Chapter 9 – Tighter Than a Nun's Legs

Paranoia was setting in around the club. I could feel it in the air whenever I walked into TM and the guys watched me like a hawk. Happy had started coming over almost every night with the excuse of dinner but I knew he was worried about me; he had seen what my mother was like. I was pleased that he cared so much but it made it relatively difficult for me to have any kind of social life.

Nikolai and I had met quite a few times since my mother's visit. I wish I could say that they hadn't ended up in meaningless, rough sex with a very attractive Russian man but I would be lying to you. It wasn't just that though, he took me out for dinner and paid. He talked to me about random stuff that didn't matter and made me feel like a normal woman. It was nice to feel normal for once. That wasn't to say we weren't nearly caught. One evening, Nikolai and I were doing the do and hadn't heard the motorcycles approaching the house. Luckily, he wasn't stupid enough to bring his own car and took a taxi. It killed me having to tell Bobby and Happy that I wasn't feeling well so haven't cooked anything. Even more so when Happy brought me some tea into work the next day.

Clay kept me in the dark about everything that was going on and I threw tantrums almost every time he would tell me I couldn't get involved in club business. I know it was childish and immature but I was getting frustrated about being left out of it all. I didn't want to admit it but I was scared. I had been on edge the entire week and a half since my mother had turned up on my door. As far as I was aware, there had been no other contact with them but, like I said, I was never told anything. Clay had told me to stay away from the club house when they were in church after I was caught listening at the door.

"Vee," Gemma called from the kitchen, "when you've finished laying the table can you come and help with this? I can't get the sauce right."

I straightened out the placemats on the table and let her know I would be right there.

We were having a family dinner this evening since Jax and the boys would be back today. I was trying to hide my excitement but I had been skipping around the house and humming all day as we got everything ready. I hadn't spoken to the guys for almost the entire time they were away, only Chibs when he returned my calls from the first night Nikolai had been at my house. I had lied and told him I was alright but I doubt he believed me.

"Big day today huh?" my aunt laughed as I pranced it into the kitchen, "are you excited?"

"What do you think? I haven't seen Jax or the boys in weeks! I've missed them. What time are they supposed to be home?"

"Anytime now I guess. They are going to speak with Clay to get business out of the way first then they'll all be here." She was silently chopping vegetables for a while before she turned to me with a hand on her hip, "your dad isn't angry with you, you know."

"He treats me like a child, like I can't handle what's going on but I've been through it all already. There is nothing that family can do to me that hasn't already been done. I just want to know what's happening."

"I know it's frustrating but you have got to trust him; he knows what he's doing. And if you don't want to be treated like a child, you should stop acting like one."

Once I had stopped sulking, I was sent upstairs to get ready for dinner. I had brought all the stuff I needed in a bag; Gemma had said I could stay over after dinner since I always drank heavily at them. I was thankful for the concern but had a sneaking suspicion that they just wanted to keep an eye on me.

"They're here Vee! Are you ready?" Gemma called.

There was a cacophony of shouts and talking coming from downstairs. I smiled when I heard Jax and Chibs shouting at Juice for something. I finished tying up my hair and slipped on my shoes before heading downstairs to greet them.

"There's our girl!" I heard Tig shout.

I felt my heart soar when I looked through and saw Jax and Tig stood safe and sound in the dining room with beers and cigarettes in their hands. It was like they had never left. I grinned and walked over to them. I wanted to play it cool and just greet them casually like any other normal person would but I couldn't contain myself when I saw them all. I squealed and ran to Tig who clasped his arms around me and kissed me firmly on the side of the head, telling me enthusiastically that he really enjoyed the food I had packed for them and that the rest of the food that he ate while he was away gave him diarrhoea. I was both flattered and disgusted by his comments. My hair was suddenly ruffled and I looked around to see who was messing up my carefully placed hair. Jax grinned at my scowl. I stopped pretending that I was angry so quickly and went to mess his hair up but he deflected my hands and hugged me.

"I missed you," I whispered into his jumper.

"Missed you too kid. Juice and Chibs are already sat down, come on."

I skipped into the dining room and pounced on Juice and immediately started peppering his cheeks with kisses. He laughed but didn't push me away. When I pulled away to let him breathe, I pinched his cheeks and told him how cute he was and how much I had missed him. He kept laughing and grabbed my wrists to push them back to my side.

"Ok, ok, I get it!" he said, "thanks ma'am. I missed you guys too. We got you a seat here."

He gestured to the empty seat between him and Chibs so I sat down, giving the Scottish man a small smile. He nodded to me casually but then saw no one was looking and leaned down to kiss my forehead quickly, before everyone else got into the room and I laughed. He winked at me as the other guys filed in, greeting me and the others cheerily. As Happy walked past he patted me on the head and I smiled up at him. He gave me a tiny smile before sitting beside Chibs.

As soon as Clay and Gemma were sat down the meal began and the chatter started. I was asking about their trip and they evaded all of my business themed questions and instead told me about all the girls they had slept with and the people they had beat up. I wasn't sure it was dinner appropriate but I loved it anyway. My heart dropped into my stomach when they told me about the run in they had with an Italian mafia but they were all in one piece, just a few bullet wounds. Chibs showed me the small hole in the left shoulder of his kutte. I had scowled at him. He should have been more careful but I guess that's just the nature of the business. I just told him I'd patch it up for him instead of scolding them all.

"So, Clay," Tig said, leaning forwards towards my dad, "I was just saying how good of an old lady our girl would make and thought I could perhaps put my name forwards. What do you think?

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed, suddenly distracted from my worry, and Clay choked on his potatoes.

"Come on Doll, what do you say? You practically do the job anyway, just need someone to tie you down."

I laughed and shook my head, telling him cheekily that all I wanted was for a guy to 'tie me down' with a wink towards the older man who was now gawping at me amid laughs from the others. Clay silently glared at Tig before telling them that if he, or any of the other guys, wanted to be with me they would have to deal with a beating from both my father and my cousin. Jax laughed and nodded. Chibs shifted slightly beside me and the table had fallen silent. I coughed awkwardly and looked at Tig with a raised eyebrow and pursed lips. He grinned at me, humour shining in his eyes.

"So," Jax said, breaking the silence in a suggestive voice, "has anything exciting happened here Vee?"

I froze. I feel like he knew something, like they all knew something and I, yet again, was left in the dark. They were all looking at me with interest. There was definitely no chance that they could possibly know about Nikolai so I decided on maybe it being about my mother. I however, decided to talk about something completely different that had been bothering me since I had finished cleaning the office.

I sighed and put my cutlery down, acting like I was going to tell them something important. They all leaned in and Chibs looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. I hid my smirk well.

"Well," I sighed again, "I finished cleaning the office and found-" I shuddered as I made eye contact with all of them, "- and burned all of your guys' porn magazines and I want to let you know that you're all disgusting men."

The heavy atmosphere lifted immediately and I laughed at their embarrassed, struck faces. As soon as I laughed everyone else did as well. Juice at least had the decency to apologise through his embarrassment and told me I shouldn't have had to see that, I agreed whole heartedly.

"Interesting but not what I was talking about." Jax chuckled, "I was talking about your personal life. We've had some err… intel that you may or may not have a boyfriend."

Well shit, I thought, fucking shit fuck.

I inhaled sharply before coughing awkwardly and looking down at my plate. I firmly pressed my lips together when Clay asked me to explain myself. He said it in a kind of way that suggested he wasn't going to be mad but I had a feeling that would change when he found out who the guy was. I thought about lying to them, telling them it was just some guy from Charming but I knew they would find out it was Nikolai some way or another then I would be in even more trouble than I was now. I hated how unrebellious I had become since moving to Charming but I guess I didn't really have anything to rebel against any more.

"How- how did you hear about him?" I asked evasively.

"The guy across the street told us," Clay said seriously, "he… owed us a favour, so I asked him to keep an eye on you."

I looked up at him with narrowed eyes. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he would have someone spying on me. I felt hot with anger and betrayal.

"You did what?" I spat.

Everyone started to shift uncomfortably but I wasn't sure what they expected my reaction to being spied on would be.

"It's for your safety Pumpkin-"

"Don't fucking 'Pumpkin' me! I am an adult, not a child. I can look after myself. I don't need someone watching me all the time."

There was silence in the room as Clay and I stared each other down. He didn't like me talking back to him but that was only because he wasn't used to it. He eyed my hands cautiously; I tended to throw things at him during a tantrum. I nearly took his head off with a wrench the first time. But luckily for him the only things I had to hand were Gemma's favourite plates and a full glass of wine, and I wasn't going to throw that at him.

"If you had told us," Clay said through clenched teeth, "we wouldn't need someone to watch you."

I glared at him. I knew he was right but if they had known they would have stopped me seeing Nikolai which was currently the only source of feeling relatively normal, and stress relief, I had. I couldn't have let that go, not with the stress and fear I felt with everything going on with my parents coupled with the worry of Jax and the others being away. I just couldn't.

"If I had told you, you wouldn't have let me see him."

"Who is it Vivania?"

I looked away from him, down at my plate, with a sigh. Chibs' hand clenched on the table and I assumed my silence said everything.

"The Russian guy?" he growled and turned to look at me but I didn't meet his gaze, "are you fucking kidding me girl?!"

"His name is Nikolai."

Then all hell broke loose. I was being shouted at left right and centre. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit the inside of my cheeks while cowering slightly in my chair. They were taking it in turns to shout at me and call me stupid, reckless, careless, selfish… it was horrible and I just wanted to cry. Gemma had left the room, taking some of the guys with her so I was now only being told off by my dad, Jax, Happy, Chibs and Tig. Happy was quiet but looking at me with something I had never seen before. He looked so disappointed in me which hurt more, I think, than them all shouting at me.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Clay asked in a scarily calm voice.

I straightened myself up in my chair again and fixed his steady, angry gaze with mine. I felt myself trembling but took a deep breath before speaking. I made sure not to make eye contact with anyone, especially Chibs who had taken to pacing up and down behind me.

"I- I am an adult, Clay," I said, reiterating what I had said before, "I can make my own decisions and look after myself. He is not a dangerous man, he's nice. He's good to me. He likes me. But he isn't my boyfriend."

"He's good to you?" Jax asked, looking confused, "like we don't like you? Like we aren't good to you?"

"I think she means in bed, brother," Tig said, he wasn't taking it as seriously as everyone else and I was thankful of that.

"No," I denied with a shake of my head, "well, yeah but that's not my main point. He takes me out for dinner, he thinks I'm funny and interesting and beautiful."

"We think you're funny and interesting and beautiful."

"Jax… you don't understand. I needed-"

"Dick," Tig nodded, "I understand."

"-to talk to someone that wasn't in the club or associated with it in anyway. But also yes, thank you Alexander, for making me have this conversation in front of my dad."

He shrugged with a smile but it slipped off his face and he looked down when he looked behind me to Chibs.

"I don't give a shit about that," Clay said, obviously getting frustrated with Tig, "you went against our direct orders- against our warnings to play your stupid games. Did you ever think that he was getting close to you to you for a reason?"

"Other than the fact that he likes me, you mean?"

"To get close to the club," Chibs hissed behind me, "you think he likes you for you or because your Clay's kid? Isn't it obvious?"

I let out a shaky breath as his hurtful comment sunk in. was that he really thought of me? did he really think I was so unbelievably unlikeable and unattractive that the only reason someone would be interested because of who my dad was?

"He is using you," Chibs continued, still pacing behind me, "to get a better deal. If he fucks the SAMCRO princess then he'll get even cheaper prices on his shipments."

He had never called me the princess before but he had said it with such venom that I didn't want him to ever call me it again.

"You can't just go around sleeping with club associates Vee," Jax sighed.

"I'm not part of the club, as you keep telling me, so I don't think that rule applies to me does it? Besides, I would have thought it would be good for business, he would have to keep his contract."

Chibs laughed bitterly and said, "so you're gonna do that with all the clients, are you? We all know you're no stranger to using sex to get what you want."

"What?"

"Fluttering your eyelashes and shoving your tits in his face to get him to sign the contract in the first place-"

I was starting to crumble now. I swallowed hard, trying to get the lump out of my throat and keep the tears at bay but it wasn't working. I didn't want to cry but hearing what they all thought of me was getting increasingly more difficult, especially from Filip. I thought he knew me better than that by now but that was nothing compared to the bombshell that Tig was about to drop.

"Yeah, plus all your grades at school."

"I'm sorry, what?"

Clay and Jax hissed at him to be quiet but he had let it slip now. I knew exactly what he was talking about and my sinking feeling of hurt made way for absolute, blinding fury. I stood up, put my hands on the table and leaned towards him with angry tears now streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably and my breathing shallow.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I said lowly, he had at least the sense to look scared.

"We read your school file," he stuttered, blue eyes wide with fear, "we know you fucked your teachers to get high grades."

I laughed coldly and shook my head. They didn't know at all.

"Top of your class," Clay mocked, "we know exactly why you were top of your class."

"I was top of my class because I worked really fucking hard in my lessons! I am a clever girl," I cast a glance back at Filip, "I was top of my class because I had worked for everything I could at that school. My teachers, Mr Johnson, Mr Sharpe and Mr Healey took advantage of me and held my grades to ransom. They wouldn't submit my grades at the level they were unless I fucked them, unless I sucked their dicks. Do you know how terrifying that is?" there was dead silence from them all, "if my grades weren't a C or above I would have been kicked out of the school and I was not going back to that house! it didn't matter where I was. I have been used and abused by men my entire fucking life, Dad." I was sobbing almost uncontrollably now, "so forgive me for wanting to feel normal and loved and looked after for 2 hours every few days."

"Baby-"

"For a couple of hours I feel like a normal girl, doing normal things, with a normal and mildly attractive guy. For a couple of hours I'm not scared for my or any of your lives because it doesn't matter. I feel so alone," I said in an almost whisper, "and I feel so scared but I don't even know what I'm scared of because you all shut your mouths tighter than a nuns legs whenever I ask."

They were silent. Filip had stopped pacing. They were staring at me. Happy looked angry but he wasn't angry with me anymore. I was surprised when he stood up and came over to me. He started to ruffle my hair but then decided against it and pulled me in for a hug. The action in itself made me stop crying and he put his hand on the back of my head, telling me quietly that they didn't know and that he was sorry.

I shook my head with a sigh. I looked between them all but stopped my gaze on Filip who looked like he was going to throw up.

"I'm glad I know what you all think of me," I said to him as I pushed away from Happy's embrace, "I can go back to 'playing my games ' now that it's all out in the open."

I pushed passed Jax who had now stood up and was making his way over to me. I slammed the dining room door shut behind me and stormed past the rest of the guys with Gemma calling after me as I left the house and got in my car, not caring about all of my stuff upstairs. I had never driven so fast in my life and the alcohol didn't help at all. I had swerved all over the quiet roads and, by some miracle, made it home in one piece. I saw Mr. Crabb's curtains twitch and just threw up my middle finger at him before vomiting all over my driveway. Classy.

Feeling all kinds of anger and shame I went into my house, legs giving way and I fell to the floor by my front door and just cried. This evening was supposed to be fun and a nice distraction from all the shit that was happening in my life. I had missed them all so much and they just screamed at me for the best part of an hour and a half.

"Aw, poor little lamb." I heard a man say from somewhere in the gloom, "don't cry. Daddy's here."

Cliffhanger! S'up, I finally my writers block conquered so updates should be coming quicker now! I'm so excited for you to read what's happening next!

Poor Viv, all she wants is to feel loved, bless her. I always get so emotional whenever I reveal a bit of her past. She just needs to get herself a nice, protective, scottish man with a gun on her side, right?

How do we think Chibs handled the news of her sleeping with Nikolai? Pretty well, right? So not jealous at all.

Thanks for all of your patience while I was working through this.

Love, Doe xx

PS, She called Clay DAD! ah! Development in the relationship or what?!