CH 10 That Damn Hat

"What do you mean?" Tim put his cheek against Raylan's,' Still burning up with a fever.'

"I fuck up literally every relationship I'm in, I don't want to lose you."

"I'm not exactly boyfriend material myself," Tim snorted.

"What is this exactly?"

"I don't know, I don't care," Tim lay back on the sheets, pulling Raylan down with him," All I know is when you were gone I went crazy."

"Really…?" His voice laced with a hint of sarcasm.

"Really Ray, Art stayed at my house, I couldn't sleep without you there. I went to go shower and saw your shirt hanging on the back of my bathroom door, I broke down. I put it on and slept in it, just to be close to you. I have your hat by the way."

"It survived?" He giggled," Did you try it on?"

"I did not," Tim smirked, enjoying this glimpse of the old Raylan.

"Awe, c'mon you're lying," the slur was still there, drugs keeping him coherent," Even Rachel tried it on."

"She told me," Tim grinned," thought you were sleepin'."

"Wish I coulda seen the look on her face," his breath hitched and he shut his eyes, trying to ride out the pain.

"This is the Raylan I know—" Tim pushed the button, watching Raylan's breathing regulate," Y'okay?"

"Yeah, just hurts," his voice took a gravelly tone," I don't know how much longer I'll be awake."

"I'm here to stay," Tim ran his fingers down Raylan's back.

"Feels good,' Raylan arched into him.

"Good, relax. You need to eat something though."

"I am hungry," Raylan rolled his neck as Tim massaged it.

"I know just the thing," Tim kissed the nape of his neck, Raylan shivered but this time with pleasure.

"You keep *that* up and…"

"And what?" Tim's breath was hot on his ear, Raylan grabbed his hand and put it in his lap.

"And my side won't be the only thing swollen."

"Perv," Tim nipped his shoulder.

"Tease," Raylan snapped back.

"I missed you," Raylan could feel his lips curl into his little half smile.

"But please, Tim," he tilted his head back," let's get out of here. It's not safe."

"When you've healed enough to leave," Tim nestled his face into the hollow of Raylan's neck," I'll take you anywhere you wanna go."

"I might not remember this," his words getting slow and his eyes getting harder to keep open.

"That's all right."

"Not fair—to you," Tim knew Raylan was fading.

"Don't you worry about me, darlin'," he drawled, imitating the cowboy in his arms.

"That's all I do," Raylan's eyes were closing.

"I won't make it awkward, even if you don't remember our kiss," Tim played with the small patch of hair on Raylan's chest," I'm just glad it happened."

"Me too," Raylan purred beneath his fingers," Y'don't know how long I've wanted to do that."

Raylan napped, Tim texted Art,' Could you do me a favor?' The response,' What do you need?'

'There's a little Mexican place called 'La Morinita' on the beach not far from here. Get some black bean soup and taquitos for us please and mangos if they have them. Raylan's hungry.'

'Okay.'

'Thank you,' Tim shifted Raylan onto the sheets, his eyes moved restlessly as Tim got up," Just going to the bathroom," Raylan smiled and nodded, hugging the pillow that smelled like Tim close to him and drifting back to sleep. Tim showered, which was difficult considering he had to tie a plastic bag around the boot on his foot since he couldn't put weight on it without that bulky thing yet. He pulled his razor out of his duffel bag and shaved, remembering the way Raylan's beard had felt against his face. He always packed a spare, he filled a basin with hot water and grabbed a cloth and some shaving cream.

"Ray-Ray," he sat on the edge of the bed, Raylan's eyes opened into slits and he got a satisfying moan of approval as Tim put cream on his face," Figured this would help the itching."

Art and Rachel stood outside the door, watching Tim shave Raylan. Something was different, Raylan seemed to be feeling a little better though," Tim looks better," Rachel noted.

"Yeah," Art agreed," y'know we need to get back to Kentucky soon."

"I know," she sighed," it's just hard to leave them."

"I don't want to either," Art leaned against the wall," but the manpower it's taking to run things while we're all four gone is causing trouble."

Tim was finishing, wiping Raylan's face with a hot towel. Art and Rachel peeking awkwardly to see when they should come in with the food, then Tim planted a kiss on Raylan's lips. Raylan reached up and responded, smiling stupidly when they broke.

"I need to get back to work anyway," Rachel shifted her weight from foot to foot.

"I understand," Art turned to her," y'know it's no offense to you they're gay."

"I don't think their sex life is any of our business," Rachel shook her head," At least they're happy."

"I've never seen Raylan smile like that. Shall we?"

"Yeah, one last lunch with the guys and we can catch the Red Eye flight outta here."

The door slid open, Raylan went for his gun and growled at the sudden jolt of pain," Shit," he cursed.

"Just us," Art apologized.

"It's okay,' Tim put his razor and shaving cream back in his bag in the bathroom and came back, much to Raylan's dismay, with his Army Ranger shirt on.

"You look more like yourself," Art smiled.

"You look like shit," Raylan smirked.

"Good to see you too, asshole," Art noticed he wasn't sweating as badly, but seeing him bare-chested he noticed how much weight he had lost. Raylan's ribs were showing, the stomach that once had two rows of abs and a slight V was flat.

"Tim asked me to pick up some food," he put a box of takeout on the table.

"Is that?" Raylan sniffed and looked at Tim," You remembered?"

"Yup," Tim grinned.

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better too," Rachel said shyly," can we take a walk?"

Tim looked uneasily at Raylan," You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," Raylan's smile was drunk," stretch your legs."

"I'll keep him company," Art opened his own box and started eating," Doctor's on his way down the hall."

"I don't wanna go far," Tim admitted when they stepped out of the room," I haven't been out of his sight and…"

"This'll only take a minute," Rachel took a deep breath," I'm in love with you," Tim caught himself on the wall," before you say anything, I know you and Raylan are dating now. I've known about the two of you for awhile."

"How? I didn't even know about us," he laughed," I'm sorry, Rachel."

"I'm not angry, I'm not even really hurt. It's good to finally see you happy," she threw her arms around his neck," Can we be friends? Like the kind of friends who hang out and watch shitty movies with Raylan and get drunk?"

"Sure thing," Tim hugged her back with his good arm.

"Raylan," Art said between bites of food.

"Art—I don't—" he was painfully aware of Tim's absence.

"You're getting a few months of PTO," Art said when the silence hung in the air," so is Tim."

"I don't know—"

"Save it," Art took a sip of his soda," I know you two are seeing each other."

Tim limped back in, followed by Raylan's doctor," Mr. Givens," he started, scanning over his clipboard," you seem to be doing better, fever is coming down I see. Don't let that fool you, there's still a very nasty infection in the wound in your side. I see a scar that matches it on your other side as well, so I know this isn't your first time being shot. We're going to keep you here and monitor your condition for a few more days, once the infection is under control we can talk about you going home and you can finish your treatment there if needed."

"I'd like," Raylan cleared his throat," to get out of here asap."

"Mr. Givens, trust me I understand but if you leave now you could—"

"If I stay, that zip is gonna come for me."

"Ray, we have an entire team to keep you safe," Tim sat beside him and put his hand on top of Raylan's thigh.

"The only way you're leaving here without signing an AMA form is under the care of Mr. Gutterson and with the promise to get to an emergency room when you get back to Kentucky to check on your condition," Raylan was shaking his head, sitting still was not his style," Mr. Givens, you almost died on my table. When you came in your lips were blue and you were coding, I had to call a trauma team to keep you alive long enough to dig the bullet out of you. Your pressure bottomed and we gave you three doses of adrenaline inducing drugs to keep you stable long enough to set up a blood transfusion. Even then, your fever spiked. You almost started seizing and we had to switch to sedating you."

Tim was pale, he knew Raylan needed to hear this but he felt like he couldn't breathe,' I came so close to losing you,' he squeezed Raylan's leg.

"After that we got the labs back, you tested positive for several illegal substances you'd been drugged with. Shortly after we moved you to recovery and you were waking up, you started trying to fight the nurses. We were afraid to give you more sedatives, we restrained you until you calmed down so you wouldn't hurt yourself, or anyone else for that matter. You're quite strong and your reflexes are lightning fast."

"Still wanna leave."

"So we bring you to intensive care, your partner there," he pointed to Tim," stayed by you the entire time. He wouldn't leave you even for a second, you were delirious, clinging to him when we changed your bandages until we started the Suboxone."
Raylan froze," The what?"

"Your body is addicted to the drugs in your tox screen."

"I told you about that," Tim said quietly.

"So the only reason…" Raylan stiffened, Tim felt the tension.

"The only reason you're feeling better is because of the Suboxone," the doctor confirmed," You'll need daily doses until we can wean you off of it," Raylan was shaking his head," Mr. Givens it's the only way I can feel okay about letting you go home. If you don't take the Suboxone your withdrawals, coupled with the infection and trauma you've suffered, could kill you. I've seen it happen before, withdrawals are painful even with the Suboxone."

"Fuck," he rubbed his hands together," if I stay here I'm dead, the zip will come for me. If I leave here I have to check in and get drugs…"

"You need the Suboxone no matter where you are."

"You told me you'd take them."

Raylan vaguely remembered this conversation," I don't want to have to go to a clinic with a bunch of junkies."

"I can release you with the medication in a prescription as long as Mr. Gutterson is supervising you, I can see where a man of your position wouldn't want the people you've put away before seeing you."

"Fine," Raylan could see he wasn't winning this one," but I want outta here, I wanna go home," his accent thickened when he thought of Kentucky, Tim's house, safety, refuge.

"You need to be able to make the trip," the doctor repeated.

"Please?" Raylan wasn't in the habit of begging.

"One day at a time, Ray," Tim slid an arm around his waist, Raylan turned to look at him. When his gaze met those crystal blue eyes he knew he'd lost, he sighed and nodded.

"The nurses will be by to give you another round of meds and change those bandages in a little while," the doctor nodded," eat as much as you can, get your strength back and I'll think about sending you back to Kentucky soon."

"Raylan, what's a zip?" Rachel asked.

"It's what the Italians call a hitman," Raylan was pale," they call 'em zips because of the way they dress, always in a very expensive tailored suit. Harry Arno had one after him, first time I ever went to Italy."

"You've been to Italy?" Rachel asked excitedly.

"Wasn't for fun," Tim gestured and Raylan took a bite of his food," Harry was skimmin' a little too much off a bookie here in Miami, guy named Jimmy Capp. He found out about it and got pissed, so instead of facin' his boss Harry took enough money to run. Was goin' to Italy with a stripper he was seeing named Joyce, only Jimmy sent a zip after him first to feel him out and see if he was gonna run. Guy showed up at Harry's apartment, Harry told me the room got colder when he came in. Harry went to get dinner and another zip came for him in the parkin' lot, Harry shot and killed him then ran. I found him in Italy."

"You've never told me this story," Art sounded surprised," and I've read your file."

"This ain't in it," he swallowed," I went to Italy on my vacation, freelanced the job. Got paid a coupla' grand by Harry's ex-wife, I'd just found out Winona was fuckin' our realtor. Is it real-tor or real-ter?" He shook his head and took a drink," Doesn't matter, anyway, he went to Italy and I followed him."

"He'd given you the slip twice, how'd you know where to find him?" Art asked.

"Because Harry made the mistake of gettin' drunk with me one night, he told me a story about when he was in the military. He'd gone to a little town in Italy, Jenova I think," he took another bite and rubbed his temple trying to remember. Tim was just glad to see him eating," Said he'd killed a man there, so I had an idea he'd go there since it was familiar to him. I was right. Joyce followed him a few days later, right about the time I got there. I know enough Italian to get by and a lot of the locals speak English because it's a tourist town, so I was rushed to find them before the zip did. I was eating lunch at a cafe' with Joyce when I met Tommy Bucks for the first time. Man had a presence about him," Raylan shuddered, remembering the empty look in the man's eyes," like he was hollow, dead inside. I knew he was the zip right away, scared me a little at first because I wasn't carrying my Beretta. I left that at the office, it was my service weapon at the time before I swapped to Sig Sauers, I had a three-eighty and a nine on me but this guy was fuckin' huge and I didn't know if a nine would put him down."

"First time someone intimidated you?" Art folded his arms.

"First time I was carryin' somethin' smaller than a forty cal. and also the first time I thought I needed the biggest bullets I could get my hands on," he continued," so usually the guys we chase try to avoid being seen by us. They wanna hit you when you're not lookin' so they don't chance gettin' seen or gettin' hit back," he took another bite and chewed for a few seconds," Tommy sat down across from me and ordered food. He knew I knew he was the zip, he flat out told me he was the zip just in case I was havin' doubts. Told me he was gonna kill me if I didn't back off, he knew I was there for Harry and said if I got in his way he'd whack me too. Sounded like one of the hitmen off of The Sopranos, for a second I was off my game. I wanted to go for my gun, shoot the fucker right there. Pissed me off that I couldn't justify it other than he was just plain scary. The man was a stone cold killer and I knew it, he'd probably killed over twenty people and just didn't give a shit."

"So did you get Harry out of there?"

"Yeah but Tommy got away, he tried to kill me a few times; but I always knew he was coming. He made sure I saw him, did everythin' he could to scare the shit outta me. Trying to get me to pull first, he'd show me he had a piece on him. He carried a Beretta just like mine, I knew exactly what kinda damage that gun did. He wanted to scare me and it worked, I got Harry and Joyce and hauled ass back to Miami. He followed me, I felt a little better knowing I had the Marshals here on my side to help watch my back; but I also felt bad because it would put my partner in danger. I ended up requesting to ride alone, that way if Tommy came for me at least no one else had to die."

"Jesus," Tim had heard the main parts of that story, but not the details.

"So you can imagine when I saw him in Miami I wasn't surprised, once a zip has a target that's it. One of you's gonna die. He started with the drug cartel, knowing I'd come after him that way if I caught wind of it. It was unsettling that he knew me so well, although he expected me to bring backup. I could tell when I went to question him about the cartel alone he was surprised, put his hand on his gun and asked me why he shouldn't kill me where I stood."

"Is that when you told him he had forty-eight hours to get out of town or you'd shoot him on sight?" Art asked," I'm asking as your friend not your boss," he took his badge off and set it on the table next to his food.

"No one's ever gotten the details 'bout this," Raylan finished his food," I could go to prison for some of the stuff I did here."

"It won't leave this room," Art promised," but if this guy has sent people after you from beyond the grave we need to know what went down."

"I don't like talkin' about this shit," the lump in his throat felt like it was going to choke him.

"No cops in here right now," Tim leaned back," Rachel? Did you wanna leave before…?"

"Nope," she took her badge off and put it next Art's on the table.

"All right then, so I went to question Tommy half-expecting him to kill me. I was tired, I just wanted it to end. Maybe I was a bit suicidal since Winona was still there and I had practically walked in on her fuckin' Gary. The affair had fucked up my head and I'd been drinkin' every night, Winona thought there was something goin' on at work. She didn't act like she cared much sometimes, but then she'd get a wild streak and wouldn't leave me th'hell alone about work," he pushed his hair out of his eyes, nervously," so I went off half-cocked to see Tommy Bucks. Sonovabitch was waiting on me at his villa, asked me if I was ready to die yet. I didn't much care so I put my hand on my gun, I remember I could hear my blood rushin' in my ears, almost deafenin'. He laughed at me and told me to follow him, turnin' his back to me and daring me to shoot him. Fuck I wanted to," he clenched his fist, remembering the anger," I saw he had a kid, I say a kid but early to mid twenties maybe, tied to a palm tree. He told me if I didn't pull he'd kill him. I told him to let the kid go and let me ask my questions and I'd be on my way. He said I had one more chance, I shook my head. He walked to the kid and started beatin' his ass, I lunged at him. I couldn't draw on him because he hadn't done anythin' yet, three of his guys grabbed me on my way to him. I hadn't seen t'm walk up, off my game and I'd let my guard down. Tommy stood there laughin' while they worked me over, broke four of my ribs, my nose, my collarbone, cracked my sternum, dislocated my shoulder and cut my face up. They literally beat me until I couldn't stand up, I had no fight left in me and I thought it was finally over. I thought Tommy was finally gonna kill me and end all this shit, instead he put a stick of dynamite in the kid's mouth and taped it shut so he couldn't spit it out. I tried to pull my gun, he lit the fuse and I shot the kid in between the eyes before the dynamite could maim him. The report says somethin' completely different."

"You should rest," Tim could see Raylan getting tired, reliving the past taking its toll on him.

Raylan nodded," Did you happen to find my hat?"

Tim laughed despite the situation," Yeah, Ray, I told you already. We found your damn hat. It's in the car."

"Good," his side burning he pushed the button for more Morphine and let it drag him back to sleep.

"He's pushing it," Tim said once he was asleep," He wants outta Miami."

"I think he knows he's in no position to fight anyone who's coming for him," Rachel added," and he doesn't want Tim caught in the crossfire, it's his way of protecting you."

"I'm not exactly at one-hundred percent here," Tim admitted," I can't exactly hold a rifle but I'm still good with my left hand if you put a pistol in it."

"I think, for once, Raylan might be right," Art put his badge back on his belt," as soon as we can get him outta here we should."

"They'll try again and again until they get him," Rachel put her hand on her hip.

"For the first time in his life, Raylan has something to live for," Art nodded at Tim," somebody he wants to protect at all costs. Every decision he makes has you in mind."

"Then let's get him outta here so he can relax and heal up," Tim stretched his good arm, Raylan felt the movement and took advantage of it, snuggling into the open space," can someone go get his fuckin' hat?"

"Him and that God damn hat…" Art shook his head.

"I'll go get it," Rachel smirked.