Chapter 10: It Doesn't Matter

A/N: Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I hit an evil bout of writer's block that was aided and abetted by my husband and children, but I think I have worked through it. This chapter is from Edward's POV.

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"It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I bleed
You've been on a road
Don't know where it goes or where it leads"

-It Doesn't Matter, Alison Krauss and Union Station

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Edward watched, his eyes wide with shock, as Bella flew from Alice's bedroom. He started after her, but felt a hand on his arm stopping him from progressing any further.

"Let her go," Carlisle spoke softly. Edward looked up and met his gaze. He felt a sudden flare of anger at his father for the secrets he had kept from them all. He felt his hand clench at his sides.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Edward spoke quietly trying to mask his feelings. He felt more than a little ashamed at being so angry with his father. Carlisle had never been the type to keep secrets from his family, so there must have been a good reason for it, but Edward couldn't help but feel like he had been lied to. He searched for the answer to his question in Carlisle's honeyed eyes and found them full of sorrow and regret.

Carlisle looked down at the floor and dropped his hands to his side. He didn't answer Edward for a moment. The rest of the Cullens sat in silence as if waiting for his answer as well. Carlisle took a deep breath before speaking.

"I really don't know what to tell you Edward." Carlisle's eyes came back to Edward's face. "I just couldn't . . ."

"Why didn't I know?"

"I tried hard not to think of it near you." Edward caught a glimpse of Bella in Carlisle's memories. The entire time Carlisle had been speaking to Bella he had the most horrific pictures running through his thoughts. It horrified Edward to see Bella so drained and weakened. The anger he now felt was only a shadow of the rage that had surged through his veins at the sight of James feeding on Bella's limp body in Carlisle's memories.

"She wasn't the first girl I found that way," Carlisle continued. "The Volturi were famous for keeping pets. Trust me, they wouldn't have cared if they found her as long as he killed her or changed her when he was done." Edward saw the frightened face of a young girl lying on a stone floor. "It was part of the reason I left them. To most vampires humans are nothing more than cattle to feed upon. I wanted to keep that from all of you."

"When I found her there that way, it brought back some very bad memories." Carlisle shook his head to clear the flood of sorrow that filled his thoughts.

Edward suddenly regretted the anger that he felt towards his father. He understood that Carlisle had only been trying to protect all of them from the things he had seen. Edward knew far better than any of them the things that Carlisle had been through during his more than three hundred year existence. More than once he had caught Carlisle in an off moment and seen some things that he wished he hadn't.

He looked around the room at his siblings' stunned faces. The only one of them who didn't look like they had seen a ghost was Alice. She sat composed on the bed where she had been during the entire conversation between Bella and Carlisle. He saw her smile slightly before she stood up and walked out of the room. He heard her voice from the hall.

"Everything's going to be fine. You should just go on like nothing happened."

Go on like nothing happened? How in the hell am I supposed to do that? Edward followed her out of the room paying no heed to the rest of his family in the doorway to Alice's room. He heard them talking quietly as he made his way down the stairs, but he tuned out their thoughts. She walked down the stairs towards the back door that Bella had left open in her haste to escape the house, and he caught her hand as she was halfway out the door.

"Alice," Edward hissed. "What's going on?"

"Can't you just trust me?" She turned to face him with a frown on her tiny face. "You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I want what's best for everyone here. If I tell you, you're just going to ruin everything. The outcome is the same no matter what, but the situations are completely different."

"What is it that you see?"

"Weren't you listening, Edward?" Alice stared at him as he thought about the conversation upstairs. After a few minutes Alice groaned, "Bella, Edward. She's going to be a vampire either sooner or later. No matter what we do it's going to happen."

"You know that's the last thing she wants Alice. You saw how she reacted when Carlisle told her." She knows what kind of monsters we are.

"I saw, but I know that this outcome is inevitable. One day she is going to die and become one of us. I see two possibilities though. Either she changes with us there to help her, or she does it alone and afraid."

Edward thought about the two options. One was infinitely preferable to the other. He looked back at his sister and heard nothing but Latin coming back at him.

"There's still something you're not telling me."

"I have my reasons," she smiled. "Trust me please?"

"I suppose I'll have to." Edward sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Do you know where she went?"

"She went home Edward. She's not going anywhere now, but I think she needs some time for all of this to sink in. Just give her some space. She'll be back at school tomorrow too I think. God I hate this! She's so hard to see. It's giving me a headache." Alice reached up with her left hand and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Sorry, sis." Edward put his arm around her and rubbed her back a little. "Why don't you go upstairs and rest for awhile?"

"Because my room is full of vampires Edward."

"Oh, I forgot," Edward laughed. "You could always use my room."

"I think you're going to be in there for awhile. You have some thinking to do, don't you?" She smiled. "Besides, I could use a good long walk down by the river. See you in a little while." Alice turned and walked out the open door, closing it gently behind her.

Edward could hear the confused thoughts of his family on the floor above him. They mostly centered around Bella's hasty disappearance a few minutes ago. He could hear that Carlisle was explaining the situation as well as he could to them. He decided that he would rather not see any of them right now. There were too many unanswered questions floating around in their thoughts that he wasn't sure he could answer himself. He left the house the same way Alice had only seconds ago and swiftly made his way to the patch of grass below his own window, scrambling up the wall and into the room almost silently.

He made his way over to the stereo and rifled through the stack of CDs he had left lying next to the speaker. He chose one of his favorites, a mix of several composers, and slid it into the slot at the front of the machine. He sank to the floor and closed his eyes, allowing the music to sink into his thoughts. He could feel the jumble of feelings and ideas begin to organize themselves into something coherent as the music wove its pattern of melody and rhythm into his mind. He sat still as a statue for what would have seemed like an eternity to any normal human being, not moving, barely even breathing.

A thousand questions swirled in his mind, and he carefully considered all their implications. For nearly ninety years he had run at the slightest sign of danger, and here was this girl who could end life as he and his family knew it. Why was this situation different? Why did the thought of leaving Forks leave him with a gaping hole in his chest?

Bella.

The thought of Bella brought her face to his mind, and he felt a wrenching in his chest. This hybrid girl had such an unmistakable power over him and his entire existence. And suddenly it hit him like a speeding van barreling down the highway at sixty miles an hour.

I love her.

The sun had long ago set, and his family had dispersed themselves throughout the house to go about with their nightly routines. The sky outside his window was lit with a million tiny points of light, and when Edward finally opened his eyes, he sat staring at the stars as he had done thousands of times before. Thirty-two thousand seven hundred and sixty-four nights had passed since his transformation and rebirth as a vampire, but never before had the world seemed so alive to him since he had made one decision.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter what she is. All I know is my world has been turned upside down since she entered it. Three days. Three tiny little days in the myriad of days that I have known, and those three days are more important to me than the thousands that have preceeded it.

He had thought on the situation for hours and weighed all the options. She was destined to become a vampire, whether she liked it or not. She was for all intents and purposes his mortal enemy. The one being he knew was capable of destroying him and his entire family. Honestly, he should be the one running away. What he had gathered from Carlisle's thoughts indicated that there was a lot he wasn't telling Bella. The dhamphyri had been a powerful enemy of the Volturi at one point, after they had turned on their makers. It had taken all the strength they could muster and every vampire that they could summon to destroy the tiny band of vampire hunters they had themselves created. The battle between them had been long and hard fought, and no one had documented the existence of a dhamphyr since that time. For all he knew, Bella was the first in well over a thousand years.

But it didn't matter.

Nothing really mattered in comparison to the fact that he was absolutely and utterly in love with her. He knew it sounded crazy. He could scarcely believe it himself. He hadn't even realized his own feelings until he had taken the time to sit down and think about it.

Now, what to do about it? He seriously doubted that Bella was just going to plop down next to him in Biology tomorrow and act like any normal teenage girl. She was far from that anyway, but after what had happened and the news she had just received things were going to be difficult for awhile.

And once again, it didn't matter.

Nothing mattered to him except the feeling that everything in the world would fall into place if he was simply near Bella, and nothing would be right if he wasn't. All the other issues would work themselves out in time, and if there was anything Edward had it was time.

He quickly stood up from the spot he had been sitting in and made his way back out the window. He knew there was only on place on Earth he wanted to go. Edward made his way through the trees by instinct, moving swiftly through the cool night air. He could feel the branches brushing past his body as he ran. The world seemed lit as though from inside.

He stopped short at the edge of the woods near Bella's house listening carefully for the sounds of movement inside. He heard nothing but the sounds of quiet breathing coming from the second floor rooms of the tiny house. A sense of relief washed over him when he recognized the sound of the heart coming from just inside the window overlooking the street. He felt a sense of relief wash over his whole body.

At least she's not running any more. Don't push her too hard. I don't think she's quite ready for this yet.

Despite his own warning to himself, he found his feet moving of their own free will towards the house. His limbs had developed a mind of their own and quickly guided him up onto the roof outside the small window pushing up the sash and jumping like a jungle cat onto the carpet. He looked over to find her softly breathing form curled into a ball on the bed at the center of the room. He settled himself into his now accustomed place in the rocking chair at the corner of the room and proceeded to keep what was quicklymbecoming his nightly vigil.

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Edward sat expectantly in his seat in the cafeteria. He had seen Bella's face in the minds of so many of his fellow students this morning but not with his own eyes. His golden irises bounced from one face to another as each of the students of Forks High School entered the cafeteria both singly and in groups until they finally found the one face they had been looking for since Edward had entered the room. His eyes caught hers for a moment, and she quickly looked away blushing.

Oh God, that has got to be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

He watched as the blood slowly drained from each individual blood vessel beneath the pale white skin of her cheek from across the cafeteria. He couldn't remember ever being mesmerized by any human being before now, especially not in this manner. He heard a little giggle from down the table, and turned to see Alice grinning back at him.

Told you so . . .

Take it easy though. If you push her too hard she's just going to run away again. Give her some time no matter what she does today.

He looked at her and scrunched up his face questioningly for a moment.

No way; not telling. It's going to be a surprise. Just remember, things will work out if you give them time. Don't give up . . .

Alice smiled again, stood up and nearly danced across the cafeteria to deposit the contents of her untouched lunch tray in the trash can. She gracefully made her way back to the table and grabbed his hand.

"Come on, you're going to be late for class." You should get there before she does; besides, I want to talk to you alone.

"Alright, Alice." Edward stood slowly, saying goodbye to the Cullens remaining at the table, and allowed Alice to drag him from the cafeteria. She stopped halfway across the courtyard and sank down onto a bench, motioning for him to join her. He did so a little reluctantly.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, Jesus, Edward. Don't play stupid with me. You know what. So, how long did it take you to realize you're in love with her?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're nosey, Alice Cullen?"

"Yes, on a semi-regular basis for approximately the last century. So, how long?" Alice grabbed his arm, her eyes sparkling and searching his for the answer to her question.

"It's not gonna be that easy. You're keeping secrets from me, so I don't exactly feel like being forthcoming." Edward nonchalantly examined the skin around his fingernails as he spoke.

Alice growled at him quietly. "Fine then, Mr. Cullen. You have your secrets, and I have mine. But I can see that you've made up your mind now no matter what happens anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter what I tell you."

"Well?" He looked at her questioningly.

"She's dangerous, Edward."

"I know that, Alice. Tell me something I don't know."

"She's more dangerous to you than any of the rest of us." He saw a picture of his body torn to shreds on the forest floor. "Don't push her . . ."

"Alice, why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"Because you would have left her alone, but she's not really going to kill you. It's just something that could have happened a few days ago in the forest. It only flashed through her mind for a second, and only then as a last resort. She would actually rather die herself than kill anyone, but she would kill to protect the people she loves."

Students were starting to flood out of the cafeteria, and Edward looked down at his watch. There were only three minutes left until the next class began. He stood from the bench and began to walk at a human pace towards the building where Biology classes were held. He heard Alice rise a few moments later.

Be safe . . .

He nodded imperceptibly and continued on his path towards class. When he arrived in the room, he sank slowly into his seat, his mind buzzing with the news he had just received. Things were going to be more difficult than he had planned. He only had a few seconds to prepare himself before Bella walked into the room. He glanced at her for a moment before returning his gaze to the top of the desk in front of him. She found her seat next to him sliding the chair as far from him as possible. The rest of the hour was passed in an uncomfortable silence between the two of them. Neither of them volunteered an answer to any of Mr. Banner's questions. When the bell rang, he followed her progress towards the gym in the mind of a few of the students milling around the courtyard before making his way to the next class on his schedule.

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The next day passed in much the same way. Bella seemed determined that if she pretended Edward didn't exist then he would simply disappear, but he couldn't stop himself from staring when he knew she wasn't looking. She had simply become the most fascinating thing he had ever encountered, partially because of the danger she posed to his very existence.

His family was giving him a wide berth, except for Alice of course. He could tell from their thoughts that none of them were exactly sure what to think of Bella. Most of them were actually afraid of what she was capable of. After Carlisle had explained the situation to them, they had decided to give Bella some space and allow her to make her own decision about the situation. Edward wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he had reluctantly agreed in order to keep the peace.

However, he couldn't stop himself from watching Bella's movements around the school during the day. He tracked her in the thoughts of her classmates as she made her way through each class. It was Friday, and most of the students were abuzz with their plans for the weekend. Apparently, a group of students headed up by Mike Newton were headed to a movie tomorrow night in Port Angeles. Edward had gathered from the thoughts of those involved that Bella was to join the group. He found himself making excuses to be in Port Angeles on Saturday and shook his head to clear it of the ridiculous thoughts.

Just leave her alone. You're probably the last person she wants to see this weekend.

Edward felt as if he needed to know where he stood in this situation. It confounded him to no end that he couldn't simply hear her thoughts to determine her feelings for him. If he judged only from her behavior, he would have believed that she would have preferred it if he simply disappeared from the face of the Earth, but she still came and sat next to him in Biology each day. She didn't try again to have her seat changed, and he felt like this was a positive sign. At least she could stomach his presence.

He looked over at her as she sat hunched over her notes, writing furiously, and noticed the way her hair fell across her shoulders, the brown curls suspended in midair over their shared table. He resisted the urge to reach out and brush the hair back from around her face. She looked up, catching his eyes, and they sat there for a moment. For the first time in days, she didn't look away. Edward felt his breath catch in his throat at the intensity of her stare, not harsh, but searching.

There seemed to be a question in her eyes that only he could answer, but, before the air could return to his lungs and allow him to speak, she looked down again. A few minutes later the bell rang, and she was gone.

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