Liv
Church of Heavenly Rest
2 E 90th street New York Ny 10128
"Radiance, Promise, Symbols, Potential and now memories those are all that's left of my beautiful child now, no one can ever understand what it feels like to lose someone so young with so much Radiance someone who had the promise to make this world a better place. Someone with Potential to achieve so much, now all I have left is symbols an 8th grade diploma, trophies from nationals, proof that my son my baby my angel Shane Young was someone of importance even if others valued his life so little. Radiances of laughter, light love all distinguished now Potential he'll never get to reach it's not fair it's not right my son deserved better he had so much talent so much heart passion and love just an endless bundle of laughter and love….
Shane's mom spoke so candidly her words brought me back to a few months ago standing in another church, Amanda stood at the podium she couldn't find the words to talk about her loss. A loss so incredible none of us could believe it just like we couldn't look at the tiny white and pink infant sized casket beside her. I couldn't stop the tears than just like I couldn't stop them now. Chills went through me as I remember Amanda unable to speak or cry so she sung, I didn't even know she could sing.
When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soaring by the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be
Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
'Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me
(You were right there for me)
You were right there for me
For always
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be
There you'll be
I recall how she fell into my arms afterwards her body shaking uncontrollably tears that wanted so bad to pour out yet she kept them at bay. My legs could barely hold the two of us up. Yet I found the strength as she pounded into my shoulders yelling out "Why? Why my baby? Why my daughter?" "What did I do to deserve this? I had no answers for her than just like I have no answers now. Why Shane? Why Taylor? Why did they have to suffer? Maybe I could never get answers for Amanda but I could and would for Shane. Fin yanked my sleeve signaling me we were rising.
People were moving forward to say their goodbyes to Shay J when it was my turn all I could do was remind myself Shane wasn't here he was someone safe now, somewhere where no one could hurt him anymore where he could sing as loud as he wanted dance as high as he could leap.
Death had taken away so much from him the worst though is his color those pink checks now waxy and pale, those eyes now sullen in no color no sparkle no light forever gone. His abdomen was distended. Death changes something about the way people look, I've done CPR on people who I didn't think I knew only later to learn they were neighbors old classmates, friends of my family. That spark that makes someone radiant and beautiful it's gone. Shay J reminded me of a porcelain doll I use to have haunting me.
Standing outside the church as the possession started out I felt dizzy from the blinding sun was mother nature trying to be cruel? Such a beautiful warm day yet it was filled with so much pain sorrow and blackness for this family. We wouldn't be going to the burial with the family. I felt they needed some peace respect.
Fin had his arms around my shoulders as I leaned against him tears falling down. Too many funerals. Too much death too many young people leaving us too soon. I spotted her as she came out of the church. Emily Jay Rio they called her Rio. Sucking in a breath wiping away my tears we approached her. "Rio I'm detective Benson this is Detective Carisi and Fin we'd like to speak to you about some possible suspects we have in custody regarding Shay J and Taylor's suicides. I am sorry to be doing it now I know you're grieving but if you could contact us after the services are over"
"No" I was taken back I thought for sure with everything we learned after going through Shay J's Journal that she would help us. "I'm sorry Detective Benson I meant no let's do it now I don't want to wait those sick bastards need to be brought to justice, there's a star-bucks a few blocks down shall we go there?" Once I could get my senses back I nodded.
We walked down the blocks in silence. Once we had some drinks we sat down she sipped her coffee for a few minute than spoke before us. "
"What is it that you need form me? Dates, names, incidents? I have them all"
We all looked at her in shock as she pulled out a camcorder "Shay knew that there was no way to make the bullying stop unless he died he was afraid they'd kill him so he recorded everything Taylor did to as did I if for some reason we didn't have the camera's we got them after as soon as we could we documented every injury every insult. I made copies to I want the world to know what bullies look like what words do to a person's soul"
"This was a tragedy it didn't need to happen it shouldn't happen yet it is happening everyday in American schools kids are being bullied for just showing up for being themselves. You shouldn't have to go to heaven to get acceptance"
She pressed play as Shay's smiling face came on making faces his smile endearing. Taylor was next to him looking solemn at first her eyes filled with darkness sadness that black hair flowing down over her tanned skin. She was so beautiful than suddenly she busted into song dancing grabbing Shay's hands. For a few minutes we watched as they danced singing off key and on key, than they got quiet.
Shane spoke softly his voice filled with sadness pain and anger.
"Well it's September 8th 2015 all of us from the age of 5-18 knows what that means back to school uh! Don't get me wrong I love school the learning part not the daily humiliation, social isolation gay bashing rest of the day"
"2 pm so today Chad Marisalong with his animal posse Charles Adams, Nathan Kresge spit in my lunch, than they slammed it into my face, so today was relatively good but it won't last. I know it Taylor knows it Rio knows it everyone fucking knows it yet no one will do anything a bout it"
Oct 15th 2015 Shay came on showing the camera his arm covered in bruises deep purple ones with bloody red ones, than he lifted his shirt to show his rib cages lined wit huge purple marks. "Today they corned me in the bathroom slammed my face into the toilet while someone I believe Chad pissed on me, they held me down kicking me calling me fag boy, fagot, god I can't get that acid taste out of my mouth I've thrown up so many times my stomach feels like it's coming out"
"Nov 10th 2015 Hey guys it's Taylor so today the A.S.S.E.S also known as Alyssa, Skylar, Sam, Erica and Sally locked the locker room door while I was naked stole my clothes held me down naked in the shower while I screamed begging them to let me go, they took my towels turned on the shower on the hottest water possible and held me down for almost thirty minutes laughing telling me "witches must burn witches must burn"
Nov 11th Taylor again I am so fucking pissed I mean what the fuck have I done to deserve this shit! My whole body hurts from yesterday I can't tell anyone cause who the fuck cares? My parents yeah right they never even noticed, if this wasn't enough today those bitches broke into my band's rehearsal space and smashed my guitar my prized $1,000 singed fucking guitar! I know it was them because they took a video of them doing it and laughed about it sending it to me with this lovely message. Next time it's you're skull whore" Whore? I'm a virgin!"
"December 25thIt's Shane bitches Merry Christmas everyone oh yeah it's not my Christmas present was a gift from Chad, Charles and Nathan a dead puppy they attached a sweet note to it. To one dead dog to another you can't run you can't hide will hound you till we find you and slice you down like the sick dog you are"
The videos went on each one with Shane or Taylornarrating each narration had clips of an actual crime happening. Each one more horrifying than the others they detailed kids stalking them cars following them as they walked home. One showed the boys abducting Shane and Taylor as they walked past the train tracks pinning them down while they groped Taylor held Shane down naked forced him to kiss girls, while the guys took turns feeling Taylor up raping her.
I barely made it to the bathroom before I vomited I don't know what was wrong with me lately but these cases are really starting to get to me. Maybe I'm getting to old to stomach this job anymore.