The Candle

This story starts with a candle stub and not quite a beginning.

The family had never been religious and Elinor and Mo had always hated candles but Meggie had always seemed to have one lit for special occasions. And how special this occasion was. Farid felt numbed but he was diligent in keeping the candle lit. He was diligent in keeping the family together.

That's how he saw them: a family. Silvertongue and Resa were always there to teach him, smile at him, and make him feel safe. Elinor... well despite her constant griping she was a kind person at heart. And Darius was a constant source of good food. Then there was Dustfinger. Farid would do anything for him and, secretly, he sometimes wished he was Dustfinger's son.

It was falling apart. The first year had been the toughest. Meggie's parents were a wreck. They cried and fought. They blamed themselves. Farid cried when no one else could see. Elinor had become violently ill. Darius was at her bedside during the worst of it, forcing her to eat. Only Dustfinger had been silent. Always silent. Always watching. He would disappear for days at a time.

It got better with time. Sometimes, especially on the holidays, Farid would catch Resa crying. Farid found it hard to look at her when she cried, so much like Meggie. He could almost imagine it was her, except Resa was mute. He once helped Darius repair Silvertongue's workshop window when the distraught father had thrown a book through it. Elinor had days when she could hardly get out of bed but they were getting fewer and farther between. And still Dustfinger was silent. Always silent. Always watching. He almost never played with fire anymore.

It was on a grim night in December, that Farid found the box. The box was plain with Meggie's name across the top. Inside were Meggie's clothes. They smelled like her and Farid lifted a sweater to his nose. Sweet. Strong. Everything about her. He looked back into the box. There were bookmarks of jay feathers and a picture of them on her 15th birthday. He pulled out a blue book with a silvery chain holding it closed.

"Meggie's...Di-" he pronounced it with a short "i" but realized his mistake. "No, Diary."

Farid remembered the nights he and Meggie had been up late teaching and learning the letters that made up words. Diary. Farid surely knew that word. This was the book of her secrets; her most private thoughts. With shaking fingers, he opened the book.

"Today," Farid read. "I watched Farid and Dustfinger play with fire. I swear it nearly makes me want to read them into that book just to see the amazing things they can do."

"I feel so silly now. I'd hate to lose my best friend over something as pointless as a fight. I'll never tell Farid that, though." Farid laughed aloud. He flipped further in the book, past pointless entries of bad hair days and stomach pains, towards the end.

"I'm in love. It's the worst feeling ever. My head feels dizzy and my stomach is in knots. My parents would kill me if they knew. They'd kill him. I kept telling myself to stop loving him but I can't."

"What are you doing?" The voice made Farid jump. Dustfinger was standing in the attic doorway, staring at Farid blankly.

"I was- I saw the box and..."

"Bad enough with that candle lit but you have to go and bring up more of her stuff." The fire dancer sat heavily on the bed, staring at the book in Farid's hands.

"It's been three years." Farid said, closing the book. "And she'd want us to... to stay a-"

"What?" he spat. "A family? I have no family."

"She treated you like you were!" Farid replied, just as caustically.

Dustfinger laughed bitterly. He ran a hand over his face. Since when had he looked so weary? Farid couldn't remember. Dustfinger took the book and opened it up near the end. He stared at an entry for a long time before handing it to Farid.

"Dustfinger and I spent a long time talking last night. He's worried about me going to college. I love him but I need to do this for myself. He says he understands. He told me he loved me last night. I almost missed it, I was in such a daze..."

The rest didn't matter. Farid finally understood why he was so silent. Always silent. Always watching. His heart was as broken as anyone's.

"You know what happened... the car accident... it wasn't your fault."

"She was never supposed to go that way."

"It just happened." Farid said. "Her spirit-"

"Don't go on about her being a ghost."

"-is all around us. Not a ghost. Something more. Don't tell me you don't miss her. Her memory is trying to hold us together."

Dustfinger was silent for a long time. He swiped his sleeve across his face before looking at Farid but he could see that tell tale red in his eyes. Dustfinger let Farid hug him, though the younger man knew he hated that.

Farid took the spent candle from its spot on the table by the window and replaced it. Silvertongue and Resa smiled at him from the love-seat; sad, bittersweet smiles. Elinor and Darius were on the couch, reading. It was home but it still felt like something was missing. He could remember, three years ago, a similar scene. Except Silvertongue's smile wasn't quite so sad. Except Resa didn't have tears in her eyes. Except Elinor wasn't so gaunt and Darius so grim. Except Dustfinger and Meggie were reading by the fire. Farid turned away and ignored the prickling of tears. As he went to strike the match, Farid felt a hand on his shoulder. He couldn't quite help the tear that escaped as he watched Dustfinger light the candle.

This story ends with a candle and not quite an ending.