The Fear of All Sums
By Samuel Marks
Chapter Ten
Romana rushed out of the TARDIS just a few steps behind the Doctor, fearing for her friend's safety. Stepping out the police box, she found herself in a dark prison cell. But the environment didn't demand her attention so much as the two men lying on the floor did.
"What's going on?" she asked, in disbelief.
"Oh," said the Doctor casually, looking down at his old friend, "we were just getting reacquainted, weren't we?"
The Cavalier smiled. "It's been a long time, Doctor."
"Too long, old friend."
"Do you want to get up?" asked Romana, with her hands on her hips. She wasn't impressed.
"I suppose so," sighed the Doctor. "It's no use wasting two good legs, is it?"
The Doctor clambered up off the grubby floor, and the Cavalier did the same. He looked Romana up and down, almost suspicious of her, or at least curious. "Hello there," he said, flashing his dazzling smile. "I don't think we've met, have we? I think I'd remember you. They call me the Cavalier."
"My name is Romana," she replied formally, shaking the man's hand. "I'm a Time Lord too. I've heard a lot about you."
"All good, I assume?"
The Doctor smirked. "I left out all the naughty bits. Just mentioned how you're remembered, back on Gallifrey."
The Cavalier looked away in embarrassment. "They're not too fond of me, those stuffy old Time Lords."
"Far too serious, that lot," the Doctor said, nodding agreeably. "That's why we ran away, isn't that right, Cavalier?"
"And Romana, you've run away as well, yes?"
"Sort of," she said. "I like it out here in the universe. But I could go back, one day. I've not burned all my bridges like you two did."
"Oh, I'm not that bad," the Doctor replied defensively. He stood tall, throwing back his shoulders and sticking his nose in the air, and said, "You, Cavalier, are in the presence of Gallifrey's Lord President!"
The Cavalier hooted with laughter. "You? No way! That's so cool!"
"I know!" the Doctor grinned, dropping his stance of mock importance. "It's a laugh, I suppose. The other day, I sent a communication cube back to the Capitol, banning all those funny hats and demanding that everyone should wear scarves like mine instead. I think they thought I was joking. I wasn't."
"Sorry about these clothes, by the way," said the Cavalier, drawing attention to his Roman uniform. "They're not mine, I had to borrow them. You see, I woke up naked this morning."
Romana rolled her eyes. "Oh, you are just ridiculous—"
"Intruders!" came a heavy, rasping voice from nearby.
The three Time Lords jumped in fright, and turned to face the source of the interruption. Barely visible in the shadows outside the cell door was a Zeronaught, tall and menacing in its jet-black armour. Its piercing red eyes that shone out from beneath the helmet spooked Romana, and it felt like her blood ran cold.
"What is that thing?" she asked.
"They're the ones who kidnapped me," said the Cavalier. "Well, they have kidnapped me. Present tense. I'm not free yet. Yes, that's a point. Doctor, why haven't we left already?"
"I don't know," the Doctor shrugged. "I don't even know where we are. Some sort of spaceship, I assume?"
"At the heart of the Accumulation's fleet, escorting the prisoner to our home world," said the Zeronaught. "We are the Zeronaughts, and we will destroy you."
The cell door swung open, and the Zeronaught stepped through. It raised a gloved hand that sparked with fiery red energy as it advanced upon the Time Lords.
"Stay back, you two," said the Cavalier confidently. "I'll handle this." He raised his own fist, which also began to glow brightly. Golden energy played around his hand, lighting up the darkness and cutting a trail through the air as he swung it towards the Zeronaught.
The knight in black armour staggered backwards, shaken by the blow, until it tumbled onto the floor of the cell.
"Knocked him out cold!" the Doctor observed admiringly. "Nice work, Cavalier. How did you do that?"
"Used my residual regeneration energy to give it an extra kick. Well, an extra punch. But you know what I mean."
"You've recently regenerated, then?" asked the Doctor. "Congratulations!"
"Not exactly," said the Cavalier miserably. "It was my twelfth one. This is my thirteenth and final body." He looked himself up and down. "I know, I'm not exactly going out on a high, am I?"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," said the Doctor, looking his old friend up and down. "I like it. I think it suits you."
By this point, Romana's eyes had been rolling almost constantly, so much so that her head started to ache. "Doctor, we've got to go," she urged.. "There must be more of those things."
"We're okay for a while," said the Doctor, kneeling down beside the unconscious figure. "Before we leave I have to find out some more about this lot."
"Yes, what are these so-called Zeronaughts?" asked Romana. "Are they like astronauts?"
"Not really. They're explorers of the worlds of physics and mathematics, not the wonders of the universe. To them, reality has no beauty; it is merely a string of numbers. They see the great questions about life, the universe and everything not as enjoyable philosophical debates but as equations that need to be solved. That's their aim. That's what they do. They take the fun out of everything, balancing the problems of reality, reducing everything to zero."
"So why did they kidnap him?" Romana asked, gesturing towards the Cavalier.
"Good question," mused the Doctor.
"Oh, never mind that," said the Cavalier, with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I'm always getting kidnapped, it's nothing really. It's become a bit of a hobby, I suppose. A better question would be: why are they in these big scary suits?"
"Because it makes them look big and scary," said the Doctor simply. "They're only scientists, remember. And pompous brainboxes like the Zeronaughts frequently get picked on anyway. Imagine how many more people are going to picking on them when they tell them that they're trying to alter the fabric of reality. The suit is protection, keeping them alive."
The Doctor bent down over the body of the unconscious Zeronaught, and carefully removed its helmet. Beneath the protective mask was the face of an old man, withered and tired and wrinkled with age. He was still breathing, just about.
"He looks old," noted Romana.
"Yes," the Doctor replied, "but he's even older than he looks."
He reached into his pockets, rummaging around, searching for something. He seemed to come across several items that he didn't need, and casually passed them over to Romana and the Cavalier respectively, so he could keep looking. After apparently finding everything except what he was looking for—including a pocket watch, a whistle, and a half-eaten apple, which his companions were left holding—the Doctor eventually found his sonic screwdriver.
"The armour is infused with nanogene technology, preserving the body within indefinitely. This suit has been programmed to slow down the aging process, to keep the body alive for as long as possible with bio-enhancements." The Doctor was scanning the unconscious Zeronaught with his trusty gadget. "They're more machine now than man. They're basically immortal. The Zeronaughts can live for ever!"
"And that's bad, is it?" Romana asked.
The Doctor nodded.
"I can't help but think," said the Cavalier, "that for us—three Time Lords—to say that is perhaps just a bit hypocritical..."
"You mentioned altering the fabric of reality," said Romana. "Is that what they're trying to do?"
A dark expression fell across the Doctor's face. "Like any mad scientists, observing the world isn't enough. They've got to use their genius to change it, to manipulate it. There must be a secret—a machine or ability of some kind—that allows the Zeronaughts to rearrange the building blocks of the universe. Given the time, and the solution to the equations, they can do anything!"
"And you've never thought about stopping them?" asked the Cavalier, confused. "I've heard all these legends of the magnificent Doctor, who saves the universe time and time again, yet you know all of this and allow it to go on?"
"They're an incredibly secretive community. I don't know, maybe they're shy. But I've only heard rumours, read eyewitness accounts of people who think they glimpsed a Zeronaught in the darkness. No one truly believes they exist. I'm the only one foolish enough, and it turns out I was right! Oh, that's a nice feeling."
"Yes, reality is in serious danger," Romana said sarcastically. "How wonderful that feels!"
"I got the sarcasm that time, and I've also got the Zeronaughts' data now," said the Doctor, drawing their attention to the sonic screwdriver. "With it, I can find their planet and take them by surprise. This ship will be too well defended for a direct assault, and we'd stand no chance against the whole Accumulation at once. The element of surprise is always good."
The Doctor turned on his heels to retreat back into the safety of the TARDIS, but he quickly realised that the element of surprise was only good when you weren't on the receiving end of it. The harsh light of a teleport glow illuminated a darkness of the cell, and the familiarly ridiculous sight of a Kuricam appeared.
"Oh, not you again!" cried Romana.
"What are those things?" asked the Cavalier.
"They're silly," said the Doctor. "They're self-important, bureaucratic, jumped-up little machines. And they're looking for you, Cavalier."
"Me? Why?"
The Kuricam took a few unsteady steps forward on its thin metal legs. "Crimes are too numerous to list. Battery life would not last long enough to recount them all."
The Doctor laughed. "And they run by battery, too! They really are absurd. The future of policing, eh? What a joke—"
But the moment was interrupted by a hum of power, as the Zeronaught began to wake up. And when it did, it wouldn't be happy to see the prisoner escaping.
"Look," said the Doctor to the Kuricam, "we're in a bit of a rush, so if you could just let us go that would be great."
The Kuricam sparked with electricity, as it powered up its small but powerful weapons systems and prepared to fire, in an attempt to threaten the Time Lords. "Proposition rejected. The renegade known as the Cavalier has finally been located. He will now be apprehended. Justice will be swift."
"Oh, you're a real nuisance, you lot," said the Doctor. "So is this our choice? Stay here, arguing with you, and get caught by the Zeronaughts? Or hand over the Cavalier, when I've only just found him again after all these years, and get away scot free?"
The Kuricam seemed to think about this for a moment. Even its advanced circuitry struggled to keep up with the Doctor's fast mind and faster mouth. "Correct," it decided, finally.
"Hey, it's fine," said the Cavalier. "I'll go quietly. I don't mind moving from one cell to another. It must just be one of those days. But I hope you're better at hospitality than these Zeronaughts."
"You will be taken to the Visendi Detention Complex. Your fellow inmates handle hospitality," announced the Kuricam grimly.
The Cavalier looked worried. "Doctor, before I go—before this thing takes me away—I have to tell you something. I don't know if it's connected to the Zeronaughts... It might just be coincidence, or totally unconnected, I don't know... But something is wrong. Something has happened to Time itself."
"Something bad?" "Something very, very bad. Ancient Rome is not so ancient any more. The real problem might be bigger than that, and Rome could be just a symptom of the illness, but it's a good place to start. I have the strangest feeling that the whole universe might be in very great danger. Solve this, Doctor. If anyone can, it's you. When I get out of jail, I want a universe to come back to."
The Doctor smiled reassuringly. "And I'll be waiting for you, too."
The Cavalier winked, and he and the Kuricam disappeared in a teleport glow.