Chapter Ten

Sunday 1st August 2004

Light leant back against the fluffy headboard and watched the duvet rise a fall with L's breathing. He wasn't sure if the detective was really asleep or just pretending, but he didn't want to risk waking him to find out. He was so quiet last night. Light sighed. What have I done wrong now? Is it just because I guessed his password? But it was so obvious! That smile of his is such a giveaway… No. He was annoyed with me before that. Is it… When I got upset? Am I being too pathetic? Light took a deep breath. That was probably it. It must be hard for him to watch me being miserable about this. I want him to be happy, so I guess that means I can't… I can't keep getting upset. Not, not in front of him, anyway. It's just so- Fuck. Light felt tears welling in his eyes. Pathetic. He tilted his head back and dug his finger-nails into the palms of his hands. The pain helped. It was something to focus on. A single tear escaped and ran down Light's cheek. He pressed his tongue into the point of his right canine tooth, not too hard, but just enough. Light concentrated on the pain and controlling his breath. So, I guess this works. If I can stop crying all the time, and if I don't show him how much I care… maybe he'll cheer up a bit .

#

L rolled over and stretched out. His feet touched something soft and warm.

"Hey! Shift over," Light said, pushing L's shoulder. "You're going to knock me out of bed."

"Sorry," L said, rolling over to face him. Why is he smiling like that? L shuffled away, giving Light some more space.

"It's fine, really," Light said. "I was joking. Are you okay, L?" Why wouldn't I be? What's wrong with him today? And why is he still smiling like a weirdo. L shrugged and got out of bed.

"Are you… Are you still mad at me?" Light asked. "I'm sorry I insulted the bathroom, L. It's lovely, really, it's just… It just wasn't what I'd expected.

"Light-kun," L said. "Let's just go and shower." Then you'll have to take off that stupid pyjama top. I don't like this. It's like you're hiding from me.

Light stumbled out of bed as L dragged him across the room. What's his hurry? He is still mad, isn't he? But, surely, he can see how stupid the bathroom is? And he knows how I feel… so why isn't he worried about privacy. It's almost like he wants me to look at him. I thought he'd start wearing a pyjama top, now that I am, but it's like he's deliberately taunting me… No. He wouldn't be doing it on purpose. He even said yesterday, he doesn't want to hurt me. He's just too innocent. He doesn't understand. Light sighed and followed L to the horrible, far too see through, showers.

L waited by the showers, but Light still didn't take his top off. He just stepped into one of the cubicles. This is getting ridiculous. He can't be that self-conscious now, because of me. He's got nothing to be self-conscious about. L climbed into his own shower cubicle. I thought if I kept being topless, maybe he'd get the message or… maybe he'd try to kiss me again. But perhaps he doesn't like me anymore. He doesn't look at me the same way and… I guess he regrets it. Maybe, now he knows how awful I am at these things, he isn't attracted to me anymore… Or, maybe I'm just not being alluring enough? Should I try flirting with him? But, how does one flirt? L wriggled out of his pyjama bottoms and watched Light through the frosted glass. The pattern didn't let him see anything too clearly, but Light had finally taken off that stupid pyjama top and was facing away from him. L was tempted to press his face against the glass, for a better look, but he couldn't... He'd promised Light he wouldn't look at all. Besides, if Light did turn around, L didn't want to be pulling faces against the glass.

Light heard L's shower turn on behind him. It was torture to know there was only glass separating them. But if her looked, L would think he was Kira. I thought he didn't suspect me as much anymore. Light sighed. I guess I was wrong. He took off his pyjama bottoms and threw them over the door. This is horrible. He could be watching me right now. He said he wouldn't but… This is L.

#

Light was fed up and hungry. They'd been searching for the kitchen for almost two hours. L was adamant that there was one on their floor. Light believed him, but he suspected it was in the other direction. All they'd discovered this way were endless spare bedrooms, but L continued to drag him through corridors, opening each door they passed and grumbling when each one failed to reveal anything remotely edible.

"Please, L," Light said. "Can we try the other way now?"

"No," L snapped. "If we did that, it would probably turn out to be the next door along this way. We should do this methodically, Light-kun." L stopped at yet another door. "This must be it!"

Bet it isn't. I bet it's- "Aargh!"Light was yanked through the door behind L, as he tripped into what appeared to be a small cupboard. Light looked down to see L sprawled on the floor, looking up at him and blushing. Then the door slammed, and he couldn't see anything at all.

"L?" he said. "Are you OK?"

"Yes," L answered from somewhere at his feet. "I'm fine. Can you open the door, please?"

"Hang on," Light said. "I'm looking for a handle… Um, L, I don't think there is one on this side. We might be locked in here."

"Don't be stupid, Light-kun." L said. "There must be a handle."

"No," Light said. "I think we- Fuck!" Why is he grabbing my thigh? Is he- Oh, okay… he's just trying to get up and using me as support.

"What?" L said.

Light felt L's other hand groping at his hip. Don't. Don't even wonder where his face is right now. Just… Breathe Light. Just, oh fuck. Light grabbed the hand from his hip and pulled L to his feet. He was sure he could feel L's other hand following the contours of his body as he stood up. You're imagining things. It's just because it's dark and, and weird.

L could feel Light's warm body only inches from his own. There was barely enough space for the two them to stand amongst the mops and cleaning supplies. This is perfect! If Light still finds me even vaguely attractive, he must be feeling this… this tension. L took a deep breath and reached out one hand, searching for Lights face, ready to lean in and-.

"Ow!" Light gasped. "What the fuck was that for?"

"What?" L pulled his hand back.

"You just hit me in the eye!" Oh dear. That wasn't what I was trying to do.

"Sorry," L said. "I'm so sorry Light-kun. Are you okay? I was, um… Where's this stupid door handle?" Idiot, L! You can't do anything right, can you?

L reached past Light, towards the door, pressing their bodies a little closer than was strictly necessary. Damn. He's right. There is no handle.

Light tried to focus on the smell of cleaning supplies, not L's body. Not the way L's hair was brushing against his shoulder. Not the feel of L's breath on his neck.

"Light-kun," L whispered.

"Yes,"

"Do you have your phone on you?"

"What? Oh, no, it's in the bedroom," Light said. "Do you have yours?"

"I have no pockets," L said. "I am only wearing pyjama bottoms."

God, L, don't remind me of that right now. Light sighed. "So, we really are trapped then?"

"It would appear so," L said. "Unless we kick the door down." Is he serious?

"I, um, there's not much space," Light said.

L started kicking at the door. "Are you going to help or not?" he said. "I don't want to hurt you." Yeah, right. Light rubbed his eye. I've heard that before.

"Why don't you just let me do it?" Light said. "I'm nearer."

L stopped kicking and Light felt him moving away, towards the back of the cupboard.

Light took a deep breath and slammed his foot into the door.

Suddenly he could see again. "Hah," he said. "Down in one. We're free!" He turned to smile at L, but the detective didn't look pleased.

"Yes," he snapped. "But, only because I had already weakened the door for you."

"Whatever you say," Light laughed. "Now, we are going this way." Light strode down the corridor, dragging L behind him.

#

L rushed to the fridge and pulled it open. What? He peered inside. No cheesecake? No chocolate gateau? No... Nothing? But... I'm going to kill Watari.

"Light-kun," he said. "I'm afraid there is nothing to eat."

"But, the fridge looks full, from here."

L crouched down to examine the bottom shelf. "Aha!" He pulled out a punnet of strawberries and ripped off the plastic cover.

"L!" Light said. "There's plenty of food. We just need to cook it."

L frowned. But, I don't cook. Watari knows that. Is he trying to mess with my diet again? L looked back into the fridge. Broccoli?! I thought we were past this.

#

"Light, please," L moaned. "I'm hungry."

Light smiled and turned to face him. L was sitting awkwardly at the kitchen table, scowling at him. "It won't take long," Light said. "I promise you'll like it." I hope you do anyway... My mum's always telling Sayu the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Please like my cooking, L.

"What are you making then?" L demanded. Well, at least he's interested now.

"Pancakes, with strawberries and syrup."

"The strawberries you wouldn't let me eat?"

"Yes," Light said. "The ones I could rescue from you, anyway."

L made another indistinct noise. Light had decided these were a vital, but unintelligible, part of L's sulking and had given up responding to them. Instead he poured the coffee he'd brewed into a large mug and carried it over to the table with a bowl of sugar cubes. That should keep him occupied for a while, and perk him up.

"Thank you," L mumbled, picking up one of the sugar cubes. He smiled. "Would you like to try one, Light-Kun."

Light sighed and shook his head. Not again. What are you trying to do to me, L?

"Oh." L looked down at the table. "okay."

"Right," Light said. "Well, I'm going to make the pancakes." Light walked back to the kitchen counter and tried to ignore L's unintelligible sulking.

"L? Are you asleep?" Is the food ready? L opened his eyes.

"No, I'm not asleep, Light-kun," he said. "What is it now?"

"It's, um… it's finished," Light said, sliding a plate onto the table in front of him. "You can eat it now."

"It's about time!" L looked down and stared at the tower of fluffy, American style pancakes. "Wow. Light-kun, it looks amazing!" Light turned that perfect strawberry colour and sat down opposite L.

"Um, thanks," he said. "But you should really try it before you say that."

L stared back at the plate.

Light had layered the pancakes with strawberries, and covered the whole lot in syrup. He really does know me quite well, now. L sighed. He's gone to so much effort for me, and I still can't tell him how I feel. L picked up the fork Light had placed on the table and cut a chunk out of the pancake tower. It tasted as good as it looked.

"Mmmm..." L closed his eyes and licked syrup from his lips. "Light-kun, this is delicious," he said. "Thank you." He opened his eyes and smiled at Light. He looks happy now. Did I do that? Is it because I said I liked the food? L frowned at the empty table in front of Light. "Aren't you eating some?"

"No," Light said. "I thought I'd make myself some toast, or something."

"Why?"

Light smiled. "I don't really eat that much sugar, L."

Oh. But, we shared that chocolate-strawberry extravaganza... Didn't he like it? Why did he let me order it if he doesn't like sugary food? Was that… was he just being nice?

"Please, try some," L said. "It really is very good." L stabbed the fork into a small section of pancake and a strawberry. He held it out. Light stared at him. Please. Maybe, you will like this? It's like… when you were feeding me, and before, with the sugar cube? This is sort of intimate isn't it? Eventually, Light leant forward, across the table, and allowed L to feed him.

"It's okay, I suppose," he said. "But I think I'll have some toast, all the same."

L sighed. This is too difficult. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I think, sometimes he watches me eating. Is eating sexy? L put another forkful into his mouth. It was delicious. He did say something about my expression, and strawberry creams… Syrup dribbled down his chin. Damn. I guess I messed that up. L opened his eyes. Light was staring at him. He licked the syrup from around his mouth. He's still staring at me. Is that… is that good? Or does he think I'm ridiculous? L picked a strawberry out with his fingers and gazed into Light's eyes as he licked it. Come on, Light! Please! Do it again… Want me.

Light turned away. "I think I'll make some toast," he said.

#

Light glanced at his watch as L took his hand and led him out of what he claimed was their sitting room. It's only half seven? Damn. How many more rooms is he going to show me? He… this is too weird. Light brushed his free hand over his leg. He… he can't have sat on me by mistake. It was a huge sofa.

L had been acting strangely all day and Light was looking forward to going to bed. At least the task force will move in tomorrow. I like being alone with him, but maybe with everyone else here, he'll stop this… whatever it is. Because, it is not flirting. L is not flirting with me. He's just… there must be some other explanation. Light followed L down yet another corridor. Perhaps he really does keep brushing against me by accident. And… he had something in his eye, like he said. He was not fluttering his eyelashes.

"Light-kun?"

"Yes, L?"

"Do you want to go to the gym? We have a private one, somewhere, I think."

"Sure," Light sighed. Hang on, what? A gym? There's no way he's going to stop torturing me and put on a fucking shirt if he wants to go to the gym. Light frowned. "I didn't know you liked working out?"

"I don't," L said. "Exercise and training are boring, to me, but necessary. I just thought that, um, you might like to."

Great. He thinks I need to work out. I know I'm not as skinny as he is but… He really thinks I'm fat? Light took a deep breath and tried to stop the corridor shoved his free hand into his trouser pocket and pressed his fingernails into his thigh. Don't cry in front of him, Light. You're pathetic! This shouldn't even make a difference. Light sighed and blinked at the ceiling. I knew he wasn't attracted to me. It's… it doesn't… Just don't think about it.