Chapter 10

He followed Germany to their cell block and waited for Oda to come get them for their meeting. They sat in silence for a moment before finally Germany broke into it "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to witness such an act done by my hands. I'm sorry." He stared down at his hands, his eyes were sad. Italy noticed how quickly the hatred had vanished from them replaced by regret and sorrow.

He sat next to him on the lower bunk but both were at opposite ends. Italy slid over a little as he replied "What you did...it was...you were...that wasn't.."

"Me?" Germany finished. "It was me but another part of me. One I'm ashamed of and have always feared would come to light some day, I just...never thought it would be in front of you. I wish it had came to in front of anyone but you. Are you afraid of me now?" Germany still didn't look up. He kept staring down at his hands, mainly the one he used to break Teki'i's arm with.

Italy replied truthfully with a quiet voice "A little bit. I never thought you could be like that. How...what was it or that part of you created for..." His voice trailed off.

Germany asked "Do you want to know the truth? The real truth, not some beat around the bush vague response?"

Italy sat closer "Yes."

Germany sighed, looked up at Italy, their eyes meeting for a second before he stated "If you choose to hate me because of this, I'll understand. Feel free to be repulsed and disgusted all you like. I know I am."

Italy place a hand on Germany's arm "Don't assume anything just me everything first."

Germany sighed then returned his gaze back at his hands "Well it was back when I was in the war. Everything went to hell real quick and we were thrown into the thick of bloodshed without a heads-up or a choice. I was afraid all the time. Fear ruled my life and every choice I made and every action I performed. I was afraid to be alone, afraid that I'd be killed, afraid of everything. That kind of senseless fear would drive a man insane but that wasn't the only thing. We were ordered to kill innocents. To raid the homes of civilians and shoot any and all who opposed us on sight. Men, women and even children."

"We were monsters. Some men couldn't handle our orders and committed suicide. Some enjoyed what they did, called it a game. Some just grew numb to it as if it was a recurring nightmare that couldn't be stopped. We were forced to participate in mass genocide. We'd wipe out small towns and turn a blind eye to the unspeakable acts our commanding officers would partake in during it, such as defiling women before we were ordered to end their lives. It was kill or be killed. If we couldn't pursue an order or a task given to us we died as punishment."

Italy watched as Germany shook with anger and frustration caused by the memory. He held his hand in an attempt to console him as he continued.

"I tried to brush it off like all the others did but it drove me nuts. I was so mad and confused and guilty. We massacred people without hesitation. We hurt many just to save a few. That didn't add up to me. Soon I began to withdraw and this other darker me came to the surface, taking my place. I no longer hesitated like before. I enjoyed the sound of our enemies screams and their useless pleas for help that would never be fullfilled. Their prayers to a god who was deaf to their cries, blind to the carnage and havoc we reaped upon many. They were forgotten. Soon I had become the perfect soldier. I enjoyed my work and sought out new prey, in a way. I was a hunter, a bringer of death, hungry for more all the time. I climbed through the ranks like they were nothing."

"Ordering men like me to perform the same acts I had like it was some sort of initiation. They were pawns in a game. We all were. But it didn't end there. Some men went mad when we finished a job. Each town we cleared seemed to be smaller than the last. We'd clear it but some guys wanted more. They hadn't had enough and so they would start to kill soldiers that they thought weren't doing their share. That they believed to be cowards and thought they weakened us. We went from killing the innocent to the guilty, from strangers to brothers. We were cannibals in a sense. When the war came to a close, most of us were dead, unable to stand it all anymore. Afraid to return to society."

Germany looked up at Italy when he asked "What about you? What made you feel like you could?"

Germany explained "I was afraid. I was afraid to come back. The blood on my hands never went away no matter how much I washed them. I'm guilty of the death of so many. I slaughtered innocents, Italy. When the war was over I disappeared. Some thought I was dead, others thought I had been captured and was rotting away in an enemy prison. But really I went off on my own and tried to return to my senses. When I had finally won control, I forced that darker, heartless side away. I locked it away with all the fear, the hatred, the confusion and guilt that made it up."

"It was the creation of a being caused by the effects of sleep deprivation, starvation, pain, sickness and mental trauma. That's what we were all told. Our commanding officers explained it to the few of us still alive. They said it was our instincts and our honor that brought that part of us out. The true soldier they called it. I sealed that part of me away and refused every job the military presented to me. They made us murderers and called it honor then threw money and empty promises at us to keep us quiet and to continue our work. I wasn't going to allow them to make that part of me permanent. I returned home and tried to make a good life. That part of me hasn't shown up since except in nightmares. But when I met you, it disappeared completely. I had actually forgotten about it until now."

Italy was partially afraid of Germany's past. If he had told Italy this any time before today he'd think Germany was lying and trying to scare him but after the scene with Teki'i, the thought of Germany partaking in such acts didn't sound so foreign to him anymore. He could imagine that 'dark' Germany enjoying himself as he runs through the streets of a quiet little town entering homes and leaving them stained with blood and death. The thought made Italy sick to his stomach but he had a feeling that the side he saw earlier was just a simple taste or a hint of a shadow of what really was lurking behind that locked door within Germany.

Germany looked up at Italy expecting him to be disgusted and to stand up screaming "MURDERER!" at him or to break down crying and to refuse any consolation given by him but instead he got silence. The silence hurt him much more than if he had called him names and refused him.

Italy saw Germany's look, as if expecting him to say something but Italy really couldn't find anything to say. He was too busy trying to keep his mind from creating the gruesome acts Germany described into true images that would plague his dreams with death and bloodshed and terror. He felt more sick to his stomach the more he fought those thoughts and so he stayed quiet, hoping he didn't hurt his feelings.
They sat there in silence waiting for Oda to come get them. When he finally came neither spoke or made any noise. They walked to the meeting room in complete silence which obviously disturbed Oda.

He wished to start a conversation but found the mood to be too unusual that he couldn't find anything suitable to change the flow of emotion surrounding the two so in being polite, he stayed quiet.

It made Italy and Germany uncomfortable in the silence, they wished Oda would strike up a cheery conversation or any conversation at all to break the disturbingly heavy tone in the air. But they were disappointed when he seemed to have no intentions towards speaking into the awkward empty silence that seemed to grow heavier by the minute. He seemed glad when they had finally reached the room.

He led them inside where America sat at a table. When they entered he seemed to sense the awkwardness of the two's situation without a single word or gesture passing between any of them.