To Embrace

Disclaimer: I don't own Arrow.

Chapter 10: Bittersweet

Thea's arm burned and she wanted to give into the feeling but her fingers weren't numb yet and this was long overdue. Despite helping with archery practice on a regular basis she didn't actually have the chance to shoot often. It was something she didn't realize she missed until she was a few arrows in.

The dull thunk of another arrow hitting exactly the place she wanted it to echoed through the empty space. It was March and the range was only heated by the lights overhead but the weather hadn't kept up with the school's schedule. Her breath wasn't visible but the air felt like a cool blanket on her warm body and overheated mind.

Diggle had officially taken over for Park a week before. The two chatted and she enjoyed the ex-soldier's calming presence but she missed her mornings of sassy dialogue and pop culture commentary that flowed in a babbling stream from Park. His wife was due soon and they kept in touch through texts. Thea already had a large (gigantic really) box full of gifts she intended to give the couple when they were too overwhelmed by their new bundle of joy to not accept.

Her hand reached down to pull another arrow from the stand next to her but her fingers grasped empty air. She looked down and sighed at the visual confirmation of what she already knew. Ms. Michaels had pretty much given her free reign of the range and welcomed her to stay as long as she wanted but it was going on seven o'clock.

The footsteps she heard coming down the hall made up her mind to call it quits for the night. She walked down the lane to her target that she had steadily obliterated the center of. Not that it was hard. She did it mostly as an exercise, using the school's heaviest bow.

"Do you ever miss Queen?" a voice behind her called out. Thea turned to see Sin standing there in kakis and her school blazer. Sin didn't do skirts.

It had only been a little over a week since she fell back into her old routine. Roy's revelation came as a surprise but opened up an opportunity that Thea had not considered before. Tommy was happy to return to their previous schedule but once in a while she would catch concerned looks. Sin, however had kept her distance and Thea didn't blame her.

"Only when I try, so not really no." Thea answered with a smirk thrown over her shoulder. Being flippant and light was always the best way to begin a serious discussion with her mercurial friend. She dropped the arrows she'd collected back into their storage area and turned back to Sin.

An uncomfortable quiet settled as the two were preoccupied with thinking of what to say. The silence was broken by a noise of frustration from Sin as she tugged at her short hair. "I'm sorry, I mean I'm not, no, shit!" She groaned and covered her face for a moment. "I'm still pissed as hell at you. You froze me out and that hurt." The admission was brutally honest for Sin and it crushed the breath from Thea's lungs but she had no time to let the sudden stab to her gut process because Sin had not stopped talking. "I thought you were blowing me off for Abercrombie but then we ran into each other and he hadn't seen you either. BeeTeeDubs we are so coming back to the whole you giving him a fake name thing."

Thea opened her mouth to interrupt. That was something that she had been wondering ever since Roy mentioned meeting Sin. Her friend must have gone along with the fake name and she couldn't figure out why.

"Nope!" Sin held up a hand to stop the questions already forming. "Still my turn. You checked out from everything and everyone for nearly three weeks and yeah I was pissed, am pissed but, I, uh, I get it." She crossed her arms around her body and swore, "Fuck it's too damn cold in here. Anyway, I forgot, ya know, that you've been through some shit. Sometimes we need a break, just, a heads up next time would be great."

Thea's lips curled up and her chest warmed at the obvious pass Sin was giving her. Their friendship formed so quickly and given their one-sided history Thea had taken it for granted that they had really only been friends for a couple of months. But here Sin was offering her a get out of jail free card with no explanation necessary for her behavior. Her stomach tumbled with grateful relief and guilt.

"Let's head to the cafe, I could use some caffeine. I have a paper for my English Lit class to finish off tonight," Thea explained as she put away the equipment.

Sin looped their arms as they set off and the not teenager's mouth formed a grin without her consent. "So fake name, spill. You're lucky I'm pretty damn quick on the uptake or else your status as Starling City royalty would have been out of the closet."

Thea shrugged and explained Roy's pride. It wasn't completely a lie. "Thank you for going along with it," she ended, her words clumsy from gratitude that she wasn't used to expressing. There were several students studying in the cafe when they arrived. After grabbing their beverages they settled at a more secluded table.

Sin's face was crinkled in thought as she took a sip of her mocha. "I've been wanting to ask, Do you have your sketchbook from before with you?" The question made Thea freeze mid drink. She did in fact have it with her. It was almost always on her person. There were now quite a few drawings she did not care for anyone to see. Sin read her face in a way that made her want to squirm in discomfort. "You don't have to show me if you don't want to. There was just one drawing I wanted to look at. It's towards the beginning. Um, a woman's face and she looks like she's sleeping."

Thea's face remained blank through sheer force of will that was hard earned as she swallowed a mouthful of her plain coffee that felt a lot like broken glass going down. Sara. Sin was talking about her portrait of Sara, and she most definitely wasn't sleeping. Her arms and hands moved stiffly as if frostbitten as she grabbed the sketchbook from her bag and carefully flipped to the requested drawing. The brunette didn't look at it before she handed it over to her friend.

Sin's light blue eyes scanned the drawing and her finger hovered over a portion of it. "It's definitely her," the girl whispered to herself. "Who's this?"

It was an extremely simple question with a very complicated answer. Thea knew Sin and Sara were close in her past, but for Sin to recognize the assassin now? Not expected, not in the least. Sara was here. Sara was in Starling. Sara was alive.

An image of blood on blonde hair and a broken body wrapped in black leather burned through her mind like a brand. She didn't remember killing Sara, but she had seen the video and that was more than enough for her imagination to run with. Wounds that had long since scarred over ripped open anew. The guilt and betrayal swirled in her stomach and clawed up her throat. When she found out what she had done, what Malcolm, her father made her do, she vomited until there was nothing left.

"Thea?" Sin's voice called out through the fog and between the thud of arrows sinking into flesh.

"Sara," Thea managed to say, though her mouth was suddenly dryer than a desert and acid. "Her name was Sara."

She could see her friend was parsing the sentence properly because confusion set into her features quickly. "Was?"

There were so many reasons that she shouldn't answer that question but Thea didn't plan for this. She didn't have a plan at all. When Oliver died her heart died with him. All her strength, all her training, all her friends could not help her in the wake of the all consuming loss that swallowed her whole. And just like he couldn't accept her death she couldn't accept his.

Her tongue was too thick for her mouth as she forced it to form words. "Sara was on the Queen's Gambit with my brother and father."

"No, that can't be, I saw her!" Sin's voice was suddenly too loud and the few other students who were in the cafe were sending them looks of their displeasure, but Sin didn't care. "I swear I've seen this chick. That chin dimple is pretty distinctive."

The thought to deny, to tell her friend what she saw was impossible didn't even cross her mind. Instead she admitted the secret hope that she believed the entire time Oliver was gone. "I think my brother is alive."

Sin's blue eyes widened before they dropped away from Thea's face. If she were in any state of mind to observe her friend she would see the struggle for words clearly on the other girl's face. But she wasn't. In her mind Thea was truly seventeen again and hoping beyond all logical reason that Oliver would find his way back home. Where was he now? Was he on Lian Yu again? China? Russia? Somewhere else he never told her about? Her brother took his secrets to the grave in the end.

"Thea…" Sin said while gently reaching out for her friend's arm. The contact pulled hazel eyes to meet blue. The youngest Queen knew the look her friend was giving her. It was the same look Laurel wore permanently whenever Thea came up with another idea to bring Oliver back, pity mixed with intense concern. Sin set aside the sketchbook. "I'm mistaken, I have to be. I didn't mean to…" she trailed off.

Thea swallowed the bitter bile in the back of her throat and managed to shake her head. "Don't worry about it." She stuffed the book into her bag quickly and shut a mental door on all things Sara. The sudden urge to get pissed sideways drunk hit her hard and she nearly shook with the need to stop feeling everything. "Screw the lit paper, you wanna go out tonight?"

The look on Sin's face said she wouldn't be forgetting anything anytime soon. "Sure, what the hell. I could use a night out. Let me just give Sue a call." The mention of her friend's new foster mom boosted Thea's mood. Moira had pulled through and was able to set Sin up with a better situation. Her mother even managed to do it without the proud girl learning of the interference.

"Will she mind that you're going to be out late?"

The darker haired teen shrugged. "As long as I check in and I'm back before midnight it hasn't been a problem. Sue's cool. She gets I've been taking care of myself and trusts me enough not to do something stupid." Sin stood after her explanation and left Thea to make the call outside.

Her own phone buzzed on the table a second later and Thea answered without thinking.

"Hello."

"Is this Thea Queen?"

Thea blinked, not recognizing the voice on the other end of the line. She pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at the number displayed. She didn't recognize that either, but saw the call was from Central City. Her memory pinged and she forced herself to breathe gently.

"Hello?"

"Yes, this is she. Who is this?"

"My name is Sandra Hawke, you contacted me by letter."

The confirmation of her suspicion still sent a stutter through her mind. Sandra Hawke, the mother of Connor Hawke, Oliver's son whom he never got the chance to meet. They attended Oliver's funeral and though the boy took more after his mother in coloring Thea knew at first sight from the shape of his nose and brow he was Oliver's. She did not handle it well. She needed to handle it well now.

"Thank you for calling," Thea responded, the gratitude in her voice genuine and raw. She had mailed Sandra months ago and was not surprised from the lack of response. The not teenager knew space and time were necessary. She couldn't demand to be part of their lives as much as she wanted to.

It scared her at first just how much she wanted to be a part of Connor's life. It wasn't like she had much to offer him. But the few moments they interacted at Oliver's funeral impressed upon her that keeping herself and the Queen family in general away from the boy was not a favor.

To learn of his father only after his death left the ten year old angry and betrayed. He was Oliver's son, but in that moment he wore the same face that she did when the truth of her own parentage came out.

But now she needed to deal with Sandra, who she learned could rival Moira Queen in fierceness when it came to protecting her child.

"I need to know if your mother knows anything about this."

Thea could clearly here the edge of fear in Sandra's voice. "No. She doesn't know that I contacted you. She doesn't know that I know who you are or even to my knowledge that your son exists."

There was nothing but silence on the other end of the line.

"Look Sandra, everything I said in my letter was the truth. I saw you and your son when I was on a school trip in Central City. I recognized you from an old polaroid in my brother's things of you and him at a party. And your son, he looks so much like Oliver at that age and I just couldn't let it go." None of it was true. But she had gone to Central City in her sophomore year for a field trip and from her research there was every chance she could have seen the pair. It was a stretch but the story had gotten her a call from Sandra.

"You haven't told your mother any of this?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Thea took a breath and debated her next words. "I know what my mother is capable of Ms. Hawke. I know she would do anything to protect my brother, me and the Queen name. But I am not her. If your son's father is Oliver and nothing short of a DNA test will change my mind on that, my mother will never hear it from me."

"What do you want?" There was clear accusation in the other woman's tone.

Trying to keep the frustration out of her voice. "I want to know my nephew, but Ms. Hawke, if you want nothing to do with me I will understand. I won't bother you or your son. I won't tell anyone about you."

Sandra didn't speak and if Thea couldn't hear her breathing on the other end of the line she would have thought the older woman had hung up on her. "I need time to think. Don't contact me again."

Thea let her hand holding the phone up to her ear come back down to the table and stared at the screen that told her the call disconnected. Three minutes and twenty-six seconds. The entire exchange hadn't even been four minutes.

She wanted to mean it. If Sandra told her to back off she would do her damnedest to. Even if it meant not being a part of Connor's life. She would not impose herself on their family. She refused to be the bully that her mother was.

Sin approached the table grinning. "Let's blow this joint Queen." Her friend's enthusiasm diminished as she took in Thea's face. "Hey you ok?"

Thea managed a smile. "Yeah let me just touch up before we go."

Sin's clear eyes didn't look entirely convinced but she snorted. "You always gotta look perfect don't you princess?"

The older brunette shrugged and quirked her lips before heading off to the bathroom. Once in the empty room she pulled her makeup bag from her backpack. There wasn't really anything wrong with her make up but the ritual would be enough to calm her nerves.

She had zero expectation that Sandra would call back with any sort of news she wanted to hear or call back at all. There was a very good chance that no Queen would ever be welcome in their lives and there was nothing she could do to change that. Well, nothing that would let her sleep at night.

If it came to it Thea needed to let Connor go. She needed to let her nephew, Oliver's son go. But then he would grow up with a lie. Exactly like she did.

For a moment Sara's face flashed before her again, reminding Thea of the bomb that Sin had just dropped. Sara was in Starling or had been at least. It wasn't surprising that she checked up every once in a while on her family. What her connection to Sin was Thea wasn't sure but there was something there.

Her stomach twisted at the thought that her current proximity to Sin might bring her an unexpected opportunity to see the woman who she put arrows in.

Thea let go of her eyeliner pencil before she snapped it in half and forwent touching up the Bittersweet color on her lips. A night out no longer sounded as appealing as it once did but Sin was waiting on her and there was no way she could disappoint her friend.

Drawing on her training she buried her feelings and pushed through the door.

A/N: I know, I know its been forever. What can I say? Life is kicking my butt right now, and what I am doing that is keeping me from writing as much as I used to is really important to me. But I don't want to abandon this story. I need this outlet but I just probably won't be able to get to it as often as I would like. This chapter was mostly set up for those to come in the future so apologies that this wasn't a very exciting update. I know I don't deserve it with my disappearing act but any comments would be greatly appreciated!