Chapter 10
6:00 a.m.
The tickle of a warm breath on the nape of her neck finally roused Delphine from sleep. A hand rested lazily below her hip, the ghost of a grip of fingers on her thigh still lingering.
A hand…who's hand? Who's- who's bed?! She yawned, blinking away her blurry vision but still not daring to move. As her vision began to sharpen, she realized she was laying quiet comfortably on her back in the midst of a grand bed…Cosima'sbed. That's right, she had came to visit and Cosima and-oh, the wine! Delphine couldn't help but blush as she remembered just staring at Cosima's wine stained lips the whole time, but no. That is what got her into the mental unsettledness in the first place. Cosima's lips, and her eyes, and her laugh, and-no. Not the thoughts she should be having first thing in the morning…despite waking up in the same bed as her.
She couldn't help but smile, her conscious still wading in the cobwebs of sleep. Cosima's body was just barely grazing her, but where they did touch was enough to rouse Delphine's senses. With great caution, she turned her neck away from Cosima's face, finding the woman curled up on her side, facing Delphine. Her arm had probably drifted over the blonde at some point during the night.
"Cosima?" She whispered, getting no response. The heavy breathing was sign enough that she was still fast asleep. Delphine noted the time on the watch still fitted around her wrist; if she didn't want to be late for work, she'd have to leave now.
With great caution, Delphine lifted Cosima's dainty hand off her body, setting it on the bed as she ever so carefully peeled herself away.
"D-Delphine?"
The grogginess still croaked in her voice, Delphine spinning around to see Cosima still balled up under the sheets, eyelids just barely parted open. She smiled, leaning down to pull the blankets further up, hoping to coax her back to sleep.
"Shh. Go back to sleep." She cooed, barely restraining herself from stroking her thumb down Cosima's pink cheek. "I have to leave, thank you for last night."
"Mmm…leaving?"
"Oui. I have to work today."
"Come back." She slurred. Cosima's eyes fluttered closed once more, exhaustion overriding her desire to fully wake up. "We need..talk.." she mumbled, her voice just about a rasp. "Talk 'bout happen-"
"Sleep, ma cherie." Delphine cut off quietly, fingers brushing back the baby hairs along Cosima's hairline. "Sleep." She stood absolutely still until she was sure the tiny brunette had fallen back into her slumber once more.
Delphine gathered her clothes, not too fondly remembering changing during the night, and put them back on. She dashed a quick text to Cosima's phone, just in case she wouldn't remember any of the morning by the time she woke up again, and was out the door.
The cold morning air nipped at her exposed skin until she was able to bustle into her car, revving the engine and putting the heat on full blast.
"Merde." She cursed under her breath, gripping the steering wheel and allowing her head to drop forward onto her knuckles. She yawned, still far too exhausted than she'd want to be.
She knew what Cosima wanted to talk about, as much as she wanted to deny it. It was there, that feeling and God their faces were so close. She could have done it, Delphine pondered. All she had to have down was move her face a fraction of a inch, and she could have kissed a woman-no, she could have kissed Cosima. Cosima, whose hands are far too warm and soft to never be touched and appreciated. Cosima, who opens her home to her, her bed to her, watches out for her, all because she is a wonderful kind soul and there is nothing to not adore.
"Non. Impossible." She murmured under her breath. These harbored feelings were nothing more than a misinterpretation. After so long with no true friendship, Delphine was sure her mind was just going haywire once she finally found it. It didn't help that she knew how Cosima felt about her… almost hoping that she would just tell her once they found time to talk.
Wiping off the tears that were welling in her eyes, Delphine gathered herself, pulling her car out from the street and driving home to get ready for the school day. It was the Christmas Show after all, she needed to be on her best.
2:00 p.m.
The loud pounding on the door scared the absolute crap out of Cosima, jolting up from her slumber and winding up in a heap on the floor.
With a groan she stretched her bones, slowly rising and wrapping one of her throw blankets around her body. Cosima grabbed her glasses, pushing them on the bridge of her nose as she turned back towards the bed.
It was empty.
Her heart began to ache at the realization of Delphine being gone, especially without saying goodbye. A small part of her was partially glad she wasn't roused from her sleep, fondly remembering her dream of the two of them cuddled together soundly. With a defeated sigh, she reached for her phone on the bedside table, seeing a message from none other.
D- sorry, had to leave early for school. TY for everything, mon ami. Ur the best xoxo see u this afternoon
Cosima couldn't help but smile, retraining herself from bringing the phone to her heart and swooning.
"School. Duh." It was Monday, so of course it was a reasonable explanation. Cosima couldn't help but wonder that had it still been the weekend, would she have stayed in bed with her. She had slept so peacefully for the first time knowing she was there. A copper taste began to settle in her throat as she realized only forty-eight hours prior, it was Shay asleep in her bed for astronomically different reasons. Cosima grimaced, pushing the thought to the furthest part of her memory.
The banging resumed again, startling the tiny woman who scurried over to her door.
"What the fuck…" she grumbled, unlocking the large door and pulling it open.
A very pissed-off Sarah was on the other side, Cal standing behind her with an apologetic look across her face. She didn't even give Cosima a chance, bombarding into the main room after giving her a deathly once-over.
"Bloody Christ, Cosima. Get dressed!" she blew up, making an exhausted Cosima stumble backwards in fear, right into Cal's quick catching arms.
"Thanks." She whispered.
"No problem, Cos." he smiled, squeezing her shoulder as he maneuvered his way to sit at her desk. "Had a party?"
Cosima rubbed her temples, squinting behind her glasses at the empty wine bottle Cal was toying with, not to Sarah's pleasure.
The English clone took in a breath, rubbing her face tiredly as she tried her best to remain composure. "Cosima. You promised Kira you'd be at her Christmas show tonight. As her favorite aunt, please tell me you're not too hung over to not go. I'm not prepared to deal with Monkey's tears tonight."
'Shit.' Cosima thought, pursing her lips. She couldn't believe she forgot. Of course today was the pageant. Her eyes flicked up towards the clock, they had an hour before show-time. She couldn't miss this.
"No, I'm good. Give me… give me two seconds." She promised, shrugging off the blanket and running to her room. Despite her pounding headache, Cosima tore open her closet door, reaching for her red dress. She promised Kira she'd wear it so they could match and besides, it made her legs look great.
Without a second thought, Cosima was pulling the dress over her head, smoothing it out on her thighs to make sure it was halfway decent. There was no time for a shower, she'd have to wind her dreads up into a bun and deal with it.
"Shit, Cosima. Is all this from Shay?" Sarah called from the kitchen area, peering into the garbage can that was still filled with empty bottles and cups. Cosima watched her lift out another empty wine bottle from the top of the heap, waving it in her direction while she pushed her rings onto her fingers.
"No that one's from when Del-yeah! From Shay!" she called, catching her words before they slipped. Sarah and Cal both through her a quizzical glance, but left it alone. "How do you know about that anyway?"
"Felix." Cal muttered with a hefty laugh, winking at her.
"Good to see you back out there, though. Gotta admit, I thought you would have given up on Kira's teacher a long while ago." Sarah added, plopping onto Cal's lap as Cosima dropped to her knees beside her bed to grab the shoes underneath it.
"Uh yeah… kind of…" she mumbled, struggling to get the shoes on.
"What? Your little fuck buddy catching feelings for somebody and leaving ya?" Sarah cracked, earning a 'Shhh' from Cal. Cosima rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she clasped her shoes.
"No, not exactly." She mustered, not really wanting to get into this conversation. "Just leave it alone."
"Sounds good to me!" Cal exclaimed, nudging Sarah off and rising to his feet. "Let's go, I'm parked at a hydrant."
The auditorium, despite its rather grand size, was absolutely packed. Parents and families were all huddled together wielding iPads and large cameras, ready to immortalize their children in a plethora of pictures.
Cosima, Sarah, and Cal were not the exception. Not by a long shot. Cosima was already taking photos since the minute they walked in the door, not wanting to miss a single angle of the stage craft. Little faces were poking out of the curtains every so often, amazed at the growing crowd.
"Where the hell are we going to sit?" Sarah grumbled, hand locked tight with Cal's as the three of them scanned their surroundings.
Cosima's height was against her today, dwarfing her amongst the crowd of other families that were also all looking for seats. She spotted a spared seats at the end of one row, grabbing Sarah's free hand and weaving them through the masses.
"Good eye, sis." Cal whispered, clapping her on the shoulder as they filed in. Cosima shrugged off her coat, throwing it on the vacant seat beside her just as the lights ceased. The whole room, sans the stage, was coated in a dark black shadow now, the lit screens from camera phones and other devices being held in the air being the only source of light
"Got the camera, yeah?" Sarah murmured.
"Already on it." Cosima replied, shooting her thumbs up and snapping away as the curtain rose. They all saw Kira immediately, clapping their hands, hooting and cheering amongst the silence of the auditorium. There was no questioning that Kira's family was her biggest fans. No matter what, she always had somebody in attendance for everything she did. Cosima and Sarah projected identical smiles, beaming as they watched Kira and the rest of the kindergarteners begin to recite Christmas songs.
From the corner of her eye, Cosima could have sworn she had seen a familiar flash of blonde hair. Gulping, she peeled her eyes away from her niece, ever so slowly turning her head around to see Delphine. The blonde smiled tiredly at her, picking up Cosima's red jacket from the vacant chair beside her and replacing it with herself, laying the coat across her own lap.
"Bonjour, Cosima."
It was faint, just a whisper, but Delphine's breath so close to her ear that it tickled. It sent an icy jolt down the length of her spine, making her arch her back. The shadow cast from the light on stage produced just enough contour to accentuate Delphine's cheekbones, making Cosima swoon.
"Hey." She spoke quietly, keeping her voice hushed and she grinned at the teacher. She leaned towards Delphine the slightest bit, thoroughly enjoying the sweet perfume the woman was wearing. "Shouldn't you be up front?"
"Oui. I just wanted to say thank you for last night. I thought I would sneak away to sit with you. Do you mind?" Delphine asked, reaching for Cosima's hand on the armrest and stroking her thumb over her knuckles.
"Of course I don't mind." Cosima shook her head, a fangy grin across her face.
"You kind of snuck away last night, too."
Delphine arched her brow, turning her head towards Cosima slightly more. "You do not remember?"
"Remember what?"
"Oi. Shut it, Cos." Sarah hissed, glaring at her sister.
Cosima rolled her eyes, turning back around to watch the performance. Sarah's eyes caught glance of Delphine, who smile quickly vanished under the clone's death glare. This didn't go over Cosima's head, who swiftly kicked at Sarah's foot.
"Don't." Cosima bit under her breath. Sarah huffed, shrugging in turning into Cal's arm across her shoulders. The bespectacled woman mouthed a very confused Delphine 'sorry', of whom shook her head, brushing it off her shoulders.
Delphine's lip took homage between her teeth, worrying it to the point of nearly piercing it. It was apparent that Cosima hadn't remember her brief awakening, hadn't remembered the position they slept in together, the reality of it all. Delphine sighed, running her hand through her hair, anxiety building in her chest. They still had to have their 'talk' at some point, before the air between them thickened to an unbearable boil. 'Later' she told herself. 'I'll get her later'. Her hand swung nervously off the end of the chair between their legs, fingers strumming her nerves in the air.
The kindergarteners were just finishing their second song when Delphine's swinging hand had brushed against Cosima's thigh. Cosima sucked in a tight breath between her teeth, nearly dropping her camera flat to the floor. Delphine's heart is racing, still feeling the unmistakable tingles in her fingertips as they made brief contact with the other woman. Cosima doesn't move though, too paralyzed to do so. When Delphine notices this, she nonchalantly brings her hand around again, this time lazily setting it around Cosima's knee.
Cosima exhales loudly, her mind racing trying to figure out what is actually happening. She knows Delphine is touching her purposely, not moving her hand for some particular reason. It was driving her mad, but she made no motive to dare move- fearing Delphine would remove her hand.
The simple grasp was enough Delphine, who now realized that Cosima's touch satiated her more than anything else could. Waking up that morning in her sleeping arms only fueled the fire more. She never understood why, but the woman just had something about her that Delphine needed to have for herself. The blonde turned her head just a fraction of the way in Cosima's direction, seeing the brunette's completely attentive on the play, her bottom lip tucked tightly between her teeth in a way that Delphine always did herself. She couldn't help but smirk, fascinated with the unreadable affect she had on the tiny American scientist.
Cosima wasn't sure if it was the lighting, or her heart that was making her perceive Delphine as far more angelic than usual. By some force of nature, the two women were beginning to lean closer at a dangerously slow pace, shifting in the confines of their respective seats none too subtly. Cosima's eyes flicked between Delphine's lips and her eyes- fondly remembering the similar incident from the night. They were so close again, Cosima was sure she could hear one of their heartbeats loud and clear. Her eyes were heavy, dark with pure desire as she tried her hardest to listen to her screaming conscience.
Just then, the lights had clicked on, illuminating the whole auditorium in an instance. Cosima gasped, jolting her leg away from Delphine's grasp as the blonde shot up from her seat, her hand seeking refuge in her curls. They both ogled at each other, wide eyed and panting.
"I, merde, I have to-" Delphine tried, jutting her thumb down to the front of the stage where the other teachers were. Cosima nodded, watching Delphine practically bolt down the aisle that was already filling with families once more. Cosima could all but stare, not completely sure of what had just happened.
"Moooooove!" Sarah groaned at the still-sitting Cosima, knocking her from her train of thought. The dreadlocked woman craned her neck around, to find the whole row already standing, waiting for her to file out. She muttered an apology, moving quickly to let the others into the aisle.
"I saw that." Sarah snickered, a small smirk on her lips.
"Saw what?"
"Oh don't play the bullshit card with me, Cosima." She laughed, nudging her sister in the ribs playfully.
"Thanks again for last night? So it was Delphine, then. Not Shay." Cal piped in, a playful smile on his face as he teased Cosima.
Cosima dropped her head, solely focusing on her shoes. "Uhm… kind of."
Sarah laughed loudly then, "Holy shit! You shagged them both! Cos is definitely back in the game pool."
"No no no." Cosima cut off, her hands flailing. "Delphine and I, we didn't do anything last night. I mean, I think we might have- I don't know. She was drunk so I let her crash. But the night before… you were right about Shay."
Sarah pursed her lips, trying to read her sister as best as she could. "So Frenchy is still draggin' ya through the mud, yeah? Shite, Cos. She's just going to break your heart."
"We're friends."
"Bollocks." Sarah bit back, looking around for Kira in the herd of children bustling down from the stage to their parents. "She's fucking with your feelings. I saw that knee-touching shit just now. You're smitten and she's being a proper bitch."
"Hey!" Cosima snarled angrily, giving her sister a light shove. "Don't call her that!"
Sarah just gawked, dumbfounded at Cosima's defensiveness towards Delphine. She rolled her eyes, shaking her head slowly. "Whatever, Cosima. Get your heart broken."
Cosima was about to argue back, when suddenly they all heard Kira's familiar voice yelling for them excitedly. The whipped around, seeing her perched on Delphine's hip as she weaved them through the crowd. The blonde woman wouldn't even look up, her face clearly a flushed red as she neared the trio. She put Kira down, letting her walk the rest of the way and jump into Cal's arm.
"Did you see me?! Did I do good?!" she asked, hugging her father's neck tightly. Kira, Sarah, and Cal all huddled tightly, congratulating Kira on a job well done.
Delphine watches Cosima smile as she looks at her sister's family. It's not the smile she's accustomed to seeing, though. There's no broad array of teeth, no crinkled eyes and small giggle. It's subtle, maybe even sad. As if she's looking at a memory she never had.
"She, em, couldn't find you three. So I thought I'd bring her over." Delphine noted, nudging herself close to Cosima and breaking her spell.
The tiny American swallowed hard, getting lost in the blonde's amber eyes once again. "Thanks." She croaked, her breathing heavy as Delphine comfortingly squeezed her forearm.
"Of course. I have never met Kira's father, but she speaks of him often in class. Is he away a lot? " Delphine chomped down onto her bottom lip, smoothing her skirt out nervously.
"Uh, kind of. He travels for business." Cosima shrugged. She wasn't lying, but she didn't want to reveal anything about her family that she didn't absolutely have to. Still, a small tinge of guilt hit her; Cosima felt like she could trust Delphine, as if she's known her forever. So having to stretch the truth felt uncomfortably deceiving. "So…can we talk?"
Delphine pursed her lips together, nodding curtly as she ushered them out of the auditorium and into the empty corridor. Cosima leaned her shoulder against the wall, turning to face Delphine who was in the midst of doing the same.
"Cosima, about last night-"
"Hey, don't- don't worry about it. We both were a little wine-buzzed." She joked quietly, her hand rubbing at the back of the neck.
Delphine nodded, exhaling loudly as she tried to soothe her erratic heartbeat. "It wasn't just last night, though. Was it, Cosima?" she asked. "In the classroom a few days ago, you and I, we-"
"Yes." She stammered. "I remember. Cosima… whatever you're about to tell me, or ask me, I do not have an answer for. I do not know." Delphine's voice was hoarse, forcing herself to swallow the lumped sob in her throat. "I have not had a friendship in a very long time, so I think I may have just gotten carried away with the whims of emotion and if I made things completely worse by drinking your wine and sleeping in your bed last night than I am so sorry-"
"Hey." The bespectacled woman finally raised her eyes, meeting Delphine's and instantly falling into them. "Delphine." She started, a croak in her throat and she paused to collect her words. "Please don't cry. Please. You didn't do anything wrong. If anybody did, it was me. I get it- you're straight and stuff, right?"
Delphine was silent, searching for the right words. Was she straight? Was she lonely? "I… don't know."
"You don't know?"
"Non."
Cosima sighed, nodding her head sadly. "Is that my fault?"
"No, no. It is mine. I am just… I'm very confused lately. Things have been changing in my life and I can't really keep up very well."
"I was overstepping my boundaries and shit, sometimes I can get kinda…flirty, for lack of a better term, and not even realize it." Cosima laughed nervously, catching herself in her rambles. "If there is something like, hella weird going on and making shit awkward, then I'm sorry. Totally not the motive, okay? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. I… I really like you, and- and you're a good friend. I don't have many people to say that to."
"Ami." She mumbled, smirking at the incredulous comment.
Friendship. Was that really all this was? Was that really all she wanted? Friendship with Cosima would mean a ceasefire to their touches, their nights, their usual conversation. But not labeling their relationship would ensure a mass of unanswered questions and confusion. Picking the lesser of two evils wasn't exactly a simple task.
"I do not want anything, em, weird either. You are a force to be reckoned with though, Cosima."
Cosima smiled at that, a glint of her teeth sneaking from behind her lips.
She couldn't help herself now, as she brought a hand to Cosima's face, deliberately cupping her cheek and running her thumb against her jaw. Her thoughts were just a low hum now in her mind now, all her attention blindingly focused. There it was again, the desire to push over the friendship line boundaries.
"Oi! Harry Potter! If you're done missing your niece's family photos, we'd like to get a move on!"
Cosima grumbled, feeling Delphine's hand pulling away from her face slowly this time, with purpose. "I'm going to kill her." She complains. Sending Sarah a sharp look over her shoulder. "Is it bad that I'd rather stay here right now?"
"A little, yes." Delphine laughed. Still, she didn't move. She didn't want Delphine to move, didn't want this moment of unquestionable, silent comfort to end. She didn't want to stop looking at her. There had to be something to make her presence stretch-
"But em, Cosima… before you go, the faculty have this sort of, this holiday party tomorrow night…" Delphine began, pulling out her phone to show Cosima the email. It was harbored in her Saved folder for weeks, she had absolutely no intentions of attending- especially when she was that close to her colleagues anyway, but if Cosima would go with her, she'd be much more inclined to attend.
She pressed the device into Cosima's open palm, their fingers brushing against one another's slowly and deliberately. "It's here at the school, and since I since we are…good friends… would you like to be my plus one?" There was no denying the tremble in Delphine's voice, but still she smiled sweetly, making it impossible for Cosima to say no even if she wanted to.
"Delphine, I'd-"
Before another word could pry out, Sarah's strong arm was around Cosima's waist. "Yeah, sorry to break up… whatever this is, but we best get going." A tight smile to Delphine, and a glare to Cosima, Sarah pulled her away, leaving Delphine still up against the wall, worrying her lips between her teeth.
"You're such a bitch." Cosima snarled, glaring sideways at her sister.
Sarah just rolled her eyes, smirking as she dodged the look. "Yeah yeah, music to my bloody ears. What were you two yapping about for so long anyway?"
"Oh, she invited me to some dinner thing tomorrow. I dunno." She said.
Sarah pursed her lips, giving her sister a good stare. Her face was just as shattered as it was when she was holding Cosima on her bed with Alison. As much as she wanted to protect her sister from a broken heart, she couldn't.
"You gonna go?"
"I-uh, yeah. I think so. I didn't get the chance to talk about it since I was so rudely interrupted." She jeered, knocking her head on Sarah's shoulder.
"Oh for Christ- just go." She laughed tiredly, slipping her arm out form around Cosima's waist. "Go make your plans and shit. Hurry, before I change my mind and drag your arse out of here."
"What are you talking about?!"
"Cos, you look bloody miserable every time your not in the kinder teacher's breathing presence. So go!" she hollered.
Cosima knew there were boundaries now, that this friendship has been established. She'd have to move on and let go of the notion that she could ever have Delphine as anything more than what they already are. Still, she smiled at her sister before turning on her heels and breaking into a jog to find Delphine. Her eyes scanned the corridor, catching a glimpse of blonde hair just about turning the corridor. She briskly caught up, weaving in and out of the slowly-crowding hallways.
"Delphine, wait!" Without any preamble, Cosima threw caution to the wind, closing the space between them and wrapping Delphine in a tight hug. She might not be able to touch her again like this, 'friends don't hold each other like lovers' she thought painfully. As if it was a perfectly natural reflex, Delphine mirrored Cosima, holding her close, her nose lingering in the smell of her shampoo, her body on overdrive as she became hyperaware of every place their bodies touched.
"What's this about?" she murmured quietly, sighing into the small woman.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'd love to go."