I'm SOOO sorry for not updating sooner!! It's been a crazy couple of weeks and RL has reared its lovely head and reminded me that there is more stuff to do than just sit and write NCIS stories, as fun as that is and all.

Special thanks to ltjvt1026 who suggested the quote that I used for this chapter!! Thanks to everyone who has put my story on alert and favorite!! I really appreciate that as well as when you review...it warms my heart to see how other people react to my little ole' story...

Disclaimer: I only own two loaves of challah braid bread and that's it!

now onto the story!!

"You know you don't have to act with me, Steve. You don't have to say anything and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle,don't you Steve? You just put your lips together and....blow." -Humphrey Bogart & Lauren Bacall in To Have and Have Not

"I'm tired of pretending. " " So am I" -Tony and Ziva in Cloak, NCIS

Tired..so tired...where am I ? I hear buzzing noises, i can hear low voices just around the corner... "...'ll be fine..just needs rest...just talk..." The voices fade as they float down the hall.. i wonder who they are talking about...who needs rest and who needs to wait for rest...i could use some rest...i just want to fall back aside..i'm not even sure why i'm even up or why i need to be up...but for some reason i am up...and for some other reason, i know that my tiredness comes from more than lack of sleep and the need to fix that... i can hear people walking outside of my room and i prepare myself for an attack or a torture that surely must be coming...i want to let go so that i can't feel anything...if i can think, i can feel and if i can feel then the pain is far worse...

yet they move on and don't come into my room.. I begin to check out my surroundings...it would appear that i've been moved to a hospital...and i begin to get nervous...why am i in a hospital? what purpose does this move serve? I'm no good to them alive. If anything I'm worth more to them dead....yet I know that I'm in a hospital...and eyelids begin to droop as I try to figure everything out...just attempting movement and figuring out the little that I know is wearing me out....yawn...i need to stay a..a..awake...tony would never let me live this down..super spy not knowing where I'm at or why i'm there before....

Suddenly there's pressure on my hand and I hear a familiar voice...surely this has to be a dream...surely...I must be dreaming...well as long as I'm dreaming.. I'm going to listen... The voice was rough as they had been awake for many hours and had only just caught a short bat nap...yet it was also smooth and could have held the confidence of all the world....but it had more emotion in it than just those two...I was too tired to figure out what...sorrow, joy...perhaps...but perhaps listening to more than just the sound of the voice would explain what was going on... but i was too tired to open my eyes so i just focused on listening to those words.

"Zi, I really messed up.. I know I did the right thing but letting you go...and not telling you how I really felt when I had the chance was a huge mistake.." He laugh, a dry laugh with experience and regret colouring the sound. " I should have told you when I got after the Seahawk and when I was transferred back to D.C. Maybe if I had, you wouldn't be here in the hospital, tubes going everywhere and monitors...maybe I wouldn't be here waiting, hoping, praying that you wake up,so I can talk to you and maybe fix the mess that we seem to be in...if there is still a we..." the man stopped and took a shaky breath and continued " Abby can't wait to see you. I'm sure she'll have a big hug and some black flowers for you and Probie is busting at the seams with questions and is worried about you...I'm sure he'll have something quite appropriate...and Gibbs...not sure what he wants other than like me, I need to see you open your eyes. I always loved your eyes, deep chocolatey brown and it was always my favorite sight to see in the morning...especially in the morning regardless of whether I had a date or not.. " He fell silent and I began to remember what had happened before I woke up... It was all flashes but the helicopter, the marines and Gibbs and Tony coming to save me from the mess I gotten into were the strongest images... I was soo tired but I needed to let them know I was okay.

I opened my eyes and found Tony attached to my arm and I could see Gibbs outside my door talking to someone in the distance. I looked back at Tony and found myself starring into the questions that had been bothering me since I left D.C. for Israel. What would happen to us, How do we recover from this as friends, as partners...Whether we would be something more, I could not say...it would take time. Finally I broke the spell and uttered the words I had been waiting to say since I had been captured. "Thank you for coming for me but why? What good am I if I get caught within weeks of getting my new assignment? And now I can' t be any help to you because by the time I am ready to go out into NCIS, I will be recalled back to Israel for another mission." I begin to get hysterical even though I never get that...must because of all the weeks of torture and not knowing...

Tony got up and looked me straight in the eye and said something I'll never forget.."You are not worthless...you mean a lot to Gibbs, to McGee, to Abby..Did you know that she counted the days when Vance split up the team after Director Shepard's death? Did you know that when you didn't come back she freaked and became all mopey...it was worse than when Gibbs left..." At my shocked expression , he chuckled " It's true...but mostly you mean a lot to me..and even if you hate my guts and never want to see me again... I just wanted to know that you're safe."

I couldn't believe it as Tony began to tell how the team and Ducky, Palmer and Abby had missed me in their own unique ways. He finished with something that I would have never thought of... I had grown up with some pop culture and new things but things changed so quickly and I was always on a mission and had no time for anyting else... "Ziva.. I know things aren't perfect but you know you don't have to act with me. You don't have to say anything and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle,don't you, Ziva ? You just put your lips together and....blow."

So now just let me know what you think by pressing that lovely green button!!! Can't wait to hear what y'all think!!