Author's Note:
My apologies for the delay in posting the next chapter - no excuse really since the chapters are all there ready to edit and post. I will endeavour to get back some of the enthusiasm I initially had for this story ... oh, and thank you to those who reviewed since I last posted. Your interest is much appreciated.
Now, if you recall, when we last left the Doctor, he'd just said goodbye to River, sure this time that he'd never see his wife again.
Chapter 10: "It's time to buck up your ideas."
"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching - they are your family." Jim Butcher
The Doctor went back to Amy and Rory, in the absence of anywhere else to be. It served a purpose to hang around since he wanted to make sure there would be no fall out from Madam Kovarian's interference in the events of 1953 New York.
When Amy asked how it went, the Doctor glossed over much of the detail, telling the Pond's he and River had successfully ousted the Silence from Coe Hall and that River had gone to the Library.
"How do you know?" Amy asked. "I mean we all thought we'd already seen the last of River and there she was, turning up on our door step asking to borrow the car."
"Because she lied to me, at the Library," the Doctor revealed. "She told me a particular outing was the last time she'd seen me but it wasn't."
"And that couldn't happen again?" Amy asked hopefully.
"It could I suppose," the Doctor allowed, "but I don't think it's likely. I wouldn't rule out coming across younger versions of River still, not completely, but within her timeline the Library is happening for her, right now."
"You couldn't stop her from going?" Rory asked.
"Gave her every clue I could without coming out and telling her she wouldn't come back," he said bitterly. "Didn't make a difference."
"But she knew, right?" Amy asked.
"She's too smart not to," the Doctor agreed. "Either she thought she could change the outcome or she understood just like I did when it was my turn in Utah, the responsibilities of a time traveller. She had no choice but to go and I had no choice but to let her."
"The Teselecta!" Rory exclaimed. "Couldn't that trick work again?"
"You've already thought of that too, haven't you" Amy said before the Doctor could answer.
He nodded. "It's not like Lake Silencio. I had the sonic screwdriver with her consciousness inside in my hand. I plugged it in, and I checked that it worked. I saw that River was still there, inside the library system, freely able to live a life of sorts inside Charlotte's world. There's no way I can duplicate any of that with a Teselecta. And if I changed any of those events who's to say our history would play out the same?"
"Do you really think saving River would change things that much?" Amy countered.
The Doctor sighed, considering how best to expand on all the thoughts he'd had, the conclusions he'd drawn.
"Option 1, I take her place in that chair – risky because if I die, my older self isn't there to meet River in her past, making her a living paradox. If I succeed there would still be implications – possibly serious implications. Option 2, I stop her from saving all those people. No way she'll thank me for that, not to mention I'd have to cross my own timeline to do it, which is forbidden for a reason. Option 3, I rig something up so River does it all the same but it doesn't kill her. That one sounds promising doesn't it, until you think about the possible side effects. My younger self doesn't see River sacrifice so much for him, so calm and brave and loving, maybe that changes everything. Maybe he's not quite so open to her in his future, and maybe he just doesn't get the message when she needs him to turn up to save her."
"Because you were always backwards forwards," Amy commented sadly.
"We were, which is why I can't save her now," the Doctor agreed.
"Even if you'd lived your lives in parallel you still couldn't have saved her," Rory pointed out. When the Doctor looked at him quizzically, he shrugged. "Your younger self wouldn't have been there – no foreknowledge that there would even be a problem. You'd have sent River off none the wiser – the only difference is you'd have nothing to feel guilty about now."
"If that's your attempt to make me feel better, it's not bad," the Doctor gave a small smile. "The only trouble is, if Ten wasn't there at all the whole thing would play out differently. River might have gotten her team out without even knowing there were others to save. It was my stupid plan to retrieve everyone that led to her death. I think, without me, she'd have gone on for a very long time yet."
"It's easy for you to say that, but we'll never know for sure, so there's no point in speculating," Amy said decisively, not pointing out the obvious to her friend - that without him and his intervention in her life, River wouldn't have existed at all. "No point in you torturing yourself with the what if's either," she told the Doctor sternly instead. "It's time to buck up your ideas and get back on that horse."
"Buck up my ideas?" the Doctor repeated, suddenly amused. "Who even says that anymore?"
"It's 1953," Amy was impervious to his teasing. "Everyone says it, along with a whole lot of other things that really should be scrapped from the English language."
The Doctor laughed and the tension in the room dissipated enough for them all to breathe a little easier. "So, when do I get to meet this son of yours?" he changed the subject gratefully. "I'm starting to wonder if you haven't made the whole adopting thing up."
"Of course we haven't made it up," Rory retorted. "You'll see tomorrow – you can come with us to pick him up from the bus station."
"The bus station," the Doctor repeated, grimacing. "Not really my cup of tea, is it?"
"Then this will be another first you can add to your list," Rory advised him, obviously having no intention of letting his time travelling friend off the hook.
The Doctor nodded, thinking about River and their marriage and how his entire relationship with her had been a series of firsts … and lasts. He'd never feel for anyone what he still felt for her … never.
Meeting Anthony Brian Williams turned out to be a highlight for the Doctor. It had been a long time since he'd taken such delight in the simplest of things, like kicking a soccer ball around Amy and Rory's back yard, or talking about which team would win the championship that year.
It turned out that the Pond's had ensured their son would have an appreciation of those cornerstones of their old life in England, football being one of them. Amy insisted it had nothing to do with the Doctor's love of the game but he knew otherwise. They'd missed him just as he'd missed them and teaching their son his favourite Earth sport was a way to keep the Doctor close.
"How many times can you knee the ball up without dropping it?" Anthony asked, beginning to bounce the ball from one knee to the other in quick succession, counting as he went.
"Don't know, never counted," the Doctor copied the boy with his own football, the two sharing the grin of comrades committed to the same purpose. "How many can you do?"
"I got all the way to sixty last time, and then Mum called me in for dinner," Anthony sighed, shaking his head.
"I know, mothers," the Doctor agreed. "No appreciation for the important things."
"Mine isn't that bad," Anthony had to admit. "She's easily the best one, especially compared to all my friends."
"You have no idea just how cool your Mum is," the Doctor replied. "Seriously, you'll have to ask her about the times her and your Dad went travelling with me. You won't believe some of the things they got up to."
"Can't you tell me?"
"Ah, not without asking first," the Doctor insisted. "Your Mum is right scary when she gets her dander up. A wise man knows to save that kind of reaction for something really important. Besides, I think she'd love to tell you about her younger years herself, when she thinks you're old enough."
"I wish she could see that I'm old enough now," the nine year old complained.
"Another thing mothers and sons rarely agree on."
"Did you, with your Mum?" Anthony asked curiously, catching the football, his count forgotten. He was more interested in the stranger his parents seemed to know so well and the window it opened for him to learn more about the two people who'd chosen him to be their son.
"I can't really remember," the Doctor explained, still bouncing his own ball from knee to knee. "It's been a long time since I thought about any of that." He sighed. "I do remember looking forward to a ceremony the children where I grew up all participated in – mostly because it meant I'd get to go away to school and I thought I'd have a lot more freedom than I did at home. I was about the same age as you at the time."
"Did you get more freedom?"
"More than I knew what to do with," the Doctor said, stopping his ball work and giving Anthony a very serious look. "Be careful what wishes you yearn for my young friend, because having them granted isn't always a good thing. Now I'd like nothing better than to have my mother around, telling me to pick up my socks and get to bed at a reasonable time."
"I don't think I'll ever feel like that," Anthony insisted with childlike certainty.
"Cherish every time your Mum scolds you or tells you No, you can't do something," the Doctor advised, "because they're all just another way for her to tell you she loves you."
Anthony nodded. "Your Mum is dead, isn't she? Were you naughty? Because my friend Adam says that's what happens when you're really naughty. He was so bad his Mum yelled at him and then stormed out of their house and then she didn't come back."
"You're right, my mother is gone now," the Doctor agreed, "but no, I wasn't naughty ... well, not very much. You might not think it kid, but I'm a lot older than I look – people die but not because anyone was naughty or said the wrong thing. It happens because it's a part of life."
"My Mum is sad," Anthony shared. "Someone called River died and now she cries every night. She doesn't think I can hear her."
"I know," the Doctor's own voice filled with sadness. "Did she tell you who River was?"
"My older sister," the boy offered. "I should feel sad too, shouldn't I? But I don't, except for when I hear Mum crying. That makes me sad."
"Of course it does, because you're a good son," the Doctor said gently. "No one expects you to feel sad about River. You didn't know her as more than just someone your parents talked about – your Mum told me mostly River visited when you were at school, that you only got to see her a handful of times, many of those when you were just a baby."
"Didn't she want a little brother?" Anthony asked hesitantly.
"Oh, I'm sure she did," the Doctor exclaimed, "but things were … complicated for her. Above everything else she would have wanted you to be safe – you and your Mum and Dad."
It was a decision he could easily see River making, staying away from her little brother to protect him. He imagined Amy and Rory would have both encouraged River to claim the family connection owed to her and how stubbornly River would have insisted it wasn't necessary, that Anthony was safest being completely separate from any taint her troubles might bring him. It made the Doctor sad to think of all she'd missed – all Anthony had missed – because of River's stubborn determination to go it alone. "I wish you'd known her better because she was just about the coolest person you'd ever meet and I know she would have loved you to bits."
"Did you know her?"
"She was my wife Anthony, so yes, I knew her, very well."
"Oh," Anthony exclaimed. He frowned, mulling over this latest piece of information. "Does that mean we're related? William, another friend, has this older brother who's married, and he gets to call the wife his sister-in-law. Is that right?"
"Sister in law would be right, although in our case it would be brother-in-law instead," the Doctor grinned suddenly," and yes, I guess it does mean we're related. I'd be very happy to be your brother Anthony."
"Me too," Anthony grinned back. "Do you have any stories you can tell me, you know, about travelling and stuff?"
"I can tell you what I've learned, the really important things that mean the difference between getting where you're going and getting left behind," the Doctor suggested. "The first, clichéd as it is, is to be prepared. You should always take with you the tools of your trade so you'll have them readily at hand when you need to use them."
"What tools do you have?"
"Just one, but it's the coolest tool of all," the Doctor said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the sonic screwdriver to show his young friend. "I call this the sonic screwdriver although it's not really a screwdriver at all. Don't tell your mother I admitted that – she's been protesting for years about what I named it."
"I won't," Anthony promised, all of his attention on the foreign looking device in the Doctor's hand. "What does it do?"
"Just about anything you want it to," the Doctor couldn't help but boast. "I made it when I was very young and then, as the need arose, I upgraded it. Now it has so many settings even I forget what half of them are for."
"Can you show me?" Anthony gave the Doctor an imploring look.
"I can't see why not," the Doctor fiddled with the settings, deciding a simple sonic pulse would more than impress the boy. Green light shot out of the tip, hitting the grass and sending up a small puff of dirt.
"Wow," Anthony exclaimed. "Do it again!"
"Okay, how about this?" the Doctor changed the settings and activated the tool again. It did what he'd intended, sent out a bubble of glowing green light to surround them, but it did something unexpected as well.
It began to beep.
Ominously.
"What's that?" Anthony reached out to touch the device but the Doctor quickly pulled it away.
"Don't touch it," he cautioned. "Usually it's completely harmless … but not always. Best to play it safe when you don't know what you could be getting yourself in to."
"Why is it beeping?"
"That's a very good question," the Doctor said, holding the display screen up so he could read the information scrolling past. "Well, isn't that intriguing," he muttered, eyes narrowed.
"Isn't what intriguing?" Anthony grabbed the Doctor's wrist, intend on not being left out of what was clearly going to be another adventure.
"Oh, sorry," the Doctor refocused on the boy and gave him an apologetic smile. "It's beeping because it's picking up an energy signal and it's coming from inside your house."
"Really?" Anthony seemed delighted at the prospect, presumably because he had no idea what an energy signal was nor the danger it could bring. To him it sounded exciting and mysterious. "What should we do?"
"We should go and look for the source of course," the Doctor announced, sharing a smile with his new co-conspirator.