The Mortal Instruments – FanFiction

Training Days...

Chapter 10 – A Physical Prisoner

The rest of the week took its toll on Clary. In some ways, she regretted the night she told Jace what had happened between her and Sebastian. Jace acted differently towards her without even knowing it. He was careful when he touched her now. He made eye contact with her first – almost as if to ask for her permission – before grasping her hand or resting his hand on her leg. It was nerve racking. Clary did not fear Jace touching her. She knew he would never do anything to hurt her. It was her brother she was anxious about. It was just annoying that Jace and Sebastian had a similar build; their arms were like identical copies.

Every night that Clary had a nightmare; Jace would get up – against her refusal – and sit with her in the bathroom. Sometimes she would try to head to the kitchen with the intent to drink a glass of warm milk. It was always a half hearted effort, because she could only make it out into the hallway before the thought of anything in her stomach made her feel ill. She would have to turn and run back for the bathroom.

Clary felt weighed down. She could see the physical toll she was having on Jace. They were both conjoined in some ways. He felt her pain, taking it as his own burden. Clary could see the dark rings developing under his eyes. Sometimes Jace was just as stubborn as she was. That was what led them to this moment in time. It was early dawn and both Clary and Jace had ventured into the library together. She sat curled up on Jace's lap in front of the fire, a blanket draped around his strong shoulders. Clary held both the opposing edges of the blanket – pulling it tight around her– until it formed a cocoon of comforting heat that consumed both of them. Since the night Clary found out of Sebastian's return, the fire in the library had been blazing - its heat a comforting combat against the ice Clary felt in her heart. Both ridden with physical and mental fatigue, they sat there and let their minds wander. It was cruel. It was a sick waiting game as Alec – because he was over eighteen - and Maryse and their trusted members of the Clave were out in search of Sebastian.

Clary could feel Jace's body hum with adrenaline when he thought about Sebastian. She could feel his muscles tighten with the immense strength that flowed through his body. He was her protector inside the institute, but she knew he would rather be outside physically searching for Sebastian. That was the real type of protection Jace really wanted to be doing.

Midday arrived and Jace and Clary were both in the kitchen when she received a call from her mother and Luke. They talked about how they were going up at the farmhouse. Jocelyn had been spending her time making repairs on the property; she said it was a good distraction. Luke mentioned how the members of the pack were enjoying all the extra room to be able to run around in wolf form. Clary found out that Maia would be heading up to the farmhouse soon to join them. Maia wanted to stay with Jordan in New York to help look for Sebastian, but the Praetor refused to accept her co-operation because of her age. Apparently she was really aggravated; Clary almost smiled at this - Maia did have a temper on her. Before Clary said goodbye, Jocelyn mentioned how Maryse was concerned Clary wasn't eating much. Jace - who was in the room listening to the conversation - shot her a knowing look before she answered. Jace wanted her to tell her mother the truth. As expected, she dismissed her mother's concern, saying that Maryse hadn't been around the institute enough to see her eat lately. Clary and her mother exchanged pleasantries, saying "I love you" and "Look after yourself" before the line was disconnected. Clary sat with her phone still in her hand when it vibrated. It was a text from Simon;

Just found out the news about Maia, heard she was pissed.

Clary felt the corners of her mouth draw up into a smile. It felt nice. Almost...happy. She replied;

Yeah, mum said the Praetor got pretty fed up with underage non-members wanting to help in the search. Is Izzy with you?

A short moment passed before Simon replied;

Iz is with me at the apartment – practically had to beg Maryse 4 permission. Ur mum said u aren't doing well?

Clary read the message few times. She was rather irritated at being treated like a baby. Yes, she was sad and terrified for those she loved – as well as herself. But, everyone asking her how she was every five minutes was starting to get on her nerves. Her fingers quickly tapped a short reply – almost as if she wasn't fully conscious of the action.

I am fine. Talk to you later.

Clary knew she was being abrupt, but Simon would take the hint not to bring it up again.

Jace picked two perfectly shaped apples from the fruit bowl on the kitchen bench. Grabbing a knife from the drawer, he absent mindedly twirled it expertly in his fingers before slicing into the apple skin with ease. Clary watched, she was often amazed at the control Jace could exert with anything sharp or deadly. It fascinated her that his calloused hands could be so gentle with her - yet become vicious deliverers of death in the smallest of instances. Jace sat with her the whole time she ate the apples. She felt slightly babied by him as well. But, if he didn't sit with her, they both knew she would discreetly put the pieces in the bin. She felt bad for wasting it, but she rarely felt like stomaching food - especially knowing it would only come up later.
"It's mind over matter Clary. If you convince yourself you will bring this food back up later, you will." Jace had told her. He really wanted her to eat. Eventually he gave up against her stubbornness. They made a deal. He would eat one slice of apple for every two Clary ate. She knew it was childish, but she didn't like his lack of appetite either.

Later that day, Clary went up to the training room. Setting up a target, she practiced throwing knives at it - trying to improve her aim without the use of her perfect aim rune. Using her ability, Clary had developed a rune to be able to temporarily inactivate or disable a rune's power on her body. It was small and coiled around itself several times before a line went back up through the middle. She had shared it with Jace, Alec and Isabelle a few weeks ago before everything had become chaotic. It was useful in circumstances like these. As she slammed the last knife with extensive force into her target, she heard her phone vibrate. She went over and checked it, it was Simon.

Hey Fray, I know ur annoyed me. Didn't mean to piss you off b4. Izzy just left. It's weird, I got a message from Raphael - says he wants to meet with me tonight...

Wondering what Raphael wanted with Simon this time, Clary replied;

Ur right, sorry about before. I'll let Jace know about Izzy. What does Raphael want? I swear he is bipolar.

Clary waited for a reply but Simon must have been busy. Sighing, she put down her phone and ventured to the rope that hung down from the suspended beams. Looking up, Clary thought about the training Jace and her had done up there - just over a week ago... It seemed so distant now, like a life time ago. She swung on it lazily before a light fatigue overcame her. Since she wasn't eating or sleeping much, it was easy to become exhausted from the lightest of training. With her phone in hand, Clary went downstairs to find Jace.

Clary was restless that night. Jace hadn't come to bed - he was out pacing down the hallways. He was anxious because Alec and Maryse had called, saying they were not coming back to the institute tonight. She knew Jace worried for their safety. Clary's mind drifted in and out of sleep as she laid in Jace's bed by herself. Another dream plagued her subconscious. She dreamt of when Sebastian told her how repulsive he found runes and scars on a woman's shoulders and neck. The idea formed in her mind before she awoke - Clary felt a sudden fire in her veins. Her eyes darted open - she knew what would give her a sense of inner peace. Sebastian's words ran through her mind - I hate it when women ruin their skin with scars. Keep the marks on your arms and legs. Getting up, she grabbed her knife off the bed side table – she always slept with the comfort of knowing it was by her side. Clary wished she had her stele right now - Maryse had taken it away as a precaution to stop her from creating portals. She knew Jace's stele was in the kitchen; he had left it in there from lunch today. She decided to get this over and done with. She had the intent to hopefully leave a few deterring cuts with the knife– a prevision for Sebastian - on her shoulders, then she would use an iratze to heal them – hopefully leaving a few scars. Jace would dismiss them as something from training; Sebastian would see them as an act of defiance. She liked that idea more than she should have.

She was walking down the institute hallway to the kitchen to get Jace's stele, when Clary saw Isabelle heading from the opposing direction. She was wrapped up in a nightgown, looking at Clary questioningly. "Aren't you cold Clary?" She asked as she came within hearing distance.
Clary looked down before inconspicuously hiding her small knife behind her back. Subtle, she thought sarcastically. "I didn't notice it was cold..." She replied, suddenly realising how heated her blood was as it that coursed through her veins. "How is Simon?"
Izzy smiled, "Yeah he's good, considering everything...especially with his sister and now Raphael on his back." She shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, and the boys renamed their band... again." Izzy looked as if she was about to roll her eyes. She muttered, "The Galactic Monkeys."
Clary raised her eyebrow. "At least it is better than 'Pervious Vamps', I think they were a bit too obvious about what Simon is with that one."
"You got that right." Izzy answered. "Is Jace in bed yet? It's passed one-thirty... Speaking of which, why are you out of bed? Couldn't you sleep?" Out of all the Lightwoods, Izzy was the most understanding –surprisingly – about not prying into Clary's feelings or nightmare issues. "Oh, and put that knife away. Honestly, don't think for one second that I didn't see it. You are putting me on edge." Izzy replied as she headed off towards her bedroom. Once Clary had made it to the kitchen, she grabbed Jace's stele and hurried back to his room. She still had some time left before she knew Jace would go to bed.

Clary went into the comforting sanctuary of Jace's bathroom. No one would hear what she was about to do if she was quiet. Turning on the light, Clary pulled off her singlet and the crop top she wore to bed – she found sleeping in a bra uncomfortable. Seeing her pure and exposed chest in the mirror, it gave her the resolute she needed. It wouldn't hurt for long - she thought, almost as if to convince herself that what she was doing was completely acceptable. If your sick and incestuous sibling found runes and scars repulsive on a woman's body, what she was about to do was perfectly logical in comparison - she justified.

Drawing the blade down articulately, Clary first drew some faint lines in her skin. She drew blood, but not enough to satisfy her that it would leave a scar when she used an iratze. She felt her stomach churn; from both hunger and the disgust that she wanted to draw more blood - by creating deeper cuts - to repulse and defy Sebastian. Her brother had done well to ensure his legacy of fear would live on within Clary; even when he wasn't around. Not only did Sebastian have Clary as a mental prisoner, she was also a physical one as well. Clary did not have a certain idea in her mind of what she wanted to do with her skin until she settled with three deep lines - each trailing from the tip of her shoulder before fading to an end just above her collarbone. Satisfied with her work – it could almost pass as a large scratch from a cat or a demon from far away. She drew the iratze on the skin at the back of her arm where it met her shoulder. She savoured the stinging feeling as she waited for it to heal over. Both the iratze and her cuts would leave significant scars.

Just as Clary finished pulling her crop top back over her head, her phone vibrated from its place on Jace's desk. She quickly went to it – hoping the sound wasn't loud enough for Jace to come back to his room to check on her. It was from Simon;

Clarissa, Just met with Raphael... I need to see you - now.

Always willing to help her best friend, Clary pressed her lips together. She replied;

U know I am not allowed out of the institute. What happened?

Simon was quick to reply;

Just come outside. It is important. Only for a few seconds, I need to see you in person – Jace won't know.

Clary sighed and picked up her pyjama top from the bathroom floor. She threw it over her head as well as one of Jace's old woollen jumpers from a few years back – it wasn't his usual style. It hung on her small frame and she stuffed her phone and the knife into the oversized pockets. Clary opened Jace's door and stuck her head out, scanning the hallway. He wasn't there. Light on her feet, Clary still held the stele in her hands as she went down the hallway. I will return it to the kitchen when I go back up to Jace's room she thought.

After the use of a silencing rune, Clary had finally made it to the elevator entrance and she pressed the call button. She cringed as it made loud scraping and groaning sounds as it dragged itself up from the floor below. Stepping inside and closing the gate behind her, Clary prayed Jace or Isabelle hasn't heard anything. She had now reached the bottom floor with the rows of pews leading to the front door. Clary took a deep breath as she stood before the door of the institute. This was going to be her first time outside in just over a week. She pondered about how she was breaking Maryse's rules as she opened the door and stepped out. There was an unpleasantly cold breeze as she went down the first few stairs and looked around for Simon. He said he needed her, so why wasn't he there? She thought about his message - suddenly thinking she had misread it - when she remembered that Simon had written Clarissa. She pondered this for a second - Simon never called her that. She knew who it was before the realisation of the danger she was in struck her – she was outside the protection of the institute. Just like she had envisioned in her nightmares so many times, Clary caught sight of a flash of white blonde hair. She felt her heart rupture into tiny pieces as a hand belted her across the face, knocking her unconscious...

Thankyou to my readers and reviewers, I appreciate all of you. If you want to find out what happens next, please read my sequel 'Torment', you can find the link for it on my profile. I can promise you it will be dark, cruel and will contain graphical content between Clary and Sebastian whilst he holds her prisoner.

Thankyou for stepping into my FanFiction world of The Mortal Instruments, Training Days...