Hey Folks!
Long time no update, I know I know. I'm a very naughty writer!
It's been hectic here at HQ. I got a commission through to make an epic costume that I just couldn't refuse, so I've been running on all pistons since the middle of August and I'm nowhere near finished yet.
I will try my best to get new chapters to you every month or so, but please be patient. I won't abandon you, promise.
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Please do continue to follow, fave and share around! Keep the love for Steve and Cora going!
Here we go...
CHAPTER 10 - Rain.
"Hey back off, Spangles, how the hell could I have known you hadn't told her?!"
"You could have asked instead of running your mouth off as usual!"
"And you should have told her from the start! Who the hell are you to keep that from her?!"
Cora's head was throbbing, her body feeling light and exhausted as she drifted back to consciousness to overhear the argument erupting around her. The yelling hurt her temples with a deep pounding ache.
"Stop." She ordered weakly, forcing her eyes open to find herself cradled against Steve's warm uniformed chest.
The bickering ended immediately with her surprise awakening, their attentions instead placed on her well-being as she tried to sit up on her own.
"Easy now." Stark said with care, "You might have a whoozy head."
Cora ignored his advice and pushed herself slowly to her feet, Steve gently trying to help her though she seemed reluctant to accept his assistance. As she finally stood on her own, her head tried to spin for a moment, her palm pressing onto her aching temple where the metal disc was still connected.
"Maybe you should sit back down..." Steve suggested as he moved to place a comforting hand on her shoulder and escort her to a chair. However, Cora immediately stepped out of his reach.
Steve stood frozen at her silent rebuke to his help, but more so by the look that covered her face as she stared at him, and him alone. He saw anger, despair, sadness and hopelessness in the depths of her gaze, but the one overwhelming emotion in her eyes, the one that was directed at him and the secrets he had kept... It was the one he thought he would never have to receive from her: Betrayal.
"Cora, I..." He tried to begin, but at that moment his mouth was raw and dry, his mind devoid of suitable words as they had all been driven out by her heart-breaking stare, by the silent and tearful face that had nothing more to say to him.
Without so much as another word, Cora began to step away from him, her accusing gaze not leaving his until she reached the door ,where she turned and marched away with purpose.
"Cora wait!" Steve called, rushing for the door and the chance to explain, to make it right.
"Steve stop!" Called Bruce from the other side of the dishevelled lab, making the Captain halt immediately to look with confusion and panic, "I wouldn't do that right now."
"I have to explain, Bruce, I can't just do nothing!" He exclaimed, gripping the door frame as he was about to run after her again.
"Wrong." Stark added calmly, his hands in his pockets to emphasize his air of serious disappointment, "I think you've done enough already."
Steve strode angrily towards the billionaire with the intention of laying him flat out, to finally release the annoyance and anger that he felt towards him but always contained due to propriety. However, Bruce immediately got in the middle of them.
"Enough!" Bruce ordered, his hand pushing against the captain's chest to physically keep him at bay and save Stark's suddenly endangered health, "This won't change anything, and... and he's right!"
"What?" Steve responded with shock.
"She needs space, Steve." Bruce explained calmly, "Time to digest what's just been revealed. And until she does, she won't understand why you did what you thought you had to. She's just had what little she knew about her life snatched away from her, including any sense that she can trust you. I think she deserves a bit of time alone."
Steve didn't have anything to say to the good doctor's wisdom. He knew in his gut that he was right, but that didn't change his need to release his anger on Stark for telling her so callously. He stared at the billionaire who stood seemingly sympathetically and unmoving on the other side of Bruce as he still insisted on being the peacemaker between them. And as he stared, his wrath only increased further as he began to realise that Stark was right too. He should have told her sooner, and his guilt because of it was trying to eat him alive. He could only blame himself for Cora's pain right now.
"She likes you, Cap." Tony suddenly said with calm reassurance, "Just let her breathe, then show her that she can still trust you above all others. She'll come around."
Steve turned quickly before he could comment or push Bruce aside to swing a right hook, instead marching for the door with clenched fists and heading down the corridor in the opposite direction to Cora. He caught a bitter sweet waft of her scent in the air as he left, making his stomach tense with his own disappointment.
After all his soul searching and batting back and forth the difficult choices of her welfare, he never got a chance to ease her into the truth as he had planned. God only knew what damage he had caused by not telling her from the beginning. Now he could only wait and silently pray that she could forgive his mistake.
Steve stood before the door of the observation room that adjoined Cora's, wondering if he really should go in and watch over her through the two-way mirror.
After the incident a few hours ago, Steve had retired to the only place in the building that he knew he wouldn't be disturbed and could calm his vengeful fire: The roof. He had stood in the high sun and cool wind, thinking over what had happened and what he should have done differently, how he could fix it, what to say, what to do... how to show her that she meant the world to him. Yet always his thoughts drifted to the memory of her betrayed face, and it was unbearable.
Eventually he couldn't take it anymore, knowing that she considered him a liar and a traitor, so he returned to the depths of the building and to her room. He had knocked politely, the sentries that once manned her door now gone as a show of trust, but there was no answer. He had tried to use his security access but found his entry barred, locked from the inside.
Now he stood before the entrance of the adjoining observation room, battling with his conscience, his respect for her privacy, Bruce's advice and his need to see her. Though he understood her need for time and space to breathe, being apart from her on such bad terms after decades of believing her lost to him... It was torment.
Slowly, Steve swiped his security clearance and placed his hand on the scanner. When the protocol recognized him, the door clicked open and he tentatively walked into the black room, closing the door behind him, a little fearful of what he might witness.
The only source of light in the room was through the two-way mirror on his left, floor to ceiling and wall to wall, though the room was still steeped in darkness as he moved to the middle of the space. His eyes timidly searched for Cora through the mirror.
For a brief moment he panicked, seeing her nowhere. However, he calmed as he spotted the lighter objects were vibrating in response to her emotions, emanating from somewhere in the room. The drip stand jittered on the floor next to the bed, and a glass of water had obviously slipped from the bedside table to shatter on the floor, the shards skittering across the hard surface in response to her gift.
A sudden movement in the corner of his eye grabbed his attention, pulling his sight to the bottom left of the mirror and the shadowy corner of the room beneath the security camera up above. Steve's heart wrenched and twisted as he saw her sat there, her knees pulled up to her chest and head leaning back against the mirror as she sobbed without restraint, her face wet and flushed as she succumbed to her anguish. She looked so vulnerable, so confused of what to do or what to think to make things better. Right now, he could see that all she felt was pain. She felt alone. Just as he had when he had awoken from the ice.
Steve slowly walked over and knelt crouched beside her through the glass, knowing that she didn't know of his presence but he still needed to comfort her somehow. His head fell against the mirror as his eyes closed in shame, feeling the small vibrations as her weeping racked her body.
He had hoped so dearly that he could save her from this kind of shock, spare her the depression and sorrow, but he only made it worse it seemed. He added betrayal to her grief. How was he going to make this right? How would she ever forgive him?
Steve's hand slowly raised to stroke her hair through the glass before resting there, wanting to impart hope to her, even though his own was slowly dwindling.
Two days. Two torturous days she had remained in her room with no sign of hope or any kind of contact. She hadn't drank or eaten, and barely slept. More often than not, Steve had kept watch over her from the observation room, sometimes standing for hours alone, hoping that she would break her depression and open the door. He could have easily broken in via the mirror, but that wouldn't help her in any way. As the good green doctor had said, she needed time. He just hadn't thought it would be so long.
Steve was now returning from the morning briefing that he had struggled to focus on. Apparently there was a possible location on the head scientist that had experimented on Cora, Dr Erwin Richards, who had been absent from the vessel when they had rescued her. There was a 53% facial recognition in Geneva where he had been spotted. It was a small lead, but one worth checking out. Whoever he was involved with, they were powerful and clever enough to stay very well hidden, which almost always meant trouble. The sooner they were found and stopped, the better.
He would be leading his team soon to obtain the scientist for questioning... But that meant leaving Cora behind. Even though it would only be for a while, and it was unlikely that her condition would change in his absence, he still didn't like it in the slightest. However, he was still a soldier and an agent of SHIELD, and he would not turn away the mission. Especially as it might lead to helping Cora reclaim some part of her life if they could get answers about her time in captivity.
Steve stepped out of the glass elevator on the top floor, turning left for the stairwell to take the last flight up to the roof. His head was a mess of worry, guilt and loneliness, and the clarity of the rooftop was always his salvation when he needed to calm his thoughts and focus on the task at hand, namely the mission he would be leaving on in an hour. Though he had to admit, he couldn't help but remember the time he went up there with Cora, and it made his heart ache.
As his boots clanked on the last few metal stairs, his stride halted immediately as he realised the hatch was wide open. Unhitching his shield from his back, he quietly mounted it on his left forearm before he cautiously climbed the ladder, ready to take action should he find intruders. The overcast light of clouds hit his face as he finally leapt onto the roof, silent and nimble.
He froze, aghast with what he saw: Long waving tresses of auburn blowing in the wind, her loose blue shirt rippling against her body as she sat on the low wall, her legs dangling out over the edge of the tower.
Slowly, he stood up and mounted his shield securely onto his back again. She made no indication that she was aware of his presence, and in all honesty the fact that she was sitting on the wall was making him nervous. Especially since the last time he had seen her she was still deep in stoic sorrow. He didn't know if he should walk over or announce himself first. He didn't want to startle her.
Then, as to answer his indecision, her head tilted slightly as if she had heard his thundering pulse, and when she turned her face towards him his heart stuttered at the tentative smile that greeted him. It was more than he could have hoped for, and when she turned back to the view, he took it as a sign that he could go to her. His boots crunched on the gravel as he got closer, each one seeming to echo or crash through the tense silence of the dreary day.
Slowing to a stop, he chose to keep a few paces away to be respectful, "Hello again."
He saw her cheek lift ever so slightly at his greeting that seemed to be becoming a trade mark welcome, but she didn't look at him.
"I thought you would turn up eventually." She spoke quietly, as if her voice was a little raw or unfamiliar after the last few days.
Steve wanted to say so much to her, yet he feared making things worse. So instead he chose to allow her to lead the conversation wherever she felt comfortable for it to go. He wasn't going to hide anything from her anymore.
"Haven't kept you waiting long I hope." He replied gently as he followed her casual lead, carefully moving to perch on the wall but keeping some space between them with his back to the landscape.
"I wanted to see the sun rise." She smiled gently, clearly remembering it in her head from that morning.
It was 8:20am now.
"So you have been waiting long."
"Was worth it though." She said softly, thoughtfully, "It's turned cloudy now, probably going to rain, but it was crystal clear a few hours ago. The sky lit up in bright warm colours. It was beautiful."
"Sorry I missed it." Steve added, his hope stroking it's way back into his heart with her contentment and willingness to talk to him again.
"I don't remember if I've ever watched the dawn before today." She explained, her brow gently creasing with thought, "It's remarkable to think how many people take so much for granted, or they don't truly see the world around them... Until you lose it all. And it's worse if you can't even mourn the loss with certainty because you have no memory of any of it. It's like an empty thought that still has an irritating itch to say it was once full and golden, but it can't tell you how or why. It's frustrating. So... I thought I had best start over instead of driving myself insane. Make new memories."
He smiled, pleased at her new positive outlook on her new beginning in a strange world, but whether her positivity stretched to forgiveness was uncertain. He wasn't quite ready to ask it though.
"How did you get up here anyway?" He asked casually.
Her smile was a little mischievous, "I may have swiped the I.D of a passing staff member. Sorry. I will return it, of course."
Steve chuckled, shaking his head with amusement, "I'm surprised the security isn't on alert from it's loss by now."
"Perhaps he hasn't noticed yet."
They were silent for a time, both looking at the gloomy landscape and the gathering darkness that was staining the clouds. He could feel the temperature beginning to drop, a sure sign of a downpour on the way, but he wouldn't have cared if a twister was threatening. He was alone with Cora, and she was talking to him again. Though he sudden;y found himself a little lost for the right words.
"I do understand, you know?!" She suddenly said, looking down at her hands that rested on her knees, "It took me a while to calm down and focus on the logic but..."
"Cora, I..."
"But I understand now." She interrupted, turning to smile gently at him. It was like an embrace on his soul.
"I didn't want to burden you anymore than you already were." He added with a hint of shame, "It wasn't the best way to go about it, I know... I just wanted to protect you."
"And you do." She said sweetly, "Every day since I woke in the hospital you've been there for me. I never felt safer than when you were with me. I still feel safer when you're with me. It's you that keeps me together, Steve."
His heart was pounding, his throat tightening with the threat of joyous tears but he refused to sully the moment with over-active emotions. She didn't need him blubbering his relief at her like a child whilst she was bravely communicating her own feelings over what happened.
"I now know the pain that you were trying to save me from. You wanted to spare me what happened to you, and at first I didn't believe you when you said so in the lab, but after feeling that..." She paused to take a deep breath as if pushing away the memory, "You were right. As much as I yearned for my life back and to know the details of what happened... I wasn't ready to know it yet. But more importantly, over the last two days I realised that..." Her throat was tight as her eyes threatened to rupture with tears, looking up at Steve as she tried to keep her emotions down, "I need you. I can't... I can't do this alone."
Steve moved closer to sit on the wall beside her and gently took her hand, giving it a tender squeeze as her fingers wrapped around his palm. It was a bold move for him, but he needed to comfort her beyond his own shyness.
"I wouldn't let you." He smiled gently, his pulse rising at their touch.
Her answering smile was soft and wonderful as tears escaped her long lashes, "I know."
"I'm just sorry you had to find out that way. I was planning to ease you into it gently." Said Steve, watching as she delicately ran her fingers beneath her eyes to wipe away the tears.
"It wasn't your fault." She replied with a small smile, her voice tame again as she regained her composure "I have the distinct feeling that Mr Stark is the outspoken type whether you want him to be or not."
"You could put it that way."
"I'm sorry for the way I acted." She said softly, as if she was disappointed with herself, "I shouldn't have taken it out on you when you were only acting in my best interests."
"Cora, you don't have to..."
She gently interrupted him as the hand he held drifted slowly so that her fingers entwined with his, her smile warm and soft as she looked at him. His skin tingled with her touch, and he lost all track of his thoughts as he glanced down at their locked hands.
"Thank you." She said genuinely, making him look up to meet her glistening eyes that were now filled with sincerity and affection, "I do appreciate what you tried to do. It couldn't have been easy for you, I'm sure."
"But the damage is done." He said guiltily, "What can I do to help you trust me again?"
She squeezed his hand lightly, "Tell me the truth? Everything that happened. Even if it hurts me."
Steve took a deep breath as he looked back down, his eyes finding their joined hands but his thoughts scrambled in many directions. He knew she was specifically going to ask about them being together, about how close they were... And he wasn't entirely sure of how to explain it. How do you tell a woman with amnesia that they used to be in love? Also, how do you explain that he used to be just another scrawny kid from Brooklyn that got beat up more times than he could remember?
Her other hand slid onto the top of their entwined hands, tenderly enclosing in her warm grasp to pull him from his troubled reverie to look back to her smile, her glow immediately easing his worries.
"Perhaps tomorrow though." She said mercifully, looking back to the cloudy view, "But for now, rain is coming."
Steve looked to the sky and sure enough the clouds had darkened further, the scent in the air changing. Any moment now there would be the downpour, and the anticipation on her face told him that she had no intention of taking shelter inside.
The first few drops began to fall, her head leaning back and her eyes closing to face the heavens with appreciation, all the while still holding his hand. The rain started to fall heavier, drop by drop hitting her porcelain face as she smiled at the sensation, dark spots staining her light shirt and jeans.
She then looked to him as the rain began to thrash down, her features gleaming with a bright smile as her hair began to soak and drips of water fell from the tip of her nose, but still she made no sign of wanting to leave. Steve was similarly drenched, though his combat uniform offered better waterproofing. Still he felt his head drenched and running with small rivulets in the downpour. And he grinned with exhilaration.
Her hands suddenly moved from his to brush her fingers through her sopping locks that were now a deep rust in colour, and her shirt was plastering to every curve of her body, which Steve felt a little disrespectful for noticing with such interest. Especially when he spied a small drop run down her throat towards her cleavage.
"Wanna' head in?" He asked to distract himself, raising his voice slightly over the rain.
She smiled, shaking her head and releasing a few drops that had trapped in her eyelashes, "No. But maybe I should have brought an umbrella."
Steve smirked at her playfulness, unhitching his shield from his back to mount it on his arm and raise it over her head as a make-shift shelter. She looked up at her vibranium umbrella and giggled.
"Got ya' covered, ma'am!" He said, shaking his head slightly to get rid of some of the gathered rain on his head, but his bright smile was still locked in place.
"Room enough for two, soldier!" She called, carefully grabbing his shield harness at his shoulder and pulling him underneath as well. She gasped as his face suddenly came closer to hers than she expected.
Slowly, with a boost of courage, Steve reached up and wiped away a droplet from her cheek. He saw the flush of pink on her cheeks as she looked away bashfully, making him smile widely, happy in the knowledge that he could still make her blush just as much as she could make him. They were so close now that even though they were soaking wet, he could still feel her warmth radiating.
"Yes, ma'am." He responded with contented familiarity, and revelled in the small hint of recognition that twitched her brow for a moment. She gently shook her head as if to dispel the fierce curiosity that wanted her to ask him about that one particular response.
Cora laughed softly and caught a drop of rain hanging from the tip of his nose. Smiling at each other once more, they both looked out to the stormy horizon, her legs swinging innocently in the air. Steve tried not to think of having to leave on the mission, but it scratched at the back of his mind where his duty usually rested. Instead he took comfort in the fact that he would be able to return to her when the mission was over, and knew that she would welcome him back with genuine happiness. He was looking forward to the coming days.