"Joker, you have to act more natural than that."

"Well, you put me in a tux and won't let me drink, so I don't know how you want me to do that."

"You could start by not furtively glancing around the room every three seconds."

"But you told me to stay on guard!"

"I know, Jeff-"

"Ah-ah-ah! What did I say about using 'Jeff' when the entire rest of the crew is listening in?"

"It's just Liara and EDI! Besides, they all know-"

"That is beside the point—"

"It is precisely the point!"

"Shepard, we are not having this conversation right now."

"Fine. Then let's please get back to the task at hand."

"Fine."

"…"

"…"

"That guard over there has been watching me since we walked in. I need you to distract him while I hack a terminal over there."

"Distract him? How am I going to distract him? Break my legs at him and force him to go to the hospital?"

"Just talk to the man. Complain how you can't get any decent beer here. Ask him about his opinions on the upcoming Francis Kitt production. See if he wants to donate to help Vrolik's research. You can do this. I promise."

"Shepard, you are lucky I love you."

"I know. Now go on, I'll be just a moment."

"Okay. Okay. I can do this. Act natural. It isn't too hard. Alright, excuse me, -"

"Wait, Jeff!"

"Shepard, what did I just-"

"Dance with me."

"What?"

"Dance with me."

"Shepard."

"Jeff."

"Look at who you are talking to."

"Okay."

"Really think about the question you just asked."

"Okay."

"Would you like to change it?"

"Sure. Love of my life, and the handsomest of all, would you like to dance with me?"

"Shepard. I can't. You know I can't-"

"It's a slow song. You just have to sway in place is all."

"But Shepard, I just…I'm not going to be very good at it."

"I didn't fall in love with you for your dancing skills, love. Come on. We'll be away from the crowd. I promise."

"I…"

"Please? It's my favorite song."

"…Fine. We'll dance."

"I love you, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"…"

"So what, do we just sway here and do nothing?"

"It's called slow dancing for a reason. But what, you don't like holding the first human Spectre in your arms?"

"Well, that is actually pretty nice."

"And the fact that at least one girl looks jealous of the fact that I'm dancing with you?"

"Wait, seriously?! Where?"

"Hey, eyes on me."

"But I just want to-"

"Jeff."

"Christ, Shepard, can you stop with that?"

"…But I like saying your name. It's one of the few times I get to address you without yelling about getting me out of a hot spot."

"Pssh, ain't that the truth? I pull your ass out of the fire a lot. You know, you should get me a medal or something."

"I am the medal."

"Well, I guess that's a good enough trade off."

*They laugh*

"I like this. Just being able to talk and be normal."

"Us? Normal? You've got a concealed gun and some contacts that allow you to see grid wires while I'm here trying not to break a bone or blow our cover. I think we're far from normal."

"Well then, I amend my previous statement: I like us."

"I do, too."

"…"

"…"

"Well, love, I think that's our cue. Time to hack some terminals and figure out what the hell is going on with shore leave."

"Mmmm…do we really have to go now?"

"Well, what if I promise you one more song by the end of the night?"

"Shepard?"

"Yes?"

"I know you. And I know you don't promise anything. So you had better be serious about this one."

"Not to worry. I am."

"Good."

"For now, though, I think you still owe me a favor."

"Oh, really?"

"Mmm-hmm. Could you be a dear and distract that guard, honey? I'm sure he's just dying to talk to you."

"Oh, you have got to be- Fine. But I swear, they had better be playing Stairway to Heaven for this."

Author's Note: Sporadic update is sporadic. I know this'll throw off the chronological order in the long run, but I've had this written for a while, so I wanted to get it up before I forgot. Super duper special shout-out to HeartMonitor99 for leaving a review on my last chapter! I really appreciate your support! And to all of you who have managed to stick around this long, have a cookie. You've more than earned it. See y'all at the next update! (Oh, also, I'd love your opinion on Jeff vs Joker; I really can't decide which one Shepard would use at this point in the relationship. Let me know if you have opinions!)