I own nothing!
Chapter 9: My life, upside down
Life loves to screw people over. This is a truth I learned early in life. Parents who only escaped being accused of child abuse, of which negligence is a form, because of an older sister. Being smart, and self conscious. Equipment that was far to dangerous to have in a house. Parents who are thought of as crazy. Hating sticking out. Another thing I learned however, is that life usually makes it up to you. For me, I have a loving sister, two great friends, books, and writing skills. What did I do to deserve being dead, though? What was supposed to make it up? I had to live a lie. I was dead, and couldn't tell anyone. Sure, I could tell Tucker; he was my best friend. Sam too. Should I? Worrying them would be bad, but lying to them would be just as bad. It was the same for Jazz. Was I right? Was I wrong? Was I still Danny? To say I slept would have been to lie.
By the next morning, I hadn't slept a bit. None the less, I wasn't very tired. More proof I wasn't human. Anger at Dash, and at everyone for the fact that I feared them. Resentment towards my friends, for holding my hopes up. I feared myself. Ghosts were evil. Did anger mean I would kill them? The times I transformed into ghostform, I eyed it with hatred. Proof I was less than human. Sub-human. The white gloves were so pristine. With my hand on that red button, I had killed myself. Finally, Tucker tackled me with Sam, and informed me that not telling them what was going on was wrong. He kept on telling me that. Sam looked worried, and told me that as much as she hated telling people stuff, my behavior was worrying. I smiled and told her I was fine. I ignored her advice. Kept going. Maybe, if I didn't think about it, I would feel human. Already I wished I were alive. She frowned. Insisted that I was not fine. I agreed with her, but didn't tell her. Telling her would be admitting it. I ignored Tucker's worried expression, and smiled. I masked myself. The friends I swore I would never lie to believed me. But then again, were they my friends? Or was it just that I used to be friends with them?
The questions were driving me crazy. I concealed it. I walked back from school, cheerful. I faked it. Jazz smiled, relieved that I (Danny, her brother/ I'm not him) was fine. She believed every word I told her. Danny never lied to his sister (I'm not him). She agreed to an icecream. She thought I was him. Was she still my sister? Not if I weren't human (She doesn't count). I got a chocolate again. I couldn't taste the favors well. Everything resembled sawdust in my mouth as I rattled ofF lies about my day being great. Sam came for a visit, and I told her I was hoping I could hang out with them today, after supper (Danny always did this sort of thing/I should). I acted like Danny; I couldn't tell where Danny began and I began (I wasn't him/not anymore). We hung out with Tucker, and they looked relieved over my adaption.
"Have you stopped phasing through stuff?" Tucker asked.
"No. Not entirely. I don't float randomly anymore, though." I smiled.
"As long as you feel alright I suppose we won't tell your parents, right?" Sam spoke up.
"I am never telling them. Ever." I responded. They looked unsure, but decided it was my choice as to whom I would tell.
The day passed on. I felt odd upon occasion, but ignored it. The cold sensation that came from Ghostform remained. It was odd, how that was the only temperature I could feel. I even got a hot coco, just to test myself, and it didn't hurt in the least bit. Sam snorted and called me a "make-believe-you're-tough-guy" because of the ignoring the temperature bit. She was amused by my indifference.
Was I going to tell them? No. Probably not. If they never knew, it wouldn't hurt them. I just had to be careful. Act like Danny would. This was remarkably easy, dispite the constant thought, (I'm not him). If Jazz had seen me now, she might have been worried. Masks. The only reliable things. I ate supper. I went to bed late, like Danny used to do. Jazz looked so relieved.
"Are you over whatever was making you feel bad?" She enquired.
"Yeah."
"Good."
"Don't worry. I won't be getting sick for a long time. After all, this only happens once a year, at most!"
Her response consisted of an elbow to the side. I only winced slightly.
/
Lives go on, and the world revolves despite the feelings of its inhabitants. This is another lesson most people learn, no matter how much they hate it. I hated it just as much as anyone else. All I had to do, because of my training, was mask my feelings. Never let anyone know what I felt. It had worked until then. Why shouldn't it continue to? Sometimes I realize I should listen to my sis-Jazz. She always says to tell people how I feel. Do I listen? No. But sometimes I wish I would.
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-Miaulin