A/N: Oh look, another chapter right away! It's an apology for how long it took me last time. :-D Hope you enjoy it!
As It Must Be
Chapter 9
It took Rose a long moment to register his words. "If I don't want … But that would cause paradoxes, wouldn't it?" she asked, bemused.
The Doctor looked more than slightly terrified, although he was covering all his reactions up over the bond. "Well, maybe. But it's possible that you could do it anyway. Time is fluid you know. Some things can change."
She was still not completely understanding. "So you're saying you want me to not do it? To what, go back to former you, but age and die and never have your children?"
He couldn't hide the spasm of pure panic which shot along the bond. "Oh, Rose, that's my worst nightmare," he finally gasped out. "But you ought to have a choice in the matter."
Rose eased, the terrifying thought that the Doctor didn't want this proven wrong. "Doctor, how many times do I need to say it? I'm never going to leave you. I promised you forever, remember? I can't believe you think I'd turn it down when I finally have the chance to really follow through on that promise."
She turned toward the console. "So, what do we need to do then?"
She was swamped with a flood of pride and love from the TARDIS, and she realized it was being mirrored by the Doctor, who was walking toward her slowly, as though in awe.
"Rose Tyler. How can you still surprise me?" Rose blushed at the almost worshipful tone in his voice.
"Dunno. You're just foolish and don't listen to me, I suppose." He laughed, tone full of joy and wonder.
"I suppose indeed. Rose, I just …" Then he apparently decided that words were not good enough and bent his neck to kiss her.
There was something utterly magical about this man's mouth and the things it could do to hers. This thought registered through a haze of pleasure and warm emotions coming down the bond. It took her a moment to recognize what those emotions were – love.
The realization made her break the kiss and beam up at him. "I mean, I figured since we have kids together and have been together so long but … I really never thought we'd get here."
The Doctor looked confused for a moment at what she was referring to, then seemed to realize what exactly he was sending down the bond. "Rose Tyler I - ah, well, I'll leave it to your version of me to say for the first time, shall I? But, oh Rose, since day one."
Well, wasn't that perfect? Because for her it had been since he told her of the spin of the earth and was unlike anyone she'd ever met. He seemed to pick up on these thoughts, since he laughed a little with pure happiness. "Yes, from both my day one's."
This incredible statement deserved some serious positive reinforcement, so she swept up on her tip-toes and pulled his face down to hers to continue that fantastic kiss they'd been sharing before. Tongues tangled deeply, but also tenderly, with emotion that made her feel like melting.
She was just debating whether it would be bad to go back to their room and whether they would ever have the self control to complete what was probably a rather complex bonding with the TARDIS when a door slammed, a babble of voices were sharply cut off, and an unfamiliar woman's voice called, "Doctor!" with a horrified gasp.
Rose and the Doctor tore apart quickly, both thinking the same thought of their terribly bad luck with interruptions in the console room. The Doctor was thinking, in fact, on a much longer pattern of interruptions in the console room wherein they had managed to scandalize every companion they'd ever had, as well as their children, and how promising not to snog in the console room never proved to be effective for very long.
Rose was rather too caught up in observing the people who'd just walked into the TARDIS to think about much else.
A woman who looked to be near her age with brown hair and a cute dress was looking extremely confused. A child who looked maybe ten was beaming up at her. And there she was, looking hugely pregnant.
"So it is today! I thought it might be." Older Rose pushed aside the child and other woman to stride up to the Doctor. Well, it was more of a waddle what with how huge that belly was.
"Are we having twins? Or triplets?" Rose managed to get out. Ah, always with the extraneous information in awkward situations.
The other Rose laughed. "I wish! Nope, Time Lord pregnancies are always like this. You get huge. But I'm almost due, so this is as bad as it gets. Hopefully." She sent a glare toward the Doctor, who was having trouble keeping his eyes on just one of them and had an idiotic grin on his face.
"Oi, you better not be comparing attractiveness!" Rose said, recognizing the look in his eyes already.
He put both hands up and pulled as innocent a face as he could. "Of course not! Just wondering how my beautiful wife kept something like this from me for so long."
He gave her a rather pointed look and the older Rose grinned over at him. "Aren't you the one who's always going on about maintaining timelines? You didn't know when I came here, so I couldn't tell you! Told Clara and the kids though. How does it feel to be out of the loop?"
She'd sidled closer to him while she spoke and Rose recognized that smile she was giving him, tongue tucked in the corner of her lips. And admired the Doctor's reaction to it, darkened eyes which were fastened on her lips. "Er, what was that?"
The other Rose grinned and kissed the Doctor. It wasn't long or deep, but they managed to convey a depth of emotion in that press of lips which nearly knocked Rose over. She bemusedly thought to herself that she finally understood why everyone assumed they were a couple.
But then the other Rose was breaking away and skipping away from the Doctor towards Rose. "Hello me! Goodness, this is odd. How do you get used to this?" She directed that at the Doctor, who was watching the two of them, bemused. "And oi, mind out of the gutter if you please. She needs to get back to her version of you. Besides, we can't touch, remember?"
The Doctor's voice was squeakier than usual. "My mind wasn't in any gutters! Of course you two can't touch! And yes, getting you back where you belong right away."
The younger Rose could feel a flame of arousal over the bond which said his thoughts weren't quite as innocent as they seemed. The older Rose had folded her arms across her belly and was giving him a skeptical look. "I can read your mind, dear."
The Doctor frowned and looked at his feet. "Hm. Must have gotten used to the lower level bond from this Rose."
When he looked up again, Rose watched her older self give him a look that made him stumble back towards the console with darkened eyes and a flare of arousal she could feel. "That's just not fair!" He cried out.
Rose looked at her older self with admiration. "How'd you do that then?"
She laughed, "Oh, don't worry little me. You'll figure it all out quickly enough. And I feel too bad for him to give you any more of a head start." She winked at the Doctor.
"Um, excuse me, Rose, I know you were explaining before but my mind isn't quite wrapping around this craziness." All three heads turned to look at the girl in the entrance. She gave younger Rose a hesitant smile. "Hi, I'm Clara. I've been, er, travelling with them for a little while."
This introduction brought Rose's attention also to the girl standing beside Clara. Now that their eyes met, the girl let out a very large smile. "Hi Mum, I'm –" The Doctor made a very loud noise of protest which made everyone turn to him.
"Ah, I don't think she should know any more than she has to." He looked a wee bit embarrassed, especially when he caught the older Rose's laughing eyes.
The older Rose rolled her eyes and spoke to her younger self. "He's obsessed with being the one to name the Time Tots. You should hear the battles we have over this one." She patted her stomach with an adoring smile. "I'd let you feel her, but you can't touch yourself, you know."
Then she turned to the child still in the doorway. "Okay with you if we don't tell her your name, Sweetie? Make it a surprise, you know."
"Okay, Mum," the girl agreed readily, stepping up to take her mother's hand. "It's good to meet you though, when you were younger." She smiled adorably at the younger Rose, who met blue eyes the exact color of her first Doctor's.
There was a clattering from the hallway and the first child she'd met was calling out, "Dad, you better not be snogging in here again, but I have a question about using the –" He rounded the corner into the room and skidded to a stop. "Oh, hullo Mum! How was the spa then?"
The look of disgust on his face was practically hidden, which made the younger Rose smile. Somehow, miraculously, it looked like she was raising her children to have manners. Incredible with the father they had.
"It was lovely, Jack. And how goes your sonic, um …" The older Rose darted a look at the Doctor that was obviously a plea for assistance. Apparently her teasing from earlier had been enough to convince him not to help.
"Regressor, Mum, honestly. It's like you just wandered onto this ship." Rose revised her opinions of her children's politeness. Less surprising than she'd thought.
The older Rose seemed to have a similar thought given the pointed look she was directed at the boy. "You're not too old to be grounded, Jack. Be nice." He gave a huff, but it was barely audible so everyone collectively chose to ignore it.
"It's going okay. Dad had a really excellent idea, but I'm not sure how it's going to …" He trailed off as he saw at the younger Rose still standing by the console. "Well, I guess it can wait til we get her back home." He said, generously.
"Right," the younger Rose said, seeing her cue to interrupt all the by-play. "What exactly do I need to do before I can go back to my own time? The TARDIS said something about a bond? What does that mean exactly?"
Her older self frowned a little. "I can't remember doing all this the first time that well actually. Which is good I guess, or else I'd be trying to say exactly what I remember saying before, which would cause a real headache. But I know I need to help mediate it. And I know the TARDIS can guide it all."
The Doctor didn't seem to be able to help himself. "Are you sure this is what you want, Rose?"
The only response he got were two alarmingly identical glares from the older and younger Rose. He threw his hands up in retreat. "Right, sorry for asking!"
"Jack, Clara, M-" The Doctor interrupted Rose with a very loud and urgent cleared throat. Rose rolled her eyes at him and said, exaggeratedly, "My unnamed daughter. You all shouldn't be here for this. Could get caught in the backlash."
The girl looked concerned. "Are you sure you're going to be okay during it, Mum? I mean, we all know the worst than can happen to Dad is regeneration, but we still aren't sure about all the details of how this works for you."
The older Rose smiled and kneeled down to her daughter's level. "It's going to be fine. I've already lived this remember? And besides, the TARDIS wouldn't do anything to hurt me, you know that."
Younger Rose felt her heart melt a little at the obvious adoration between mother and child. And then marveled at the knowledge that this was her, her future. Incredible.
With the console room cleared of everyone except the Doctor and the Roses, the older Rose sat down on a very squishy looking sofa that the younger Rose hadn't noticed until that moment. She looked tired and the concern in the Doctor's eyes as he rushed toward her showed he'd obviously noticed.
"Are you alright, Love? I knew this was too strenuous so close to the due date. Junior here is really making it rough on you this go round." He looked upset and was fidgeting with his hands and sonic screwdriver in ways that Rose knew weren't actually doing anything more than making him feel like he was doing something.
"I'm fine, Doctor. Just a little sleepy. And this baby is no different than the other two." She grinned over at the younger Rose, "Time Tots take it out of you in ways human babies don't! The Doctor says it's the telepathy and time sense developing. Suck mental energy as well as physical. And they take an entire year!"
Younger Rose's eyes had widened and the Doctor flailed his hands. "You can't tell her things like that! Paradoxes!"
The older Rose waved him off. "It'll be fine. And she needs as much time to process all that as she can get! Not your idea of time to process, which happens to be after I'm already pregnant!"
She turned her attention back to Rose and continued her speech on gallifreyan-human pregnancy. "We get the most intense cravings. And for things we don't even know exist! Became almost a game, didn't it Doctor? Me describing things and you having to figure out what exactly it was the baby wanted." The Doctor had collapsed to the sofa beside her and maneuvered her into his arms. She nudged him with her elbow to help with the story telling.
"Personally, I'm partial to how desperate for sex you got around month three …" He said, with a dark glint in his eyes as he looked at the older Rose. She elbowed him with real force this time and flushed red.
"Alright, maybe we should just let you see for yourself then." Rose finished story time hurriedly.
"Rose, what happened to, it's still me? Feeling uncomfortable with the mention of our sex life?" he teased.
Both Roses were blushing and avoiding one another's eyes. Younger Rose was the one to explain. "I know it's me, but it's still weird. Can we get to this bonding thing now?"
"Right! Of course. Well, except that I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. What do we need to do old girl?"
The TARDIS had been humming happily since the older Rose had walked in the door, overjoyed to have her adored ones all here and to be about to bond to her Rose. Just open up my heart again, my Thief. And then don't interfere except to support her over the bond. And my Wolf, you will help support me so that I don't overwhelm her this time.
"Okay! That's easy! Anything we expressly shouldn't do? Like, say, if I were to look into the heart of the TARDIS …" The Doctor had a curious and enthusiastic tone that seemed to make it through regenerations.
Do not look, my Thief. But hold her hand. The pregnant Rose stood up, bringing her husband with her and guiding him to stand by her younger self. She gave her younger self a bright smile of support, then continued to stand at the console and put a hand on the time rotor. She closed her eyes and the happy hum of the TARDIS increased.
The Doctor jumped into action, literally. He pulled his sonic out and began using it for its named purpose for once, removing screws from the console. This console needed more than the removal of a panel to access the heart and he continued to delve under the time rotor.
The older Rose put a hand over to him and spoke with a voice a little more resonant than usual. When the younger Rose looked away from the Doctor to her, she noticed that her eyes were glowing golden. "I can take it from here Thief. Now go to her and look away."
The Doctor, for once, did what he was told without talking back. His hand slid into Rose's and he looked at her for a long moment before he had to turn away. "You can do this. You know it. You are the very best Rose."
He placed a hand on her cheek and bent to press his lips to hers, lightly and tenderly and with all the love in the world. Rose actually found her vision going hazy with tears from the sheer beauty of it.
He pulled back slowly and turned away, clutching to her hand with a familiar force.
Rose turned to the console and her future self, who was smiling at them with adoration. "Are you ready Rose Tyler? It will be overwhelming again. Cling to him."
Rose had barely time to nod and brace herself before the time rotor was opening and familiar golden swirls were spilling out. She was transfixed by them, couldn't have looked away if she wanted to. They curled into her eyes, into her mind, lighting up parts of her brain which she hadn't known she possessed.
She had more senses, infinitely more ways to experience the universe. She could see past and present and future with no divisions between them, time as a curve, a ball, nonexistent with everything happening all together. Some small part of her, a lesser sense, was aware that she screamed and clutched the hand she held.
The perceptions backed off suddenly, although they were still overwhelming. Time coalesced into a complex mesh of swirling strands, some stronger and brighter than others. Each strand branched millions and millions of ways and there were billions of the strands, impossible to conceive of. She almost had to scream for release again.
But there was a part of her mind which offered solace, someone who maybe could conceive of the infinity of all of time and space. She grabbed onto her bond with the Doctor like a lifeline, which it had suddenly become.
It was like a breath of fresh air after drowning. Her senses were still utterly overwhelmed, but here she could rest and ignore the excesses in the rest of her mind. Dimly she heard a voice speaking to her. It took her a long moment to identify it as the TARDIS. My Wolf, you must take hold of your timeline and bind it to me. Let us shape time to our will.
She shuddered away from the thought. Time and space are not ours to manipulate! She called back to the TARDIS, flashes of screaming, bat-like beasts and a father driven to suicide in her mind.
There was a glow of warm approval through her mind. No, they are not my Wolf. But just this once, here, this is as it must be.
And then the TARDIS was guiding Rose away from the Doctor and towards the timelines, but they were less alarming with the TARDIS as guide, pruning away the irrelevant to show her only the time line she desired.
Look how brightly you burn my Wolf. It is meant to be. Do you see now? Rose was transfixed by the timeline before her, winding its way ever so long and tied so tightly to one burning just as bright. And offshoots of these timelines, glorious long lives of their children of time.
She was aware, in that same dim corner of her mind that registered screaming, that she was crying. This timeline, her life was so impossibly beautiful. It was almost involuntarily to reach out and grasp it.
That's it. Pull yourself in, let me into you. She was changing, she could tell. The brightness of the timelines didn't fade, but it hurt less to look at now, infinity seemed more manageable, like something that she could hold in her mind and not go insane from.
Thank you my Wolf. You've done it.
And with that, she was suddenly released and collapsed to the ground. She wasn't sure if she was losing consciousness or if that was just the sensation of losing all those extra senses.
She realized she was being held, cradled in the Doctor's arms. "Hello," she said with a smile.
"Oh, Rose I was so terrified." He sounded it, weak and hoarse. His hand was cupping her face and she noticed that it was red and swollen and had bloody half circles which looked like nail marks.
"Did I do that? Oh god, I'm sorry!" She exclaimed.
He actually laughed with relief. Her voice from above them brought her attention up. "I told you I would be fine! I was always fine."
The future her looked a little worn and unstable, but was smiling fiercely. She could tell along the bond that the Doctor was torn between getting up and staying here, but her future self waved him away. "I'm fine. Just, holding back the rest of the heart was a little tiring, especially when combined with the baby."
Younger Rose was still concerned by how shaky she looked, so she stood up herself to free the Doctor to go to the other Rose. "I'm fine too. Feel kind of energized actually." It wasn't a lie. It felt like that gold stuff was still flowing through her veins.
The other Rose smiled, "Yeah, that'll be the time vortex. It's going through you now mutating your DNA. Which you'd think would take a lot out of you, but actually it's like you're upgrading everything."
She moved to go sit on the sofa again. "Actually, you'll probably be wanting to go back already, huh? The TARDIS'll let you now that you're done."
Rose's face broke into a huge grin. "Is it that obvious? I love you," she said to the Doctor hovering over the future Rose, "But I really can't wait to be back in my own time."
The Rose on the sofa waved the Doctor's hands away from her. "Doctor, I'm fine. Will you please go set the coordinates already?"
"The TARDIS can set the coordinates, I just need to bang down a lever. Which I'm sure she could do as well, just keeps me around to make me feel like I'm doing something." He straightened his bowtie, obviously affronted by how small a part he'd played in any of this.
"Of course not Dear, you're the designated driver, you know that." Older Rose had a teasing grin that was just daring him to kiss it off her. And he did.
"Guys," Rose ventured hesitantly, when their kiss was growing increasingly passionate on the sofa, "Maybe we could get me back before you do that?"
Older Rose shoved the Doctor away and towards the console. "You're a menace." She said to him.
He smiled, "You love it." Then turned to the console. "Okay Old Girl, you actually ready this time? Here we go!"
He slammed down a large lever and the TARDIS shook with that familiar grinding which made all three of them grin with affection. When the shaking stopped, three heads had poked out of a side door.
"Time to say goodbye?" Jack asked, "Dad, you could give a guy some warning before you do that, I could have been at a very sensitive part in this project!"
He sauntered over to the younger Rose and grinned. "I'd hug you, but you know. I can't wait to get to know you for real."
Rose smiled, looking over at the still unnamed daughter who was smiling at her shyly. "And I can't wait to meet you two for real. Take care of your Dad for me, won't you?"
She turned to her older self. "First," the pregnant her began, "you should stop worrying about your Doctor and being attracted to you. You will very quickly discover that that is a very ridiculous idea. But he'll prove that."
"And second, well, I don't even need to say it, but … it's an absolutely fantastic life. Like we could never have dreamed. Treasure every minute, yeah?" Rose agreed with her older self. That did not need to be said.
"Oh! And third …" she leaned in, which made the Doctor flail a little, but they were careful not to touch as Rose whispered something very dirty in her ear. She giggled.
"What did you say to her?" The Doctor asked, suspiciously.
Older Rose waved him off. "None of your business. Just a little tip for her about you."
"That's not fair at all!" He complained, but seemed to recognize it as a lost cause because he made his way over to younger Rose instead of continuing to argue.
"I'll see you very very soon my love," he said, voice transformed from the complaint of earlier. "And thank you so very much for everything."
Rose almost teared up again at just how genuine his voice was. Instead of an answer, she sent him a blast of emotion over their bond. He grinned hugely at her and swung down to catch her lips in a kiss that near blistered her with passion and emotion.
It was over too soon. But there were many, many more kisses to look forward to. "Now get out there to me. I'm missing you very terribly."
Rose took one last look at the future and beamed at them all. It seemed almost inconceivable that life could be so good. But here she was. Time to go start it.
She walked out the door and towards the TARDIS opposite this one.