~Chapter 10~

I calmed down a little bit, enough to the point where I wasn't thinking of ways to murder Katara's brother. "Don't ever mention Kokoro again in my presence!" I yelled.

"Kokoro? Who's that?" he asked, the worst possible question.

"SHUT UP, SOKKA!" I frantically wiped away tear after wet tear in a desperate attempt to stop crying. Actually hearing the name itself had really hurt. My heart had been through enough; this had gone far enough.

"Wait a second... Kokoro...was the baby's name...wasn't it?" he continued, more of a fact than a question.

Spirits, I hated how he was figuring it all out. He wasn't supposed to! He was supposed to be Sokka! Hardheaded, oblivious Sokka! But he had figured it out. Why couldn't I just be left alone to sort things out by myself?

"Don't ever mention Kokoro again in my presence!" she yelled.

"Kokoro? Who's that?" Sokka asked, unknowing how horribly the question would hurt Toph.

"SHUT UP, SOKKA!" the earthbender screamed. She frantically wiped away tear after tear in her attempts to stop crying. It was a useless act.

"Wait a second... Kokoro...was the baby's name...wasn't it?" Sokka continued, more of a fact than a statement.

She'd named it...she loved the baby so much she'd named it before she even knew if it was a boy or a girl. Sokka had never once thought of Toph as the mothering type, but she really loved her baby. Even now it was clear to him that she still loved it, despite its demise. Immediately he was wracked with guilt. How could he have been so stupid, so ignorant? And he'd said such horrible things to her that no doubt hurt her feelings.

My knees completely lost feeling and strength. I soon found myself on the ground crying my heart out. I didn't care who saw anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about what Kokoro's life could've been like if I hadn't been so stupid as to run away.

It was all my fault that Kokoro died; it was all my fault that he or she couldn't live out his or her life. I could've taught Kokoro how to earthbend if it was an earthbender! It might've had my eyes if I hadn't been born blind! I was so evil and stupid and dumb! How could I have run off without giving any thought to the baby? Now the baby was gone, and I, the mother, was to blame. I really sucked...

He watched the young bender fall to her knees. Then the rest of her slumped down to the ground. She made no effort to move as she cried and cried for the loss of her premature baby.

At a time like this, there was only one thing to do.

I felt my limp body being picked up. Sokka squeezed me and instinctively, I grabbed his shirt and continued to cry. I had looked forward to becoming a mother, to having a little body hugging my leg and asking me millions of questions a day. Even without a father, I knew me and Kokoro would be fine. I could do all the protecting and all the encouraging and all the mothering and fathering on my own. But now...now I couldn't.

I imagined how fun it would have been to have a little kid running around me at the crack of dawn, waking me up with, "Mommy, c'mon, I want to play!" or, "Mommy, I'm hungry!"

And it only made the pain more unbearable.

"Isn't there any way I can see Kokoro again?" I sobbed into Sokka's warrior's uniform.

"Sorry, Toph... You can't... I mean, it's not like you could just up and die on the spot!" I knew he was attempting to lighten my mood, but that gave me a great idea.

"That's it... Sokka, you're a genius!" I smiled, my first real smile in too long a time.

"Well, I don't like to brag, but... Hold up... What's it again?"

I swiftly grabbed the warrior's black meteorite sword and pulled it out of its sheath.

"Hey! Wait...Toph, what are doing with that?"

He continued babbling on about something and sounded really worried, but I was finally going to get to see my little baby again! I was finally going to get to see Kokoro! I aimed it over my belly and braced myself for alot of temporary pain.

"Toph...just hang on a second... There's a rational way to deal with this... Killing yourself isn't one of them!"

I felt Sokka make a move toward his sword, so I acted fast. I plunged the sword into my body. It hurt like crazy! It was extremely painful! Excruciating, even!

"TOPH! WHAT DID YOU DO?"

I kept my hands on the handle and wiggled the sword. I grunted with the pain, but there was a better chance of death this way. I removed the sword, immediately receiving the reaction I was hoping for from my body. At least a gallon of blood had to have come out upon the sword's removal. Then a strange taste filled my mouth, one that I'd never tasted before. It tasted alot like copper, actually. I hated it and spat it out.

"T-T-Toph...you...a-and the sword... Why...?" I heard Sokka ask.

I spat out more of the coppery liquid, which by now I assumed was blood that had traveled up my throat. "I did it, Sokka. I'm finally going to meet Kokoro. Thanks for helping me...Snoozles." I spat again, wondering when I was going to die so I wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore.

"Toph, when I said 'die on the spot', I wasn't being literal!" he scolded.

"Ah, Snoozles... Next time you see me, I'm gonna be in a better place. And I'm gonna be there with Kokoro. Just try to enjoy the time we have left together." The time we had left...hopefully that wouldn't be a long time. This pain hurt alot. I spat out more coppery stuff. I was getting weaker, I could feel it.

I fell down to all fours and spat out some more blood. I was good at spitting.

"Oh, no... Toph, c'mon, we have to get you to Katara. She'll make this all better, okay?"

"No. I don't want to get better. I want to die. You were right, dying is the only way I can see Kokoro again. I should've died on..." I spat out more blood so I could finish. "...the streets at that village. But I didn't. You guys found me. I'm not saying that I'm not grateful, but I think I've overstayed my welcome here in this life."

"DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF?"

"Yeah, and I gotta say, being able to be the mother that Kokoro deserves sounds really good to me."

I spat again, the coppery taste not willing to leave. My arms were losing the battle to hold the upper portion of my body upright. They collapsed and I fell into a large pool of my own blood. Great, now the copper taste would never leave.

"Toph...you're so weak..."

"Lack of blood, Snoozles... I'll be gone before you know it..."

"Toph..."

"Tell Twinkletoes and Sugar Queen that I'll see 'em soon..."

I spat again, this time a much larger amount of blood accumulating in my mouth, and a lot quicker.

"No! No, no, no, no! This is wrong!"

I felt my body being hefted up but didn't have the energy to fight it. Sokka was carrying me on his back. My eyes slid shut and I could actually feel my life leaving me, along with my conscience. My headband fell off sometime during the trip, which actually wasn't that long, and my long hair fell out of order. That was all I could comprehend before I passed out.

When I woke up, my shirt and tunic were gone. They were replaced by bandages. The first thing I wondered was if I was dead or not. I felt the ground...but it wasn't ground I felt. It was the tent's floor. Darn it, Sokka...why? Why couldn't he have just let me die?

I tried to sit up, but was hit with extreme pain where the sword pierced through me. I felt blood staining the bandages that covered the entire upper portion of my body.

"You know, I didn't tell them you tried to kill yourself," I heard a voice say. It was Sokka's voice. How had I not felt him there? "I told them we were training, swordsman versus earthbender, and that I accidentally stabbed you. They're still mad at me, so if you hear any mean comments, don't be surprised."

"Why?"

"Well, I didn't think you'd want to have that reputation of suicidal on your mind. I figured you already had enough on your mind as it was."

"No, I mean why didn't you just let me die?"

I felt him shift positions from standing to sitting. "You're lucky you are alive, you know that? Kokoro can wait. We can't."

I knew he was talking about Aang's training. I didn't interrupt as Sokka continued. "Katara told me she did everything she could to save you. She that even with as many healing sessions as she could manage, you still might not make it. You've been out for several days. You really scared us, Toph..."

He wasn't lying. "I just wanted to see Kokoro."

"So you try to kill yourself? Is that really a good way to solve this? Look at you now; you can't earthbend, you can't even move! We'll all die one day, Toph. You don't have to speed up the process. You'll see Kokoro again, but you don't have to kill yourself to do it. Imagine your parents and your friends, Toph. Then there's Aang. He still needs to master earthbending. He's been practicing his stances over and over so that when you woke up he could impress you."

I turned onto my side and pushed myself up with my arm. From there I was able to sit up. My back felt stiff and I guessed that Katara had kept me in the same position to do her healing sessions.

"I get that you're depressed, Toph, I really do. But are you willing to abandon everything?"

"I'm not depressed," I said flatly. "You don't have a child, Sokka, let alone a dead one. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

I felt Sokka leave the tent. I didn't know what to think or feel anymore, but maybe it was time I listened to some of his advice. It was deep, and I never knew Sokka to be an advice-giver. Boy had some wisdom, I'd give him that.

I laid back down, and it didn't take me long to get to sleep.

The next time I woke up, I felt a boy wearing armor. It was Zuko. I didn't know how long I'd been out this time, but I wanted to tell him what happened to the baby. He spared my life because of Kokoro, now it was time he found out.

I somehow managed to get out of the tent.

"What's happening?" I asked.

It was Katara who answered; she didn't seem to realize I'd even gotten up. "It's Zuko. He's after Aang again."

I heard the splashing sound of water and recognized it as Katara's waterbending. I heard the crackle of fire and Aang's grunts as he tried to dodge Zuko's firebending. I felt his feet land on my tunnel rock. I was sure that by now, it was infested with gopherbats and cavehoppers. That was okay. I hadn't made any plans to go back. But I did feel the need to talk to Zuko about the baby.

I headed off toward my tunnel.

When I got there, I felt exceptionally weak. I suddenly saw my weakness and vulnerability as an opportunity, actually.

I crawled up to a spot where I felt Sokka and Zuko right about to duel it out. Sokka had a weapon in his hand. It was his favorite weapon, his boomerang. And Zuko's stance was foreign to me, but I recognized it as some kind of firebending stance. I was an earthbender, so naturally, firebending stances were...well...useless knowledge. Now, if Zuko was an earthbender, I would be able to identify every move before he made it. Even Katara and Aang's stances were unusual to me.

I stumbled up to Zuko and fell to my knees. I reached up and grabbed some of his garment. "Please...don't fight..." Then I feigned a faint. I purposefully relaxed every muscle in my body so that I 'fainted'. Although with my lack of energy and a gaping hole in my gut, I was pretty sure I was going down that path anyway. I had to resist the urge to yelp as the hole from the sword hit the ground, spilling alot of blood. It wasn't long before I felt the puddle of blood reach my hands.

Neither rivals made a move for the longest time.

But finally, Sokka risked giving up the fight to 'save' me. At the same time, I felt Zuko release his tense stance, his arms dropping to his sides.

"We'll call a truce," the firebender said. "At least until she's healed."

"Agreed." Sokka lifted me up, obviously not trusting his rival to do it.

I remained limp and motionless, trying to sell it as much as I could. I was sure it was working, because neither of the two spoke. But I hated being carried. With my entire body in the air and no ground underneath me, I couldn't see a thing. The only thing I could feel was Sokka's arms, which were surprisingly strong. Either that, or I was surprisingly underweight. I guessed the latter.

"What happened to her?" I heard Zuko ask once we were back at camp.

"We were training. I accidentally stabbed her. Not that you'd care," Sokka answered.

I was set down gently back on the floor of the tent. That forsaken tent...I hated it. I couldn't feel as well as I could on solid rock. I really wanted my earth tent back. But I stayed still, as if I had actually passed out.

I felt a girl come in, and instantly knew it was Katara. She was the only other girl in the group, after all. I waited patiently for what I knew would be my healing session. And probably a change of bandages.

Sure enough, she shoved everyone else out of the tent and carefully unwrapped me, making sure the flap was closed first.

I felt the cooling sensation of water on me, and then all my pain went away. It felt really good. There was absolutely no more pain from the hole in my stomach. But as soon as she took her hands away, it came rushing back. I wished she'd kept doing that healing thing with the water...

I felt a damp cloth run over my body, cleaning up the blood that the wound had let out. Then Katara lifted the upper portion of my body up. I let my head roll back, still acting like I was unconscious. She repositioned it so that it hung forward. Soon after, I felt new bandages being wrapped around me. She was very careful when she came upon my sword injury. I had to admit, it hurt badly when she started wrapping them around my belly. But I made no expression; I gave no indication that I was still conscious.

Once she was done, she tied a knot at the bottom, around my waist, so the bandages wouldn't come loose. Then she gently laid me back down. I let my head fall to one side. It was better for now if they believed I was unconscious. I wanted them to talk as if I weren't here. Maybe I could pick up something useful.

I felt her pull some covers up over me and brush my bangs away from my eyes...not that hair in my eyes would matter much since my eyes were completely unusable. It always struck me as weird that the eye was considered the most useful part of the body, yet I fared better without them.

I heard the flap door open and flutter down, and I could already feel her walking towards a campfire. I bet Zuko lit it with his firebending. I opened my eyes, though I didn't know why I bothered. I guess it was better than having to force them shut all the time.

I concentrated on listening to what I knew was going to be an interesting conversation.

"Toph is resting, so keep it down. I put on clean bandages and tried to speed up her body's natural healing process. I still don't know whether or not she'll make it, though. That hole is so big...and it could get infected at any time," I heard Katara say.

"I know her only as the Blind Bandit. She once told me I'd never know her real name. Guess she was wrong," Zuko chimed.

"Well, we can't fight. At least not with Toph like this. She's badly injured, and if we start fighting she's going to want to do something. It'll put her in too much danger," Aang said.

Darn right I'd want to do something.

"Aang's right. You guys saw how she came right up to Zuko; the worst part about it that she's not strong enough to earthbend yet," Sokka agreed.

"Yeah. I know from experience how hard it is to earthbend. It takes alot of muscle, strength, and energy. Toph has the muscle, but she doesn't have the strength or energy anymore." It was pretty obvious who was talking there.

"Shouldn't the Blind...uh...I mean...shouldn't Toph be showing by now? And why is she so skinny?" Zuko asked.

And here it came; the moment of truth.

There was an awkward silence, and then Sokka asked, "How'd you know Toph was pregnant?"

Aw, crap! Did I forget to tell them? Can't anything go right?

"She didn't tell you? I found her out in the forest. She said she was lost and explained how the baby's heartbeat was messing up her 'sight'." I felt Zuko put air quotes around the word 'sight'. "I led her to the nearest village. After she promised she'd keep the baby safe, I left."

Another strange, tense silence occurred.

Aang finally had the courage to speak up. "Uh...the thing is...Toph went into labor not too long ago. The baby was born too early. It didn't make it."

"Yeah..." Katara sighed with heavy emotion. "She's been really depressed ever since. I don't think she wants anyone to know, but..."

I sighed in frustration. How dare they talk about Kokoro! Especially when I wasn't even there!

"So the baby died... She must be going through a really hard time," the firebender mumbled.

"She's trying to act strong for everyone," Sokka said.

What was wrong with acting strong? And it wasn't even acting! I was strong, and that was that!

"I think I can relate to acting strong."

"No way! We accepted you here only because Toph is injured! But on our terms, you're going to stay away from her!" And there went Katara, freaking out.

"Don't worry. She even told me herself that as soon as she could 'see' again, she would be fighting me." I felt Zuko put his hands up in defense, but not a firebending stance.

I didn't have the energy to listen in on the rest of the conversation. I let myself drift off, knowing I'd need the sleep.

A/N

Ayup, that would be the tenth chapter. I can't believe I managed to make the story last this long. And yes, Toph is supposed to be a little OOCish after everything that's happened to her. You'd be OOCish, too, if you went through what she went through.

NOBODY READ THIS TO TOPH!

Yes, I realize how cruel I'm being. Deal with it.

R&R&haveanicedayoranevilone!