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Author's Notes and replies to reviews are at the end of the chapter.

Warm Days

Chapter 10

Sunday and then most of Monday had been uneventful for Kagura. The largest oddity was Yomi wearing a scarf that covered her entire neck all day at school, insisting it was necessary to help her get over a sore throat she had developed over the weekend. The way Tomo would snicker any time attention was drawn to the scarf had given Kagura an idea of just what the two had done to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Past that, Kagura had felt bored, and almost annoyed with her lack of emotion for her situation. What had happened the past Saturday felt like it should upset her, yet it didn't. It was like she had been dumped back out into the world of the mundane, released from the secret she thought she would have to bear for months, if not years. After all of her weeks of strange thoughts, dreams, and even stranger twists in her first relationship, it was over. She had explored the possibility of being a lesbian, and had somehow…moved on? It looked like her only chance at it had been doomed from the start, and had lead her to a new introspection; was it women she was even attracted to, or just Ms. Kurosawa?

After the bell for their last class had rung, Kagura had hung back, letting most of the other students leave ahead of her. She had sent her friends on ahead as well, needing to hang around to ask the teacher questions about their homework. Once most of the other students had filtered out of the school Kagura had finally made her way out of the classroom. The one thing that nagged in her mind still was the idea of just what she had missed out on with Ms. Kurosawa, if they had gone all of the way. Sex had never been something she was preoccupied with, but she couldn't deny a certain curiosity, especially after the time during summer vacation when Ms. Kurosawa had divulged all the secrets she could imagine to it…

Her inner thoughts were halted as she stepped into the school foyer to retrieve her shoes from their cubby hole. Few students were still there, leaving her to see clearly that a tidy red box not unlike the generic box Valentine's Day candy was given in had been perched atop her sneakers. Setting her bag down on the bench that ran the center of the room, she reached for the box, sliding it out, and then noticing an envelope lay on its lid. Holding the box with one hand and the envelope down with her thumb, she carefully opened the unsealed back with her other hand, sliding the Valentine's Day card out. The card was a store-bought cheesy number with a teddy bear on the cover. Opening the card, inside along with the punchline of the cover's joke was written simply, "Happy Valentine's Day, dyke."

There was a moment when the world felt like it went silent for Kagura, and she had to re-read the words to be sure she even comprehended them. The silence was broken by the derisive giggling of girls standing at the back corner of the room, disappearing down the hall as Kagura turned to look at them, rage boiling up in her. Crushing the card in her hand, Kagura hurled the card, along with the box, squarely into the small waste can by the door. She grabbed her shoes out of the cubbyhole, not bothering to even exchange them for her school shoes, barely remembering to grab her school bag as she stormed out.

The emotions tracking through her mind ran the gamut from imaginatively homicidal rage to bawling depression. The only thing keeping her from breaking down crying was her inability to sort those emotions out currently. She barely noticed as she walked that Sakaki was jogging towards her, headed back towards the school. Not wanting to risk a familiar face causing a full on break down, Kagura looked away, her face still contorted in rage as she walked past, wanting nothing more than to get to the comfort and security of her bedroom so she could cry her eyes out in privacy.

Arriving home Kagura slipped into the drill she had all but perfected in the month past, holding in her tears until she had lost her school bag and coat—and sneakers—just inside the door before making for the sanctuary of her bedroom. She threw herself face down on the bed, hugging the large pillow at its head as she cried into it, not wanting to ever leave her bedroom again. It was several hours before she stirred again, finally disturbed from the slumber she'd fallen into by her bedroom door opening. Reflexively she pushed herself up on the bed, squinting painfully from the bright light from above assaulting her still teary eyes.

Her mother was standing in the threshold of the door, telling her it was time for dinner, giving pause to seeing Kagura in her current state. Quickly Kagura wiped her tears away on the sleeve of her school uniform, rising to her feet to go wash up in the bathroom, keeping her gaze down shamefully and away from that of her mother.

After taking her time to wash up, Kagura joined her parents for an all but painful dinner. Despite moving her food constantly very little of it was taken to her mouth, instead shifted around on the plate before her. Her parents were quiet, which unnerved Kagura. It was hardly the first time she had come home crying from school—even because of the problems with her sexuality. Normally her parents were quick to ask her what was wrong, and comfort her. This time they were silent, giving Kagura the feeling they could see the same elephant in the room that she could.

By the time she had managed to make her serving of dinner circumnavigate her plate entirely she finally asked permission to be excused, on her feet before either of her parents could respond, already halfway to her room when her mother's voice caught up to her, calling her back to the table so they could talk.

Stopping in her tracks, Kagura glanced back over her shoulder, feeling a chill run up her spine as she met the eyes of her mother and father, quickly looking away to her own feet as she trudged back to the table, plopping herself down again.

The tense silence that fell over them was broken finally by her mother, watching Kagura carefully as she said, "A few weeks ago I was called to your school by your guidance counselor. She told me about the horrible rumors that had been circulating about you."

Despite fully expecting it, Kagura couldn't help but be chilled to the core by her mother voicing the exact knowledge she had hoped her parents would never hear about. She kept her eyes down on her nearly untouched plate, her hands tightening on the hem of her skirt as she fought to keep her composure as her mother continued, "Your father and I agreed not to say anything at first, since you seemed like you were coping with it…until today."

Her father cut in, saying over the edge of one of his evening cans of beer, "We decided that we'd just come clean, so you didn't feel like you had to hide it from us, and take some of the burden off your back."

Still keeping her hands gripped on the hem on her skirt, Kagura chanced a glance up to her father and mother, feeling a small glimmer of hope that all her fears over the reaction to her situation were exaggerated in her mind. Her thoughts fluttered about as she tried to think of what to say, what to tell them.

Her confession was stopped cold as her mother added, "And we want you to know that we don't believe those silly rumors about you being gay for a second." Her father, sipping from his beer again, adding, "Or you having an affair with a teacher. It's horrible kids are going around sparking rumors like this. It's not like they're still in middle school."

Kagura's heart sank—or more accurately, felt like it had, still beating, been cut from her chest, the void left filling with guilt and terror. She felt numb, and even more embarrassed that she had for a brief moment thought her parents understood, when they couldn't possibly know what she was thinking and feeling if they didn't make it clear. She was quickly detaching herself from the situation, her mind shutting down as she failed to come to think of anything to respond with. Mechanically she nodded, feeling like she lied as she thanked them for their understanding.

Again Kagura asked to be excused, getting permission granted this time. Rising to her feet, she turned and strolled to her bedroom. As the door shut behind her she leaned back against it, staring across the room at the blinded window. She didn't want to cry, a first for her.

After a moment of silent contemplation she went to her closet, her dreamlike state barely interrupted as she changed into her jogging clothes, telling her parents where she was going as she left the house. Stepping out into the cool night air she surveyed the nearly empty street, watching a single car slowly plod by.

Jogging always helped her think. Which meant it offered little to her when she couldn't gather her thoughts enough to have anything to think about. She had to try to think about her situation, work out all the nuances of it, what had happened, what could have happened, what people knew had happened, and what people thought had happened.

She and Minamo were the only ones to know there was any shred of truth to the rumors of their relationship. Kagura knew Minamo would never breathe a word of what had transpired between them—if only for her own sake. At the same time the fact that she was…could be…gay in general was still only known by her. It could easily have been assumed by Minamo, but nothing had been ruled out on that front…

By the time she made a loop around the couple of blocks surrounding her house her muscles had begun to burn, and she wanted to clear her mind with a shower, then go to sleep. As she entered the house she tried to be as quiet as possible, even though she had to pass within plain sight of her parents to reach the bathroom. After stripping off her insulating husk she was quickly in the shower, cutting the water up as hot as it would go, keeping her head down so the water could run over it and down her back.

As the water ran over her head she heard a repeated rapping sound, finally leaning back from the shower's spray to call out to the person at the door over its din. Her mother's voice responded, saying, "Kagura, are you okay? You've been in there for half an hour."

It was only now Kagura had realized the water had cooled substantially, prompting her to call back that she was fine, then quickly wash herself before leaving the shower and preparing for bed. As she left the bathroom her father quickly pushed past her into it, citing too much beer as the reason for urgency.

Only mumbling a 'goodnight' as she passed by him, Kagura entered her bedroom, shutting the door behind her and quickly crawling into her bed. Her pillow had dried from her tears earlier, at least, and she buried her face in it again. Instead of crying she just lay quiet and still, trying to fend off the thoughts that had come flooding back to her after leaving the shower.

Hello.

So, been a while. Been busy, been staring at the draft of this chapter and the next in my manuscript file. I've read over it enough I can't find any real changes to make, so, might as well go ahead and post it.

Merry Christmas.

Next chapter will come somewhere before 2012, I promise. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Have a bit of free time now while everything is winding down for the holidays.