A/N: Here we go, everyone, the latest "Journal" entry. This time I'll be covering Zim's reaction to the hilariously disgusting events of "Career Day". Unfortunately, this is one of those episodes that splits pretty much evenly between Zim and Dib, so there's less focus on our favorite Invader, which in turns means that this chapter will be on the shorter side.
That said, read on!
Disclaimer: I had a dream once that I owned Invader Zim. Then Jhonen Vazquez showed up and hit me with a giant clam. Not sure what that means…
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Entry #028
Today has proven to be rather interesting for a day spent on this disgusting dirt-ball of stink. According to Ms. Bitters, the Skool board wanted all the worm-baby students to prepare themselves for their pathetic futures (not that any of them will HAVE futures, once ZIM is done with this planet) and in order to do that, they have arranged for each student to spend the day with a service drone in the field of employment that they will most likely end up in. And they decided what those fields would be by having us take a test that somehow used inkblots to determine what we are good at.
Humans…
Anyway, when I received my test, I just wrote the first thing that came to my brilliant mind when I saw the inkblots – human slaves. Why not? It's not like the amazing brain-meats of Zim will be wasted thinking of anything else other than the mission. Even though, it took me awhile to write my answers down on the test, since my neck wouldn't stop being itchy.
As soon as the test was complete, Ms. Bitters collected all of the answers and put them in a machine that would compile them in order to decide what careers we were all best suited for. After a few minutes, the old crone began announcing the results; somehow, despite my superior nature (what with being Zim and all), instead of being declared future overlord of all humans, the machine said that the only career that I am capable of performing in is food preparation.
That brought up some VERY unpleasant memories, but I ignored it. After all, I am ZIM, and Zim can turn any negative into a positive. I will start as a food service drone and work my way up until I am master of this planet, and I will rule the humans with an iron fist!
Obey the fist humans!
Now, where was I? Oh yes… after we were each assigned our future careers, we were handed off to our respective superiors. Not that any mere human is superior to Zim, of course, but you know what I mean.
As I waited my turn to be taken to the job site I would be working at, the Dib-beast just had to fulfill his "annoyance of Zim" quota for the day. Apparently, he was the only one in the class to get the job he actually wanted – to be a professional investigator of that para-whatever that he's always blabbing about. The fool-boy actually seems to think that with an adult Earth-monkey aiding him, he can finally expose me as an alien and have me experimented on.
Yeah right. Two humans or two thousand, Zim shall never be defeated!
That was when my "superior" showed up; a McMeaties employee named Simon. He didn't explain much about the job, since he said his break was almost over, and quickly escorted me from the Skool. In fact, I'm riding on his back right now – yes, his back. The stupid pig-smelly doesn't even have a transportation vehicle… but, on the bright side, this is another example of my superiority over the humans. After all, why should Zim strain his superior feet over long distances when he could easily have a human carry him?
Meanwhile, my neck is still so ITCHY! And I think I feel bumps forming on it, too. Something on this stupid rotating ball of dooky must be giving me a rash. I'll have to remember to check it out when I get back to the base…
No, human, Zim is not talking to you. Now, stop talking and take me to the meat!
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Entry #029
I HATE THIS PLACE!
It's just like back at FoodCourtia, except with humans and without that mess in booth 12… I still have nightmares about that.
But this place is still HORRIBLE! All I've been doing all day is dump things in this disgusting human grease (which has actually splashed on me and burned my precious Zimmy flesh several times now) and fill up cups with liquefied meat for the stink-beasts. Who the frag drinks liquefied meat?!
And to make matters even more unbearable, my stupid rash is getting worse! My throat is actually starting to SWELL! This must be Dib's fault – that stupid bigheaded pain in my c'horta probably did something to me. Oh, he will pay for this, and soon! I can tell that Simon and the other human employees are impressed with my superior skills; soon, they will promote me, I can feel it. And since, according to the sign outside, over 8 billion humans – more than the entire population – serve McMeaties, once I am promoted to leader I will have an entire army to use against Dib.
Yes, I will make him sorry that he EVER messed with ZIM! MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, H – UGH! ERK! GAH!
Stupid rash! Now I can't even laugh right!
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Entry #030
GAH! This cannot be happening! I just found out from one of the hideous customers that today is the day of the galactic equinox! The day when all the planets in the galaxy line up just right, making all beings not on their own worlds suffer a horrible molt. That is what this stupid rash is! Oh, why didn't I recognize it sooner? Zim is a genius! I'm supposed to know these sorts of things!
I have to get out of here – if I'm in public when the molt happens, I'll be exposed! The mission will be ruined! But, I can't just leave; according to the Simon-human, if I do that, I'll never get promoted. And I am so close to promotion, I can practically taste it – it tastes like nachos!
My only hope is that I can convince the shift captain to let me take a break just before the equinox; that should give me enough time to hide… I hope.
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Entry #031
Well… that could have DEFINITELY gone better. Despite Zim's incredible powers of persuasion, I was unable to convince the shift captain to let me off early. As five o'clock - the exact minute of the equinox - approached, my usual calm and collected persona faded, and I nearly lost my BRILLIANT mind!
Fortunately, at the last moment something happened outside the McMeaties that drew the humans' attention. Something about someone chasing someone else; I dunno, Zim wasn't paying attention, so it couldn't have been that important. But in any case, it distracted the humans long enough for me to go through the molt.
It was, in a word, DIGUSTING! Zim's normally beautiful face turned into a hideous oozing mass, a pus-filled blob that quickly filled up the entire building. It only lasted a minute, but still… it was without a doubt the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to me.
The worst part is, the pus left behind by the molt made McMeaties even filthier than it already was, so the shift captain fired me. Which means that Zim can say goodbye to any chance of being promoted to one day ruling McMeaties and its billions of servants. All that hard work for nothing...
-sigh-
Zim needs a vacation.
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A/N: Huh, that wasn't as short as I thought it would be. Anyway, it might be awhile before I update this, since for once I do NOT have any writer's block for "Evolution", and I want to roll with that for as long as I can.
Until next time, read and review!