Chapter 10

It was early evening and Luke sat quietly in Leia's quarters. She had insisted he and Rey stay there while she was in the Med Center, and not wanting to upset her, he agreed. He allowed himself to lapse into a meditative state and found his memories drifted to Han and Leia; the early memories were happy ones, warm, filled with laughter and love. Lots and lots of love. Luke had to block that path from his mind, he knew Han and Leia had been a very loving couple and had no wish to intrude on their private memories.

Then there was the baby, Ben, and all the happiness he brought them. A few years later, their baby girl Breha was born. Yes, for a time they had been very happy. He closed his eyes and could feel the warmth from that time, it flowed over him in waves and he smiled.

But the next layer changed, and turned grim. Han was kidnapped and tortured and Breha was abducted, taken from her loving parents. That's when the lasting traces of despair began to fill their lives, and Luke could now see that was the beginning of their downward spiral.

Luke bowed his head. He thought what he encouraged Leia to do regarding their daughter, Breha, was right, the girl needed protection. Perhaps he had been wrong, perhaps Rey was the only one that could have saved them all.

A familiar voice disturbed Luke's thoughts, and he felt a clumsy brush against his mind and smiled as Han appeared in front of him.

"Yeah, I've been wondering about that too," he said to Luke. "Wondering if she had been in our lives how different things might have been."

"I'm sorry, Han. I believed I was doing the right thing, that Leia was doing the right thing. I didn't realize how mentally and emotionally tied you are through the force. No wonder Leia shut you out. It was the only way she could stop you from knowing the truth."

"Yeah, funny, isn't it?" He sighed and sat down on the couch next to Luke. "I think that secret is what ultimately caused us to separate. I'm pissed because I had no choice in the matter, and that you told me my daughter had died." He glared at Luke. "And I'm angry because you convinced Leia to carry this burden for so long."

"I can only say I'm sorry." Luke's eyes were filled with apology.

"Not good enough, Junior." Han's eyes were dark with fury.

"Han, what can I do? The truth is out. She is with Leia now."

"Knowing she's there may be enough to save her."

"I hope so," Luke said quietly before looking at Han again. "Han, I had no idea she was this distraught."

"Yeah, well, too many burdens for too long, and then I had to go and die…" he grimaced. "That was unpleasant."

"I can imagine."

"No, Luke, really you can't. To have your own son, look you in the eyes and convince you he's conflicted and then run you through with his light saber. Well," he chuckled humorously, "you really can't. Damn kid played me."

"And you let him."

"Yeah. I told the wife I'd bring him home." Han said with a twisted smile, both men knew he would do anything for Leia. And for his children.

They were silent for a while.

"He really is conflicted, Han."

Han snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, tell me something I don't know. It's because he's Kylo right now." He paused and looked at Luke.

"What else did you want to talk about?" Luke watched his friend.

"How did you know that?" Han looked at him suspiciously.

"The force, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. This is really strange, sometimes I forget that's why I'm here." He studied the wall across the room for a few moments. "Luke, I don't understand this hocus pocus but I have to admit it exists. I've seen too much. Now I'm in a position of needing to know more, but I'm not sure who to turn to. You said you can't help me."

Luke shook his head. "No. I'm on the wrong side of the spirit realm for you. But I know of at least three you could talk to." When Han didn't react, he continued. "There's Ben Kenobi…"

"Yeah, I've talked to him a few times."

"And?"

"And I'm not sure. He's a nice guy but a bit old fashioned. And he plays by the book."

"There's Yoda…"

Han shivered and made a face, humor touched the corners of his mouth. "No, I could never take him seriously."

"Okay, that leaves Anakin," Luke said with a somber face.

Han sighed. "I have spoken with him."

"You have?" Luke was genuinely surprised.

"Yes. He was the one that helped me to save Leia."

"Oh? Good then. So, you're going to work with him?"

"I don't know. He was Vader. He was responsible for pain and death throughout the galaxy, not to mention what he did Leia, you and me."

"That person died. Anakin is left." Luke nodded. "He would be a good teacher for you."

"Why?"

"I think he would look the other way as you broke a rule or two." Luke chuckled quietly.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out already." Han rubbed his neck. "But Luke, he was Vadar! Spreading evil and destruction throughout the galaxy," Han finished sarcastically.

"Han. He was Darth Vadar, it's not the same as Anakin Skywalker."

"Forgive me if I don't see the difference."

"If you don't get past this he won't be able to help you."

"I know, I know, but…it's asking a lot!"

Luke chuckled. "Would you feel more comfortable talking to him if I'm here?"

"Yeah, that might work. If you don't mind?"

"No problem." Luke closed his eyes and concentrated and in a few moments, Anakin materialized in front of them.

Han scowled at Luke. "Really? Now? You couldn't have given me some warning?"

"It seemed like an appropriate time," Luke said with an easy shrug.

Anakin studied the two men in front of him, and after exchanging a look with his son, turned to Han. "There is something you need?"

Han glared at him, but Anakin only chuckled.

"You have still not let go of the ways and emotions of life," he said.

"Damn straight I haven't! And I don't plan to anytime soon!" Han snapped at him.

Anakin glanced at Luke. "Has he always been like this?"

"Yes, but I'm sure you know that."

"I do remember his courage in the face of a greater power." Anakin nodded. "So, you need a teacher?"

Han pressed his lips together, unwilling to let the words escape his lips. He finally nodded.

"And you would like that to be me?"

"Like is too strong of a word. For logistical reasons, I think you would be best suited."

Luke smiled. "He thinks you might look the other way when he does things he not supposed to."

"You mean like meddling in the affairs of the living?" Anakin was amused.

"I am not meddling. They are my family and I need to set things right."

Anakin gave him a somber look. "I realized it too late. And you have entered the spirit realm, you should not be allowed to pursue the course you are on."

"Why the hell not? I'm certainly not at peace!" he snarled.

"What will it take for you to get there, Han?" Luke asked softly.

"Well, I don't know…knowing everyone is all right; that Rey can accept us as her parents, that I can bring Ben back to the light side. And mostly that Leia, my beautiful Leia can be all right again." He expelled a breath. "Family. My family. I need them to be well."

Anakin nodded. "Rey will be fine, she is strong and will be a great help to Leia. Ben and Leia need more help."

"And you can teach me things?"

"I can teach you to use the force from the spirit realm, help you to reach Ben. But you will have to help Leia, you are the only one who can."

"I'll do anything, I swear it."

Anakin nodded. "Very well. For the sake of your family…"

"Your family too," Han reminded him.

Anakin smiled. "Yes, my family too."

The three of them regarded each other in silence.

"Should we get started?" Han shifted uneasily from foot to foot.

"As you wish." Anakin nodded to Luke and they disappeared.

Luke stared after them and finding a comfortable spot, sat down to meditate.

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When Leia next awoke, she found herself looking into hazel eyes so like her husband's that just for just a moment hope exploded in Leia's heart. Then she blinked and the reality of life sank in once again, and she realized it was Rey's eyes that watched her carefully, not Han's.

"Welcome back…General. How are you feeling?' The words rushed out of Rey as if she were unsure she should be speaking to the General, let alone holding her hand between both of her own.

Leia took a deep breath and began to physically assess herself. The light was too bright for her eyes, the smallest noise seemed too loud, and her entire body hurt. There was only now a trace of the drugs left in her system that she had tried to end her life with, her stomach was sore no doubt from having it pumped, and vomiting, but despite all of it, she was alive.

She looked over at Rey who watched her with a concerned gaze.

"Well, I'm alive," Leia managed at last.

Rey seemed unhappy with her reply and frowned.

It was too much effort for Leia to offer her any other response, so she closed her eyes, and tried to ignore everything. Tried to ignore she was alive, she had been saved, and that she would still have to go on without Han.

But you still have me, came the intrusive thought.

Leia's eyes flew open and she looked at Rey.

Han told me to push you if you started to shut down.

Bastard! Came Leia's thought, but a hint of amusement colored the edges. Do you see him too?

Rey nodded.

He's real, umm, maybe saying he's still around is a better way to put it.

It's not just my grief-stricken imagination?

No.

Leia studied Rey again, and felt a resonance of both Han and herself within the young girl, and flashes of an almost forgotten conversation came back to her, and she reached out to the young woman.

Are you really…

Your daughter. Yes, I think so, I must be. She paused. I feel it, don't you?

Leia bit her lip and nodded, and was unable to control the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm her. She began to cry.

Knowing the older woman, her long lost mother, needed the comfort that only she could offer, Rey hugged Leia to her and their tears mixed together.

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When it was time to walk back to the Med Center to check on Leia, Luke felt calm and at peace. The meditation had served him well, as had his link to Leia which was stronger now, and he knew that at least physically she was recovering.

He had yet to really talk to Rey about the changes in her family dynamic, but somehow knew she would be able to handle the situation. There were things to be worked out, feelings she needed to share and express, but it seemed the overwhelming relief to find out where she had come from had eclipsed all else.

Ben was a bigger problem. And he wasn't sure how to deal with him short of a showdown with his nephew; something which he dreaded despite the atrocities the young man was committing. Han was now dedicated to resolving the situation and helping his son, but Luke wasn't quite sure how his ghostly friend could manage it. It was very strange indeed, that in death Han had found power within the force.

"Yes, it is an unusual occurrence," a voice to his left agreed. He glanced over and saw Anakin walking beside him.

"I thought you were working with Han."

"I am. But he needs to reflect and practice his mediation."

"Han?" Luke couldn't help it, he laughed out loud.

"Well, he is trying and having more success than I would have given him credit for."

"Han? Meditating?"

Anakin nodded. "Your friend is serious about helping his family and I feel he will do anything for them. There is a sense of urgency to him."

"Should there be?" Luke couldn't hide his concern.

"Perhaps it is the unexpected situation he was put into…"

"You mean dying?"

"Perhaps he is worried that he doesn't have enough time to finish what he feels he must."

"Does he?"

"I do not know. But it is quite unusual he has found this ability in death," Anakin mused.

"I never felt it within him while he was alive," Luke offered.

"No? Hmm, it was there, though submerged under many layers of denial."

"Han? The Force? He didn't believe in it."

"And that's why he could never use it while he was alive. His disbelief buried his latent ability under layers of denial so it manifested itself differently for him. He always was incredibly lucky, don't you think?"

Luke blew out a breath and laughed again. "Yeah, you could say that. Leia certainly did. He flew into the asteroid field and survived, nobody does that, I don't care how skilled they are."

"I remember the maneuver, it was reckless and breathtaking, and their only chance of escaping. I expected the Falcon to be obliterated, I was quite surprised when it was not."

"And he did survive the carbon freezing." Luke mused out loud. "One person besides Han survived for a day before he died, and another lost his mind when he was removed from it. No one but Han has survived it intact, and he was in longer than any of them."

"Is that not incredibly lucky?"

Luke shook his head. "I guess you're right. He's gotten into trouble, and had a lot of rough patches in his life, but he's always gotten out of it. He's an incredibly skilled pilot but it always seemed there was more to it."

"And without even trying, Rey came to him."

"The daughter he thought had died," Luke sighed. "I think in hindsight; my decision was a mistake. I never should have suggested it to Leia."

"It was her decision to make."

"It was too great of a burden for her."

"But she took it on."

"Yes, and look at the cost. She shut herself off from Han and pushed him away, and I think shutting herself down took her away from Ben as well."

"And you think that contributed to his…change?"

"That and he idolizes you…that is your former self." Luke gave Anakin a sharp look. "You didn't contact him, did you?"

"No. I did not. I have offered no encouragement for the path he has chosen." He paused. "Much as I was lured to the dark side by the emperor, so has he been lured by Snoke. It is a connection that must be broken before Ben can come back to the light."

"Do you plan to do anything about that?" Luke was torn between being genuinely curious and asking for assistance.

"It is not my place."

"You won't help if asked?"

"As I said, it is not my place," Anakin said in a patient voice.

"You could help to convince him." Luke persisted.

The elder Skywalker shook his head. "It is not for you to ask."

"Very well." Luke looked up and realized he had almost arrived at Leia's room. He stopped and regarded Anakin. "Will you check in on her?"

"I already do. We both know she has never accepted me and my change as you have, and she never will. She has no desire to see me and in her current state of being I would not think to overburden her." He inclined his head toward Luke and disappeared.

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Leia was sitting up in bed, looking rested and more her normal self although Luke could still see the dark circles under her eyes. Physically she had made tremendous improvement, but he could still feel the weight of churning emotions she was trying to keep contained within her. He was surprised to see Rey wasn't at her bedside, the place where he knew she had been for the last few hours.

"I sent her away," Leia said.

"Why?"

"She needed a break from babysitting," she said. "And I was tired of being babysat."

"Leia, it's not that," Luke sighed.

"No? Then what? Cause that's what it felt like. Afraid I'll try to kill myself again?"

"You shouldn't joke about that," his face was somber.

"Who said I'm joking?" Her expression was equally grave.

Luke took a deep breath and tried to calm himself so that he could speak with Leia rationally, reason with her.

"It won't work, I know what you're doing. The force, remember?" She tapped her head and gave her brother a grim smile.

"I'm only trying to reason with you."

"Why? We both know I'm messed up right now, not thinking straight. Sometimes I wonder if this isn't just one big illusion. You, me, Rey, everyone."

"Even Han?"

"Especially Han." She snorted in contempt, and Luke felt her shields drop for just a moment and almost staggered under the weight of her grief and her guilt.

"Leia, I had no idea…" he whispered. "No wonder Han is worried about you."

"Don't be. And he doesn't get to worry anymore either! He's dead, remember?"

Luke could barely deal with her suppressed anger, her hatred of the situation around her, but knew that now was not an appropriate time to remind her such emotions led to the dark side of the force.

"Don't you throw that in my face again! Not now! Not ever! Don't you dare lecture me on the dark side of the force when you couldn't keep my son away from it! When your advice kept our daughter from Han and I…" the anger in her voice warbled and he felt the grief welling up again.

He turned his head as Rey returned, a glass of juice in her hand for Leia. Her eyes questioned him but he silently shook his head and stood up.

"I'll go…" he offered.

"You do that," Leia said, frost rolling off her words.

"General," Rey held out the glass, and without another word to Luke, she accepted the glass. After drinking it she turned back to Rey and offered her a sad smile. "Thank you."

As Luke left, he saw Leia reach for Rey's hand and sighed. Perhaps Rey could help his sister find her way back to the light because at the moment Luke's presence only seemed to incite Leia's feelings of rage and helplessness.