First off I have to apologize for not turning in the last assignment. I don't think I have ever skipped an assignment in my life but I think I started this part about 10 times and kept deleting them. This is a part of my life that honestly am embarrassed about. That whole 16 going on 12 thing I talked about? This is definitely what I was talking about. Kurt and our friends from high school call this the Blaine-is-so-clueless-that-he-makes-a-total-ass-out-of-himself-multiple-times period. And they are definitely right.
It all started right before Valentine's day that year. I had been out at the mall doing some shopping and ended up at The Gap. While I was there one of the employees was being very helpful. He was totally gorgeous, tall with shoulder length wavy blond hair and brilliant blue eyes. We got chatting a bit and I ended up being so comfortable that I ended up outing myself without realizing it. The conversation turned to relationships and I talked about how hard it was to find someone. I ended up sticking around until he got off work and we went to the Starbucks in the mall and talked for an hour or two there.
Looking back on it now I can see that he was just being friendly with a insecure high school kid but at the time it seemed like so much more. After our second coffee date I was absolutely positive that I was in love. Here was this gorgeous guy paying attention to me, listening to my problems. It had to be because he liked me, right? I grabbed onto that and ran with it. It's funny that I never saw the parallels with Kurt's and my relationship until much later.
I was out for coffee with Kurt as usual when I brought up the subject of Valentine's Day. Kurt was totally down on the holiday, saying that it was just a commercial holiday. Of course I had to gush over how romantic it all was, telling someone how you feel. The only problem was I had severe problems expressing myself and so I asked Kurt if he thought it was over the top to sing to someone on Valentine's day. I told him that there was a guy I liked and I didn't know how to ask him out. Kurt told me that he thought it would be totally romantic and that I should go for it. So I did.
I called an emergency meeting of the Warblers and told them that I was in love. I asked their help in serenading Jeremiah of campus, without mentioning any names. When they were against the idea it was actually Kurt who came to my defense, arguing that the Warblers needed to step outside their comfort zone a bit in order to become more confident. He was actually the one that convinced them to agree.
I couldn't have picked a more inappropriate song in reflection. I mean really, Robin Thicke's "When I Get You Alone?" I almost chickened out when we got there, telling Kurt that it was a stupid idea and we should just forget it. He convinced me to go for it, assuring me that Jeremiah would love it. He was there for me afterward when I sat questioning if I had been stupid. He comforted me when Jeremiah turned me down flat, telling me he had been fired and outed and that if our coffee dates had actually been dates he would have been arrested as he was too much older than me. Kurt was right there to help pick up the pieces.
Looking back I can see how badly I hurt him, and not for the last time either. When we went for coffee the next afternoon he told me that he thought he was the one I wanted to ask out. He pointed out our practice at Christmas and how flirty I had been, pointed out how much time we spent together and asked what he had been expected to think. He honestly blew me away in that moment, because I had never thought about those things in that light before. I mean he was my best friend and I had never looked at him in that way before, at least not for more than a split second.
I felt so bad that he thought I was leading him on, that was not my intention. All I knew was that his friendship was more important to me than anything I had ever had in my life. I was scared to death to lose that, I think I would have been totally lost without him. I had no clue what I was doing and I told him that. I had just made a total fool out of myself in front of both the Warblers and a bunch of random strangers, I couldn't think of anything beyond that at the moment. I had just put everything on the line and been shot down, I couldn't risk losing Kurt by doing something totally stupid that would have him hating me in the end. So I told him that. He listened and seemed to understand and made some joke about "When Harry Met Sally". Then he told me about an idea he had for Valentine's Day.
We ended up having a "Lonely Hearts Club" night at Breadsticks. He invited all his friends from McKinley and the Warblers performed "Silly Love Songs". It was funny, because even with the talk of friends and not ruining things we ended up singing to each other for a good portion of the song. It was just natural for me to gravitate towards him in performances and we looked at each other and laughed as we sang. Nothing seemed awkward and it felt fantastic to know he was still there.
First off I hate to tell you that I do have to count off for the failure to turn in the last assignment. This assignment isn't about perfect writing or technical writing, it is about forcing yourself to look deeper and understand yourself. We all have times in our lives that we aren't proud of and we would rather forget, but those times are what makes us who we are. I fully expect you to dig deep here, you did such a good job with your earlier assignments, you need to get back down to that level and really take a good look.
AN: Blaine really didn't want to talk about this, I basically had to lock him in his room and threaten never to let him out. I can't even watch the WIGYA performance when I watch the episode because it is honestly painful to watch. I just wanted to reach through the screen and smack the boy silly. I'm honestly not really happy with how this turned out, but it is what it is.