Title: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking
Pairing: Quinn/Rachel, Pezberry friendship
A/N: Lyrics from "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. This chapter is all Faberry. Angst, obviously. Followed by resolution. As expected, already, your reactions are very strong to the last chapter. I feel like everyone sometimes forgets that these kids are still 17/18, and that reality is apparently jarring. I apologize for your discomfort only in that there is now way I could have warned you. Realism is what I am for - not idealism. Have faith in me. This is a Faberry fic and I feel sad some of you seem to have so little faith in my goals and in my writing. For those of you still reading and showing support, my eternal thanks. Alas, I suppose I cannot please everyone, but these stories are mine and such as they are written. Due to the strong reaction, I'm putting out the next chapter sooner than I planned. I've responded to a majority of the reviews personally, so without further ado, here is chapter 10 of 13.
ETA: I have gotten reviews that are really, really blatantly rude, both here and elsewhere. They have also now been removed. It is undeserved and quite frankly if it weren't for my love for this story and the plan I have for it, I would completely delete it. Thanks for those of you who are being understanding, but wow, I am ashamed of those of you who feel the need to swear at me when this fanfiction isn't even completed yet. I am absolutely sickened by the cold and unfeeling reaction. You seem to forget that I am a person, a writer, a creator, and just because there is a wrench thrown in your expectations that does not warrant you the right to treat me badly. I am trembling as I write this last comment to you all, because I am highly upset that people feel they have the RIGHT to swear at someone who's merely sharing a creation of theirs. I am a frakking human being, and some people seem to forget that.
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Chapter 10: The Blast
In slow motion, the blast in beautiful...
###
"...as long as nothing happens between them, the memory is cursed with what hasn't happened." - Marguerite Duras
"I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they?" - Jess C. Scott
###
Eventually, the guilt of that last shared kiss - and to be fair, the others as well - began to eat Quinn alive. It gnawed at her memory, and the dreams turned into nightmares. Often, Quinn awoke feeling as if the nightmares had become real, feeling as if Rachel would leave her. After all the preamble, she'd managed to jeopardize their relationship anyway. Some nights, she'd find herself so shaken by the nightmares that she would cry. Quinn was just as bad, just as terrible as her parents. Just as terrible as everyone expected.
The guilt made her quite physically ill. It hit her suddenly, the inability to hold food down and the discolored palor of her skin. In her state of high-stress, she'd begun to lose weight. Rachel, of course, noticed. Rachel, who was sweet and perfect, overly forgiving and under-appreciated, she noticed.
"You're losing so much weight, I'm worried, Quinn," Rachel murmured, pressing her palm to Quinn's cheek. "I don't understand why you're so sick."
Quinn could have cried at Rachel's perfection, her compassionate heart. If she knew what a terrible person she had been, how she had sinned against their relationship (however fresh), she wouldn't be here worrying about Quinn. The blonde could not bear the weight of her guilt. Her body was a very clear sign that something had to be done. "I think I know why," hazel eyes fell shut and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. Well-deserved punishment.
Rachel's eyes, even when Quinn's were closed, put a heaviness on the blonde's conscious awareness. A hand found Quinn's and she felt a kiss upon each finger. A gesture so loving that hot tears welled up behind the ex-Cheerio's eyelids.
"I don't deserve you, Rachel," a simple breathing of words. The pressure was not yet expelled, though. "And before you tell me I do, I need you to know that something happened. I don't know why."
That last kiss had been a complete disregard of all reality. It had been a last act of a lust-driven, horomonal pair of teenagers who realized their bodies enjoyed physical interaction with one another as well. She loved Rachel, but in that moment she had lusted for Santana.
"Santana and I kissed."
"I know, you both told me when - "
Quinn shook her head, and she felt Rachel's hand drop from her own. "You don't know everything. She ... that one night we all watched Finding Nemo, she cornered me in the kitchen and we ... she kissed me, twice. It wasn't as far away as you think. She kissed me and I told her to stop." Petrified to open her eyes, she continued to speak with her eyes shut. A tremor had begun inside her.
"Oh, Quinn, I'm so - "
"No," interjecting again, she followed the sickening path one must when revealing all truths. "A couple weeks ago, she caught me after school. She ... we. We kissed. One last time. It was ... I don't know why. We kissed and it's killing me because I'm ... I just ... I'm having nightmares of losing you and I hate that my stupid body has horomones and reactions that I can't control. I have barely a family to speak of, barely any friends, and now I'm about to lose you."
Rachel didn't speak. She had since let go of Quinn's hand, a realization which made her nearly wretch. There was no comfort here, no good in this strange land.
Army-Quinn was taking the safety off of her weapon, staring at the bit of metal guiltily. Holding a loaded gun, she looked haunted. Before she could do anything else, someone smacked her in the back of the head and knocked her to the ground, spoke in words she couldn't understand, and began to drag her away no matter how she fought. Prisoner of war.
"Please," her voice was blatantly, almost obscenely tearful, "say something."
"Why .. why would you?"
"I don't know."
"You told me you loved me ..."
Quinn's eyes shot open, full of panic and hot tears. Her stomach turned and she shot forward as Rachel stood. "I do! God! Rachel, please! I swear to you I love you, more than anything! That's why this guilt is killing me, why I'm losing weight and I can't eat. I love you so much and I don't .. "
"I - I need time." And just like that, Rachel left the room, unable to meet Quinn's eyes.
Just like that, Rachel was gone and Quinn felt all meaning had been sucked from the world.
###
No matter how Quinn tried to contact Rachel, she recieved nothing but radio silence. Her heart shattered each time the voicemail kicked on, and all she could do was sob helplessly as she hung up the phone.
When Santana came by to see how Quinn was, she'd send her away. She had never been so angry at the Latina as she was for putting this situation on Quinn, spurring the strange act of lust. From what Quinn gathered, Rachel was not talking to Santana either. At times, Quinn mourned the loss as one mourns a living thing. Sobs wracked her ribs whenever she would awake with the very real realization that her nightmares had now come true.
Her self-deprication got worse, and within a week she was willingly not eating. It was sleep and music. That was all Quinn had or did. It took a night of her father shouting at her to make her realize she had missed almost two weeks of school. Her father had slammed her door open so hard that she'd practically fallen out of bed, managed to scramble to a corner.
She deserved this, she thought, as a hand swung low and caught her by the arm. Quinn knew she would bruise. Her cheek stung as her father slapped her hard enough to make her see red. He was shouting at her to snap out of whatever she was in. Numbly, she took what came next. Her father shoved her back down on the floor, spat in her direction.
She went to school after the bruises had mostly cleared. The blonde knew she was sallow and thin, her skin an unhealthy remnant of a chalky color. The stress of losing Rachel was too much. The blonde was torn between seeking Rachel out and running from her. She managed to avoid her for the most part, and it wasn't until they were in the locker room after gym that Quinn was caught by Rachel. In the midst of changing her shirt, she heard a gasp. The familiar voice made her stomach drop and she immediately pulled her shirt back over her head and grabbed her things as if the room had caught on fire.
Rachel chased after her. "Quinn!"
That voice. Rachel saying her name. She stopped, all but fell against some lockers with a clattering sound.
"You're ... you're bruised," she whispered, and she advanced on Quinn.
"I don't deserve your compassion, Rachel. I understand what I did to you, how wrong it was."
"Nobody. Nobody deserves to be thrown around like a rag doll no matter what they've done," Rachel was almost angry. "God, Quinn, oh Quinn," and when she stepped forward and grasped Quinn's hand, the blonde felt tears well up in her eyes. She drew her hand back as if Rachel's hand was deathly cold. Rachel flinched, looked absolutely sorrowful. "You've lost so much weight," Rachel whispered, eyes falling over Quinn's form.
Quinn couldn't take it. Couldn't take the screaming in her head, the guilt, the loss, the absolute despair, the anger in herself. Without further ado, the blonde scrambled off the floor, leaving a pile of her things behind as she ran out of the locker room as best she could. Behind her, Rachel called after.
"Quinn please, we need to talk about - "
"Whoa there you little pygmy Streisand clone," Sue Sylvester caught Rachel by the arm. "While I appreciate your athleticism, I can't have you barrelling down this hall like - "
Quinn didn't hear anymore, though she felt Rachel's gaze on her until she was out of sight.
###
"You look terrible," Sam had found Quinn nearly unconscious and carried her to the nurse's office. Luckily there hadn't been an audience to see her in that condition.
"I deserve it, Sam, I deserve it. I deserve to waste away," Quinn croaked sickly, curled over on her side.
Sam's confused tone was full of concern, "What do you mean? Nobody deserves to waste away..."
"Rachel and I ... we ... "
"You were dating."
In another world, in a less-complicated hell, Quinn would have been horrified that Sam had figured it out. And then the realization that he used past tense and not present caused Quinn to openly cry into her palms. She felt his firm hand on her arm, felt him tugging.
"Hey," he murmured, closer than before as he sat. "Hey, come on," the boy had his heart in the right place.
"I cheated. I kissed Santana."
Any other boy would have had some comment, some surprise, but Sam only gently gripped Quinn's slightly limp hand. "Hey... Rachel's ... I mean for a while she was walking around not talking to anyone but now she and Santana are finally talking again. They even sang a duet yesterday in glee. I know she'll forgive you, it just takes time..."
"I don't deserve to be forgiven."
"That's not true," Rachel's voice imparted upon them, and Quinn clenched her eyes shut. Tears fell hot on her pillow, cooled the moment they hit stiff, white fabric. "Sam?"
Sam's footsteps retreated after one last squeeze of Quinn's arm.
Quinn felt she was going to be sick. More than anything, she wished to cease existing. "You can't forgive me, Rachel."
"It's been three weeks, and I've had plenty of time to think about the situation myself, Quinn Fabray. I don't like people making decisions for me and you're no exception." Her firm voice was almost a relief. "While what you did was completely wrong, and Santana is equally responsible for the infidelity, it does not mean it can't be forgiven."
Quinn couldn't speak, only listened. She flinched when she felt Rachel's hand sift over her hair.
"You should never have kissed Santana. She told me everything that happened as well, and your version of events coincide. I have discussed what's happening with my fathers, as they often know better than myself what's right and what's not. While they are admittedly upset that you would do such a thing to me, they've also reminded me that we are still teenagers and mistakes are often made by the young." Rachel's rambling was stern. In her rambling, Quinn could hear her disapproval and that was almost as bad as not hearing Rachel at all. "This doesn't excuse your behavior. The whole situation made me question whether or not you actually loved me. Finn ... he would cheat on me and then I'd forgive him and he'd do it again. You completely betrayed my trust and my affection."
"I know," the words came out of Quinn's mouth so suddenly and so tearfully that she felt as if her chest would collapse. Again, she felt Rachel's touch.
"However," Rachel's tone softened. "I have processed all of these feelings and realized I love you more than I am angry with you," the words were so gentle that Quinn began openly crying. "I'm worried about you. Clearly, if the stress of hurting me is so much so that you've lost this much weight and are bearing the brunt of an abusive father without even so much as thinking of telling me that you're in danger ... " Rachel trailed off, and she sounded sad. "Quinn," her voice cracked. "I'm so worried about you. I just needed time to think but I feel like I ... I can't stand this anymore. I can't watch you waste away with guilt."
Quinn's heart simultaneously broke and healed. She couldn't stop her crying, couldn't breathe through her tears. A heaviness in her chest was lifted and she cried. Cried for her mistakes, for her guilt, cried for relief. The blonde couldn't breathe after a few moments and she felt Rachel round the other side of the nurse's cot and pull Quinn into her lap. She smelled like vanilla, like coconut, and Quinn cried hard enough to see stars. Weakly, she held onto Rachel's leg. "I'm so sorry," were the only words uttered.
"It'll take time, for us to get back to normal, but I won't leave your side, Quinn. I just ... I needed time to think." Rachel whispered against her ear. "I still love you, Quinn. I do love you."
Never were words so simultaneously painful and sweet. Quinn's fingers clutched at Rachel's shirt and fresh sobs erupted from her throat.
"You aren't a bad person. You're human. You make mistakes. You have to realize that you cannot be perfect. I have to realize that. Me loving you doesn't make you perfect," Rachel was speaking so lovingly that it felt like knives in Quinn's chest. "Although it was wrong, it wasn't worth throwing this away over."
"All I've done is hurt you," Quinn breathed through her tears after she finally began to calm down. It had taken Rachel's fear of Quinn hyperventilating to get her to stop crying so hard. "All I've ever done is hurt you, Rachel."
"Not true. You made one mistake, Quinn. Well, three, technically if you count it separately but - "
Quinn laughed tearfully and found herself crying again.
"I'm not walking away from this. It's something we have to work through."
"I don't deserve your trust."
"You don't have it fully, yet."
The words hurt Quinn and relieved her all at once.
"We'll work on it, okay?"
###
It took a bit longer for Quinn to gain weight once more. Although things between her and Santana were tense and apologetic, things were far from normal. All remnants of whatever horomonal lust were gone, but the guilt of their act remained. Quinn noticed Brittany also acted more tensely than normal, not as affectionate.
It killed Quinn to know she and Santana had caused this. Had marred the easy relations that used to be between the four of them.
Things at home weren't much better. Quinn accumulated bruises still. She only went to glee club once in a while. She couldn't bear the weight of questions asked of her. Everyone wanted to know why she'd been missing school, losing weight.
Her relationship with Rachel was still there, although it was slow and budding. Rachel still had trust issues, deservedly so, and still seemed hurt by what had happened. She very rarely spent time with Santana and Quinn at the same time and avoided the subject of one or the other.
Quinn began to wonder if she'd created a wound that could not be healed. When this doubt began to settle upon her and the sorrow returned, no matter how she tried to be sweeter to Rachel, more attentive, the more she worried.
A month into recovery, Rachel snapped. "Quinn! Stop. Please. Honey, look I - I know you feel terrible about everything that happened but you're .. you've got to trust that things will be okay." She gripped Quinn's hands gently, placed them on her hips and slipped her arms around Quinn's waist. "If you haven't lost me yet, I'm not going anywhere. It's just ... it takes time to fix things."
Quinn hated that there was something that needed to be fixed, hated herself for creating this situation. She dipped her head agianst Rachel's shoulder.
"You have got to stop beating yourself up over this. I've forgiven you. You have to forgive yourself."
The weight of sin was not easily forgiven. Quinn could not forgive herself, no matter how she tried. She breathed in the smell of lilacs and closed her eyes. Rachel was soothing her hands over Quinn's back, trying to ease the girl's guilt in some way. There was a kind of sickening self-hatred growing inside of her. "What if I can't?"
"You will. We'll be okay, we'll figure things out. We'll figure it out. Together."
###
Quinn finally returned to her normal weight, her skin gaining its glow. Santana seemed to have forgotten things over the last two months, and started to relate to Quinn casually. All traces of lust or attraction were completely gone, and an easy banter had begun to form between them again.
Rachel seemed happy at this development, though uneasy at times. Quinn would sometimes ease off, fall silent when she'd see Rachel's smile dimly flicker away. Hazel eyes cast to the ground with guilt, she would feel Rachel's hand slip into her own beneath the cover of the lunch table and their fingers would knot together. They held on to one another like life-rafts, having admitted their relationship was far from perfect.
It was the little moments of affection that began to return. Sometimes Rachel would kiss her cheek just before she left, or she'd slip her arms around Quinn's waist. Rachel's love was a blessing, something Quinn would never again take for granted and something she might always fear losing.
It was Hiram who began to mend Quinn's self-hatred first. Rachel had been in the shower, Quinn absent-mindedly staring at the television, when Hiram had come into the livingroom bearing a bowl of soup and a sandwich.
"Here you go, Quinn," he stated, jarring her from her state of thought. She'd been - once again - running herself through her usual self-flagellation. "You should eat," he offered her a friendly smile and sat on the couch near her.
"Thank you," she sipped at the broth a moment, grateful for its warmth and grateful she could finally keep food down.
"Passed through the damned mountains, went hellwards, and some of us returned, and some of us did not," Army-Quinn sang in Quinn's head, lyrics from PJ Harvey's 'In the Dark Places.' It was a sorrowful song, about men gone to war and the ghosts that followed them home.
She'd almost forgotten Hiram was sitting there until he cleared his throat and began to speak, "You know, Quinn, Rachel has forgiven you for what you did."
Quinn swallowed, almost choked, and turned her eyes to her plate and bowl. Please don't.
"Strange things happen to us when we're teenagers. We do things we wouldn't otherwise do, hurt people when we're not thinking of doing so," his voice was soft. "I know your family has pressed upon you very ... strong ideals. A sense of morality. It isn't human to do everything right all the time. You did what you did but it's done. You're a kid. You're going to make mistakes."
Wordlessly, Quinn's eyes searched the space next to her, saw Hiram watching her with a fatherly gaze.
"Rachel's crazy about you. You should've seen her when you two first started dating. I've never seen that girl smile so much."
Her brows knitted together, tried to guess what might follow.
"She still smiles like that because of you. There are measures of good and evil in the world, but mostly there's a lot of gray area. While that's no excuse, it's been what ... three months?"
Quinn nodded, cast her eyes to the ground as Hiram spoke.
"I can't help but feel part of your self-deprecation is because of how you're treated at home. It's not like that hear. You don't have to forever atone for some sin you think you've committed. You have to forgive yourself or you'll never find happiness. And Rachel wants nothing but to see you happy."
"Rachel's an angel," the words were all but a whisper. "She's wonderful, and forgiving, even when people don't deserve it."
"You deserve it."
Quinn didn't know what to say. Hiram merely reached over, squeezed her shoulder, and left her in the livingroom alone. Rachel arrived shortly after, freshly showered, and beamed at Quinn as she entered.
Rachel sifted a finger through Quinn's locks as she sat next to her, "How are you feelings?"
The blonde only nodded simply. She searched those compassionate brown eyes, "Rachel?"
"Hmm?" Her fingers stilled near Quinn's ear, and those eyes searched her own.
"Do you forgive me?"
Rachel looked confused, "Yes," she stated carefully, as if she wasn't sure Quinn understood her. "I did a long time ago. It's been ... I mean it's been three months."
"Why?"
"Everyone deserves forgiveness, Quinn," Rachel's voice softened.
Quinn closed her eyes.
"Even you. Especially you."
###
Quinn began to redeem herself in her own eyes the day she hit Finn Hudson. Everyone was clearing out at the end of another beautiful performance by Brittany and Santana, when Finn had grabbed Quinn by the arm.
"So what'd you do, Fabray?"
Jerking her arm away from Finn's grasp, she narrowed her gaze. "What are you talking about?"
"How'd you get Rachel to forgive you for macking on someone else?" Ignoring the confusion that she felt at the fact Finn had noticed, or known something, she fired back at him.
"What, Finn, because I didn't fuck some other girl and get broken up with, you're mad? Trust me, I'm paying for my mistake every day. She might have forgiven me but I know I don't deserve it."
"So it's true then?" Finn sneered at her. "You're a dyke? You caught Rachel too and made her one?"
Not caring that Mr. Schue was staring at them, mouth agape, or that Rachel was moving toward her to stop anything from happening, or that all of the other guys in glee club, even Artie, were holding Santana back, Quinn swung a fist hard and caught Finn's jaw. "Listen, you ogre," she snarled and shoved him against a wall, gripping his shirt with a strength she didn't realize she had. "Don't you ever call Rachel Berry a dyke in my presence. That is my girlfriend and while your cowardly ass never stood up for her once in your miserable relationship, that doesn't mean I won't. I actually happen to love her, unlike you, who wouldn't understand how to love someone even if someone drew pretty fucking pictures for you in a children's book since your reading level is that of a four year old."
Everyone was stunned. Not only had Quinn Fabray just admitted to being in a relationship with Rachel to Finn, but to everyone else present in the room with them. She had not even flinched.
"So I suggest if you want to keep your fucking balls, you'll refrain from disrespecting Rachel ever again," each word was spitting with venom, enough to kill a man if he looked at her wrong. "That's the girl I love and I'm not perfect but goddamnit I don't need your opinions about me, her, or the fact that she forgave me when I didn't deserve a glance from her."
Just like that, she lifted her knee and connected with Finn's most precious asset, causing him to fall to the ground in pain as she stepped back. Rage boiled in her veins, and it didn't quite register what had happened until she was being tugged away by the girls and Kurt had gone over to check on his brother's welfare. A bit numbly, she let herself be directed out of the room and down the hall.
Quinn realized she'd just admitted to a room full of people that she was in a relationship with a girl. Slowly, she smiled. In the crowd of glee girls, she found Rachel pressing forward and reaching for her hand, she pulled her into her arms and without one second of hesitation, she brushed her lips over Rachel's in a way she hadn't allowed herself to since she'd made the mistake with Santana. Rachel gasped, fingers clutching at Quinn's arms in surprise, but she melted in Quinn's arms.
"I love you," hazel eyes burned into brown as she pulled away, and they filled with tears as her chin quivered. "I love you, Rachel."
Tears slipped down Rachel's cheeks and she beamed, blushed under the intensity of Quinn's affection. Strong arms wrapped around Quinn's neck and Rachel all but leapt into her arms, laughing tearfully.
Quinn could breathe again, could feel the flowering of forgiveness in her own heart. She knew this didn't excuse her behavior with Santana, but maybe they could move past it. Maybe it had taken some really, really bad decisions to make the first good decision she'd ever really made - letting Rachel Berry be loved unconditionally and in front of everyone she cared about.
She loved Rachel more than anything, deep down in the marrow of her bones.
###
News of their coupling passed around McKinley fast. Already there were a mixture of reactions - mostly disbelief and requests to see them make out.
Despite all that, it was the greatest honor of Quinn's short life to be able to hold Rachel's hand in public. To be able to wrap her arms around Rachel or kiss her gently before class, even if only on the cheek. Sometimes Rachel would blush at the attention and Quinn would insist Rachel deserved all the attention in the world. It was a happy feeling, a lightness that came with being free. Often, Quinn would scoop Rachel up in her arms at lunch or something equally playful until the shorter girl flailed about being dropped and breaking her talent.
Things were slowly, carefully returning to normal. Returning to a state of peace that Quinn had never once expected out of this whole situation. It had taken them - by the time Quinn began to notice - four and a half months to become an open and happy couple. She'd never been happier in her life. It was the weirdest bomb to ever go off in Quinn's life.
She'd read somewhere that destruction was the purest form of creation. It made sense now.
She spent less time at home, avoided issues there. Although she knew eventually the rumor mill would reach her parents ears, she didn't care. Quinn knew no matter what, as long as she had Rachel, she'd stay afloat. Her 18th birthday was approaching, and she'd picked up a part time job on the weekends. She'd been saving in secret, and had almost enough money to put a downpayment on an apartment. Even Rachel didn't know what she was saving for. Quinn wanted a chance to flourish, and she knew she couldn't do so under the thumb of her parents rule.
One weekend, after she arrived at the Berry household fresh from another long day of answering phones and getting hung up on, she found Santana, Brittany, and Rachel in the livingroom watching Lord of the Rings. She stopped in the doorway, for the moment unnoticed.
"Why are we watching this weird shit again?"
"I like the people with pointy ears. They're really pretty."
Quinn grinned, almost tearfully.
Rachel was rapt with attention, "Shh! I told you. Quinn makes references all the time to this particular series and I want to understand when she's referencing things. She should be home from work soon and I want to surprise her with my knowledge and effort."
It was hard not to laugh, and Quinn skulked behind a door for a moment as she listened.
Relations between herself and Santana had mended. Some time back they'd sat down and discussed the mistake they made. Santana had confessed that she had confused her feelings of sadness for lust, for something beyond attraction to Quinn. They'd resolved all their confusion, and Quinn had realized her reaction had been just the reaction of someone kissing someone physically attractive. After all, she couldn't think of a person who would turn Santana down initially, although with confidence she could say she no longer felt the burn of attraction and would gladly turn Santana down in a heartbeat. It had been a fluke, and they'd found the closure they needed to find. Santana had made amends with Rachel, explained the very same thing, and spent just about as long as Quinn beating herself up.
For the moment, all was relatively quiet and well.
"Hah! I'm like Legolas and you're like Gimli," Santana was telling Rachel, and Rachel scoffed in return. Finally, Quinn stepped inside, made a show of tripping over the doorframe as if she just got there.
Rachel whipped her head around, then scrambled as if to turn off the television, "Oh! I lost track of time I just - "
"What are you guys watching?" Quinn raised an eyebrow, chuckled quietly at Rachel's panic. "Lord of the Rings? Without me?"
"I was ... it was ... " Rachel was fumbling with the remote and groaned with frustration when she couldn't find the right button.
A smile tugged the corner of Quinn's lips, then grew into a full-on grin. The blonde moved into the livingroom. "Move over, short stuff," she teased Rachel, and sat beside her. Brittany bumped shoulders with her and smiled.
Together like that, they remained, watching the movie. Rachel eventually fell asleep in Quinn's arms, and she gently carried the brunette upstairs. She left a sleeping Santana and Brittany behind as she did so. The blonde covered Rachel up, felt Rachel tug her down into her arms. Quinn laughed, "Let me change out of these clothes," she whispered to Rachel, pressed her lips to the diva's and sighed at the sweetness. She fished out a pair of pajamas she kept at Rachel's, changed into them, then crawled into bed beside her. Opening her arms, she felt Rachel settle against her.
"Oh, how I love you," Rachel whispered as she sometimes did.
Hazel eyes closed, a dreamy smile crossing her lips, "I love you, you amazing human being." Moments like this made Quinn aware that she'd never take Rachel for granted, ever again. To be without her would be the suffering of one without air. She'd been through that suffering, deserved it in fact, and had been cleansed by it.
"Don't you know? I'm not human, I'm Gimli, son of Gloín."
"No, you're Galadriel. Beautiful Galadriel. And I'm only just so lucky to be loved by you."
###
Quinn awoke to the sound of singing and the airy sound of Rachel's elliptical. A sleepy smile crossed her lips as she groaned. Rachel didn't seem to notice her movement, because she didn't stop singing.
"You wait, wanting this world to let you in, and you stand there, a frozen light in dark and empty streets; you smile behind a God-given face, but I know you're so much more, everything they ignore is all I need to see," Rachel was singing a song by the Goo Goo dolls, and suddenly Quinn was aware that Rachel had intended for her to hear. The blonde sat up slowly, pulled the covers around herself, and met a pair of loving brown eyes. "You're the only one I ever believed in, the answer that could never be found; the moment you decided to let love in ... now I'm banging on the door of an angel. The end of fear is where we begin, the moment we decided to let love in."
Quinn heard the solidity of emotion in Rachel's voice, and the lyrics began to hit home. She smiled, almost tearfully, and met the eyes of the girl she loved with the entirety of her being.
"I wish, wishing for you to find your way, and I'll hold on for all you need. That's all we need to say, I'll take my chances while you take your time with this game you play, but I can't control your soul," Rachel meant every word, and Quinn could hear the thickness of emotion. The brunette stopped the elliptical, moved off of it, and sat next to Quinn on the bed. Her fingers traced Quinn's palm, opened it like a delicate flower, and reverently laced their fingers together, "You need to let me know, you leaving or you gonna stay ... there's nothing we can do about the things we have to do without, the only way to feel again is to let love in. You're the only one I ever believed in, the answer that could never be found; the moment you decided to let love in. Now I'm banging on the door of an angel," Rachel's free hand cupped Quinn's cheek, thumb grazing the skin there, where Quinn had begin to blush with emotion. "The end of fear is where we begin, the moment we decided to let love in."
It took her a few moments to realize the singing had stopped. She'd gotten quite lost in the deep brown eyes searching her own hazel, and Quinn bit her bottom lip lightly as if to hold back tears, "What brought that on?"
Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I guess sometimes music is the only way to express what I find I cannot say," her voice was soft, intimate. She pressed her lips to Quinn's cheek, lingered there warmly. "I've been waiting to say that for four and a half months. I just didn't know how to."
Hazel eyes fluttered shut as Rachel pressed forward, captured her lips slowly, luxuriated against Quinn and sought out all her love. Quinn felt tears slipping from her eyes and tasted the salt of them in her kiss.
"I don't know when," Rachel whispered against her lips, "but some moment, I fell in love with you."
Quinn felt the air sucked from her lungs in response, and she pulled away. "In .. love?" It was different than saying they loved one another. It was what you said to the person you knew you'd spend the rest of your life with.
Rachel nodded simply, traced her fingers over Quinn's face.
It was like hearing birds after a very long winter. It had been a very long, dark journey indeed, but after all it seemed to lead to this point.
Those brown eyes held no doubt, only adoration.
"I'm ... definitely," Quinn breathed, felt nervousness flutter in her stomach, "in love with you." First loves felt like magick. They felt like poetry. Quinn revelled in this. She heard Rachel gasp at the words, felt the intake of breath between them, and Rachel surged forward, captured the blonde's lips in a kiss that spoke of many emotions. The brunette worshipped Quinn's lips, and when she began to meet Rachel's ferocity, a long-sleeping fire began to build in her low belly.
At some point, Rachel had begun kissing down Quinn's neck, each kiss open-mouthed and hot, leaving Quinn to shiver with each contact. Her body had been dormant for so long in the slow-building repair and romance of their relationship that every touch felt like electric shock. Her fingers trembled as they pulled at Rachel's arms, felt the insistent mouth trailing hot kisses across her collarbone. When had Rachel tugged her shirt off? The cold air bit at Quinn's body, but her eyes rolled back in her head as she felt Rachel's lips enclose a nipple and draw it in her teeth. A rumbling moan reverberated through Quinn's chest, her legs twitching in response to the arousal as Rachel's hand cupped the curve of Quinn's unattended breast and began to knead and massage the skin there with almost a forceful desire. Rachel whimpered as the blonde tried to take control of the situation by pressing her thigh between Rachel's perfect legs. Her thigh met Rachel's burning center, and the brunette gasped. She broke away, captured Quinn's lips with almost bruising force. A jolt of electricity, and Quinn raised her thigh again, only to feel Rachel gasp against her mouth and moan.
Things progressed from there, passionate and heady kisses followed by a near-coupling that was interrupted by the sound of Judy Fabray in the Berry household.