This is my story using some of the characters and lifestyles from Fifty Shades:
This is a follow on from Putting Down Roots:
No trolls please, criticise with constructive criticism, if you have to.
I love that you like it and want lemons, they are still green on the tree, be patient lol...
WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS...
Chapter 10: Water torture:
Christian's POV:
During our ride here, we talked mainly about the crazy way we met, about my brother, and annoying sister, Kate and her brother Ethan. All about the job and finally we sort of spoke about our 'friendship' and reading between the lines, she has feelings for me and I am sure I have them for her, but for now I need a little distance from book Ana, I am not crazy, this woman riding alongside me, she is not Ana mark one, she is the Original Ana, who the girls based the story Ana on, I can and do see the traits of book Ana that are like this real Ana, and perhaps the two story writers did this on purpose, then I think of them cooking all this up and my inner me falls of his horse laughing, because Mia is not that good at matchmaking, unless she took match making to a coma patient 101, as part of her university degree? I smile and get back to our conversation, she shocked me that she didn't scream and shout about Elena being a perverted old woman; I hate using the word paedophile because that sounds like she took a vulnerable child's virginity, and she didn't, because like Ana, at fifteen I knew what I wanted, and I had done for a long time.
I wanted it, I craved and needed the things that the other guys were getting and that was sex, when I was in high school it was all I fucking wanted, I wanted it like all the other guys in my classes, and unfortunately the only way I could have sex of any kind was with Elena and by following her rules, I got it. I hardly think my one attempt at a teenage fumble was anything for the girl in question to remember, she got a black eye for just trying to please me, when she touched me in that place, her brothers then beat the crap out of me and seeing what my temper had done to their poor sister, well it broke my mother's heart and seeing my mother upset gave Elena the in that she needed, I was in her web and getting sex and an education of sorts.
Ana was right, Elena was my teacher, but she was also my jailor and a thief, she wanted total control and got it. She made sure that I didn't do the teenage thing, she robbed me of all those things I should have been experiencing, some may say it was a high price to pay, but a price I paid willingly, because I got to do things those other guys I went to school with only dreamed of. I did thank her for a lot of things for a long time. Now though, I see her as a user. Ana is right; she only helped me because there was something in it for her. I knew that, but Ana also said there was something in it for me, a way to cope that only Elena understood, and she did! Am I shocked at how right Ana is; you bet I am, does she understand everything, you bet she doesn't? Do I think she will stay when she knows everything? No, I don't think she will... So, I have decided, I am going to enjoy our time together, whether there is sex or not, she and I will be friends that understand each other and I vow that I will never lie to her...
I dismount and pull off the saddle, and I look at Ana, her saddles is already on the ground and she is tethering the horses to a tree root, she obviously comes here a lot, there is a cool box type seat and a fire pit, which is well used and massive. She is refusing to swim with me; I feel she is either a bad swimmer or a non swimmer? I strip down to my boxers, thank fuck I actually wore them, though skinny dipping would make those blue eyes stare, and I feel them burning into my soul right now. I turn and she is staring, but as I am keeping my tee shirt on, there is not a lot to see, she has yet to see my scars and for now, they will remain covered. I get an itch and I frantically scratch at my leg, it feels a whole lot better, but it will take time for it to get back to full working condition. I get a slap upside of my head, wow when did Ana turn int my mother?
"You will make it bleed, stop scratching and get in the water; I have heard it has healing properties." She grins as my dick twitches, and in these tight man pants it's hard to disguise. "It heals all that worries you and makes the world a better place."
"Really, everything that worries me, including the Parisian deals?"
"No, it just makes you forget your worries, or so I am told. The cave of mysteries is good to visit too, but not at this time of the year." I wonder what cave she is talking about, because I see no cave?
"Are you sure I cannot tempt you, the water looks so inviting?" I grin and hope she joins me; perhaps we could make out and find a snake?
"No I don't swim Christian, and I haven't for a long time, well not in what I call wild water, the sea, the sound or the river. I can swim, and I do only in swimming pools, when I can see the floor."
"Can I ask why?"
"I don't know, I just know when I head out into the river here, I freeze. I think it stems from when Dad and I had an accident in the water, my great grandparents, The Brooks, they drowned, but as I was so little, there are very few memories's left for me to analyse. Dad just says I was his priority. I often asked, and he would placate me with a new doll, candy, you know bribe me into shutting up, so I stopped asking."
"Perhaps he had to make a choice, save you or save them?"
"Perhaps, it makes sense, and I have thought that's what happened, now go for a swim I am working on our mountain hike."
"Plan away, put in there lots of, theatre trips, trips to the ballet, diners, movie nights and I was going to say sailing. I would guess that would be a non starter?"
"Pretty much and I am a claustrophobic too remember?"
"I do, we can work with that hypnotist of Mia's too and see how we can help with the small place fear and the water one... Now, I hear the water calling my name, can you hear it?"
"Yeah, its saying get in before she sees the hard on..."
"It's being near to such a beautiful woman, and because I have my clothes off, he thinks he's getting some."
"He can think all he likes, we are just friends, not fuck buddies, now move it buster..." I laugh loudly and then I see her blush. Yes, she was thinking it, but somehow she's managed to say it aloud.
"Yes Ma'am, I like you Ana, you are fun to be with..." She giggles.
I laugh aloud and I walk in and wow its chilly, and the raging hard on she saw that I had is a thing of the past, I dive under the water and relish being able to kick my legs and swim, Ana's tub was kind of small for me, I head up to the surface after a long underwater swim, and when I do, I see Ana pacing the bank, okay something's off with her. I swim near to the bank and she smiles; okay, that was very weird, she waves and sits back down and as I wave back and I do a back flip and dive back under the water, I realise she thought I was in difficulty, would she have dived in to save me? I swim for a while and my leg begins to tire, and I get a cramp, fuck this hurts, this really hurts, I try to make my way towards Ana, and I am nearly there when I scream out in pain. It feels like my leg is coming off, Ana drops her phone, takes off her shoes, her jeans and dives in, who is she saving, who is drowning? I look around and it's me she is saving, I then realise why, because it looks like I am fucking drowning, that's why. I am so stupid, she approaches me in a blind panic, and I hold her tightly.
"Ana, I am fine I was bouncing on the bottom of the river bed, my leg has the fucking biggest cramp ever, and I was trying to rid myself of it. Ana come here, you are shaking, Ana, come to me now." I use a loud voice I have not used in quite a while, and as she does as I ask, she throws herself against my chest, and I hold her like she is going to get swept away any second.
"Christian, I thought you were drowning, I thought you were going to die, oh god are you okay?"
"I'm fine Baby, just fine, I over did the exercise, that's all, how are you feeling?"
"Wet, and stupid, I mean we're in the darned river nearly naked, if my daddy comes he'd shoot you man bits away from your body."
"Would he, interesting, what would he do if I did this..."
I kissed her, sorry I will rephrase that, I didn't just kiss her, I put my soul into my first proper kiss, and if I wasn't so fucking cold I would swear my toes were tingling, they may be dropping off with the sheer coldness of the water, but not one fuck do I give! I deepen the kiss and she responds, I run my hand through her hair and pull her those precious millimetres even closer to me, we are perfect together, she responds to my kisses I respond to the moans and to the tears she cries, am I that bad at kissing, it isn't something I have ever done in this way at least? I never thought to ask, 'excuse me am I crap at doing this?' I am dragged from my pity party as her hand wanders and when it does, I swear my dick stands to a-fucking-ten-sian, and boy does he stand tall, I am in boxers and her hand continues and as she goes lower, I continue the kiss, fuck me I devour her tongue as she slips it inside my mouth, and she responds by moving lower down, lower Ana, lower I think but do not say aloud, yes, oh fuck yes, she hits wood... She panics and pulls her hand away; I knew it was too much, too soon, and so I begin to wind down the kiss, I do not stop, in fact, I turn the frantic kisses into a series of very nice and gentle pecks, slow, loving kisses, and we calm down. I know why she is panicked and I inwardly grin, it's because she is terrified of the length of my non too shabby dick.
"Ana, are you all calm now?"
"What, oh god yes, I mean... I very nearly, I mean... For god's sake Christian, I was touching you, down there," her eyes go to my midsection, and I grin. "What must you think of me?"
"I think I liked it, in fact I know I liked it, the kiss I mean, the kiss was toe tingling, and my first."
"You are shitting me right?" She says, I am not lying, I doubt I have ever kissed a woman like that before, I may have bitten a few, but no, this was a first for me.
"I have kissed someone; obviously, but never like that, with the passion we had, you have stolen my first toe tingle, Miss Steele stole my kiss."
"I would say you gave that away freely Mr Grey. I am sorry I got intimate with you, I got carried away."
"I did notice, come on let's get out of the water you are freezing, can we light the fire to warm up?"
"Yes, let's get out first, are you, you know always so big? I mean, what I mean is, I mean..." I silence her with the tiniest of kisses to stop her mouth getting her into more trouble and believe me I am so close to wanting that more trouble it is un-fucking-be-leave-able, she groans.
"It is I am afraid, it is smaller when it's tucked away, but when he wants to play, then yes, he is that size."
"Ouch, that would hurt the girl you made love to surely?" Is she testing the murky waters of losing it?
"I wouldn't know? I have only ever been with seasoned submissives and dominants. I have also never made love, I have always fucked them, and hard, Ana, I told you I have never done this sort of thing either."
"So, that was a fun way to swim. Let's get out, have you, you know, shrunk any?" I wish I had, this fucker is going nowhere fast, and then as if to compound the fucking situation, three men and Gage sail by, and yup problem solved, he's shrivelled up and back in his man cave. Ray dives in the water to rescue Ana, I begin walking out with her and he follows, the god doc and my security pull up to the bank further down and join us, Ray points to the pit, Gabe and Luke light a fire, they have a box thing in the base of the seat and it is filled with kindling and fire starting stuff, within seconds Ana is wrapped in her daddies warm coat and is sobbing.
"Annie, what happened Baby Girl, tell Daddy what happened Baby Girl," she sobs, "Chris, why is she even in the fucking water?"
"I, I, I, I jumped in to save him Daddy, he got a cramp and I didn't think I just reacted, like I do in the pool. He is okay now, I panicked when I realised what I had done and Christian was holding me and letting me relax." Relax; she turned into a vamp of the best kind, a raving hard on rubbing goddess.
"Chris, how's the leg now?" She asks and smiles.
"Its numb, I think from the cold in the main, I guess swimming in there is for warmer days." I answer in all honesty, Ray keeps looking at Ana and me and then he gives me a look. If my dick was hard, he has turned it into a shrivelled prune.
"It is good swimming here, Annie and the others come her all the time to swing in from that there tree and dive into the caves down below the water level there, Annie watches from the river bank here, she hates water. Are you alright Pumpkin?" She nods as we warm through, our security sit with the doc and chat about fish, giving us a little space.
"Can I ask why she is deathly afraid of the dark and wild water in her life?" Ana pulls away from the cuddle her father is giving her.
"You can ask, but I can't tell, it is a tale best forgotten Chris, Annie here wouldn't like it, the tale?"
"Daddy I am nearly twenty two, I think I am ready to hear about my great-grandparents drowning. Tell me please, it was that day wasn't it, the day I begged to go on Poppa Edwards boat wasn't it, with you and him and because I was going, Nanny Georgia came too?"
"It was, we were taking their boat out on Lake Qwigg, Annie wanted to fish with me and her great grandfather Edward as she rightly said, we'd only been on the lake about an hour, we were dead centre and there was an explosion, I was with Annie here and her Nana Georgia was making tea, she left the gas on and when she lit the gas the next thing we were lighting up like lake and the sky like the fourth of July, we went for a flight Annie and me, it threw us both ten foot outta the water, when we hit the water I lost her for a couple of minutes and I was petrified I'd lost her, because it seemed like I'd spent a lifetime looking for her and I found her alright, she was floating in the water.
I grabbed her, worked on her for a while in the water and she came back to me, I held on to my baby so tight I convinced myself she'd died again, she'd passed out in my arms and I headed into the landing, the people camping there dove in to see if they could find my in laws but they had died, Georgia died from a bang she got on her head, when she hit the boats ceiling and Edward, he died of a heart attack, there was nothing I could have done they were beneath the up turned remains of the boat, The Calming Brook. I got my Annie home, and as you can imagine, I was prime suspect in the case for the boats sudden explosion, seeing as that was my thing you know blowing things up, thank god for the doc's father Old Doc Jones and Doc Jones here, he said Georgia had been lighting up their home and ruining gas stoves and fires, forgetting about them for years, you know after she had turned on the gas, she'd come back and strike a match and well, pow...? She had been doing that for near on three years too, and Edward was getting good a hiding her problems and at DIY...
I was cleared, when her health records showed her to have paid several visits to Doc Jones for burns and the specialist reports on her dementia. Three days after we buried them both and had that will reading, her Momma turned up for her inheritance. She said she'd read about it and was moving back here, to live at her grandparents home and we were welcome to stay, as it turned out Annie here got everything after they died, Edwards attorney told her straight off she was named in a codicil, see it turns out Georgia had been in contact with Carla and had signed away thousands of dollars worth of jewels and emptied a bank account, and way before we even got the invite to come and stop with Annie's great-grandparents. She left after threatening to stop Annie from her inheriting what was hers by law, and that was the last we heard off her, she lost the battle to get the will turned to her favour, as Edward was fully aware of his faculties."
"No she didn't, Daddy we saw her again, you know we did, she came back and was wicked drunk, I remember her locking me in the root cellar here, I remember her dragging me out of my bed and throwing me in there... Why did I remember that now?" Ray sighed, even I guessed he was hiding something, but I didn't know what and how I wish I didn't know now, because now I know what Carla is capable of, Ana is stopping with me in Paris, until I know what she and the Russian are doing.
"She came to call and hoped to change my mind about having her back, hell and no were screamed a lot that day, I threw her out and Nene locked the doors, only we didn't know Carla had a key from Georgia, then when I came back from filing for a restraining order with Edwards attorney, your mother she wanted the money in the safe for fixing this place up. Nene held tight. Your mom had grabbed you Annie and Nene, well she thought she'd ran away with you, but she didn't she never left, but she came back saying Nene could have her daughter back if she handed over the contents of the safe. That was when she started burning her, that evil bitch had Nene's hand held over a flame, I came back just in time to stop Nene having a heart attack, and although I was raised not to hit a woman, I forgot all my manners that day and hit her so hard she needed new teeth, she flew out of our house quicker than we flew out of that darned boat. Nene told me you were missing and it was then we heard you sobbing, you were so afraid of the dark after that Baby Girl."
"Is that why I am claustrophobic Daddy?"
"Yes Baby Girl, it is. Nene had her arrested and whilst out on bail she left, never to darken our doors again, after that I came out of the Corp and came home to look out for you and Nene, she was never the same after that, she never let you out of her sight and always slept with a knife under her pillow and a gun under the mattress."
"I remember her hand was always gloved and it hurt her a lot, she would let me rub it all better with her creams and then we'd sing Russian folk songs and we'd bake Charodeika Cake and Kartoshka Cake, and make batches of Blinis enough were frozen that they'd last us for breakfast for weeks. I remember her hand not always being so ugly, but I knew not to say anything too, god I miss my Nene, Daddy, I really do, can we go home I want to bake up a storm, I want to sing songs and remember Nene, can we Daddy, can we Christian?" I was shocked I was being asked.
"Yes Baby Girl, you haven't baked those cakes in a long time, I think Nene's birthday was the last time."
"It was, I guess now you know what Carla is capable of I am under lock and key in Paris Christian?"
"You guessed right sweetheart, damned right and I will keep the key with me all the darned time. Sheisk, I am spending too much time with you Ray I gosh darn it a lot." Ray grins and Ana blushes, it was a term of endearment folks not a proposal.
"We had to learn to kerb the swearing, because Nene was old school and as old as I was if I swore, her homemade soap came out and yes I had my mouth washed out as did the guys who came a visiting, they were happy times Annie, very happy times."
"Boss we will ride Thor and Demon home, you and Ana get in Rays cruiser it's just over the way." Luke and Gage are looking at the horses; Luke looks petrified.
"They are not called Thor and Demon, that's Poppy and that's Patience, do you not like horses Luke?" Gage is laughing and hard, she is hysterical as Luke runs away, only for Poppy to follow him, she whinnies and nudges poor Luke away, it's then, when I get an odd smell pass my nose, and I am sure Luke crapped in his pants, I have found the hard mans Achilles heel, he is afraid of horses, I feel a godfather moment needs to be had; I too chuckle, a horse's head needs to be found... Taylor...
"They are meant to have a jockey on and then I bet on the sharp toothed fuc... Felines..." He says as he backs away from Poppy.
"I think you mean equines, and no you are good, Christian and I are dry now thank you, horses smell fear and I am afraid to say we can smell your fear from here. Are you okay Luke?" Ana asks.
"Ma'am, Ray, Sir, Doc Jones and you too Gage, I will walk home alone thank you very much."
"Aww shucks Son, you won't be the first kid with crap in his pants to get in the back of my cruiser, but they usually wait until they get in Luke. Annie we will see you at home, is dinner ready?"
"Yes, and I will bake a cake when I get back." Good I like cake, Luke hobbles off and Gage is taking photos for the boys, they seem a good team, and I for one think we will need them in Paris and perhaps more? We are alone and I head towards Ana.
"Ana, now we are alone, about what happened, we were swept up in the moment and acted accordingly, I am sorry for not being in control of my senses."
"Okay Christian, so you're regretting doing what fear made you do, kiss me and all the other things?"
"It happened to you too Ana."
"It did, but the difference between you and me Christian is, that I wanted it to happen, I really did. No worries, we can forget about it, here saddle up and we can be off, race you back?"
Boy, she is pissed off with me, but I want to get to know her first, my needs for sex are greater than hers and I can fucking wait. I saddle up Patience, something her owner does not have. What the fuck happened, have I ruined this? Judging from the chill in the air, I guess we have. We hit the straight dirt path, and she starts to ride Poppy hard and I just about manage to keep up. We get back about an hour after the guys and Luke is clean and smell free, thank fuck for small mercies. Gage helps me to brush the horses down so Ana can have some alone time to bake and finish off dinner. I don't know what to do to get this new friendship back?
"Gage, when you fall out with your friends and its sort of your fault, what do you do. You know to say sorry and show the other person you mean it?" I am surprising myself by asking a fairly new member of my staff for her advice and I think she is stunned.
"Well Sir, when I fall out with friends and colleagues, I make them something that is personal to them, usually I write them a card and add an apology from the heart, usually that is given with flowers, if they are for Natty, or a bottle of malt if it's for one of the guys. Natty, my Natasha, you know my fiancée?" I nod, yes. "She likes the personal grovelling apology and the more I grovel the better the outcome, even if it's not totally my fault, which it hardly ever is by the way. I find personal, intimate and from the heart usually wins fair heart and fair maiden over, and works most of the time, failing that I spend a fortune on jewellery, if it's bad, like flying to Paris the very week I start in the new job, type of bad. What happened at the river Sir, can I ask?" I am to blame for her and Natty arguing, crap, the demanding life I lead isn't for everyone, I guess I need to rerun Ana's security detail?
"I kissed her, she kissed me and we got carried away, she was convinced I was drowning, when I got a cramp. Then when you lot came to the rescue, we were side tracked, when you left I tried in my dumbass way, to say sorry about forcing her into the kiss, but it turns out she wanted to kiss me and now she is mad at me for saying I was sorry? You women are hard to understand; well if I am being honest, and it seems I am being these days, I find normal interactions are hard for a novice like me?" She and I finish off the horses and we talk and it may be weird, but I like this, she may be staff, but I am very at ease talking to Gage.
"Forgive me Sir, Mr Grey, sorry, but I read you jacket and understand your hesitance at doing this 'normal' thing you keep quoting, life is hard at the best of times and I for one still struggle with the gay thing and 'fuck up' all the time with Natty, she was my first girlfriend and until I met her I was into bad boys and 'normal' girl stuff. Normal, is there even such a thing? Life in general is hard to work at, Natty knew from an early age she was gay, she had the strength of, or in, her own beliefs, like no other person I have ever met. She told me questioning yourself on what is and isn't the norm, is a fruitless task. Can I ask you, Mr Grey, what is normal, because what's normal for you may not be the norm for Ana?"
"I don't know, I really don't I have never been a normal person, I struggled at being me for such a long time and now, I don't know I really don't know why I seem to be having a meltdown, why I am struggling with this everyday shit that everyone faces. Perhaps that's my trouble I don't do enough thinking for myself, I get others to sort out my shit, and in doing that, I haven't a clue as to what is and isn't the norm, for god's sake I don't know how to fucking use a washing machine." She laughs.
"For me my norm, it was a lot harder to find, I always knew I was different, I didn't know what that entailed, not until I met Natty, for years I had hidden in a world that others wanted for me, my parents and siblings hate that I am gay, I am abnormal and I embarrass them, I've let my country down and I am no longer their daughter or sister, they will not and will never accept the love I have for another woman, to me. Natty, she helped me become me and normal, and for me, my norm is being out, being proud and finally being true to myself. So Mr Grey, start by being truthful to yourself and don't worry what the world thinks of you."
"Wow, you're right, and I actually hate that word now normal. You're right, what is fucking normal anyhow?"
"I don't know, but when you find out let me know? I know one thing for sure, life sucks when you hide behind walls not of your own making, you know, living a lie just to fit in with other people's expectations, now that really sucks. Mr Grey, you know what you want, go and find it... Life is, as my lady says, whatever you make it and put into it. I'd go with your gut instinct, if you want Ana as a friend then that's fine, but if you do want the more with her, that's fine too, your old enough to know right from wrong. I'd go with a straight apology letter and flowers, women like that personal touch. I should know I am one."
"You are, now I am sure you will find out things about me, as you say my new jacket tells you more about my past than I have ever shared with my staff before, usually Taylor fills new personal security in on what they need to know, and I hope that you realise that was just what it was, my past, one I want and need to change. I was a troubled child, and then teenager, it then followed me into adulthood. I thought I had found my way to live, hiding behind the walls of my own making, in a world that worked for me. However, since coming out of the coma, I have changed my outlook on life, I now, more than anything, want to stop hiding in my old world, because that's what I was doing hiding away. I think I feared having emotions, and in that world, there were none. In this world, holy fuck there are too many..."
"I would say you are preaching to the choir, I tried doing what was expected of me and now I live my life for me. Life's expectations and emotions are a rollercoaster that's for sure, but it's all part and parcel of searching out what's right for you, perhaps in your case, you fear a normal life, which for you Sir, is never going to be easy, because of your past, being a little, erm fruitier than the norm, you are afraid to try something different, all I can say is try this new thing and if you can leave the past there... Sir, no matter how wealthy you are, how many friends you have, or how many differing opinions you seek out, the life you live from this moment on, it will have many challenges for you to face, because, I can assure you it cannot always be easy. Can I say one thing about your past?" I nod my head and listen. "Did you have to train hard and invest time and money into being what you were before, and what you now seem to be afraid of, or did being a sadist, come easy to you?"
"It was hard and frightening, it took years to hone my life and years to perfect my being a dominant, Ana would freak f she knew or thought I was a sadist. Please continue, I think you are making me see this from a different and honest side, yours, please Gage will you carry on; make your dumb ass boss understand? You make it seem easy, is it easy to take a different path?"
"No Mr Grey, believe me it is far from easy facing your demons head on, because I could have gone the easy and safe route, there was one and one my parents had all mapped out for me, if I'd have wanted easy and normal, I'd have left in the army, married a nice boy picked by my father, from my father's church, and had my loving family with me, then had the two point four children and the dog, kept my husband and home happy, but that wasn't what I wanted, I knew that, when I ran away and joined the army, but I just swapped one safe family for another one, the big old boys army, an army that isn't meant to discriminate against sexual orientation, with its don't ask don't tell thing, was just as bad for me as my toxic parents. I had problems at home so ran away and into a family with more problems, but this time most of my brothers and sisters knew how to use a gun and were and are homophobic."
"I believe that's why you left the service of your country, but you were a decorated army captain, why give it up, why not stay in the army, they are not allowed to discriminate against the gay people serving in any of our armed forces." She laughs; okay I may have to read up on this...
"I decided to do what was best for me after that drunken conversation with Natty, and not take the easy life, not just to please others, I choose instead to be true to myself, which being in the service made that the much harder option you cannot be yourself you are their tin soldier and you do things their way, or so I thought, but I had found Natty and she blew me out of the water telling me one thing that changed everything for me! She told me, 'Only when you finally realise that it's your life and nobody but you can live it for you, will you actually begin to live,' I didn't understand it all, because I thought I had found my niche and I was living, I was in the army and doing a job, a job I loved, alas when I realised it was okay to be me and be gay, I still found I had to hide a part of me away, when I finally let go and became me, the guys in my unit were not that nice about working with a dyke and I then became the gay girl. So I came out of the army, out of the closet and put that part of my life behind me too, it was just a part of my life lessons, I won't hide who I am, nor will I put on a pretty dress and have a pretty hairdo and jewels just to please others."
"Do you feel that it was worth losing your family and career for, I am sorry but, I have nothing to lose, my parents are very understanding of my past and I am damned luck they are too, and being the cold hearted bastard I was, it helped me in my work, I had no emotions getting in my way? I was missing something though, I had sussed that much before the accident, and I just didn't know what?"
"Happiness and love come in many forms and it, this normal life shit, it throws you many curve balls, lifelines, experiences and chances to find love, and when you least expect it sometimes your love and life finds you. Life is not a dream, and neither is it a practice run. Live it Mr Grey, by doing what feels right for you... End of lecture and you have just had the wisdom of ten years of my life spent in therapy, who knew that talking to my boss, would finally blow away any doubts that I may have been having, and right out of the water too? Hell, I need to send Natty some roses and an IOU for making my life fucking perfect; because she does, she makes my life worth living and perfect. Cheers for the chat Boss Man..." She headed in and left me to ponder her very frank and honest life changes, the old Grey would not have cared a fucking jot about fucking with her personal life, I would have said she is paid to work for me wherever and whenever I fucking say and now I am worried that my life does have an impact on theirs, I think I am losing my man up balls and like the book me, I need to get Taylor to find them for me, or do I embrace the new softer me? I like this me, I seem to enjoy it, being a friendly boss, and yeah I like being the new me...
Okay, that was a nice chat, but I am still none the fucking wiser as to how to say sorry to Ana, all I wanted was a woman's opinion on saying sorry to another woman, I suppose I could write Ana a letter? I walk to the house, go to my room and take a long hot shower, scrub away the crap of today and dress for dinner. As I do, I think about my apology and listen to the music coming from Ana's room, she is playing some song about love over and over, I guess she is feeling crap and that's my doing. I decide to man the fuck up and say hello from the other side of the bathroom door, that's all the damn woman is singing about, hello from the other side. I take a deep breath and head through to her room via the bathroom, holy fuck; I should have gone the other way around, because Ana is naked in the bath, and wow...
"I guess saying you should have knocked would be pointless now, however, please can pass me my towel Christian?" I pass her a fluffy bath sheet, it was a pity there was nothing smaller. "What can I do for you?"
"Let me apologise and say I am sorry for the way our conversation took a nose dive straight into the flusher?"
"It is fine Christian, I guess we need to step back and keep to the friend's pathway? I am sorry I threw myself at you, I won't be doing it again."
"What if I said that's not what I want, nor how I feel about this obvious attraction we have for each other, I don't, for some reason, like arguing with you, not about these things anyhow? I am fine about arguing about crap, like who has the last muffin at breakfast, whether we go to the movies or for a walk, even whether you stop with me in Paris for the whole time we are away or whether you stick to just the promised week?"
"What, what are you saying?"
"I am saying Anastasia Steele, can we be friends and work on the more I think we could have, in time. Not now, but not years down the way either, can we work on seeing each other as more than friends in say, the month in Paris and Europe?"
"You want me to come to Europe with you, as what your soon to be girlfriend or soon to be ex employee, if it all goes wrong?"
"It won't go wrong, if we are honest with each other. Ana I feel things for you, of that I am sure, but how much of that is down to me hearing about what I had with the alternate you, in the darned book?"
"That book is now the bane of my life, that book is not you and it is not me and we are not them, but, and I will admit, I liked reading about the things we got up to, okay? I liked that I was more confident, I was funnier and stronger. Hell I was very good at being the detective, which rocked. Hell, I can't find my car keys half the bloody time. We can be friends Christian, because I do want to try that first, it's just sometimes I want to strip you naked and well do rude things too..."
"Well, you're not alone there either Ana, we have this obvious attraction, which for now we have to put to the side. I need to buy you roses, apparently nothing says sorry better than roses?"
"No Christian, nothing says sorry better than actually meaning you are sorry, when you tell me you are, and I do believe you are very sorry, now go down and explain to my father why he saw you stood in the bathroom, talking to his naked only daughter..."
"What the fuck..." I turn and my door is shut and locked, she is laughing beneath the wet towel. "Ana, that was below the belt..."
"Well, I had to get you out of here, before I lose the towel..." I grin and head out, fuck, I had visions of Ray castrating me and then Taylor really would then have to look for my balls. One thing's for sure, being friends with Ana is going to be easy, but just friends, ummm that is gonna be a whole fucking different ball game... I grab mine as I head down, easy boys this is going to be the time of long cold showers and the nightly exercising of my weaker arm... Crude but true, she is the one for me and I think I like that idea...
I'm going to be picking those lemons off of the tree soon...
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