Chapter Nine - Sunshine

- Natsuki's POV

Okay, I need to calm down. I'm literally shaking. God I hope he doesn't notice. I mean, I can blame it on the cold but still, it's embarising. What did he ask? Oh right he aksed where I wanted to go. Uh...Mexican. Chinese. Food. Some form of eating establishment. I don't really care. I'm having fun already.

Me:"Anywhere's fine by me." I try my best to speak in a normal, non-shaky tone. I notice Eli smiling for some reason. After a moment, he speaks.

Eli:"We could go to the Green Grill downtown. It's one of those farm-to-table places, real pretentious, lots of avacodo."

Me:"That sounds great!" I say a little too enthusiasticaly. Calm yourself woman. Or he'll think your crazy.

Eli:"Then it shall be so." He says in a really bad, but cute, knightly accent. Is that a word? Knightly? I don't think so. Meh, too late now brain.

He turns up the radio, Alestorm - Alestorm is on. Eli loves Alestorm, so he begins to sing along.

Eli:"RUM, BEER, QUESTS AND MEAD! THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT A PIRATE NEEDS! RAISE THE FLAG! AND LET'S SET SAIL! UNDER THE SIGN OF A STORM OF ALE!" He sings along much more quietly after he gets that out of his system. I love it when he does stuff like that though.

Pretty soon, we're in the downtown area. It's still somewhat early so traffic isn't ungodly like it is later in the day. Eli seems to know right where he's going. He pulls into a parking space at our destination. I'm more nervous now than I was before. I try to calm myself down. Be still heart! Jeez, if you put me back in the hospital after Ive just got out, I'm having a transplant.

Eli:"Welp, here we are. You ready?"

I smile and nod, too shaky to actually speak. Eli and I get out of the car in unison like in a movie. He walks to the door and holds it open for me. Cute!

A waiter approaches us.

Waiter:"Good afternoon. Table for two?"

Eli:"Yes sir."

Waiter:"Follow me." The waiter leads us to a table. Once we're seated, he asks us what we'd like to drink. I ordered milk and Eli ordered water and a cup of coffee. Eli snickered when the waiter gave my milk.

Me:"What?"

Eli:"You ordered milk. That's just cute."

Me:"I-I'm not c-cute!"

Eli:"I strongly disagree."

Me:"Hmph..." I can feel my face heating up. I use my menu to hide it. I secretly like it when Eli calls me cute. But I can't let him know that. My self-researched title as a tsundere, won't allow it. I don't try to be that way, I just am. I'm sure there's a less weeb-ish name for it but that's the only one I know of. But, guys like those girls...Right?

Eli:"Hey, Natsuki." I slowly lower my menu to see his face.

Me:"Yeah?"

Eli:"I, uh, know I've already apoligized, like twice now, but, I'm really sorry for yelling at you last night. I didn't mean it. I directed my anger about the events of this week at you and that wasn't fair or right. And I'm so sorry. I-"

Me:"Eli, it's okay, I forgive you. Really! No hard feelings. At all. It's all good." I know why it's really bothering him so bad. He's afraid I'm gonna get hurt like Sayori did when he "rejected" her, and that I'll do something stupid. It's sweet really, even if it's sad to see him be so scared of it happening again.

Eli:"...Thaks Nat." Eli smiles at me meaningfully. I love to see him smile.

Me:"No problem freckles!" I know how much he hates that nickname, call it payback for calling me cute.

Eli:"Ugh..." I giggle. I see a grin form on his face when he hears it.

The waiter comes back and asks us what we'd like to order. Eli orders, then it's my turn. Now this is the point where most girls order a small salad, eat a quarter of it and say they're full...Well screw that! I'm hungry, so I order the same thing as Eli, "Vegan's Bane", a big fat sandwich with steak, pork, chicken, and a buch of cheese served on bread that has real bacon bits baked in. No lettuce or avacado to speak of. As it should be.

While we eat, Eli and I talk about what our lives were like growning up. How we were both neglected and unloved. We were both only children so we had no siblings. We both hated our parents. We had similar childhoods. except his parents weren't alcholics. I told Eli about the one time my dad got abusive and broke my collarbone when he threw me into a wall.

Me:"After that he just started staying gone most of the time. Anytime he was home he treated me as though I literally did not exist. That was when he stopped feeding me. I survived off eating at friend's houses at night and spending what little money I could find to buy a snack during the day."

Eli:"Motherf*cker..." He says under his breath. Pulling the bread on the table apart to keep his hands busy. He always gets really angry when I talk about my dad. I firmly believe he'd kill him if he could. I certainly won't cry about it. To be fair, I feel the same way about his parents. "Hope he dies of AIDS in prison...hope they use his corpse to-"

Me:"Eli! Now I don't like my dad anymore than you do, but don't say such awful things. He's still my dad."

Eli:"...You're right. I'm sorry."

Me:"I forgive you!" I smile. Eli smiles back. (Goldfish)

We finish our meal, Eli requests a check, pays, and we leave. It's snowing now. It wasn't earlier. I love snow. Random I know, but still. On the ride back home, I mean, back to Eli's house, Eli stops by the cemetery where Sayori is buried. Eli gets out of the car, I start to get out with him.

Eli:"Uh, I'd like, a moment alone if that's alright. I'll come back and can both go after, okay?" I nod and sit back into his car.

He walks off into the cemetery.

- Eli's POV -

I walk away from my car. I hope I didn't upset Nat. I just need to talk to Sayori alone. I walk my way to her grave. I decided yesterday that I'm going to come here every week and tell Sayori about the club. I stand in front of her tombstone.

Me:"Hey Sayori." For some reason I wait for an answer. I chuckle to myself.

Me:"How about this. I'll talk, you listen. Sound fair?" I sit down and put my back against front of the tombstone. I reach into my pocket and pull out a silver necklace with a heart that has her name engraved on it.

Me:"...When, uh, the police were, taking you away. One of the officers gave me your necklace...I remember when your parents bought this for me to give to you. It was your twelveth birthday, your mom gave it to me a day before. I still remember how ecstatic you were when I gave it you. Of course, you being you, you thought I was able to afford something like that at twelve years old. And from that day forward, you've worn this everyday for six years. I guess I'll carry that on for you now."

I look at it in my hand for a moment, then put it on. It's some small part of her I can keep with me. I sit in silence for a moment before speaking again.

Me:"I miss you, you goofy ball of sunshine. I miss you a whole lot. I really wish...you'd chose to stay with me. I'm sorry I...hurt you. Everybody keeps telling me it's not my fault. Keep telling me I did the right thing in rejecting you. But I keep feeling this, guilt. I truly thought I did what was best for you, I think you just thought you were in love with me. I think you were looking for anything that could make you happy. But, maybe I should've just said I loved you back. Maybe then you'd still be here."

I lay down and curl up into a ball in the snow, and do what I've needed to do for a week. I finally let all my built up grief go and just break down. Thank God there's no one around to hear me.

After awhile, I stand up and regain my composure. I wipe my eyes and look around me just to make sure somebody wasn't watching me or something. I'm paranoid.

Me:"*sniffle* Uh, there's one more thing I need to tell you. I've...been, having feelings for Natsuki recently. I know It's not like I'm cheating on you or something...But I thought you should know. She's really, great and cute and funny and great, oh wait I said that already, and she's been by my side during all this. Oh, and I cut myself. Just a little bit. Nothing to worry about. Uh, well I guess I'll go get her. I figure she wants to talk with you too...I love you Sayori. My life won't be the same without you in it."

Now I don't believe in ghosts or any of that nonsense. But I swear to God, I felt Sayori hug me. I know it was her. She had the warmest hugs you've ever felt. They always made me feel better anytime I was down.

I walk back to my car and get Natsuki, we go back to Sayori's grave and she talks about her feelings and how much she misses her. She tells her about how she almost overdosed on pain pills last night. She graciously leaves my outburst out of the equation.

We go back to my car and drive home. Nat fell asleep on the way back. At every red light and stop sign, I look over to her, she looks so d*mn cute when she's sleeping...I hope I'm not being creepy. But seeing her so peaceful makes me happy.

I think, as long as I'be still got her, I'm going to be okay.

(End of Chapter Nine)