Chapter 10: An unexpected return

Ratchet had to make a stop at a restroom before he left Metropolis Space Port, as he'd been running almost full tilt since leaving Talwyn at Apogee Station. This meant a lot of fast food, little sleep and full bladders, and it was quite a relief to step up to the urinal and undo his crotch seal.

And as he emptied himself, his mind lingered on Talwyn, and what they had gone through together. How snarky, feisty, capable, and... how pretty she was. It didn't really give him any pleasure just then to go in that direction, as Angela still loomed large in his heart, but he couldn't resist. 'Talwyn is... so much like me, but yet... not. And she's... really such a different race. And young. What's more... I really don't know what she thinks of me. But... I feel so... good being with her...' His heart felt warm as he recalled how she sat with him in the depths of his sorrow after loosing Clank, how she held him for hours when she needed sleep, resting her head on his shoulder, the softness of her touch, how sweet she smelled...

He shook his head as he turned his thoughts aside almost guiltily, dwelling on that last conversation with Angela, his heart melting as he remembered it vividly, and the seductive sound of her voice. 'She's so tall, ridiculously tall for me, not much like me at all, but... she's so easy to fall for. I almost come unglued just thinking of her. She's so... so...' He had to fight down a rush of desire as he wondered how it would be to rub fur with her, how her breath would taste...

And then, as if she didn't want to feel neglected, the memories of Sasha intruded, along with the fact that he hadn't so much as sent her a holiday message either. 'Oh man... it's been too long, and...' His cheeks flushed as he remembered the rush of warmth at her affections, and the horror at the thought that he might have lost her in Nefarious' attack on the Phoenix. 'She's so lovely... she has such a fascinating beauty... I could stare at her face for hours, just looking... and... she's my size. And... she really did fall for me, at least... some...' He chided himself as he recalled their time together at the Agent Clank premiere, how their hands were laced together the whole time, and the warmth of her kisses. 'Who am I kidding? We practically bonded. I came... this close to proposing--' And then he realized with a start that... he actually had...

And then he realized with an even greater jolt what he was doing, and he whimpered, "Oh for crying out loud... I can't be thinking of three girls! Just one is a handful as it is! And, besides..." he reminded himself, "I promised Angela I'd come back to her..." Still, his mind was in a tumult, and he sought frantically to think of something else. But three sets of shining eyes seemed to stare at him accusingly in his mind, as if demanding him to choose one of them. "Go away," he grumbled, waving with his free hand as if to shoo them off. "Not... now..."

He noticed that he was still dribbling into the urinal, and he coughed out, "What is this, like... three liters? I have got to make more rest stops..." He stiffened as someone entered the restroom and clanked to the urinal beside him, grumbling to himself as he really didn't want company at this time, with his mind so full of private turmoil. 'Thank heaven, I think I'm finally done,' he said to himself as he jiggled out the last drops. But then... it occurred to him that those feet rang like metal, and he looked down, seeing narrow, dark blue armored feet beside him, and legs, and...

As his eyes traveled up that tall metallic form, he jumped back in astonishment when he saw who it was. "What the hell?!" And then he realized he was still... dangling, stuffing his member back into his suit frantically with a curse as Doctor Nefarious grumbled in dismay.

"Don't you know it's impolite to address the one standing next to you at a urinal?! Let alone expose yourself!"

Ratchet gaped at the robot in disbelief, muttering as he jiggled up and down, "I... don't even wanna know what you're doing..."

Closing his crotch plate, Nefarious then turned to leer at Ratchet. "Well, you impertinent little Lombax, what a surprise it is, meeting you here. Actually... no, it's not. You see, I knew you'd be here."

It took a moment for that last remark to sink in, and he blurted out, "Wait, wait a minute... you knew I'd be here?" He looked aside, his mind racing with wild notions, trying to focus on the restroom, examining every detail. "Is... this a dream?"

Nefarious rubbed his chin mockingly. "You know, I wonder..." Then before Ratchet could blink, the robot drove a hard metal fist into his head, knocking him to the floor. "No, I'd say, definitely not."

His Halion helmet caught most of the blow, but it still clipped his face, and he tasted blood from a cut lip as his head rang from the shock. His cheeks beginning to burn with anger as he rubbed his tender chin, he still had the presence of mind to sort through the possibilities and settle on the most likely explanation, glaring at the robot. "Tachyon... Tachyon sent you here, didn't he?" He was dimly aware of a patron entering and wheeling right back out at the startling scene.

As Ratchet got to his feet, Nefarious cried, "Who cares about him! What does that squishy little bug have to do with anything! I'm the one you should be worried about!"

"Don't jerk me around!" he shouted back hotly, his heart beginning to race. "Was it Tachyon!"

Nefarious stomped the floor as he crossed his arms angrily, growling as he looked aside. "Ohh... maybe that nasty flea had a little something to do with it!"

He had begun to suspect something, as the series of nightmares always involved the Cragmite Emperor, not the Zoni, which he expected to be facing in bad dreams. But still, it was unnerving to hear it so definitely, and his hair raised on end as he gasped, "He... didn't die... he survived somehow!" And as he thought about it, Tachyon had disappeared into a void the Dimensionator created on it's own, and while he assumed the Cragmite was finished, that wasn't necessarily the same thing as dead...

His reaction only served to to infuriated the robot further, especially when Ratchet ignored him, and he exploded into curses. "Who gives a shut about that squishy little dastard! I'm Doctor Flocking Nefarious, and I hereby put your life in danger!"

Ratchet wasn't bothered, glaring back at the robot. "Yeah, whatever. I want to know about Tachyon. Where is he?"

Nefarious looked like he was getting close to a breakdown, the gears in his transparent skulldome spinning and sparking like mad, and he wheezed in exasperation as he fought for control. "I'm not going to lock up, I'm not going to lock up... have to remember my meditation discs... I'm on top of things... the situation is under control... everything is o-kay..." Sounding much calmer, although still furious, his eyes flashed red as he declared, "Very well, Lombax... ask your bullshift questions so we can get them out of the way!"

Ratchet exclaimed just as angrily, "Where is he, I said!"

"Ohh!" Nefarious remembered, swatting at the air. "Who the hell knows! He just manifests in some idiotic black projection, surrounded by an electrical halo! He's just going for cheap dramatic effect!" But then, the robot recalled something and he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Although... I wasn't able to trace any signal..."

Ratchet swallowed as his mind raced with lurid notions. "He's... still trapped in the void, but... he can still manifest somehow... and in my dreams..."

"What are you babbling about!" Nefarious grumbled, then shook his head. "Never mind, just... get your questions over with so we can get it on!"

Ratchet snapped at him, "Did he teleport you here?"

Nefarious waved dismissively. "Oh... yes, it was just a simple teleportation, nothing special! Are you finished yet?!"

He recalled from an early nightmare a line that Tachyon told him: 'I can view events from anywhere, anytime I wish. And, bring someone with me.' He frowned worriedly, murmuring, "He could be anywhere... he could be here right now, watching... and take people... just like the Zoni..."

Nefarious finally lost all patience, launching himself on the Lombax, exclaiming as he raised razor sharp claws to strike, "I've had enough of this childish nonsense!" He pushed Ratchet down, that deadly hand raised as the other clutched his suit, but he froze as he knelt over him, glaring at the Lombax like an animated Death's Head, as the muzzle of Ratchet's Combuster was planted firmly against his chest plate.

"Back off, Nefarious," he snarled through a tight throat. "I can't miss."

It was a long, tense moment as Ratchet and the villain faced off, but finally the robot withdrew, smiling, though with agonizing slowness, his quiet voice dripping with malice. "Well... that's more like it, now that I finally have your attention."

The Lombax couldn't restrain a shiver as the robot much too closely resembled a spider poised over it's prey. 'Damn it... I hadn't been taking him seriously. I was so wrapped up in things, I forgot how dangerous he really is.' As he rose to his feet himself, aiming the muzzle threateningly at the robot, he growled, "So... Tachyon can't deal with me himself, so he has to have a lackey do the job for him. As far as I'm concerned, you're just in the way, and if you insist on fighting me... hard or easy, it doesn't matter to me, you're goin' down."

The robot's eyes flashed almost painfully into Ratchet's, but he managed to maintain control. "Oh, you think you have the upper hand and sing a different tune now, just because you have a weapon drawn, do you?"

Ratchet gave him a dim look as his old confidence returned. "Look, I fought you already, and long enough to know that you don't stand a chance. Give it up and go back to your lab, and do something worthwhile with your life."

"That was then!" Nefarious practically shrieked. "There will be no help coming from Captain Qwark this time! I happen to know that, for whatever reason, that idiot is off on some wild goose chase across the galactic cluster! This time, it's just you and me, mano a robo!"

Ratchet couldn't help but smile briefly, thinking, 'Thank you, Talwyn.' That smile became a smirk as he told the robot, "Oh, yeah, like... you have a mega-mech parked at the spaceport to even things a little?"

Nefarious chuckled, turning as a beam weapon emerged on top of his arm which he used to blast the wall behind him. It shattered in a stony explosion and Ratchet raised his arm to shield his exposed muzzle from the debris and dust, catching the robot flying out the gaping hole, borne on a rocketpack into the red sky of sunset. "Well... why don't we take it outside and see, shall we?!"

"Hey, come back here!" Ratchet shouted after him, growing nervous at the robot's enthusiasm. "He must have something he thinks gives him the upper hand, but what?" He spotted Nefarious descending towards a street just off the spaceport inside the city. Donning his Swingshot, he saw an orb for workers within reach and latched onto it, knowing he had no choice but to follow. Tracing a line of orbs, he took a route which led to a sidewalk which intersected with the street the villain disappeared into, and dashing round the corner, saw him standing in the middle of the sidewalk next to his butler, Lawrence, who casually brushed himself off with a little featherduster.

He swallowed at the sight of the area full of pedestrians going about their business, and though the ones close to the two robots eyed them warily, were oblivious to the danger they were facing. Ratchet cried at the top of his lungs, waving his arms frantically, "Get out of here! Leave the area! There's gonna be a battle here!!" When they simply stopped in place to gawk at him, he drew forth his Combuster and fired it in the air several times, and as it was fully upgraded, it made a loud, menacing blast which drove the point home. That was all it took for the civilians to panic and clear the street, and the few wheeled vehicles squealed off in a roar.

Doctor Nefarious waved Lawrence off, who went to stand in the middle of the wide boulevard between skyscrapers as Ratchet watched nervously. He could see that every window in the buildings were crowded with onlookers, and he wanted to scream at their stupidity, praying that at the first sign of trouble, they would seek shelter. "I just know this is gonna be bad," he whispered.

Nefarious said to him derisively, "As always, you have this pathetic aversion to seeing anyone get hurt. I'll never understand this appallingly sentimental trait of yours. In any case, what really matters is finally showing you and that nasty little..." And then he fell silent as he realized something. "Wait a minute... where is that annoying, traitorous little bot who condescends to keeping you company, Agent Clank!"

Ratchet growled angrily, hating how this was keeping him from his quest. "He has the day off! Now, what the hell is this all ab--?"

He blinked in surprise as Nefarious began stomping in a tantrum. "No, no, no! This is all wrong! I go to all the trouble to set up a conest between us to finally show the two of you up... and there's no Clank?! Son - of - a - butch! Taking you on by yourself would be boring! You wouldn't last ten seconds!"

Lawrence said to the robot in his insufferably condescending tone, "Oh, but sir... you spent so much time on the alterations. I was so looking forward to it. And besides..." he added, looking around the scene, "there are some lovely structures here, all around the area..."

Nefarious stopped to stare at his butler as the meaning made it past the robot's fit, and he began to chuckle, then to laugh maliciously as Ratchet grit his teeth in worry. "Why, Lawrence... you always manage to find the bright side in every situation. This may be fun after all!"

Ratchet lifted his Combuster to bear on the villain as he began to reach into an opening in his chest, exclaiming, "Oh no you--!" He cried out in pain as an energy bolt struck him in the torso.

He dropped the weapon and crouched down beside it, clutching his chest and panting in recovery as Nefarious kept that arm blaster trained on him. "It's not polite to interrupt a supervillain about to unveil his master plan!" the robot growled as he reached into his chest cavity with his free hand, drawing forth a remote. "Now... to reveal to you the reason I was looking forward to facing you and that insufferable, squishy loving, traitor to robot-kind of yours!" He pressed the red button, blinking in shock as a screen popped out of his chest, and on it began playing a love scene between two robots... a much too explicit love scene. As Lawrence moaned in dismay, the villain tried frantically to twist it back into his body, crying, "Oh, flaming black hole hell!"

Ratchet covered his face where he knelt, saying, "Man, Nefarious, seriously... you need a hobby." He couldn't resist a peek, murmuring in surprise, "Woah... that's actually... pretty hot..."

The robot finally closed the screen, growling as his hand rattled around in his chest, "Damn it... I have too many remotes in here!"

Lawrence advised him, "I did tell you, sir, to consolidate them, as that would happen one day."

"Not now not now!" Nefarious snarled as he watched Ratchet closely for some sign of movement. The Lombax felt his cheeks burn from letting himself get pinned down like that, watching helplessly as the robot yanked another unit from his body, snapping, "There!" as he pressed the button.

What happened wasn't a complete surprise to him, but it was still alarming as he watched the butler expand, section by section, to tower high overhead in the form of a war machine. He got to his feet as Lawrence reached down to allow Nefarious to jump onto his hand, lifting him to the immense robot's shoulder. Ratchet put away his Combuster, murmuring, "Yeah... this is bad..."

Nefarious cackled with wicked glee as he focused in on Ratchet's face, seeing his fear plainly as he looked down from his perch. "What's the matter, Lombax! Cat got your tongue?!"

He shouted up to the robot, chafing at the villain's insulting pun, "Lawrence, don't do this, or you'll regret it! I'm warning you!" It was half bluff though, at least for the moment, as he had to sort through his Manifestor inventory once more, having no idea he would have to engage in combat again nearly this soon. "Damn it... I wish I had that Groovitron!"

Lawrence turned to murmur in that gratingly polished voice to Nefarious, "The Lombax is... warning me, sir."

"Oh-ho-ho-ho! Is he now!" Nefarious laughed mockingly. "Well... why don't you show him just what he's up against. Oh, and Lawrence? Make it messy."

"Indeed! Excellent idea, sir."

Ratchet didn't like the sound of that one bit, backpeddling as what he feared came about. A multiple missile launcher appeared on the robot's shoulder, the Lombax crying out in fear as the roar of numerous launches rang in the space between skyscrapers, and missiles trailing smoke began whistling down at alarming speed. He almost forgot to use his Charge Boots to escape, holding his head as deafening explosions battered him in rapid succession, followed by the crashing of hundreds of shattered windows. The blasts finally got to him, knocking him from his feet, and he huddled in terror in the middle of the road, hugging his helmet as the last of them detonated, though miraculously, he was unharmed. But as he looked around, he saw the cratered street and the windows blown out, and as the ringing in his ears subsided, he could hear the screams and crying from the people inside, and... to his horror, here and there, splashes of blood. "My God... oh, my God!" He scrambled to his feet, sorting frantically through the inventory once more, crying, "A weapon... give me a weapon that will stop him!"

There was an earthshaking thud just then that had him looking up, and he saw that it was from Lawrence walking away, further into the city. Ratchet's stomach lurched as he knew why, his voice breaking as he screamed shrilly, "Hey! You come back here!" But he ignored the Lombax, tromping onward as sirens began wailing in the distance, and he was forced to select the Swingshot once again to give chase.

Lawrence came up to the monorails running to the spaceport as Nefarious chuckled a suggestion to him, and raising his gigantic arm, he smashed through them. "Oh, dear..." he remarked sarcastically, 'it looks like the trains are going to be late... as well as the passengers..."

Nefarious slapped his leg in a fit of laughter. "Oh, Lawrence... I am so fortunate to have a servant with such a perfect sense of humor!"

Ratchet nearly choked as he could see a trio of trains speeding towards certain disaster in the distance. The nano-id was right beside him, exclaiming frantically, "There there there there there! Swingshot swingshot swingshot--!" He was relieved when his friend spotted the orb barely visible in the roof of a covering over the rail lines, but they had to hurry. And as Ratchet swung onto a rail, his Grinders engaging to speed him along them, 'Clank' shouted, "Left rail left rail! Switch switch switch switch switch!"

Ratchet wasn't sure why he felt drawn to that control, as all three rails were ruined, but he knew there was something to discover about it, grabbing hold as he ground past it, gasping as the force of his momentum strained his arm. Shaking it and looking down the lines at the onrushing trains, he muttered, "So... now what!"

"Hit it!" 'Clank' exclaimed. "Hit it hit it hit it hit--!" Ratchet drew out his Omniwrench and swung through a sensor screen, noting a switch symbol lighting. "Again!" the nano-id cried. "Hit it again! Keep doing it until--!"

The trains were almost there, and Ratchet whined, "Oh, man... this had better work!" Sweeping it again and again through the screen, seeing function after function appear, finally it turned red just as the train roared past, forcing him to jump onto the control pedestal itself, but he was heartened to hear the brakes engage on all three trains. He watched anxiously as they rapidly slowed, and finally the lead train stopped, drooping just over the edge of the damaged rail. He panted in emotional exhaustion, gasping, "Damn it... why am I always just in the nick of time?" He looked up to see the passengers shouting at him angrily, and he motioned forward, crying, "The rails are out!" But they were too busy yelling in outrage to listen, and he waved them off as he pulled himself to the top of the train with his Swingshot. "I don't have time for you anyway. I have to stop Nefarious!"

The villain was clomping up and down on Lawrence's shoulder in outrage as he witnessed the rescue. "Damn that blasted feline! Why does he always have to spoil my fun!" He gave a shriek as he was nearly blown off of the giant's shoulders from a missile fired from a police cruiser. Lawrence turned to fix the air cruiser in his sight, a pair of beams from his eyes shooting it down just as it was announcing a warning. Nefarious shook his fist at the other airships as they retreated, shouting, "Take that, coppers!"

"That's telling them, sir--" Lawrence began, cut short as something much more powerful exploded against the armor of his chest, the shock jarring through his entire form. The pair followed a trail of smoke to where the Lombax was standing atop one of the parked trains.

"Did you feel that?!" Ratchet exclaimed angrily as he raised his Judicator to fire another round, but he was dismayed to see Lawrence turn and stomp off behind a building. Calling up his Swingshot once more, he shouted, "Stop running away, damn you!"

Lawrence was tromping his way past a building he was actually taller than, eying it and the girder framework of another being built across the street. Poking a load of girders and frowning as all they did was tumble down into the bowels of the construction, he elbowed a communication tower on the one opposite, smirking as it's supports began snapping and bit by bit, began to tilt over. "Oops."

"Lawrence," Nefarious told him chidingly, "you must be more careful."

Ratchet got to that point just as the communications tower drew his attention with a loud groan of stressed metal. "Oh hell... what am I gonna do!"

The nano-id searched around frantically, seizing on an idea and shouting in Ratchet's ear, "The crane! The crane the crane the crane!"

The Lombax noticed the massive crane across the road, used in the construction of the neighboring tower, and as quickly as he could, scaled using the Swingshot orbs to it's cabin. Breaking in with his OmniWrench, he gave himself a hasty run down of it's controls, then swung the length of it's arm across the road, trying to nudge the tower back into place. Unfortunately, much of the tower's supports had snapped through, and it twisted on the remaining one, threatening to tumble off the roof. "Uhh... damn it... now what!" But then he spotted the electromagnetic Grabber at the end of it's cable and hoisted it up, hoping to secure the tower and lower it safely to the road. But just as he got it level and it latched on, the tower finally broke loose and toppled over. The cable snapped taught, but the crane wasn't able to take that kind of abuse, and Ratchet gasped in alarm as it's own supports began to break loose. Scrambling out of it and running down a girder to safety, he watched in alarm as the structure shook from the stress, the crane and tower both crashing to the road below.

Appalled at the destruction he'd caused, he looked to the sky, groaning, "Oh, crap... that could have gone a lot better... but at least no one was hurt." Although surveying the damage, a few vehicles would have to be written off by their owners.

Nefarious roared with laughter down the road as he watched the unfortunate scene play out. "Lawrence, that Lombax is doing our job for us! This is so utterly rich!"

The giant nodded. "I'm sure he's suffering a heavy dose of irony, sir." As Nefarious laughed even harder at the weak pun, Lawrence rubbed his chin dubiously at the building he was standing before, watching as people frantically scrambled to remove others from the rooms facing the traumatic scene.

Ratchet caught sight of where they were, and his stomach clenched in horror as he cried, "Oh no, God, no!!"

Nefarious noticed it as well, hopping up and down as he rubbed his metal hands together in anticipation. "Oooh... this is ripe with possibilities." The sign before the building read, Metropolis Municipal Hospital.

"Errrr..." Lawrence drawled uncomfortably, "you know, sir... as little as I care for... squishies and all that... some things just... aren't done, if you know what I mean."

"Oh come on! You, of all robots, getting cold feet?!" Nefarious shouted, slapping the side of his butler's massive head. "Listen... do you know how many people die in hospitals? How many are suffering in there? Are you aware of how many hard working citizens struggle under medical bills just to pay for the doctors' exorbitant salaries?"

"Well," the servant pointed out, "aren't you a doctor yourself?"

"Oh that's beside the point!" Nefarious snarled. "Poop or get off the can, Lawrence!"

The robot lifted a giant arm nervously, feeling sure that he would be paying for it somehow if he followed through with this, when he noticed a small figure on the lawn, shining gold in the sunset. It suddenly became very still in the robot's mind as he saw who it was, murmuring, "Oh, my."

Ratchet hoisted the massive R.Y.N.O. to his shoulder, yelling, "That's it! I'm putting a stop to this once and for all!!" He was glad that the hospital grounds faced the bay, but still he prayed as he squeezed the trigger, "Please, don't go wild..."

Nefarious growled spitefully, "What the hell is that little crap aiming at us this...!" He fell silent as dozens, then hundreds of rocket trails raced up at them, and he began to cry, "Holy sh--!!"

Lawrence staggered back under the impact of countless explosions, exclaiming as he felt his armor disintegrating, and then his internal systems, "I don't think this is covered under my warranty!!"

Ratchet held that trigger down fiercely, struggling to keep the ugly weapon level, and didn't let up until the giant disappeared completely and there was nothing left for the rockets to strike. Replacing it with his OmniWrench, he ran down the lawn, marred with trails dug by a few low rockets and strewn with the wreckage of Lawrence's gigantic form. The butler's massive head was tilted slightly as it rested upright on the ground, his eyes flickering weakly as he murmured, "I think... he won once more, sir... as usual..."

He spotted his real prize, the ruined body of Doctor Nefarious lying in the debris nearby, glad that he was still alive... glad that he was able to punish him further, as he smashed his wrench through the robot's neck, severing the head. This got the robot's attention, and he began to wail, "Wha... what the hell do you think you're doing--?!"

Ratchet stomped on the villain's head, mashing it into the ground as he snarled in uncharacteristic savagery, "Shut up! I'm asking the questions here!"

Nefarious blinked, muttering feebly through a mouthful of grass and dirt, "I... get the impression... you're rather upset--"

"Oh, you don't know the half of it!" Ratchet cried as he rolled it over, holding his OmniWrench threateningly. "Start talking!"

Nefarious blinked at him, exclaiming, "About what?!"

"TACHYON!!" Ratchet screamed wildly, and for a moment, the robot was more terrified than he'd been under the devastating fire of the R.Y.N.O.

"Wait! I told you everything!" And then as he thought about it, he realized there might be a few more details, adding, "Well... mostly everything. I was minding my own business, watching battles at the Arena on Mukow, when that damned bug appeared literally out of nowhere. He offered me a chance at destroying you, and... well, things didn't exactly go according to plan, obviously..."

Ratchet calmed down as he fell into the mindset of an inquisitor. "So what's going on there? Anywhere in the Empire? Has anyone reacted to Tachyon's disappearance?" He blinked as the process used to enlarge Lawrence wore off, his head and scattered parts returning to normal size.

Nefarious wiggled his head in a shake. "Oh hell, no one knows anything. The holovids run constantly of his announcements. As far as they're concerned, he's still on the throne." He eyed the Lombax curiously. "So... you really did defeat him?"

Ratchet ignored the question as gears turned in his own mind. "So... the ministers and generals are still running the show like always? That figures. The Empire would explode into civil war if anyone found out. The people would try to take their freedom back." Returning his attention to the robot, he demanded, "Do you have any idea where Tachyon is?"

Nefarious grumbled, "How the hell would I know that! He just appears using those gimmicky effects of his, using an untraceable signal. He must be nursing his little wounded ego in some remote bunker, half scared out of his wits over you."

Ratchet murmured under his breath, "I wish..."

The robot eyed him curiously, asking, "What did you do to him, anyway?"

Ratchet replied frankly, "He used a Lombax artifact that ended up killing him... more or less..."

Nefarious spat sarcastically, "Oh please... tell me a fairy story I'll actually believe!" He blinked as the Lombax picked him up, crying, "Where are you taking me now? You be nice to me... I let you live!"

"Oh, shut up," Ratchet muttered as he collected Lawrence's head in his other hand, trotting over to a metro stop and depositing them in the stall as he noticed a cloud of military assault ships appearing over the darkening skyline of Metropolis. He shook his head ruefully, muttering, "Why are you guys always so fashionably late?" He didn't have time to deal with the authorities, as it could take days to go through the endless inquiries, interviews and mounds of paperwork, so he dashed off towards the ramps of ships where Aphelion was parked, calling behind him, "Spit the dirt out of your mouth before you get interviewed by GNN. And keep your chin up!"

Nefarious growled to himself as he tried to clear the soil from his mouth, "Oh... that damned Lombax and his insufferable puns! Pleagh!"

The butler looked himself over, saying to his master, "Sir... if you happen to have any bus tokens, perhaps we can make our escape on the metro."

It was too much for the villain to take, one joke too many, and he exclaimed at the top of his voice, "LaaaawREEENCE--!!"

His cry jolted to silence as cerebral circuits overloaded, and after a sputter of static, a soap opera came over his vocal unit, through his gaping mouth. A woman gasped, "John! Why are you wearing... my undies?!"

He stammered as he grasped for an explanation, "I'm just... admiring them..."

Lawrence murmured, "So sorry, sir, but without any arms to slap you about, I'm afraid you'll just have to suffer through this." He tried to edge a bit closer. "Besides... I don't think I caught this episode."

The woman opened a dresser drawer. "Have you seen these yet?"

"Oooh," the man drooled admiringly, "sssatin..."

Meanwhile, Tachyon spat out a derisive laugh as he watched the conclusion of the drama. "As I expected, the Lombax is still a monumental threat even without his annoying robot companion... after a fashion. He certainly is more than a match for a cantankerous robot who is more ego than genious... 'nursing my wounded ego in a bunker,' my boil festered rump! You're just jealous that you never did accomplish a thing, you pompous paperweight!"

He watched Ratchet take off in his starfighter for an unknown destination, though locating him would be easy enough. If nothing else, all he needed to do was find the Lombax napping. He noticed the newscast on the metro stop holovid as they were all over the latest eruption of violence in the city, and he began laughing ever more hysterically as the reporting gave him ideas. "Who says the news isn't worth watching anymore!"

Author's notes.

Halion armor: The second most protective armor in R&C Future I, which I believe absorbs 50 percent of the damage unleashed on him. A metallic green in color and with a green visor, it's evidently the combat armor of pilots.

Lawrence: Doctor Nefarious' "faithful" robot butler. While Lawrence seems to hold to some of Nefarious' disdain of organic lifeforms and is something of a scoundrel himself, he doesn't seem to be truly evil, and in fact often makes fun of and occasionally trips up his villainous boss. And yes, when Doctor Nefarious gets really furious, he tends to crash, and lurid soap operas begin sounding from his gaping mouth.

Sasha: the lovely feloid daughter of the Solana Galactic President, former Captain of the Starship Phoenix, and current Mayor of Metropolis on planet Kerwan. Having gone through an epic contest against Doctor Nefarious, assisting Ratchet with information and technology in his fight against the insane robot villain, the two feloids had something of a budding relationship, though it evidently didn't last.

According to The GateKeeper from Insomniac Games, "Sasha and The Galactic President are called Cazares (Pronounced Sa-ZAR-uz). A single one of them would be a Cazar (pronounced SA-zar).

"Cazares are native to Marcadia, but have spread beyond that planet since the discovery of space travel. They possess an innate aptitude for leadership and civil service and are generally known for being the ruling class of the galaxy (seeing as most, but not all, civil servant positions in the galactic government are staffed by Cazares)."

Squishies: a term ascribed by robots to organic life forms, though most often used in a derogatory manner.