Disclaimer: I don't own SoN.

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Chapter 10

Ashley POV

Flashback

I stare outside the window trying to distract myself for what I know is about to come.

"So Ashley, tell me about your life, your parents. You can tell me anything, whatever is in your mind." my gentle angel said.

I knew it. Here we go again. I've been dreading this. I hate this touchy feeling emotion crap. I've perfected the art of being guarded. I've spent my life bottling up my emotions, putting up walls and keeping people at arm's length. Emotions make you weak and an unwelcome distraction. I have a reputation to uphold. Nobody said being a badass rocker chick is easy. I sigh loud enough for him to hear, letting him know that I'm uncomfortable.

"Ok so sharing is still a sensitive topic. You're in a safe place Ashley. Nobody here will judge you. Whatever is said within these walls will be between you and me"

I keep staring out the window not willing to budge. I hate doing this to my gentle angel and I know he just wants to help but it's not easy for me to dare I say it SHARE. Mr Carlin has been trying to make me open up to him every day for the past couple of weeks now. Every single time he fails and every single time he shares something about his family instead, to maybe make me feel more comfortable and safe with him.

"That's fine Ashley. I won't push you and if you still do not want to talk then listen yet again" He smiles. Eyebrow raise, I turn to look at him. He picks up a frame I was admiring the first time I was here. The picture of him and his daughter. "You know I've observed whenever you come here, I keep bringing up my family. I simply cannot stop myself from talking about them. I think I may be annoying you a bit now"

"No you don't Mr C. I love hearing stories about you and your family" That's true. I love hearing wild stories about his family. Paula, the imperfect perfect mother, Glen the athletic older brother and Spencer, well Spencer I haven't decided what she is, yet. A normal loving family, the perfect family. Like a myth or legend, like they cannot possibly exist in this cruel world. It makes me envy and love them at the same time. Whenever he tells his stories, it makes me somewhat feel close to them. I sometimes pretend I'm one of them, pretend that I'm wanted, loved, cared, belonged. Yes, I'm pathetic. Ashley Davies, world famous rock princess, is pathetic. I know ironic, isn't it? I can buy anything I want but cannot buy the one and only thing I so desperately desire. Jennifer Lopez is right. Love doesn't cost a thing. Love. The only thing I do not have.

My angel stares at me, study every move I made. I tried harder to look uninterested and bored as I sat and look outside once again.

"Yesterday, my daughter, Spencer told us she's gay" I snap my head to look at him so hard it hurt. "Honestly, I wasn't surprised. I knew she's gay for a long time now. I knew she has to come out to herself first before coming out to us" He laughed "My wife's in denial still but this morning while we're about to drive Glen and Spencer to school. Paula brought up the safe sex lecture and she said even if you're having sex with a girl you still need to practice safe sex" He laugh harder this time "Spencer felt embarrassed and she didn't want to hear it anymore and that's when she jumped out of the car"

"Oh my god she jumped out of a moving car? Is she ok?" I stood up

"Calm down Ashley. She's fine. We were near the school and I was slowing down but yes, the car was still moving when she jumped out" I sat down relieved by the news "But she rolled a few times though"

"She's insane. No offense Mr C" I laughed at the antics Spencer does.

"None taken" He laughs louder "I would've jumped too if I was her. Paula prepared visual ads and even printed out illustrations. She sometimes tends to get intense and go a little overboard" I laugh out loud with him "I was happy though. She was making an effort in understanding Spencer more"

His laughter died and clears his throat "Anyway, the other night I was picking the kids up after the game. I saw Spencer crying alone in the parking lot but when I got nearer, I saw some mascot comforting her and giving her advice. I think that mascot has something to do with Spencer having the courage to accept who she is and to come out to us. I am very grateful and thankful for"

A buzz cuts Mr C off. A voice from the intercom said "Mr Carlin sorry to disturb you but you said to remind you of your appointment in the hospital"

"I apologize Ashley but I have to cut our meeting short"

"It's ok Mr C" I stand up and walk to the door

"Ashley one last thing though, practice what you preach"

I turn around confused. "What?"

"You should think about following your advice. Open up to the right people, ok? See you tomorrow" He winks

"How did you know?" I'm surprise and relive at the same time. I no longer need to lie to him but how can he know I went to see Spencer that night.

"Next time maybe don't use your car"

I roll my eyes. Of course, my Porsche is very high profile and not very discreet. I have to think about that next time I do something like this. I smile at Mr C and said my good bye. Once I got in my car, I sigh and shake my head at what I did that night. Hearing the stories Mr C tells me every day made me decide to do it. I asked Aiden for advice and he told me to wear the stupid thing to disguise myself. My moment of weakness mixed with intrigue and desperation, I wanted so much to belong, to be loved. And so I pursued it, looked for it, chased it and so at that moment I found it.

"Ashley Hey Ashley" a hand waves in front of my face

"Yes?" I was snap back to reality. Damn was I day-dreaming again? I turn around to look at Aiden who's shaking his head in disapproval. I give him a sympathetic smile in return. "Are we done here?" I'm in the studio finishing the rest of my album which is not half way done by the rate I am going it will take a couple of weeks to finish.

"Yea, we are done for the day"

"Thank you"

I got my stuff, exit the building and walk towards my car. I'm in hurry and not letting Aiden catch up with me but once inside the vehicle, Aiden snaps at me. "Ashley what the hell is wrong with you lately?"

I snap at him "Everything Aid. Nothing seems to go right" I slam my hands on the steering wheel

"Come here" He tugs me into his muscular body, letting me rest my head on his chest "Everything's going to be alright Ash don't worry too much" he wraps his arms around me tighter

"Your plan didn't actually go so well Aiden"

"I know but it still worked, right? You are still going to meet her" He whispers softly in my ear "but are you sure you're ready for what you are about to do?" His voice full of concern

"Yea, I am sure"

"For the record, I think it's a bad idea. If Spencer finds out the truth, she might not forgive you for this. It's not too late to back out"

"Yea, I know but I really have to do this for me" I said the last few words softly. I have my reasons. At this moment, I know deep down I am doing what is right for me, for us. Meeting Spencer will be the easy part what will follow next will be the toughest and most difficult thing I have to do. Making her fall in love with me, that's easy right?

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