Chapter Ten- Do You Like My Hand Grenade?
And now back to Doctor Who: Into the Vortex
Ashlee Redsmith was an ordinary worker at the Perth Zoo. She had a good pay, and she enjoyed taking care of the animals. And it was just a normal day when she had to clean out the Desert Animals exhibit. She strolled up to the exhibit, and unlocked the door, swinging her bucket of animal feed on one arm, and whistling 'Never Gonna Be the Same' as she went. The Desert Animals section had a couple of (thankfully harmless) snakes, some birds, a roadrunner or two, a tame coyote which she had nicknamed 'Willie E', and a few others. Plus the cactuses. Her favorite cactus was called Spikey, and although he didn't talk much, he was company.
Yes, Ashlee was a very lonely woman.
But she wasn't much used to things out of the ordinary.
So imagine her surprise when a young man (who had VERY nice hair) and a laughing blonde emerged from the sand, revealing a metal trapdoor beneath. The blonde had just recovered from her laughter, and was asking the man a question. Ashlee snuck forwards to listen.
"...Nitro-9 isn't exactly something you carry around in your pocket you know."
The man shrugged. "I figured it would be useful if we needed to completely wreck or destroy something. And it appears that that is precisely what we need to do."
Blondie snickered. "Do you think that will stop the Cyberman, though?"
Cyberman? Ashlee didn't exactly watch Doctor Who, but she had picked up a few terms from her sister's Niece, who babbled endlessly on about it. What was her name again, Kitten?
"Well, it might slow it down a bit. I don't think it's exactly easy to move with two melted legs," the man responded.
Weren't Cybermen fictional, though?
"Well, should we bring the baseball bat out, then? Or does that only work on Daleks?" Blondie demanded.
Yup, Daleks were fictional too. They were from that television show, Doctor Which.
"Oh, hello!" exclaimed the man, finally noticing her. "I'm the Doctor, and this is Rose!" Blondie gave a little wave and smiled at her. "Do you by any chance watch Doctor Who?"
"No..." Ashlee managed.
"Oh, that's good then! Now, if a metal man comes out of this hole, do us a favor, pull the pin out of this, and throw it at him. And possibly run. That's a good idea." He handed her a can, messily labeled 'Nitro-9'.
"Don't worry, we'll clean this place up," assured 'Rose'. "Where are we?"
"We're in the Desert Animals exhibit of the Perth Zoo," replied Ashlee slowly. "How-"
"Told you so!" crowed the Doctor. He whipped out an odd pen-shaped thing and pointed it at the ground. The sand flew back to cover the trapdoor in the floor, and the pair headed towards a blue box sitting in the corner of the exhibit.
"Have a nice day!" smiled Rose, and they stepped into the box. The light on top of it flashed for a moment, and then it faded out of sight. Ashlee's mouth opened and closed a couple of times, before she shook her head. She bent down to the trapdoor, or where it was supposed to be, and felt around until she could open it. Glancing down into the dark, she decided not to investigate, and instead pulled the pin out of the can, and threw it down the shaft. One minute later, there was a BOOM and a clattering of metal.
Ashlee shut the door, wandered out of the exhibit, and dazedly went to make herself a tea. Those hallucinations were definitely getting stronger. Maybe she should see someone about it.
/DW\
"What a nice woman," the Doctor remarked off-handedly.
"Oh, I don't know. She seemed kind of shocked to see us."
"Nonsense! She was perfectly lovely!"
"Well, if someone told you to throw an explosive at a metal man if you just happened to see one, then went swanning off in a blue box that teleported, would you listen to them?"
"We didn't swan off!" he exclaimed hotly.
"Yes, we did. This is us, swanning off, see?"
"Don't quote us, the first time we met!"
"Oh, and you didn't?"
"Ugh." He rested his head against the console. "You, Rose Tyler, are impossible. Go into the supply cupboards, and get anything we can use to completely and utterly wreck the Bridge."
"Ooh, this will be fun." She headed off into the depths of the TARDIS, and arrived back five minutes later.
"What have you got?"
"Oh, let's see," she dumped all the things she was carrying onto the floor. "Two transdimensional hand grenades,
a laser gun, two meat shields..."
"Meat shields?"
"Well, they're shields made of beef. As I was saying... two meat shields, a cricket bat, something that looks sharp and spiky that may be useful, a pocket wrecking ball that enlarges when you do this-" She demonstrated, and the small ball on a chain grew about ten times bigger. "- a bow with a quiver of arrows, two robotic turtle doves, and a ham sandwich with a deadly bee."
"A deadly bee."
"Well, the bee was attracted to the ham sandwich, so I sealed them both in a plastic bag. It might come in handy later."
"It doesn't look that deadly to me."
Rose rolled her eyes. "It's just in case, okay? Oh, and I found Kitty's rock."
"Why would we need a rock?"
"Hm, let me think. Why would we need a rock that completely annihilated two Daleks. I wonder"
"Good point."
There was a short silence, broken only by the internal hummings of the TARDIS.
"So, how are we going to do this?" Rose asked the Doctor.
"I really shouldn't bring you along. It could be really dangerous."
"And deadly."
"With a high chance of death, yes."
She thought for a moment. "Are you absolutely sure about that?"
"Yes."
"Let's do this," she grinned.
"I knew there was a reason I picked you."
(A/N:
This story is beginning to wrap up. There should be 2-3 more chapters before the end. :-)
NEXT TIME- Waaay too much violence and aliens to possibly ever be safe.
Lotsa luv,
~Kitty)