State of things

S+J+S+J+S +J+S+J+S

Gater101

S+J+S+J+S+J+S+J+S

Sam's fingers became a new part of the arm of the chair as she dug her nails in deeply and felt and saw her knuckles turn white. The Tok'ra's gruesome recall of Jack's physical state was disgusting to Sam and she could only imagine his weak, tortured body falling limply to the ground and his voice calling out her name. *Her* name. Sam, not Angela. *Sam*.

Fresh tears sprang anew into her eyes and, looking around, she could see she was not the only one affected by this detailed description of the once strong Colonel that they all knew and loved – or she loved anyway. Jonas was looking at the table with tears threatening to fall over his eyelids; even though he hadn't been on the team for as long as the others he still felt what they were feeling. Teal'c was watching the two Tok'ra no doubt looking for signs of deception with a straight face and if it wasn't for the waver in his voice when he spoke Sam would have sworn that this was having no effect on the large man at all.

"If we are to believe what you tell us," Teal'c stated. "That would mean that Colonel O'Neill is very much alive and has no doubt suffered innumerable counts of torture which he may or may not recover from."

Unable to listen to Teal'c for much longer Sam held up a shaking hand and cut him off.

"What's your point Teal'c?" She asked bitterly, unable to believe that her friend was putting her through this form of torture.

Teal'c looked at her with compassion and held a hand up in front of his chest.

"My point, MajorCarter, is that O'Neill is very much alive, and very capable of being rescued by us with the aid of a Tok'ra ship," he said smiling slightly.

She could cry. She knew that he could be rescued but she didn't want to be the one to do it. She didn't want to see his face, didn't want him to ask her what had taken so long and for her to have to tell him she had failed him. She knew she would have to go on the mission, she *wanted* to go but she didn't.

She let out a bitter laugh causing the table to turn and look at her. She licked her lips and tasted the salt from her tears –tears that she didn't know had fallen.

"It's ironic, we - *I* - have spent so long trying to figure out how to get to him, how to rescue him and it was so simple. He hadn't even left the planet he had gone missing on. Do you have any idea how that *feels*, any idea how ridiculous I feel right now?" She stated bitterly, her lips curled in a gruesome attempt at an ironic smile and tears gliding down her cheeks.

No one answered her question and she laughed once again.

"You have no idea how difficult it is going to be trying to tell him that we didn't know where to begin, trying to explain to him that we didn't even return to the damn planet to find him. You have no idea" she let the tears fall and dropped her head onto the table and sobbed not caring that her commanding officer or anyone else was watching her.

She tried to calm herself but every time she managed to stint the flow of tears she would think of the mission ahead of her and cry again. The members of the table continued making plans on the rescue of Colonel O'Neill while Sam drowned herself in tears. When the Tok'ra stood to leave the table Sam made a half hearted attempt to show some respect and stand and walk them to the gateroom.

The Gate started spinning and Sam winced at the pain it caused in her head. The Tok'ra turned to her and one began speaking.

"We shall meet you on the planet with the ship ready to depart. I only hope we discovered him in time," he said – she has already forgotten his name – and Sam nodded her head in agreement to his words.

A conversation ensued about the mission for a few moments until the blue wave Kawooshed' from the large circle and then there was silence as the Tok'ra ascended the ramp and, when they reached the event horizon, they turned and nodded at us before stepping through the blue mirage.

"Well That went well, " Jonas said trying to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over the group.

"Hmmm," Sam replied and then started walking away from the now empty Stargate. "So, what's the co-ordinance of the mission?" She asked as they walked down the corridor to the changing rooms.

"Well, from what the Tok'ra have gathered it's a trading planet that Jack is being held on. They will offer something in return for Colonel O'Neill," Jonas informed her.

The mission seemed simple enough but what if

"What if they don't want to trade him?" She asked the question that had no doubt been playing on the minds of everyone but none were brave enough to answer.

Jonas looked to Teal'c for support. None was forthcoming.

Jonas looked to the ground for a few moments then looked Sam straight in the eye.

"Then we go in guns blazing."

Sam smiled; she liked Jonas' way of thinking. Undoubtedly Jonas was becoming a much larger role in the SGC as a whole and not just SG-1. The base had grown to like him and so had Jack

Sam snapped out of her reverie and continued walking until she reached the changing rooms where she stripped off her clothes and put on the fresh ones that were hanging on her coat rail. When she re-emerged a few minutes later Jonas and Teal'c were standing outside the room waiting to enter.

"Hey guys," she said with a small, sad smile. "Rooms free," she muttered as they entered when she left.

She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes wondering how much pain Jack was in. She guessed it was a lot. Everything seemed to happen around about the same time in her life. Her mother's anniversary and her father going missing on the same day though years apart. The man she loved was captured the day after, but her father returned. Days later her house was burned down, she was threatened, she had almost given up hope of finding O'Neill and had a message from Anubis concerning O'Neill. And now, weeks later, two Tok'ra representatives come and tell her that O'Neill was found and they were going to rescue him.

She wished her dad were there to tell her she would be okay. But he wasn't. He was on another mission, another planet, another alias for him to don. His wounds had healed much quicker than normal thanks to his symbiote and now he was off gallivanting through the galaxy thinking he was James T. Kirk, captain of the Enterprise'.

Hammond walked towards her and stopped before reaching her.

"Can I have a word Major?" He asked her.

Sam nodded and pushed herself off the wall sending a quick glance at the locker room door.

"Don't worry, it won't take long," he assured her.

"Yessir."

"Sam Bring him home, alive if you can. But you heard the Tok'ra's description of him. At some point maybe he would be better of dead. If there is a chance that he won't be the same *mentally* after this then you know he'd want it. He'd want to be brought back as him or not at all."

Sam straightened her neck and jutted out her chin.

"I understand, sir. But I am not going all that way just to bring him home in a box," she told him steadily. She held his gaze for a few seconds until the door to the showers opened and Jonas and Teal'c emerged dressed in the same black gear as herself.

Hammond nodded and moved off. Sam followed him with her eyes. She couldn't believe he had practically told her to kill the man she loved. He knew how difficult it was for her.

"What did the General want?" Jonas asked as he yanked at his vest adjusting it to the right area of his body.

"Just wanted to wish us luck," she said abstractly. "Let's go." She pushed past him and traced Hammond's steps until she reached the gateroom.

She entered and it seemed as though there was a thousand faces looking back at her. She nodded to the technician in the control-room who promptly started dialling the Gate.

"Chevron one encoded."

The thunder from the Gate muted all conversation in the room but Sam could imagine the chatter going on up in the control room.

Now she wished she had gone for a shower. Her hair was almost matted it was that greasy, and her skin had gone from oily to dry back to oily. She felt unclean. She thanked whoever was listening for giving her this chance, to rescue O'Neill. To see him, no matter his state.

"Chevron Seven is locked!"

The now familiar, yet still amazing, blue whoosh shot from the gate then settled back to create the rippling event horizon that she would have to walk through momentarily.

Her feet were moving of their own accord up the ramp and she stopped just short of walking through the shimmering surface when Hammond called to her.

"The Tok'ra will meet you on the other side with a ship. They'll take you to the planet, from there you will ring down. You'll be on your own. You will radio the ship when you have him."

She smiled. He knew she hadn't been paying attention at the briefing.

"Yes, sir," she waited for Teal'c and Jonas to join her.

"God speed."

She breathed deeply and then took the step through the Gate.

She was going to rescue Jack.

TBC!!!!!!!!! Eternally sorry! I don't have the lyrics for this song! L ! More in time! Dunno how long it will be!

Feed me please!!!!!!!!!!