HEY GUYS ARE YOU UP FOR 3,700ish WORDS OF PERSONA Q CROSSOVER AU SHENANIGANS AND SOME BEAR PUNS?
This chapter exists because I remembered that I hadn't played that game in a while, started a new save file, and got plot bunnies in the process.
And while writing it, I came to the realization that keeping track of three groups of Persona Users, Marie, three Velvet Room attendants, and Zen and Rei was a ridiculously tough task. So not everybody gets a line. And for my sanity's sake, I limited this chapter to where I am at in PQ at the moment.
There's a couple of scenes that spawned this horror. You'll know when you see them.
Also, this chapter is NOT CANON to this fic as a whole. There may be chapters like this in the future, just a heads up.
SPOILER WARNING for: Persona Q (minor and up to the first two dungeons) and Persona 5 (hints of late/post game spoilers)
Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan
By Bilbo-sama
Chapter 10 - Into the Labyrinth (NON CANON)
-"Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Let me tell you of a story that most definitely happened. It all started in late October..."-
-October 25, 20XX-
Shujin Academy's school festival seemed decent enough. Akira was enjoying the day as she hung out with friends as much as she could before Akechi came for the Q&A event tomorrow.
He showed up early anyway to 'feel things out,' whatever that meant.
Unless it meant eating the red takoyaki ball and running away afterwards as his mouth burned from eating something so spicy. Then he succeeded that task spectacularly.
Five minutes after his departure, Ann yelps and almost falls out of her chair trying to get away from the feeling of a spider crawling her leg. Her friends looked around but the spider wasn't found.
The Phantom Thieves were about to pack up and leave the cafe display when a woman with yellow eyes, white hair, and a velvet blue mini dress approached them.
"Ah," she giggled, "I thought I would find a Wild Card and their fellow Persona users here."
The teens froze before shifting into guarded positions.
"Who are you?" asked Makoto.
"I am Elizabeth," said the woman before she focused her stare on Akira, "a resident of the Velvet Room."
"What's that?" asked Ann, noticing Akira's startled twitch.
"It's where I get my new Personas from," Akira replied, "But Justine and Caroline have never mentioned you before."
Something flashed in Elizabeth's eyes for a second before she sighed airily, "When I last saw them, they were just created by our Master. I haven't been dropping by as much as I should lately. My littlest sisters have very little memory of me I'm afraid."
"Why are you here instead of there?" asked Haru.
"I never got to experience a school festival before! My last guest's school had to cancel theirs due to a typhoon. Such a shame that he never got the chance to show me around," she cheerfully shook her head and shrugged in a 'what can you do?' manner. "Since my baby sisters must be starting out, they would be reluctant to be a long distance away from the Velvet Room. So for today, Wild Card, I'll be your Attendant!"
"Um, sure," said Akira, "What would you like to do first?"
"Oooh! So polite!" cheered Elizabeth, "Well -"
A clock tower's bell rung in the distance.
Makoto frowned, "That's odd."
"How so?" said Yusuke.
"This school doesn't have a clock tower. And there isn't any nearby."
"Ah," Elizabeth seemed to smile wider, "it's happening in this timeline as well, I see."
Everyone stared at her.
"Wait, what?" Akira said at last.
"This is seriously getting effin' creepy," said Ryuji.
Elizabeth ignored the rise in scared chatter and raised her arm over her head, "okay, everyone! I brought a piece of the Velvet Room with me. It's just a few rooms behind you! Follow me~!" She turned and walked away to her destination, humming.
"Should we follow her?" asked Haru.
"And, what, die in the crazy lady's hands?" Ryuji argued.
Morgana, who had been silent the whole time, speaks up, "She...feels familiar. I can't explain it but she does."
"Hey, Leader," said Futaba, "what do you think?"
"It kind of feels like she isn't lying," Akira pondered. "Maybe we should risk it."
The bell rung. It was more ominous this time.
"Definitely should risk it," Ann decided.
"Morgana is already armed, he can protect us!" added Futaba.
"How?" the cat sputtered as the teens rushed after Elizabeth.
They entered the classroom Elizabeth stepped in. For a moment, there was nothing until Akira stepped ahead of the group. There was a flash and when everything settled, the Thieves found themselves in the center of a circular room. The walls were lined with jail cells. The one marked with the number 0 was open and gave Akira an air of familiarity.
The Thieves were standing on the edge of a very large blue rug adorned with a golden V. Sitting on the rug was a desk that had the name plate 'Warden' resting on it.
If they turned left, they could see the very large pair of guillotines.
Joker looked down and said, "Huh. I'm not in the prisoner outfit this time."
Instead, the group were in their Metaverse gear.
"Where are we?" Queen asked.
"This is the Velvet Room. It sits between dream and reality, mind and matter," said Elizabeth as she sat down in the Warden's chair.
"Why a prison?" asked Fox as he admired the room's aesthetics.
"It's a reflection of the current guest's heart. The guest may feel as though she's a prisoner of not just the law, but of many things."
The temporary Velvet Room shook.
"As much as I want to worry about our Leader's brain space," yelled Oracle as the shaking became more intense, "but I think we need to hold on to something!"
The bell loudly rang once more and everything went dark.
When they came to, the Velvet Room was unrecognizable. Instead of the prison, it was a blue platform in a blue void full of gears. On the platform was a broken stair case, a blue velvet sofa, a table with a blue velvet cloth covering, and three sets of doors chained together with four locks.
"Is everyone okay?" queried Joker as she sat up. She was answered by a chorus of 'yeah's as her team got up as well.
"My, what a mess," tsks Elizabeth. She seemed oddly unbothered by this turn of events.
"The prison was more aesthetically pleasing," muttered Fox.
Panther and Skull examined the doors. Each of them had a colored light glowing on the top of them. The one with the red light felt...familiar.
Panther tries to open the red door, "It wont open!"
Skull tests it as well, "Shit, it's like its sealed or somethin'."
"Well, there are locks and chains all over them," Mona pointed out as he rolled his eyes.
Joker reaches into one of her coat pockets to reveal a lock pick and inserts it into a lock. After several minutes, she pulls out a broken pick.
"This is going to be harder than we thought," she deadpanned.
"Come quick, everyone!" yelled Noir from the Velvet Room's entrance. Queen, who was the closest, looked out and gasped. The rest hurried to the door, curious.
One by one they all stepped out and stared at the scene before them.
It looked like they still were in Shujin but some of the booths immediately nearby were unfamiliar. The cafe table set up was replaced with a sign advertising the class's goldfish catching booth.
The most important tell that something wasn't right was that all the students are wearing an unfamiliar uniform.
Skull waved down a boy walking by, "Hey, man, where are we?"
The boy smiled widely as he replied, "Yasogami High's school festival is the best!"
"Okaaay, but what city are we in?" Skull asked again.
"Yasogami High-"
"-Is the best. We get it." Skull rubbed the back of his neck in frustration as the boy continued walking away, unbothered by the interruption.
-"You all decided to split up and obtain information. If your navigator hadn't found the Labyrinth entrance, you would've given up in despair...probably."-
"This exhibit is the most garish I have ever seen," declared Fox as the group traverses the first floor of the Labyrinth.
"Is it just me or does it feel like someone's been here before?" said Panther.
On the second floor, Oracle finally speaks up about the elephant in the room.
"Hey, Joker? Is there a reason why you're only using Arsene?"
Joker fiddles with her gloves nervously, "Well...he's the only one who would answer my call to fight. Everyone else has been silent. It's like-"
"They're not there?" finishes an unknown voice. The Thieves turn around and find themselves facing a group of teens in the same uniforms as the 'NPCs' (as Oracle would put it) outside.
A boy with headphones around his neck crosses his arms, "Yeah, our leader is having that problem too." He points to a girl with gray hair tied in twin braids, a longer uniform skirt, and for some reason, baggy socks as she sulks nearby.
"W-who are you guys and how did you hide yourselves from my scans?" asked Oracle nervously as Necronomicon hovers into view.
"That's my question!" said a girl with red pigtails.
"Ooooh! Are you from a cosplay party?" a multi-colored bear finally catches up to the crowd and seemed to vibrate in excitement as he saw the unfamiliar teens.
"My, what pretty girls~!" he exclaimed, "This is a bearutiful sight!"
"We have guns that use actual bullets and we know how to use them," said Joker in a deadpan.
"Wooooow, that's, like, totally hardcore!" the gray-haired girl seemed more interested in the proceedings as Teddie wisely backed away.
-"You all introduced yourselves to each other. You only gave the Inaba group your code names however. You then returned to the Velvet Room where my sister Margaret figured out the issue."-
"Wait, you mean we all can summon multiple Personas now?" asked Chie, a girl with a green jacket.
"Indeed," Margaret confirmed, "However, besides your 'core' Persona, it appears you are limited to holding onto two extra Personas."
"I call dibs on Jack Frost," someone in the back announces.
Before an argument could break out, a man in a blue suit bursts into the room, "Margaret! Elizabeth! My charge and her friends need help!"
And that's how it was learned that there was a third group of Persona users who were deeper into the Labyrinth.
-"You all rushed in to help. Margaret wanted you to all pose and say a few heroic phrases but your team mate Noir 'accidentally' fired a grenade into the crowd of Card Soldiers attacking SEES."-
"W-who are you?" asked a girl clutching onto her naginata as the dust settled.
Improvising, Joker chuckled and waved a hand, "Behold!" A spotlight shone on SEES' rescuers.
"We are the Phantom Thieves of Hearts," she and her team posed heroically, "And we are here to rescue you and steal hearts."
"And those are...uh..." Joker faltered and turned to the Inaba group, "what's your team's name?"
The best way to describe everyone's reactions was that if this was an anime, the heroic and awesome background music would've cut itself off with a record scratch noise as everyone sweat dropped.
"Is this really the best time?" asked Naoto as she pulled down her cap to cover her face in embarrassment.
"Yeah!" said Teddie, "there's lovely ladies in grizzly danger! We need to beartect them!"
"Prepare yourselves!" shouted an unimpressed Queen as she and the others rushed into battle.
As it turned out, the Queen of Hearts SEES was fighting was guarding a treasure. After Skull pried Mona off the treasure chest, a tall dark haired boy wearing a spiked collar opened it to reveal...a pink rabbit plush toy.
"We came all this way just for that?" complained the SEES member wearing a baseball hat.
"That's, like, sort of, like, a let down," commented the Inaba team's leader, Satomi Seta.
-"After more introductions, everyone decided to check out the cultural festival held in the alternate Yasogami High School. Eventually, the three groups started mingling with each other. There was some that got along fine."-
"Is that a mega beef ramen bowl?" Chie asked excitedly.
"Hell yeah, it is," said Skull before pointing out the stall selling it. Chie wordlessly ran off to get one.
"Oh my gosh," she moaned happily as she took the first bite, "what did they do to the meat? It tastes heavenly."
"I know right?" agreed Skull.
"What's your leader like?" asked Junpei.
"Serious with a dash of magical girl anime fangirling," said Panther, sounding resigned.
"Apparently Senpai is a 'kogal'?" said Kanji, "She likes shopping but a lot of girls at school do too."
"Don't kogals usually get really tan and put on a lot of make up?" Junpei scratches his goatee.
"Aren't those the extreme cases?" said Panther.
"Whatever it is, everyone besides Naoto has gotten used to her speech pattern by now. You just tune it out after awhile."
"Huh. Ours is just...ordinary," said Junpei.
-"And some had trouble getting along at first."-
"You grew a body?" gaped Mona.
"Yeah!" chirped Teddie as his human form danced in the bear suit shell before resealing it back in, "It was beary tough but I did it!"
"How?!"
"I did sit ups everyday!"
"A-are you kidding me?" yelped Mona as he launched himself into Teddie's face and clung to it as he shouted, "that can't be it! That sounds like a load of crap! Tell me the truth! Tell me everything!"
"Woah! No need to go bearzerk!"
-"Eventually, you all decided to start the next labyrinth."-
"Wow...it's pink," Joker commented.
Skull muttered, "its reminding me of that asshole all over again."
"What did I say about swearing around Ken-kun?" hissed Queen.
A mechanical sounding voice interrupted all discussion, "Welcome, stray lambs. This is the second year class 2's display."
"Is the cake going to be a lie?" said Aigis.
"W-who taught you that?" asked Fuuka.
"Junpei."
"Figures," said Yukari.
"Hello to everyone, to both those I'm meeting for the first time and those I'm not meeting for the first time," continued the voice as it ignored Oracle's "Wow, what an old meme." comment.
"That doesn't even make sense," commented Mona.
"This display uses state-of-the-art technology to find your destined partner with a few simple questions. You can participate if you wish or you might choose not to."
"We don't have a choice but to do it," Yosuke complains.
"More importantly, who should be answering the questions?" asked Fox.
"Perhaps we should leave it up to one of our leaders," said Mitsuru.
The three co-leaders, Minako, Satomi, and Joker, turned and looked at each other.
"Rock-paper-scissors?" suggested Minako.
"Okay!" agreed Satomi as Joker nodded.
It was an intense game but in the end, Joker won.
After much exploring and dodging FOE arrows, the group finds a set of doors that had the figures facing each other.
As soon as everyone entered, the Voice said, "Welcome, stray lambs. This is a Selection Room of Destiny. Here is your first question:"
[Does a difference in age or sex not matter as long as there is love?]
-It matters
-It doesn't matter at all!
Noticing that Skull and Panther are cringing, Joker frowned before schooling her face into a blank expression. The Thieves tensed. They know that look. Their leader was about to do something silly.
"Beep boop," said Joker.
"Wait, seriously?" commented Rise.
"What a fascinating answer," said Aigis.
"Well, there she goes," sighed Queen.
The barrier in front of the doors lifted.
"I suppose that was a legitimate answer," pondered Naoto.
Eventually, they found the next set of question doors.
The Voice brought forth the next question:
[What is your idea of a good time?]
-Doing stuff outdoors
-Doing stuff indoors
Joker thought long and hard before she smiled.
"Boop Beep."
"What a beary quick answer!"
"Are you going to do this the whole time?" sighed Queen.
"Do it Joker! It would be great!" Oracle egged on.
And so:
"Beep-beep-beep"
"Why did you encourage her?"
"Be-be-beeeeep!"
"Did you just quote the Myth of Hilda?"
"Boop-be-boop."
"I'm surprised these count as answers."
After an awkward group date break, they at last find the last set of doors.
"The preparations for the finale are complete," said the Voice.
"Oh thank god," groaned Yosuke.
"Here is the final question:"
[What is your greatest weapon?]
-My smile
-My eyes
-My conversational skills
-My pure heart
"Beeeeeeeoooooop."
"Thank you for participating. There is no right answer. Only the path you choose."
"I can't bear the suspense!" yelped Teddie, "Who is it?"
"I am flattered by your answers but unfortunately, I cannot be a legitimate destined partner. However, I do believe I found someone in my stead."
A spot light shone around the group before it stopped on Aigis.
"Me?" she asked.
"Wait, really?" said Yukari.
The lights went off. There was the sound of a trap door opening and the surprised yells of the 'destined couple' that became more and more distant before the trap door closed. The lights went back on. Aigis and Joker were gone.
Meanwhile, the 'destined couple' landed in a field.
"Are you alright, Joker-san?" Aigis queried.
"Yeah," Joker replied as she sat up. Aigis mimicked the movement.
Both got back to standing and looked around.
"So," said Aigis, "This is the world for those chosen as "destined partners." It seems we are the only ones here."
"It does," agreed Joker. She unconsciously pulled at her glove to find metal resistance. Confused she raised her arm...and Aigis's. "What the-?"
"It appears we are stuck together," commented Aigis.
"It seems you have reached your destination," announced the Voice, "You appear to be on a path where lovers discuss their love for each other. What could be waiting for you up ahead? You are free to move forward or stay put."
"What if we stay put?" asked Aigis.
"Your only choices appear to be stepping forth or staying put. What would you choose?" was the answer.
"We might as well go forth," sighed Joker.
"Very well. But as I said earlier when we all met, staying by Minako-san's side is very important to me. This is therefore a problem."
"We could apply for divorce," Joker suggested.
"That is a logical decision I can abide," said Aigis.
The two move forward. Eventually, they find a shrouded portrait.
"Suddenly," said the Voice, "all in attendance hear an announcement. Up ahead, you can see the commemorative portrait of the bride and groom. You can look at it or ignore it."
Curious, the 'destined partners' stepped closer to the portrait which immediately revealed itself.
It was a photo shopped picture of a bride and groom. Joker's head was pasted on the groom, while Aigis was the bride.
"How is this a memento of love?" asked Aigis, "It looks nothing more than an image manipulation."
She looked at it again before looking back at Joker.
"May we recreate the commemorative photo?" she asked.
"Alright. It can't be that tough," Joker shrugged.
Aigis lifted Joker into a bridal carry, "I judged that you would not be able to support my weight so I took the liberty to reverse our roles."
"Where should we go then, my dear future husband?" Joker deadpanned.
"Checking data banks," Aigis said robotically.
She held Joker in silence for a few minutes.
"To be wed couples go to a church. Therefore, if we continue moving beyond the portrait, we could find the church."
She carried Joker for what felt like hours. Finally, they find the church. Setting down Joker, Aigis hesitated.
"Shall we go?" she asked.
Joker nodded. Might as well get this over with.
They open the doors and step inside. A nearby organ playing 'Here comes the bride' swells dramatically.
"Now, vow to your partner in sickness and health!" demands the Voice as the two girls walk down the aisle.
The doors slam open again and everyone rushes in.
"W-wait, Joker-san!" shouts Yosuke, "I don't think that Aigis-san has the right upgrades for marriage!"
-January 10, 20XX-
"And then what happened?" asked Akira, skeptical. The woman sitting across from her requested her presence a few hours ago. Since then, she had been telling the imprisoned teen a wild story about meeting other Persona users in a pocket dimension. Several guards stuck around at first to see if the woman was trying to pass incriminating info in code along. But the confusion and amusement of the prisoner proved that wrong. So they retreated to make sure the odd woman wasn't planning to break the teen out.
Elizabeth smiled at the girl behind the interview glass, "And then you defeated the preacher shadow and located its treasure."
"So...I'm not married to a time traveling robot?"
"No."
"Alright," Akira nods, "what happened after that?"
"You all gathered back to the Velvet Room..."
-Omake 1-
"Wait," Panther leaned forward and stared at the red haired Yasogami navigator chatting with SEES' own navigator, "Is that Risette?"
"It kind of does look a younger version of her," said Joker. "I think that kid over there looks a bit like Naoto Shirogane. Y'know, the original Detective Prince."
"Their teammates did say they're from 2011," added Noir.
"So if we tell them anything, will it change the future?" asked Panther.
"I think we should not try to change anything," Queen suggested.
"Right," Joker nodded, "spread that around to the others."
-Omake 2-
Marie was bored. Satomi and her new friends were busy exploring the Labyrinths and Margaret was having a discussion with her siblings. At first they were comparing timelines and something about gaps between worlds and a 'Minato.' Whoever that is.
Apparently Elizabeth knew something about Marie's future but has elected to not say anything. 'It was more fun that way' she had said. Lame.
Now they were discussing the time period of the Wild Card Elizabeth is babysitting.
"Lavenza was supposed to begin her duties soon. It should be around the time the Wild Card named Kurusu should've gained their power," said Margaret.
"Indeed. Instead, Kurusu said she has twin attendants named Caroline and Justine," said Elizabeth.
"Did something happen to Lavenza?" wondered Theodore.
"And that's not just the only oddity," added Margaret, "have you noticed how similar Mona feels to you?"
Mona? Isn't that the cat thing?
Marie shook her head. Ugh, if the Velvet Room weirdos are going to discuss the future and their opinions on guests, they should've let her join in. They're such jerks.
Depending on how far I get in my playthrough, I might throw in a few drabbles centering around this crossover chapter of doom in the future. *shrugs*
The P3 and P4 leaders are female too because why not. However, I hadn't played P3P in a long time so Minako ended up being...generically female. orz
P4 MC/Satomi is characterized as 'total airhead with a dash of gal culture' because I figured why not try something different with her. Keeping up with P4's theme that there's more to someone than what you assume them to be, she actually gets really good test grades. Which confuses people because would you expect that?
The kanji in Satomi's name is the ones for 'clever' and 'beautiful' because irony and hints that she is actually smarter than she lets on.
CONCERNING FUTURE UPDATES:
This fic unexpectedly became a summer project and now its all winding down and burn out is setting in.
Last chapter, I put up a survey concerning future chapters. I have a bunch of short one-shots of varying lengths and writers block so I was wondering I should a) post them all in a couple of super collection chapters and then there's nothing for a while until I post something, b) post a chapter once a week that has two or three one-shots put together until I finish on a longer chapter, or c) continue with my current schedule and occasionally post something that's like 200 words long while I try to work on a longer chapter.
Few of you on both ff dot net and AO3 replied and so far the tally is technically 2 for Option A and 2 for Option C. I gave some thought for the past week and I'm using my Executive Author Powers to break this tie and say screw it, let's do Option B.
So from now on, new chapters will be on Wednesdays. Chapters will contain stuff I wrote like weeks ago and occasionally between them it will be a longer chapter like this one. Posting once a week would less stressful for me and hopefully I wont get that feeling that I'm spamming chapters for views. :O
My previous timeline was that I would end this story by the end of August but perhaps with this new schedule, I'll most likely be done by the end of October.
Thank you all for reading and I wouldn't have gotten this far without your encouragement.
Tune in next Wednesday for the start of the new schedule. :D