"So why are we playing video games again?"
Neptune dragged me all the way back to the Basilicom, and after saying hello to Histoire and Nepgear I was dragged into her room on 'important business'. Said business being a player in the recently released console RPG 'Dungeons of Slugmoor'. While I was waiting, Neptune also called the other CPUs over, for whatever reason.
"Because you can learn all sorts of stuff from video games! Like...your sword training!"
"Neptune, I'm not dumb. You really just want to play that new game today instead of actually physically train me, right?"
I didn't get a response as Neptune rushed towards the door, responding to several knocks. Practically throwing it open, Neptune made a grand motion.
"Come in, ladies and ladies, because the show is about to begin! Get yourselves comfy, because we're gonna play a day one game, baby."
"Is this...really why you called all of us out here Neptune?"
I can already hear the irritation in Blanc's voice, but Neptune was far too hyped to really notice at this point, so she simply dragged everyone into the room. I got a few surprised looked as the girls filed into the room.
"Err, hey ladies. I'm going to learn how to use a sword today. With video games. T-This...this video game. Yeah."
I wonder if it's a bad idea to tell them I haven't played a video game before. Or, at least I don't remember playing one.
"That's righty-o, Davey! Trust me, this is gonna be my best idea ever. Like, seriously."
"W-Well, it's not like I'm looking forward to this or anything, b-but you two won't let me leave so I have no choice!"
"Playing a team RPG with a tsundere?" I saw Vert get this excited glint in her eyes. "This'll be my greatest challenge yet, besides maxing out my Breathing skill in Symbolscape!"
Noire blushed and pouted, but didn't say a word. Good choice on her part.
In any case, the game loaded, and we were greeted by a dramatic intro cutscene. I hope I learn something about swords, I guess.
"Fucking damnit David, use your special!"
"How?! I-I don't - is it usually this hard to use a sword?!"
"The boss is - Noire, help me out here while Neptune heals!"
"Man, why did you guys take all the coolio classes and I got stuck with dumb white mage..."
We're five hours in the game and I have no idea what's going on. We each got starting equipment and a mount, which was easy enough to follow in the first hour. Then as we adventured along, we got introduced to all sorts of flashy skills that involve pressing button combinations and moving the joystick in some convoluted, painful way. On the upside, they were extremely powerful and had a bunch of neat debuffs that they caused. On the other, well...
One of them even includes tilting the joystick in a quarter-circle motion and pressing every single button on the controller at the same time. How do you even do that?!
"NonononononoFUCKIDIEDYOUGOTTABESHITTINGME"
Blanc threw her controller against the wall with sizable force, but it didn't smash into a thousand pieces for some miraculous reason. Curling into a ball-like form, she started groaning angrily into the carpet.
"How do I use Ultimate Tornado Grand Emperor Strike again? Um, wasn't it...fie, these controls..."
"Wow Vert, as a hardcore gamer you should be really ashamed of yourself. Even Neptune memorized all her button combos and - WHAT?!"
Vert gave a sly grin. "Oops, I apologize for letting you die there, I wasn't paying attention~"
"Oh hell no! That was totally you being a jerk!"
"Wow Thunder Tits, I didn't know this was another one of your raids," Blanc spat. "Because you just fucked us over big time."
"I did nothing of the sort. After all, I only did what I had t- Ah."
I was greeted to the sight of Vert's character, a tank in big, clunky armor, getting smashed to pieces by the Dark King, the final boss. Blanc let out an unladylike snort and Noire simply had a sly grin of her own watching Vert stare at the TV dumbfounded.
"Wait, t-that leaves me and Neptune to fight this guy!"
Neptune jumped into my lap with a cheeky grin. "Yeah, and we're gonna totally kick his butt! I'll just keep you healed and - Ah."
Neptune had forgot to bring her controller along with her when she flew into my open lap, and her character simply stood there and got vaporized by his dark laser. I was expecting a laugh track, but never got one.
"O-Oh no, what do I do?!"
"Holy shit, ok ok ok just keep calm! Goddamn...just think about it logically, you're good at that shit!"
"Strike when the opportunity appears, not just to strike, understand?"
I nodded, desperately trying to dodge the king and lay some hits on him. One of them was a lucky critical, and I managed to get his HP to zero.
"I-I did it! I did it!"
"No wait, he's gonna have another form. Totes calling it right now. After this cutscene."
"Fool, y-you think...you think the Infernal Hell Lord of the Ninth Circle, Ruler of the Fallen Divine and Herald of the Nine's Death will fall this easily?! Losirius stops playing games here, you pesky little tramp. Tremble...BEFORE MY MIGHT!"
Dark tentacles burst out of the king's back in every direction, and his bloodcurdling scream soon gave way to maniacal laughter as he transformed into a gigantic two-headed dragon, clad in purple flames and chains. Justifiably, we all started freaking out.
"WE DON'T GET REVIVED FOR THIS?!"
"HE TURNS INTO A MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON?!"
"T-THERE'S NO TROPHY FOR THIS CUTSCENE?!"
"We're all outta chips..."
From the corner of my eye, I saw my other teammates give a sideways glance towards Neptune, who shrunk into my shirt a little more.
"What? It's important, a girl gotta eat good, y'know..."
"O-Ok, time to do the impossible! Fire Twin Serpent...God...err, Strike...!"
Time to furiously mash buttons to see if it does anything. Smashing every button on the controller and wiggling around the joystick in directions that probably don't exist, I felt sweat pouring down my face as I hoped to hit some sort of obscure combo.
OH AND I DID I DID HIT A COMBO YES
A light shone down from above as my knight was bathed in it. He emerged a few seconds later in shining, pearly white armor, boasting massively improved stats and a golden sword that was as intricately designed as it was dangerous. Moments later, an achievement worth 100,000 G popped up, labelled 'First to the Crown'.
I don't know how much G is in a normal achievement, but that wasn't in my sphere of value right now.
"OH, OH YES! I-I REALLY DID IT THIS TIME!"
"Fuck me, that's awesome! I knew this game was being developed for like, years, but holy hell..."
"What are you waiting for, David?!"
"Yes, I'd like to see your Gamerscore after that!"
Best of all was that Neptune simply stayed silent, eagerly watching the screen and bouncing in my lap while slapping my arm to keep me going.
"WHAAAAAAAAT?! 神聖な天国ストライク: ファンタジーの狂人王?! I-I'MPOSSIBLE! YOU...GET BACK! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
Is this what hype feels like? Because if it does, I feel goddamn awesome.
Moving in for the final blow, I entered a quicktime event and chopped both of Losirius' heads off, causing them to roar and violently flail around as black, tar-esque blood spurted from them. Finally, the heads ceased to move, and my knight plunged his sword into the dragon's body, making it explode into a brilliant flash of white. The camera panned to firstperson, and my knight slammed back against the wall, breathing heavily. A vision appeared, and it was none other than the Goddess of Light.
"Your adventure ends here, noble knight. The trials you faced...the loved ones you lost...and the memories you made will last for a lifetime, perhaps even more. Let it be known that your tale of heroism in the hour of darkness will be sung for eons, and you will be hailed as a hero that transcends mortality. Well done, Sir David."
Credits rolled, and I finally set the controller down, heart wildly beating. Hoping that I won't have a heart attack here and now, I gripped Neptune in my arms and squeezed.
"T-That...was so intense, oh my...eugh, I am so tired..."
Neptune broke out of my grasp and turned around, eyes sparkling. "Do you have any idea how awesome this is?! You were the first, first, dude ever to slay Losillius...Losallion...L-Locereal! Whatever!"
She slammed into my chest, knocking the wind right out of me, and wrapped her arms around my neck. In the middle of coughing, I returned the embrace.
"I've never seen an achievement with that much value...I'm so jealous, but my heart is beating wildly..."
"I-I won't be hugging you anytime soon...but I'm p-proud of you, so there!"
"...Now I really wish I was there to beat the shit out of Losirius."
I let out a weak laugh, finally coming off that weirdly satisfying high. Is this how everyone gets when they play video games and I was just locked out of the loop?
"...I learned nothing about sword techniques today, Neptune. Or, at least, I think I didn't."
"Whaaaat? You didn't watch the basic attacks? Those were pretty easy to emulate."
"...Fair point, but I have yet to actually pick up any kind of sword. Also, what time is it?"
I saw Noire check the clock and freeze. Checking it myself, I noticed that it was midnight. Midnight.
"...Oh. S'all cool, you can stay here with me for the night, guys! We'll have a cool slumber party, and share cool ghost stories and stuff!"
That wouldn't sound too bad, I guess.
A/N: Kinda late, but it happened! Not the training you were looking for, but I hope it sufficed. Slumber party might get interesting. Might. Eh, whatever happens, happens. It'll still hopefully be a quality product that people will like. Also, this chapter breaks the 'R' titles! No more of those, running out of words that start with 'R' anyway.
No reviews this time, kinda disappointing but at least I have time to secretly plot the next chapter in my underground volcano laboratory.