*Original Note*

"If only you'd have known me before the accident
For with that grand collision came a grave consequence
Receptors overloaded, they burst and disconnect
'Til there was little feeling please work with what is left." - Death Cab For Cutie - The Ghosts of Beverly Drive

Notes: Here's the first part of the next section. Thank you everyone for reading and being patient! There are lots of Death Cab quotes that I find work well with this fic, lol. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

The following morning, Dan found Arin on the couch in the living room. He had his eyes glued to the screen, watching Sailor Moon Crystal and eating a bowl of Lucky Charms. Now it was his turn to sport dark circles beneath his eyes. Dan poured himself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen and took a seat next to Arin on the couch. "Hey, man."

Arin jumped, nearly spilling his bowl. He cleared his throat. "Mmmh, morning, Dan. How do you feel?"

"I'm good. Way better." Dan looked him over. "You look like shit though. You didn't sleep after the movie?"

Arin shook his head, pausing the TV. "No, not really. Suzy was really upset last night so I talked to her for a bit."

"Yeah, she told me that she reads to the kids at the hospital, and one of them might pass away…"

Arin nodded gravely. "Yeah…and we're just worried about you too. Dr. Jackson called me and said there's nothing wrong with your brain scan. But seizures don't just happen, I don't think…but I dunno…" Arin sighed. "I kept checking up on you every hour last night. I was afraid…" Arin stared at Dan now, his eyes becoming watery. "I was scared that I had messed you up."

"Arin…" Dan frowned, feeling deeply touched. Then he grinned to try and lighten the mood. "You didn't break me. I'm totally fine."

Arin looked away for a moment. He looked like he was fighting back his feelings. "I shoved you really hard. And that entire argument was completely stupid. I should've just told you what was going on, and I'm really sorry. I've been a shitty friend, and-"

"Arin." Dan cut him off, raising his hand. "Stop. You aren't a shitty friend." Dan thought deeply for a moment. "I was…I dunno, I was being paranoid, or something. My mood was fucking all over the place last week- I thought I was going crazy. But you were right, it was a good idea to change my accounts while I was gone." Dan set his bowl down on the side table. "Arin, you're taking care of me. You've treated me like family this whole time, letting me live here and everything. You guys are my best friends." Dan looked down. "I'm…I'm more thankful than I have the words to say."

Arin still seemed uncertain. "Okay…and about the video…"

Dan quizzically raised an eyebrow. "Video? Our videos are great. I still love doing Game Grumps." He smiled. "What are you worried about? I'll be fine."

Arin just stares at Dan for a moment, gears turning in his head. Then he nodded. "Okay, but you've ruined a perfectly good bowl of cereal," he said, pointing at Dan's bowl.

Dan looked back at the now Soggy Charms. "Ah, fuck! K- I'll be right back." Dan walked out of the room to get another bowl, leaving Arin alone with his thoughts.

Arin still seemed to be a bit down, although he was more animated as he rambled about the dynamics of Sailor Moon to Dan. "I don't really like this new animation- it's not charming like the old one. And it's mostly all done on a computer instead of hand drawn, which detracts from the personal style….instead of lots of physical fighting, most all the characters have to battle with sheer willpower, plus their awesome elemental abilities, but it's still all willpower. And Usagi just fuckin' sacrifices herself constantly to save everyone…"

Dan nodded attentively, leaning his chin on his palm as they watched TV. He already knew all this- Arin had talked about it millions of times. But Arin was stuck in one of his passionate explanations and Dan didn't have the heart to stop him. They sat and enjoyed the morning together while munching on Lucky Charms.
~~~

Arin's gloomy mood didn't seem to improve throughout the day, although he was skilled at hiding it underneath his silliness as he and Dan recorded new videos at the Grump Space. Dan tried extra hard to make Arin lighten up during their Dark Souls 3 recordings. For the second half of the day, Arin seemed to take out a lot of his inner frustration on Super Mario Maker. Dan was lost in one of his giggle fits as Arin cussed out the screen, two seconds away from throwing the controller at the wall. After trying to pass one jump in the level for what seemed like at least the hundredth time, he dropped the controller. "AAAUUGGHH- Next time on Game Grumps- FUCK THIS LEVEL! Jesus Christ!" As Dan was bent over giggling, Arin glanced at him. "You think my suffering is funny, Dan?!"

Dan sat back up. "Of course. Hilarious actually," he answered (partially) sarcastically.

"Whatever. Arin picked up the controller and stopped the recording. After taking a few breaths, he wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Being angry is tiring."

Dan chuckled. "I bet. I'm starving- let's get sushi."

"Yeah, okay."

30 minutes later, they were both eating sushi on the couch. Dan was quietly analyzing Arin as they ate. "Man, we've spent a lot of time on this couch," he commented.

"Yeah, we have. I've got a permanent ass groove on this side," Arin replied, smiling. Both of the guys laughed. Once it died down, Arin looked at Dan, something dawning on him. "Shit, sorry. I forgot to apologize to you about yesterday. You could've hung out with me and the guys, but I figured you'd wanna sleep instead. I should've invited you."

Dan shrugged. "It's fine, I didn't wanna do anything last night. What'd you end up doing?"

"Oh, nothing really. We just got lunch and then hung out here for a bit."

"It was nice of Ross to come to the hospital," Dan commented. He poked at a roll with his chopsticks. "I dunno...I just feel like him some of the other guys have been weird to me lately. Like, when I went to get my stuff from the apartment, Barry said hi to me, but that was it. It was almost like I wasn't even there."

Arin sighed. "Yeah, I noticed it too but I dunno what's going on. I think they're just still awkward after everything. Plus they're really busy. And Ross is always anxious, he just hides it well. I'll tell them later that they're being weird."

Dan smiled. "Oh, you don't have to say anything. But thanks."

Arin finished up his last few rolls. "So, I noticed that you haven't been singing much."

Dan's expression dampened. It was true- he hadn't really practiced at all since he'd gotten out of the hospital. "I know I need to, my vocal chords are probably a fuckin' mess." He sighed. "I haven't been able to write anything lately. I was having too many migraines this week."

Arin's eyes widened in alarm. "You were having headaches?"

Dan got up from the couch. "It's fine, they're gone now, I think. Don't worry."

Arin got up and threw the trays away. "Okay, but you should tell me stuff like that. And if you need to practice NSP stuff at the house, you can. We've got a room in the basement you can use. Or I can drive you to the studio, I dunno."

Dan smiled. "It's cool. Just worry about you." He looked down as they both headed out of the office. "It's been a bit- I should call Brian and see what the plan is."

"Yeah, you should. Let him know what's up."

Dan didn't call Brian until the following afternoon to catch up with his time zone. Or at least that's what he told himself as he clicked Brian's number and held the phone to his ear, pacing around Arin's living room. The phone rang a few times before a gruff voice answered. "Hello Dan."

"Hey Brian, how's it goin?"

"It's going well. What have you been up to?"

"Oh, just the usual- Game Grumps and hospital visits." Dan gritted his teeth- he was not a fan of small talk.

But Brian was surprised. "Hospital visits?"

"Well, yeah. I was getting these awful headaches...they got me on all sorts of pills. It's been making song writing a pain in the ass."

"I'm sorry, Dan..." Brian gently replied. "I haven't been working on anything either. I've been too distracted."

The line went quiet. Dan shook his head and sighed. "I...I really wish you were here, Brian. But I know that's selfish."

Quiet again. Then Brian cleared his throat. "I know. Sorry, I've been busy. Rachel wants to go to Paris, and I thought we might taking Audrey to Disneyland."

Dan gave a small smile. "That sounds like fun. So...when do you think you'll be back?"

"I don't know." Brian thought for a minute. "Maybe another week, week and a half."

"Oh, okay. Well..." ~Ok, no more flirting around.~ Dan stopped pacing, his mouth a hard line. "I could be paranoid, but I just get this impression...that you don't want to come home yet."

Brian chuckled. "Dan, I'm on vacation. I'll be back soon. I'm just-"

"Brian, stop. And please don't hang up just yet," Dan said firmly, sitting back down on the couch.

Now Brian seemed irritated but he kept his tone controlled. "Dan…what do you need?"

Dan huffed. "When did you decide that you couldn't talk to me?"

"...Dan..."

"Was it when you decided that it was all your fault?" Dan asked. The other line became silent, save for Brian's breathing. Dan continued, "I know you, Brian. You're beating yourself up over this. But it was an accident. And I'm okay." Dan's eyes became watery, his voice quiet. "Everything's okay now."

Quiet. Then some erratic breaths. "Dan..." Brian murmured. "I-I really can't..."

"Face me? I'm not mad at you. Not at all. I'm fine. I'm just worried about you, and I want to make comedy and music again. Do you?"

Brian sniffed, taking a breath. "Of course, Dan...I just...needed a break from work..."

"And that's fine. But like I said, I'm not mad. So stop punishing yourself, okay? And please just talk to me."

On the other end of the line, Brian was thinking deeply. When he replied, it was serious. Calculated. "Dan...you aren't okay."

Dan couldn't help but laugh, standing back up. "You too, huh? Arin's been telling me the same thing. Why does everyone seem to know me better than I do?"

"Listen, Dan. I mean that nobody is okay. Everything's fucked."

Now Dan was beyond confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Have you remembered what you said to me yet?" Brian sounded desperate now, almost like he was pleading. "On the day you went under?"

"I told you before, I can't remember anything from like the first two months! Jesus, Brian, what is wrong?" Dan's eyes were wide with concern and fear. "You're freaking me out."

Brian's voice broke now. "Dan, if you can remember what you said to me...or, hell, if you can recall anything right after the accident, then I'll know." Brian's voice was wavering- now it was clear that he was crying. "I'll know that everything will be okay!"

Dan was completely flabbergasted. "What the fuck are you saying, Brian?! Tell me what's wrong!"

"I can't do this right now-I'll talk to you later-"

"No, Brian, wai-"

The line went dead.

"BRIAN!" Dan shouted, frustrated and now anxiety ridden. ~What the fuck?!~ He dialed the number over and over but Brian didn't answer. Dan switched to Katie's number and dialed as he paced around, his other hand ruffling his hair.

A pleasant female voice answered. "Dr. Jackson's office."

"Katie, it's Dan. I need help." Dan's voice was shaking.

Katie became alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"It's my friend, Brian. I just called him- he's in London right now- but he's having a nervous break down, and I can't do anything-"

"Easy, Dan, start over. What's going on?"

"I don't know! I was just talking to him and he said that something was wrong with me, and that I needed to remember something in order to be okay-" Dan was running out of breath, his mind racing. "Doctor, is there something wrong with my fucking brain?!"

"Dan, trust me, you are okay. Your scan was clear. Sit down and take deep breaths- it sounds like your friend triggered your own anxiety too. Slow down, take it easy. Deep breaths."

Dan wouldn't stop pacing but he tried to breathe in and out slowly. "Okay...okay, so I'm healthy?!"

Katie was firm. "Yes, Dan, you are okay. I promise I would tell you if something was wrong."

"And it's okay that I can't remember the time before the accident?"

"Yes, Dan. During traumatic experiences, especially head injuries, it's completely normal for the brain to forget information. I have no idea what Brian was talking about. I can give him a call for you- it sounds like he needs some counseling."

Dan nodded. "Yes, please. Please call him and then call me back."

"I will," Katie insisted. "It sounds like Brian had a mental breakdown, but he will be okay. He's been through some trauma too."

"I don't care what you call it- just help him please."

"I will...Where is Arin?"

Dan glanced at a door by the kitchen that led downstairs. "He's working out in the basement."

"Well, tell him to take his damn headphones off and help you!" Katie spat irritably, hanging up.

Dan walked swiftly downstairs. Arin was jogging on a treadmill in a training room, singing obnoxiously to k-pop. Dan stopped in front of him.

Arin stopped the treadmill and pulled out his earphones. "What's wrong?"

"I have never in my life heard him so upset before," Dan said. A couple of hours later, he was sitting at the kitchen bar while Arin made stir fry. "He completely flipped out."

Katie had talked to Brian for a while and called Dan back to let him know later that day. "Let him rest," she said. "He'll call you back tomorrow."

"That's so weird," Arin commented. He put the food on two plates and sat next to Dan. "He was upset when you were under- we were all scared. But this sounds new. What did you say to him?"

"I just told him that..." Dan sighed. "I told him that I knew he was blaming himself for the accident. And I was right!" Dan's voice quieted. "And then he got all emotional and said that I'm not okay, and everything's fucked for some reason, and that I need to remember something that I said before the coma."

Arin gave Dan an incredulous look. "What the fuck, dude? That makes no sense. Especially for Brian."

"I know." Dan poked miserably at his food with his fork. "I've been emailing him, but now I'll definitely have to call him, like, everyday. I wish he'd just come back already."

"Seriously," Arin replied. "He shouldn't deal with this while overseas. At least he's with his family, I guess."

"Yeah." They ate silently for a few minutes, then Dan spoke. "Do you know what I said to him?"

Arin shook his head. "No, nobody else was in the room with you."

Dan stared, lost in thought for a moment. Then he continued. "You were worried the other day that you had really hurt me."

Arin knew where Dan was going with this. He turned in his chair to face him. "Dan, I shoved you and you fell down and had a seizure. But Katie said that all your scans were good." Arin put a hand on Dan's shoulder. "You aren't perfect. Not even. I don't know if you ever will be. But you're here. And you're healing- and that's what matters."

The guys decided not to record that day and instead spent the rest of the evening inside watching Godzilla and Miyazaki films.

That night when everyone was getting ready for bed, Dan stood in the bathroom, setting out his pills. He glanced at the labels as he brushed his teeth. PAINRELIEF, BONEDENSITY, ANXIETY, EVERYBODYLIES, CONVULSIONS, IMMUNESYSTEMSUPPORT- ~Wait, what?~

Dan did a double take, putting down his toothbrush. He quickly rinsed and picked up one of the bottles. He read the label again. POISONOUS.

~What the fuck?~ Dan shut his eyes a moment and reopened them, staring at the label. COGNITION. ~Okay...~ Dan carefully uncapped the bottle.
Suddenly, hundreds of tiny black spiders spilled out of the bottle, crawling up Dan's arm to his torso. "AAAGGHH!" He fell to the floor, shaking his arm violently and shouting in terror. The pill bottle crashed to the floor.

Arin opened the door almost immediately, looking down at Dan. "What is it?!"

Dan blinked and stared at the floor. The spiders were gone, his pills scattered all around him. He gave a nervous laugh. "Sorry, I just slipped...I'm okay."

I'm okay.