Request from universe-queen-melissa on Tumblr.
1. Crisis on the Seven Seas! S.S Mummy's Curse vs S.S Neon Lights!
"Your primitive weapons are no match for my superior blasters!"
"I summon a demon to jinx your blasters so they only shoot jelly!"
"Neon Lights shall rise again! We may be few in number, but we shall prevail against the tragedy that is Cleopatra's personality!"
"Mummy's Curse is the true winner! We actually have hints on our side! All Danielle ever does is complain about her dysfunctional family!"
"Danielle risked her life to save Time Ape from the evil clutches of Professor Yorek! And she did it with a broken leg and armed with only a taser!"
"Cleopatra had a duty to her people! Her intellect is matched by only the Man of the Past, Present, and Future!"
"Sara, Milo, I'm getting take out from that new Mexican place that opened up downtown. Is there anything you two would like?" Brigitte carefully stepped over the mess in the living room, grabbing her car keys from a table. Sara and Milo paused to allow her through.
"Extra spicy salsa please!" Sara said.
"A side of black beans too," Milo added.
"Okay, I'll be back in half an hour and Martin should be home in-wait, is that my eyeliner?" Brigitte took a closer look at Milo's face.
"I wanted to get into character," Milo replied. "It's kohl."
"Looks like a good make up job," Brigitte said. "Just promise me you'll clean all this up when Martin gets home. You know Murphy's Law flares up when he's extra exhausted." She waved, exiting through the garage door.
Sara stood up, dropping the catcher's helmet she was using as a mask. "And this concludes our monthly ship war. Let's see, four tallies for Mummy's Curse, four for Neon Lights, and ten for draw."
"Stay tuned for March's ship war, folks! An episode premiering in two weeks is going to give Mummy's Curse extra ammunition!"
2. Fan Mail
"Let's see, bill, bill, fan mail, fan mail, coupon for fast food, another letter from ol' Blockhead-this one should be fun, fan mail, bill." Orton set everything down on the kitchen table, pouring himself a cup of coffee before setting aside the bills.
The first two pieces of fan mail weren't that interesting, one of them consisting of a rant about how Adjunct Faculty Member Zone was the worst thing that had ever happened to the series. It wasn't his proudest moment, but the college students used as extras for that series made the work a lot more pleasant than most people assumed.
Ah, the third piece is from Sara Murphy, Orton smiled. He had a wall on his bedroom where he pinned his favorite artwork and letters from his fans. Sara Murphy had five of her letters up there so far, and several more stashed away in a box in the attic. He updated the wall every few weeks, preserving older pieces in a scrapbook.
He decided to save it for last, since he would likely need some positivity after inevitably choking on Block.
Dear Orton Mahlson,
Consider joining the Bureau or else. I have the operatives and technology. All you have is your silly, inaccurate prime-time sitcom that undermines the potential of real time travel and mocks our scientists to no end. We will hunt you down if you continue to refuse this offer.
Sincerely,
Mr. Block.
Orton slammed a pen on the table, deciding that his response wasn't worth killing a few trees and furiously wrote a response on the back of the same paper. That was sure to tick him off.
What's up Blockhead,
You're looking about as handsome as a donkey who wallowed in a peat bog. I take that back. I refuse to insult donkeys when they actually do a great service for people around the globe. I will repeat this for the millionth time. I am not joining your ridiculous organization. For what purpose does it actually serve? Or are you just upset because you got all nostalgic for a bunch of nuts that went extinct? Boo-hoo. Cry me a river. Maybe you can finally replace the Nile. Oh, wait that would just cause more pollution wouldn't it?
-Orton Mahlson
He zapped the paper with his own Temporal Transporter. Amateurs. His version had a streaming option for new releases.
Now he could finally read Sara's letter in peace. Maybe this would snap him out of the funk Block always threw him in.
Dear Orton Mahlson,
I don't think I've ever mentioned how much Dr. Zone means to me and especially my little brother, Milo. You see, Milo has a certain condition which causes people to treat him differently. Sometimes it's easy to shrug off. Other times it's not. It was more difficult back then, before Milo was old enough to handle situations on his own. As his big sis, it's my job to look out for him. Since we first discovered Dr. Zone, it opened up a lot more opportunities to spend time together as siblings and we're always look forward to new episodes. Thank you for such a wonderful show!
Your biggest fan,
Sara Murphy
Orton had a new favorite letter now. And there was no better honor for his biggest fan than a spot on the refrigerator.
3. Contagious
Milo stopped scratching Diogee's belly, listening to Sara groan from her bedroom. Diogee whined and pawed at Milo's hand, unhappy that his belly rub time was cut short. "Sorry, boy," Milo said, knocking on her door. "Something's wrong. Sara, can I come in please? Are you all right?"
"Coming," Sara opened her door, looking unusually cross. She was still in her pajamas, and her empty stomach probably wasn't doing her any favors either. "Hey."
"Are you sick? You skipped breakfast," Milo noticed.
"I'm sick all right. I caught the dreaded-Milo, you can take the mask off. It's not contagious. I think. I just have a really bad case of Writer's Block."
Milo tied a mask on Diogee. "I don't want him getting it either," he said, his voice muffled.
"I uploaded Chapter 17 of my shipping fic three weeks ago, and I've been trying to finish the confrontation between Professor Yorek and Danielle, but writing about infiltrating a secret, heavily-guarded facility is harder than it sounds," Sara opened the document containing the half-finished chapter, letting Milo quickly skim through it."
"Have you tried imagining it in your head?" Milo asked.
Sara shook her head. "No, I just type what comes to mind."
"Okay, how about we try this?" Milo set a Time Ape doll on the windowsill, placing a plastic container around it to act as a cage. "Professor Yorek has captured Time Ape and is holding him for ransom until Dr. Zone arrives with the loot from the Titanic? Right?" Sara nodded. Milo placed a Professor Yorek action figure on top of the plastic container. "But it's all a front to distract Dr. Zone?"
"And Danielle is torn because she was childhood friends with Yorek and watched him change after his obsession with the time stream grew. I don't know how to properly convey that and have her infiltrate the facility at the same time."
"But she also loves Dr. Zone now, so that makes it even more difficult," Milo mused. He placed a crocheted doll of Danielle next to Professor Yorek, positioning them so they were holding hands. "What if she had little reminders on her way? Remember the episode "Instrument of Sorrow" where Danielle had a flashback of her playing the glockenspiel with Yorek and he taught her his family's song?"
Sara nodded. "A musical reminder is always good. If I play that song while writing that particular part, it would probably help a whole lot. There was also the episode "Spider Lily" in which spiders were used to symbolize Yorek's growing darkness. And Danielle has arachnophobia in canon, so that would absolutely terrify her once she snaps to reality when she realizes there's a horde of man-eating spiders in the vents!"
"See you've got it!" Milo took off his mask. Diogee had long discarded his, using it as a chew toy instead. "But maybe you shouldn't write on an empty stomach. Studies prove you think better after you've had breakfast!"
Sara laughed. "You're right, little bro. I'm totally going to crush my readers' spirit after this chapter!"
"That's great! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish my fanfic too," Milo sat down at the computer in his room, opening the document, fingers poised to type. And he waited. And waited.
After ten minutes, Milo had resorted to trying to balance his pencil on his nose in an attempt to think. His eyes widened. He was right. He was right all along.
"Sara, you lied to me! Writer's Block is contagious!"