"What?"

Renji was frozen. While he looked at the brown eyes that he knew as much as he knew himself, Renji looked the eyes shone and realized that he had said it loud. Even when he silently cursed himself because he had said it, Renji realized that Ichigo still would know the words from his mind.

He pulled the boy closer, then he embraced him tightly. Their bodies became one, their minds reached each other. He couldn't hide his feelings from Ichigo, and would ever do that, even thought he had a chance.

Ichigo had a right about Renji's feeling towards the boy, even if the feeling wouldn't change his decision about their future.

Renji leaned his cheek at the top of Ichigo's head while he was sighing, and whispered. "Yes, I love you."

"Well, that's good." said Ichigo, his words muffled in Renji''s chest. "Because I love you too."

For a moment, Renji held the words out from Ichigo's mouth near his hear. For decades, he never heard the words before. Even not in his first life. Even not from a man who made him sacrificed so much. Got that miracle now, when he couldn't—didn't want to—received it, almost hurt him physically.

"Renji…?" Ichigo moved into Renji's embrace and looked up to him. "I know it's too fast. And believe me, at first I didn't believe it too. I mean," Ichigo said, combed his hair back impatiently, "I just know you for a week. But I don't know why, I feel like I know you forever."

"I feel it too Ichigo" That boy's eyes shone with light and love. Renji must use all of his power to protect himself for that act. "I attracted to you, not like everybody else. I never believe to the legend about soulmate. Until you come."

"But…" Ichigo voiced the words that were hesitant to be said by Renji.

"Ichigo."

Ichigo inspected Renji for several moments. "You don't want me."

"The opposite" Renji assured Ichigo, held Ichigo's face with his hands, his thumb caressed the boy's skin. "I want you baby" He couldn't lie when he looked at the boy's eyes. And even if he could, he didn't want to do that. Not to Ichigo. About this things. "Look at my mind, knew what I think and feel."

"I already did it" said Ichigo, carefully he stood up. Renji suddenly felt so cold and alone.

Ichigo walked away, wore his clothes back and walked to the fireplace. While he was looking to the fire, he said softly. "I hear your mind. I know there is no place for me at your life."

Renji stood up, also wore his clothes back and kept his gaze focused to Ichigo. Renji's instinct ordered him to be closer to Ichigo, hugged and embraced the boy tightly so he would not run away from him. But, Renji realized that it was not a way out from this problem. Renji inspected Ichigo, the curve of the boy's body, his short light orange hair, shone brightly by the fire. He was…something unexpected in the Renji's life.

Maybe that's why he can't finish the problem nicely, thought Renji. Renji walked closer to Ichigo, held Ichigo's arm, then turned the boy's body so he faced him, and almost lost himself when he looked the boy's eyes shone with tears. Ichigo was come to him to ask for his protection. He already trusted his life to him. And now he was the one who made the boy cried.

"Baby, if my condition was not like this, I will ask you to live with me forever." Renji said gently, but sternly. He wanted Ichigo to listen to him, believe him. He wanted Ichigo knew how much the price he must pay with let Ichigo went. "But I am a fighter. That is the only life I know. All of the life I ever knew. I don't want to make it you become a part of that life."

"Am I already become a part of that?" Ichigo demanded. "Someone try to kill me. I don't know you want to admit it or not but I am already trapped in this small war."

"Well, it's true. But you will not trap in any fight after this." Renji tightened his grip. "My life is a line of fighting. One followed by the other. There will be another hollow. There will be another war. I want you to have a life separated from all of that. Have a normal life."

Ichigo laughed when he threw his hand away from the man. "I never had a normal life" Ichigo said, his voice raised when his eyes shone dangerously when he looked at Renji. "You already saw my memories. You knew what happened to me, what I felt. I help police found murderers. I just touched one of my friend's things just to know they were not my friends. I drawn myself into another people's past, haunted by their mistakes. Their regrets. There was something normal about that, believe me."

"But still" Renji argued, awe with the reflection of fire in the boy's eyes, "You still alive. You are an excellent student. You have families you love and home where you live. You have so many friends. You live your life without worry with the hollow threats. You can back to that life, baby. You must back there."

"Because you ordered me" Ichigo shook his head and took a step back, suddenly he need a distance from Renji. "Are you not understand, Renji? Without you or not, there were never something normal in my life. My mother gave me to orphanage after gave birth to me. My friends thought me a freak. And look at this past week, for God's sake! I already being followed, pushed in front of a train, after by hollows and hunted by the boy I thought cared for me. I found you, and fell in love with a man who lived for…decades…" Ichigo stopped, took a deep breath, and continued. "But it was really happen. And your decisions is sent me home because love me is not a right act, and can't change that."

Renji's emotion raised but he held it back. Ichigo didn't understand. Didn't realize what he was done was for the boy's sake. "I already lived for decades. You know that. You come for me because you knew that."

"Yes, and—"

"You saw my world, and planning to be a part of that world even thought that make you afraid. And don't deny it, I can read the fears from your heart."

"Well, of course I'm afraid." Ichigo exclaimed, looked at Renji like his head was from a stone. "I will be extremely stupid if I don't scared at all. But, I don't afraid to love you. Don't afraid to be together with you. I even can't believe I say it, because all of this happened so fast. But I know you Renji. I saw your minds, your lust, your character, and your high pride. I ever live in your mind when you fight the hollows, and I know for sure who you are. I'm not stupid. I don't fell in love with illusion. I love you. All of you."

"I'm never expected will be given ability this rare." Renji muttered, his voice was low now, sprayed all of Ichigo's body like a purr of wild cat. "And I felt grateful for it."

Ichigo took a breath and all the air went out from him, like a balloon which exploded suddenly. "But you still will let me go."

"Yes" Renji answered. Even thought now the voice was laced with regret, but that would not change anything.

Sadly, Ichigo received the reality that he already lost to this fight. He already failed to assure Renji to let them together. That the man needed Ichigo at his life like the boy needed Renji.

Ichigo shook his head and said, "You never look so afraid. I will not blame you, and beg to you to let me stay."

Renji flinched when he felt the agony in Ichigo's mind shone like a knife. He already did it. Made the boy hurt. When the only things he wanted honestly was just to keep the boy safe.

"I will after all of this over, then I will go."

Suddenly there was an empty void inside Renji, and even thought he regretted that regretted what he done was a stupid act, lose the boy made him broken. Maybe he needed decades before he could breathe without remembered the boy's smell. Before he could raise his hand in the night without hoped the boy touched him. Before he could forget the tears which filled the boy's eyes tonight.

But Renji would end all of this not for himself. All was for the boy's sake. If Ichigo was together with him, that was too dangerous and have too many risk, with the threat of hollows always after them. He really wanted Ichigo got better than this. He wanted the boy's safety on top everything.

"But what with the soulmates thing?" Ichigo turned his gaze from Renji, and looked at the fire danced in the fireplace. "Can we separated?"

"Yes" Renji answered, tried to look for every inches of information in his memories about the legend of soulmates. "Even thought we destined to be together, we can live our life separately. That mans we not search for each other, and live a happy life. Maybe at the start it will not be easy, but—"

"Don't continue that. I don't hope everything become easy" said Ichigo. "Never."

"Baby…"

Ichigo shook his head, tried to ignore Renji's gentleness like that act was so hard to believe. "No, Renji. I felt bad now and if you be nice to me…"

How Renji would miss the boy. His fire of excitement. The pride in his eyes. Renji smiled sadly. Renji realized the boy was pulled away from him like he must do at the end. That was his choice, but Renji knew he would regret this for his entire life when all of that happened.

"If that is what you want."

Ichigo turned back to looked at Renji, his face surprised. "I never want this. For God's sake, I don't ask to be followed by a crazy person—or hollows. I never hope to love you. Never expected to love someone I just knew for a moment was not an impossible thing. And I never hoped my love refused blindly."

Renji looked at Ichigo sharply, the gaze he trained for all his life that filled with war and fighting. He already took a right decision. For himself. For the boy. Destined or not, Kurosaki Ichigo never created to live in his world. "You must believe me. That is the best way."

That night, Renji was lying in a roof in the middle of the town, thought about the argument he had with Ichigo earlier when he felt a familiar reiatsu came to him. He sighed and said "What do you want, Rukia?"

Rukia walked and sat down beside him. "I just want to talk about you…it is about Ichigo" she said.

"What about him?"

Rukia sighed, "Renji, why you refuse him? You love him, very much."

Renji looked at the night sky, after several minutes he said. "Rukia…he can't live in my world, he is alive and I am dead."

"What about that? You can come to the human world to visit him sometimes. Just because he is a human doesn't mean he can't have your attention."

"What if he was being attacked?"

"Renji, he is not a weak boy. He is so strong, and he can see a hollow, he can run away when it comes. You just make an excuse to be not with him."

"Maybe I am" Renji said while he closed his eyes.

"You will regret it later. I'm sure with it" said Rukia while she walked away, left Renji alone.

"I am already regretting it" Renji muttered softly. "Really regret it."

Two hours later, Renji was sparring with Ikkaku at the underground training room. The men's sword clashed loudly in the air, created a music when they attacked each other, again, and again.

There was no one in this house other than all of them, Rukia was going out to buy his favorite ice cream, and Ichigo went with Hisagi to the bookstore, something that made Renji jealous for a moment, to buy their favorite books. At the start, Ichigo was hesitant to go out, but Hisagi assured himself he would protect him and then…they went together.

After his talking with Ichigo and Rukia earlier, Renji was too tense to can sit calmly. Sparred with Ikkaku proved to be a nice way to turn Renji's mind away from the talking. After all, he had a chance to sharpen his skill and tortured himself at the same time.

"Ichigo must be really fun to be sparring to if he knows how to use a sword."

Renji turned around and angrily looked the man, but he didn't surprised Ikkaku ignored the warning. "Ichigo is not your problem."

"And he is not your problem too, that what I mean. I felt disturbed when now you make that boy is your problem." Ikkaku slumped into a chair while he took a bottle of water. "That boy is the problem source. He is the one who brought the murderers to this house, get you a problem."

"That was not Ichigo's fault at all."

Ikkaku gulped his drink, rubbed his forehead with his hand and added. "The hollows after that boy too."

"And it is my job to protect him too."

"Why?" Ikkaku stood, threw the empty bottle and wrapped a towel in his neck. He faced Renji with hands in his hips. "Why you really protect Ichigo when you don't know what the reason they are after him?"

"Why the reason must become a problem?" Renji crossed the room towards the refrigerator, opened it, and pulled out a bottle of mineral water from the refrigerator. He opened it and gulped half of the bottle's content before continued his sentences "He need my help. I am a shinigami. That is my job to protect him."

Ikkaku shook his head. "Our job is to protect human from hollow"

"Yes. And Ichigo is human."

"But what if he is the real threat?"

Renji snorted. "You talk nonsense"

"Really? Then, why the last human after him? Why the last hollow you killed said that Hueco Mundo wanted him?"

"Ichigo is a human. He is in danger. I will protect it."

"There is another." Ikkaku continued while he inspected his friend's face. "Something you were not told me before."

"I am the one responsible here" Renji said softly. "I will make decisions which I think are for the best. I don't need your help. I don't need your opinion." Then he was snorted. "Remember the law in 11th squad, one on one fight. We alone Ikkaku-san. Always alone."

"Not for you" that man thought. "Not anymore. You are not in 11th squad anymore. And now you have a relationship with the boy and your concentration is divided."

Renji looked at his best friend with an underestimate expression. Ikkaku's words reflected his mind, that only made Renji became more annoyed. He would do his job. He would protect the people in this world from any threat that will appear. And he would protect Ichigo. Above all of that, he would fight for the boy's safety.

"I almost beat you at duel" Renji reminded Ikkaku, forced himself to make a tense and unfriendly smile. "My concentration is alright, Ikkaku-san. You better not test me more than this."

"You fight like usual" Ikkaku answered to the wall and leaned on it. "But your mind is divided Renji, you clearly seen think about something else."

Ikkaku walked back crossed the room with a slow movement without a voice. When he stood in front of Renji, his face was cold, expressionless.

"You think with your lust, and that rare to happen to you. It only happens to you when you think about the one you care about."

"Shut up" Renji's voice was held the anger back, more dangerous than a shout.

"I think no" Ikkaku continued. "You already fucked the boy, right?"

Renji hit Ikkaku's face.

Ikkaku didn't even surprised received the hit. He smiled when he rubbed his jaw. "So I'm right, right? There is something more you see from the boy. That's why you were so jealous when Hisagi took him out."

"Forget it" Renji tightened his fist, really want to hit his friend once more. Rage filled his body. He already knew and respected this man for decades. But there was one said something bad about Ichigo—no matter who or what the boy really was.

Like realized that his act was too much, Ikkaku said, "If you really want the boy protected completely, you must let him touch the knife."

"Are you the one who said that human doesn't need to be involved in fighting?"

"Not my intention to let the boy to fight against the hollow. I just ask him to touch the knife so we will know what you faced now. I will not put him in danger, I know Hisagi and Kuchiki started to like the boy and honestly me too."

"I will search for another way"

"That is the best way and you know it." Ikkaku took a step back, and sat at tha chair again. He put his arms in his knees then looked at Renji while he was saying. "You said Ichigo have a vision ability. He can touch things and know the history."

Renji tightened his grip in the plastic bottle he held. "Right."

"Then let him touch the knife. Let him see what behind the knife. If you already get the information, you will know what you must do."

Renji thought about it for several moments before said. "I don't want Ichigo to…get hurt. The energy around the knife is really strong. Even I can felt the darkness trapped in it."

"Do what you can to decrease it, then" Ikkaku said softly. "But if you want to protect him, if you want to keep him safe. You must know why he is in danger."