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Chapter 10- Liza
"Liza!" Kolya, my younger brother shouts.
Kolya was 6, and Sasha was 11. Nicolas and Aleksander, Niki and Alex, my little brothers.
Kolya leaps into the room and squeezes me around the waist. Wow, I didn't realize how much I missed those two little buggers until I saw them.
I ask G and Carly for some privacy, and they quickly nod their heads eagerly, leaving the room. G, excited, Carly, forlorn.
I hadn't seen my brothers, or parents either really, in months. After I left, I went back to take all of my stuff, but conveniently only when my dad was home, so I didn't see any of them.
It wasn't that my parents were horrid and cruel people, it was just that they didn't get me, and didn't know how to raise children properly. They just weren't ready.
I was a mistake, accidental pregnancy that they decided to follow through with. Sasha was planned, and Kolya was a decision made as well.
My parents are not in love, I say this bluntly. The once were perhaps, but they aren't now. They fell in love at around 19, and got married at 20. I was born a year later; accidentally once again.
They had no idea what to do, and I was sort of an experiment on how to raise children to my parents.
At 29, my parents decided to go again and have a child, thinking they were ready. Thus Sasha was born.
It was right after Kolya was born, when my mom was 34 that my parents sort of fell out of love in a way.
They separated, away from each other.
And that's how it was. They didn't get divorced, because that was much frowned upon now days; parents were supposed to love each other I guess.
Back in the present situation, Sasha walks in after Kolya and looks at me uncertainly. He was old enough to know why I left, and he was judging me for it. My parents always favored the boys more, I just didn't think that they knew that they were doing it, and neither did Sasha.
I mean, sure he fought with them, like any other kid in Illea did with their parents, but he utterly was devoted to them.
I was the accident child, the little smart alec that liked to talk back.
If mom told me to do something, I'd always question it, ask why or give her a logical explanation of why it made no sense for me to just follow that order.
Sasha didn't argue, he just did what he was told, and he just didn't understand why I couldn't just go with the flow.
When Kolya finally stops hugging me, I realize that I have tears in my eyes. I open my arm for Sasha to come in to the circle, and he hugs me stiffly.
Mom and dad walk in next, eyeing their surroundings.
I had decided, in those short minutes between kicking Carly out, and now, that I was going to give my parents a chance. I'd hear them out, and try to forgive them, but then as usual, my mom shatters my plans.
"Hmph." She says, "Nice place you've got here, sure you don't want to move back home?" She asks sniffing.
Dad sighs loudly.
"Mama." I greet her coolly.
I give dad a hug, eyes on mom the whole time.
"Your friend said you wanted to talk?" Dad asks tentatively.
I gesture for everyone to sit at the kitchen table, and nod my head once. G got them here for me, I might as well use her well intentioned, evil plan to my advantage.
"I have decided that I am going to try and forgive you all." I say without preamble.
Sasha blinks at me, and dad winces.
Mom looks at me, "Huh, and here I thought we were going to get an apology." She says scoffing.
I ignore it, that was the second jab in less that 5 minutes, she was really on fire now.
"Mom." I say through gritted teeth. "You are the one who forced me to leave, you! I was just so done with you, and yet you think that everything you've done was right, and I'm the one who was wrong and should apologize." I say.
Ugh! We were right back to where we started before I left! Me arguing with her, trying to convince her that she's not always right and sometimes I'm hurt by her!
"Whatever, it doesn't even matter now." She says waving it away with one hand. "I can't believe you got into the selection!" She crows.
Right, of course that was on her mind, when I all but forgot about it; a lie of course.
Dad cuts in. "We all, including you mother and brothers wanted to apologize for out behavior, for making you leave, and for not begging you to come back." He says.
A rush of emotions burst through. Dad apologized!
"Thank you so much." I say to dad, "I'm sorry too, for leaving you guys, but it had to be done, I just couldn't stay anymore." I say.
"Are we good?" He asks.
"No, not yet, but I think that we could be good soon, maybe you can write to me at the palace." I say.
Mom looks delighted by that.
"Of course, i'll write every week!" She says. "I'm sorry too you know." She says that last part quietly.
Hallelujah! My mother has apologized to me! What has happened to the world!
Sasha was looking very conflicted during this whole exchange, and he asks if he could use the bathroom.
"Sure, right through that door and into the one by the left side." I say.
He stands up, nearly knocking his chair down, and marches into Carly and I's room.
"It's a closet!" I hear him yell.
Shaking my head, I stand up to point him to the right door.
Once I reach him, he pulls me down.
"Liza!" He whispers anxiously.
"What?" I ask confused.
"I think that mama and papa might be using your new selected spot." He says gauging my reaction.
What? I didn't think that my parents could stoop that low!
"Are you sure?" I ask him.
"Maybe, maybe not, I just think that with your new celebrity status, they want to be on the best terms that they can be with you." He says.
I didn't know if this was true or not, but at this point I didn't care.
I march back the kitchen and inform my parents that I had paperwork to fill out, nearly shoving them out the door.
I slip Sasha the address of the palace so he could write to me, and shut the door behind them.
The last thing I saw was Kolya's face looking very troubled back at me.
All I could think about for those next few days before my send off was if my parents were there to really try and set things right, or if they were using me.
And when the day of my send off came, I was a ball of nerves, both from the fact that my parents were going to be there, and that the moment I got into the car that would take me to the airport, it would be final.
I, Liza Kozachkov, age 19, was going to the palace in Angeles to participate in the selection. Omfg.
I dress in the clothes of the selected.
This whole entire thing was surreal. I was in the car with G and Carly going to my send off in the square near the province office, only the mayor was going to be there, and a huge crowd was already gathered, so I heard.
G was telling me to calm down, nothing bad was going to happen.
"I mean, you're going to meet the prince!" She squeals. "And maybe marry him!" She adds. "Just remember us, Carly and me, when you're engaged, k?" She asks.
I roll my eyes at her puppy face and look at Carly. Since I'd got chosen, she'd been distant, I guess she was just upset that I made it, and she didn't?
"Yeah, I know that I'm going to the palace, but like, what if I really end up liking the prince? And then what if he doesn't reciprocate those feelings?" I ask voicing one of the fears I've been thinking of over the past few days.
Carly looks at me. "Liz, you're a great girl, you're funny, nice, pretty, why wouldn't the prince like you?" She asks.
"Why?!" I nearly yell. "Because there are going to be 34 other girls, some more rich and more prettier than me, with more connections and charm than me as well!" I say starting to freak out.
"Then what do you want to happen? Cause you're sending me some mixed signals here. Do you want to like the prince or not?" She asks.
"Ugh! I don't know! Right now, I don't really know anything about the guy." I say waving my hands around like a lunatic, causing the driver to look at me weirdly.
"Well, you'll figure it out when you meet him." G says brightly.
"Gee, thanks!" I say sarcastically.
"Hey, brighten up, so what if you don't like him? You'll come home to us!" Carly says wiggling her eyebrows.
"Thanks guys, remember to write to me!" I say tapping my shoulder against Carly's. "I'll update you, you update me. Ooh! You can tell me the info that magazines and people are saying about the girls, and me too! Like a personal spy team!" I say delighted.
"Ok missy, we will, now get that booty out of the car and let's get this show on the road!" Carly says with enthusiasm.
We had arrived at the square, rather a few yards away, since there was a crows gathering.
Though Carly and G had soothed some of my worries, I was still troubled.
Which was better, to get to the palace, fall in love with the prince, and then have him reject me, and then come home with a broken heart, or not like him, have him kick me out anyway, and come back a loser?
Or wait! My anxious brain thinks out another scenario, what if I don't like him, but he likes me, and makes me stay!?
No, that wouldn't happen. I supposed that having him reject me, when I like him, that would be the worse case. Coming home with a broken heart was way worse than coming home a loser.
I just...I just didn't know what was going to go down at the palace, and that frustrated me deeply. I liked knowing what was going to happen ahead of time, so I could prepare.
The thought of doing those Reports with barely a script, terrified me! Live TV! Not me at all! And then what if I didn't like any of the girls, and basically made no friends?
I was nervous about talking to the prince, about the other girls, about the Report, everything basically!
Oh god! I was just a ball of nerves.
It's ok, calm down, confidence, smile. I tell myself like a crazy mantra in my head.
I could do this, I could do this. I chant.
You know how when you repeat something a lot of times to other people to convince them of something, and then you start believing it yourself?
That's what was happening. I was telling myself that I could do it, mainly to sooth my own unfounded, or maybe founded, who knew!?
But as we neared the square and where the mayor was standing, my confidence grew, and I truly believed, that maybe...
I could do it!