No, I know. It's just… Castle and I are about to become a family, which is weird enough as it is, and he and Alexis have this whole history that has nothing to do with me. And it kind of feels like when it comes to the two of them, I'm always gonna be on the outside.

Perfect families don't exist. It's gonna be up to you to find a way to make your baggage match their baggage. It's up to you to make your own history.

Kate Beckett and Lanie Parish

The tube had been removed from his throat, and she had gotten new stitches, much to Castle's concern, and slight dismay. He couldn't fault her for how it had happened, because he knew all too well that if it had been him, he would have broken those stitches long before she had. They may have convinced the doctor to lower the railing between them, and when their beds were pushed back together, their hands came together like magnets. His thumb stroked the back of hers, and it was sooo good to have him back.

"… So, it's important that you don't move around, Mister Castle," the doctor said from next to the writer.

Castle tore his eyes away from Beckett and looked up at the doctor. "Huh?"

Exasperated, the doctor repeated, "You have a bullet in your heart. It ricocheted off a bone. It's not completely in your heart, but mostly. At times, you will feel like your heart is skipping beats, and that's because it is. So, don't move around. No stress. We need to keep your heart rate low, or we'll have to look at other options, like… sedation."

"Promise, won't move."

"And you," the doctor gave a pointed look at Beckett. She shrank somewhat under his scrutiny. "Don't bust any more stitches, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, tilting her head to look at Castle with her megawatt smile. She was tired, exhausted even, but she couldn't fall asleep even if she wanted to. Perhaps it was her training as a detective; being woken up at all hours in the night, pulling multiple sleepless nights in a row.

This, right here and now, was a wake up all. Her fingers linked with his as she lay somewhat comfortably on her side, and he gave her hand a weak squeeze in return. "Your family is still here, outside, but it's well after visiting hours now, so you'll have to wait until morning to see them."

Beckett nodded for the both of them, a smile on her face as she looked at Castle. He had a little life back in his skin now, but he still felt a little warm to her touch when she had last brushed her hand across his forehead.

Eventually, the doctor retreated, leaving them alone in the room where Castle's heartbeat continued to register on the monitor. He looked so boyish with his hair like that, but he also looked weak, and in pain despite the meds they had given him.

" W'happen'd?" he asked her, mind fogged over. His eyes were tired, dark circles under them that made him look older than he was.

"Shhh," she tried instead, coaxing him to rest, feeling like everything could wait until he was better. She underestimated him, though, and he squeezed her hand in weak punishment. Beckett sighed, wondering if he had truly heard a word the doctor had said. "You were shot," she answered.

"Bad?"

"Very bad," she agreed.

"You?"

"Not as bad." Except for the complication of being pregnant at the time. It was on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to be the first to tell him, and she knew that by waiting, she ran the risk of someone letting it slip first. She couldn't tell him like this, though, when he seemingly wouldn't understand it. Or worse, when he would understand it and it would give him a heart attack. Literally.

"Be okay?"

Her heart melted for him. It didn't matter how far gone he was, he always put her first. "Yeah," she breathed, letting her thumb brush along his hand. "We both will be." Whether that was a slip of her own, she wasn't sure, but it was a statement with no harm, one he would interpret in his own way and take comfort in. And she saw him taken comfort in it, the frown lines crinkling his face relaxing only slightly.

"Alexis? M'ther?"

"Everyone is fine, Castle. They're in the waiting room pulling for you."

"All… that… matters," he said slowly, struggling to piece his sentences together.

"Not all," Beckett whispered, kissing the back of his hand again and again. This brave and selfless man. She counted herself privileged to have been able to see beyond the playboy persona and see him for the man that he truly was. "You matter. All that matters is that you pull through."

"Who shot…?"

Oh. She looked at him, confused for a moment, but realized he didn't remember. Was she supposed to be thankful for that? He didn't remember getting shot, and perhaps there was a small mercy in that, just like he didn't remember the first time he had been shot. She tried to read him, and unlike her some time ago, he was not lying.

There was a genuine curiosity, and Castle needed the story. Of course he did. That was just another thing that she loved about him. "I got him, he's dead." Beckett could only hope that would satisfy him for now. "Shhh. We'll talk later, Castle. Close your eyes. Rest." After waiting for so long for him to even open them, she couldn't believe she was encouraging him to close them now. Well, this was different, she had to tell herself. His eyelids didn't have far to go before he was pulled under. His head was angled towards her perfectly that she could stare at him while he slept, and continuously reassure herself that he was there.

She knew he'd fallen asleep when his grip on her hand loosened. She hadn't seen him this groggy since their brief time in DC and he'd come off life support; like now. In fact, this seemed worse than then, but he was talking. He was alive and there was hope. It was all she could ask for.

The door opened, a gentle tap on the surface. She looked over to see Ryan poking his head in. "They won't let me stay long," he said, closing the door behind him. "They nearly didn't let me in at all."

"Then… how?" she asked.

Ryan coughed, shifting on his feet with a mischievous smile. "Official police business, but they would only let one of us in. Had to play Knife, Gun, Kevlar for it. How is he?" Ryan asked, looking over at Castle.

Beckett followed his gaze to her husband. "He woke up just over an hour ago, fell back to sleep a few minutes ago. The doctor is worried he could have a heart attack at any second, but he's still too weak for them to go in and get the bullet out.

"Oh man," Ryan hung his head, placing his hands on his hips. "And you?"

Beckett gave a forced smile. "Holding on."

"Your dad says you might be discharged tomorrow."

She snapped her head to Ryan. "What?" It was news to her, and it was most unwelcome, because there was no way that Castle would be discharged, too. That meant that she would have to leave him behind for nights at a time, and roam the loft all the while wondering if her husband was going into cardiac arrest. No, she couldn't do that. She wouldn't.

Ryan could only shrug. "That's what he said." After a moment of silence has passed them by while Beckett digested the new information, Ryan cleared his throat. "So, uh, Beckett… about that 'official police business'… it wasn't a lie."

"You want to know about Josh." The detective nodded his head at her statement of fact, pulling out a notepad from his back pocket. She sighed at him. "He's Bracken's son."

"Come again?" Ryan asked, pen poised above the blank page.

"I know." She understood his initial shock. Hell, she was still reeling from it herself, though her thoughts on the matter were briefly set aside once Castle had regained consciousness.

"Wa-wa-wait," he shook his head. "We tore apart Bracken's life. He doesn't have a son."

"I'm telling you, Ryan. He's Bracken's son, and he's known about it for some time now."

"You mean like… when you were together?"

Beckett leaned back somewhat, eyes flashing angrily towards the ceiling. "I don't know," she sighed. "Josh said… he's had a step-father his whole life. He didn't say anything about his father, and I didn't ask. I didn't know about Bracken when Josh and I were together." The pieces of the puzzle were just so far removed from each other that she was never able to put it together. Bracken had always had a sort of familiarity to him, but she just could never place it.

"Do you think he's connected to all of this? To LokSat? Do you think he intended to finish what Caleb started?"

"I don't know," she whispered, mentally kicking and berating herself. Tears were flooding her eyes. She'd shed more tears in the last little while than she had in her entire life. "Find out," she ordered. Break him.

He'd called his mother, and Martha answered on the second ring, which was relatively quick for the diva, given how much she detested technology. "It's over," he said, looking into Kate's hazel eyes. It was reassuring to all of them. "Yes, mother. It's over. I promise. Kate and I are at the precinct. I – well, that's a long story. Moth – mother, would you put Hayley on."

Castle waited for a second, taking that time to pull Kate onto his lap more comfortably. "Hayley, it's me. Yes, it's done. Would you mind bringing the girls to the precinct? Yes, thank you, Hayley."

He hung up, but held onto the phone while he looked in Beckett's eyes. He sighed, feeling the loop de loops of his emotions. "It is over," she said, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"Not quite," he murmured. "Gotta finish that statement now."

Suddenly, the door to her office opened, and she scowled in its direction. "Doesn't anyone ever knock?" she asked, seeing Ryan and Esposito standing there. She slid off Castle's lap, straightening her leather jacket.

"Sorry to interrupt, Captain," Esposito said, nodding. "I just wanted to let you know that, there were security cameras everywhere in the building, and we got the footage. Tori is looking into it with Vikram right now with some of the Feds."

Beckett looked at Castle. "Even…"

"Yeah," Ryan said. "That's what they're looking at right now. I'm sorry, man."

Castle looked away and sat back down in the chair. "Thanks, guys," Beckett said. Taking it as a dismissal to rejoin the investigation, the two detectives left, leaving them alone in the office once more.

"Not only am I shamed by my own actions, now it's recorded for everyone else to see," he growled bitterly.

"Forget the video," she said, coming to him and pulling his head towards her stomach, cradling him there. Her hands stroked his head lovingly, and his hands wrapped around her thighs, keeping her there, allowing him to bury his face into her jacket to hide from everything.

After a moment, he abruptly pulled away, pushing the chair back to stand. He pulled out of her reach and went for the door. "Castle…?" Beckett asked, concerned.

"I just need a minute, Kate."

"Okay," she said, letting him go.

After he left, Beckett sat back down at her desk, looking at the mountain of paperwork that now needed to be done. She was torn between doing it now or saving it for later. Something told her that now was going to be her only option. So, she dug in, and after a few minutes, Castle still hadn't returned.

Brow furrowed, she went out into the bullpen and looked around. Where could he have gone? It dawned on her, and she marched towards Tori and Vikram's neck of the woods. Surprisingly, Castle wasn't there like she expected him to be. She was about to leave when she heard Castle's voice coming from the video. Entranced, she came in and stood at the back of the room.

She watched it all, and then she watched it again finding herself crying with him.

A/N: WTF. Two updates in one day? Merry Christmas... or just be happy that I'm at home sick with nothing better to do. For the record, the deleted scene in the previous chapter didn't happen for the purpose of this story. There was no pregnancy scare, unless you like that angle. Some people are upset that Josh knew about the baby before Castle did... all I can say is that it makes sense that he would, being the doctor and all. So, yeah. Hope you enjoy this update, and as always, let me know what you think.