel sorry for myself... Knowing that whatever happened was my fault."

"How long were you guys together?"

"We weren't. Well, at least not officially. We kissed and that was it... Around two weeks."

"You should've told me," she sighed.

"Do you resent that I didn't?"

"No, of course not," she said, surprised. "You must've had your reasons."

I was relieved at her answer. "Honestly, I didn't have any legitimate reasons. I don't know why I didn't tell you. Maybe because I wasn't sure what would happen."

"So whatchu gonna do now?"

"He doesn't talk to me anymore. And from the looks of it, he's going out with Quinn."

"No way!" she said in disbelief. "You wanna know what I think?"

"What?" I put my elbows on my knees and leaned forward.

"I think he hasn't thought anything through. Maybe he thought the best way to fix his reputation would be to start going out with the prettiest girl in school."

"Everybody's on vacations, how could he still be caring about his reputation?" This was something I could never really understand.

"You know about the kids at school, Kurt. Everyone reads Jacob's blog and then there's Twitter," she said and I knew she was right.

"..." What could I say?

"Remember when I said you give up if this doesn't work out? Scratch that. I think you should look forward to something."

"I can't dangle by a thread, Mercedes. He's either with me or he isn't. Why do I keep waiting for him?"

"There's not much else you can do, is there? If you love him!"

"Maybe there is..." Something occurred to me just then.

I leaned in and kissed Mercedes. Not a small peck on the cheek, but a full-blown kiss on the lips. I could tell that she was too surprised to move for a second and I took that moment to lean in closer and kiss her harder. It was strange, not entirely bad, but not as good as kissing Finn. It was soft, much softer than when it was with him. I could taste her banana flavoured lip gloss. Odd taste for a gloss, I thought, but its flavour was by far the best thing about the kiss. It went on for a few seconds, and while she didn't kiss me back, she didn't move away either. I had kissed Brittany, and this was a little better, even though there weren't any scented candles and dim lighting in the room. Maybe because I was doing this out of my own free will, under no duress. I was doing this as a little test, though. Was there something that Finn, a straight guy, had found appealing about kissing me? I was in the same situation that he'd been when he'd kissed me. I'd had a falling out with the guy I liked. I didn't wear lip gloss, so it couldn't have been the taste. Then what was it that Finn liked...?

I was contemplating this when she gently pushed me away. Her lips quivered a little and then ran a hand through her straightened hair. I breathed slowly. Thinking, thinking, thinking...

"What're you doing?" she asked finally, her voice shaky.

"Uhh..." I hadn't realized how awkward this would be after I did it. "I kissed you."

"I'm not retarded, I know what that is," she said indignantly. "No offence, but we both know that you're as queer as a football bat. What gives?"

"I just... Wanted to experiment."

"Look, we're best friends," she said and closed her eyes. "... And honestly, I'm not gonna take advantage of your breakup."

"Finn gave me a chance after he broke up with Rachel!"

"Oh, yeah? How'd that work out for you?" she said sarcastically.

That stung. "Thanks for the support, Bestie."

She looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"Wasn't it you who was just telling me to look forward to getting back together with Finn?"

"Yeah, and I meant it."

"How can you be so optimistic about this?"

"Like I said, before you interrupted me," she said with a little smile and I couldn't help but smile back. The tension always dissolved fast with Mercedes. "You've had a taste of the guy you love, Kurt, and you're not gonna be able to get over him anytime soon."

"I already know that. What's your point?"

"It's not always a bad thing to have a little faith. Maybe he'll get out of this anger phase and realize you're... good for him."

"You know how to cheer someone up," I said and chuckled. "I just don't think it's gonna work. He's made it very clear that he's into guys, even if it's a little."

"Maybe he's not, and maybe he's curious. Kurt, you need to stop questioning the reasons behind every good thing that comes your way. How can you know for sure that he won't come around?"

"I... Don't, actually." I realized that she had a valid point. There was no harm in a little hope.

"So it's settled, then. Don't let this 'phase' of his get you so far down," she said and stood up. "I'm gonna get some coffee, want some?"

I nodded and grinned for the first time in days. There was something oddly uplifting about the situation. It was nice knowing that someone understood my trouble. I respected Mercedes a lot for putting sense into me, and I would follow her advice. After all, how I could I not? I didn't have too many options.

"So you're staying here tonight," she announced when she returned. She handed me a cup of steaming hot coffee with skimmed milk. She knew how I liked mine.

"Am I?" I asked. "I can go home, it's no trouble."

"No. We can't risk you walking in on Finn and Quinn's sexcapedes I'm worried you might kill her," she added jokingly. "And it still hasn't stopped raining."

I couldn't disagree. "What about clothes?"

"I have t-shirts and sweatpants, Kurt. Don't worry."

I smiled and nodded. She took a sip of the coffee, and I did the same.

"I'll inform dad," I said and pulled out my phone from the pocket of my pants.

Dad had no objections to me staying at her house. I knew that the night we would spend listening to music, singing, talking, and laughing.

There was a silver lining to look forward to.

R&Rs are much appreciated!