This chapter was wirtten by BethShadows

This chapter features blasphemous language.

I am noticing these, particularly my ones are evolving into more chapters than just vines. Do you guys like the extra stuff or do you prefer when it's just vines?

Also there was a change in schedule. This chapter was meant to be uploaded next week but there was a problem and this week's one (in my opinion) is not ready to be posted, so it will be up next Wednesday.

Sorry it's a day late, but here it is, enjoy!

"Tanith! Come quick!" Valkyrie cried out.

There was the sound of running footsteps then silence. Then a loud thud. Tanith appeared beside her.

"You called?"

"Look," Valkyrie opened the blinds.

"It's still snowing…"

"What was our snow list again?" Valkyrie asked.

"Blades are for skating, watch your language Jesus Christ Gage whatever it's called and the what's this snow one," Tanith said. "Jesus Christ Gage is probably a better one to do first. We haven't gotten the blade jacket sorted yet."

"You mean Jesus Christ Val?" Valkyrie suggested.

"Who says you're driving? Tanith asked.

"You don't even own a car," Valkyrie said.

"True, true. So you got the costume?"

"I got the Jesus Christ costume."

"You asked Skulduggery?"

"I will ask Skulduggery," Valkyrie took out her phone and called Skulduggery.

He answered on the fifth ring.

Valkyrie put the phone onto speaker.

"Hello?"

"Skulduuugery?" Valkyrie asked, drawing out the "u" sound.

"Yes Valkyrie?"

"Could you do us a favour?"

"Depends on what the favour is. And who 'us' is."

"Me and Tanith. Wo-"

"You mean Tanith and I?"

"No I do not. No one speaks like that. It's 2018 not the 1800's. Now, would you willing to dress up as Jesus Christ and fly alongside the car?"

It was silent for a beat.

"It isn't Halloween," Skulduggery said, "What's the need to dress up? And flying alongside a car?"

"It's for a video. Basically I'll be driving and then I brake. Tanith then hits into the dashboard and goes "Jesus Christ Val" and then you appear at the window and go "watch your language" before disappearing. Tanith will then go "Jesus" and reach for you but you will be gone."

Silence.

"Skul?" Valkyrie asked.

"Duggery," he finished.

"Have you really got anything better to do?"

"I have two murders and a break in to solve."

"So nothing. Meet us at Grimwood in an hour."

Valkyrie hung up.

"Well he didn't say no," Valkyrie said.

Tanith shrugged and seemed to accept it.

"I'll call Fletcher and get him over here. We'll re-watch the vine and get kitted out," Valkyrie said.

"You still okay to drive in the snow?" Tanith asked.

"Yas. I can manage."

Skulduggery turned off his phone as the dial tone beeped in his long deceased ear.

"What did Valkyrie want?" China asked.

"She needs me to dress as Jesus Christ and pull Tanith from a car window."

"Sounds fun," China said.

"Is that sarcasm? You know they say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

"And as I have said, they haven't met me. You should go. There's nothing more we can do but wait for the Bloodcats to show up tonight."

"Bloodcats. What a stupid name for a criminal enterprise."

"I agree. Now go help Valkyrie murder Tanith. I have a dinner party to plan for our criminal guests."

"Alexa play my jam."

"Playing "What'cha Want" by the Beastie Boys."

The song began blaring out from the speakers in the open doored bedroom, bathroom and from downstairs.

Valkyrie and Tanith emerged from the bedroom, taking small high kneed steps over to the top of the stairs. They both looked at each other and paused at the top.

Well, just plug me in just like I was Eddie Harris.

Tanith pulled up her hoodie at the neck as if it was a collared shirt and tossed her hair back.

Valkyrie pulled up the collar of her grey fleece and smoothed her hair back pretending it was a quiff.

You're eating crazy cheese like you would think I'm from Paris

They went down one step in slow motion and stopped. They turned back to back and crossed their arms, pulling a pose.

You know I get fly, you think I get high
You know that I'm gone and I'm-a tell you all why

Tanith went down the next step nodding her head to the beat and stopped.

So tell me who are you dissing, maybe I'm missing

Valkyrie did the same.

The reason that you're smilin' or wildin', so listen

They struck another pose. Heads tilted down and arms crossed again.

In my head, I just want to take 'em down
Imagination set loose and I'm gonna shake 'em down

Let it flow like a mud-slide

They continued swaggering down the stairs, stopping each step to pose.

When I get on, I like to ride and glide
I've got depth of perception in my text, y'all
I get props at my mention cause I vex, y'all

They reached the bottom. Valkyrie looked to Tanith and nodded. They dabbed.

So what'cha, what'cha, what'cha want? (what'cha want?)

They stood back to back nodding as Fletcher emerged from the bedroom.

I get so funny with my money that you flaunt, flaunt

He walked in short steps with high knees and stopped at the top of the stairs. He pulled the same pose as Valkyrie and Tanith had.

I said, "Where'd you get your information from, " huh?

He continued onwards down the stairs in slow motion.

You think that you can front when revelation comes?

He copied Tanith and Valkyrie, stopping each step to pose.

(Yeah, you can't front on that)
Well they call me Mike D, the ever-loving man

Valkyrie and Tanith swaggered off the side and stood in mirroring poses at the side of the stairs, arms crossed and heads nodding.

I'm like Spoonie Gee, I'm the metropolitician
You scream and you holler, 'bout my Chevy Impala

Fletcher reached the bottom and dabbed.

But the sweat is getting wet around the ring around your collar.

"What is going on here?"

Skulduggery Pleasant appeared in the hallway, hat in his hands and an aura of confusion.

"Being badass," Valkyrie replied.

Skulduggery tilted his head, "are you ready for the video?"

"We're just about ready to go," Tanith said, "once you're dressed."

"Just one more thing…" Valkyrie trailed off

"And that is?" Skulduggery asked.

"You must join us in a Mexican Wave. I want us all to work together as a time and this is the perfect display of teamwork."

"A Mexican Wave?"

"A Mexican Wave," Valkyrie said.

"A Mexican Wave," Tanith and Fletcher said in unison. They looked at each other and then looked away suspiciously.

Valkyrie looked over to Tanith and Fletcher, still eyeing each other, and then to Skulduggery. She nodded.

Valkyrie threw her arms back and wriggled them.

Tanith did the same.

Then Fletcher.

Then Skulduggery.

"Whoo!" Valkyrie cheered, "Skul you go get changed and let's get this thing going!"

"Whoo!"

Valkyrie and Tanith ran through the house and out the front door.

Their cheers changed to squeals as they ran back inside, wet and socked feet slapping on the floor.

"Forgot our boots," Valkyrie said.

"Whoo!" Fletcher cheered.

Skulduggery just stared.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh hey!

Valkyrie and Tanith sang along loudly, ignoring that Christmas was months past and months away.

They occupied the front seats of Valkyrie's car whole Fletcher sat in the back with Skulduggery.

Skulduggery sat proudly in a white robe with a red sash across his chest, a wig and fake beard.

"I feel uncomfortable," Fletcher said.

"Valkyrie change the song. Fletcher's uncomfortable," Skulduggery said. Tanith pressed the forward button and the song changed.

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul

Valkyrie and Tanith resumed singing.

"How does your beard stay on?" Fletcher asked, " You have no ears to hold the string."

"Magic."

With that Skulduggery opened the car window, climbed out backwards and maneuvered himself on to the roof.

Tanith began loudly singing the Superman theme as Skulduggery dressed in his Jesus costume flew in front of the car.

Skulduggery flew slowly alongside the car. They reached the back roads on the way out to Roarhaven and hadn't passed a single car in almost an hour.

It was time.

"Fletcher you ready?" Valkyrie asked.

He held Valkyrie's phone up and turned the screen to show them it was on video mode.

"Make sure it's recording this time," Tanith said, a threatening edge on her voice.

Fletcher nodded. He wasn't making that mistake again.

Tanith put down her window and leaned out, "you ready Skul?"

Skulduggery flew level with Tanith's window.

"What do you need me to do again?"

"When I say 'Jesus Christ Val' you fly up to the front window from the back window and say 'watch your language' before disappearing backwards," Tanith explained.

"Ah yes, I remember. Got it."

"Valkyrie start the music," Tanith instructed as she undid her seat belt and sat forward.

Valkyrie skipped the music onto "Rudolph the red nosed the Reindeer."

"Fletcher now," Tanith said.

Fletcher began recording.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose

Valkyrie looked into the camera and mouthed along, pointing to her nose.

"Watch out!" Tanith yelled.

Valkyrie snapped back around and slammed on the brakes.

Tanith went forward, partially falling, partially propelling herself into the dashboard.

"Jesus Christ Val!" Tanith cried out.

A skeleton dressed as the Holy Messiah appeared at the window.

"Watch your language," Skulduggery said and disappeared backwards.

"Jesus!"

Tanith reached out the window. A skeletal hand grasped her wrist and she screamed as Skulduggery pulled her out the window and onto the snow covered verge.

Valkyrie braked and the car skidded slightly on the snow before coming to a stop.

Fletcher leaned over to the passenger side and put down the window. He stuck the phone out the window. Tanith was sitting up on the verge a few feet back, she stuck both her thumbs up. Skulduggery stood beside her, his beard slanted and wig half off his skull.

"It's all good!" Tanith called out to them.

"It's all good," Valkyrie said.

Fletcher stopped filming. It was all good.

"My butt's wet," Tanith said as she sat on the passenger seat.

"You say that as you sit in my dry car," Valkyrie said.

"Yup."

Valkyrie shook her head and drove onwards. Skulduggery flew alongside Tanith's window.

"If you pull me out again you'll have more than an askew beard skeleton," Tanith threatened.

"I thought that was what I was to do," Skulduggery said innocently.

"Nowhere did we say you were to pull me out the window."

"It was implied."

"It was not."

"Can we get back to this?" Valkyrie asked, "I don't like how dark the sky is getting and I don't want to be caught out here driving in a blizzard."

"When did you become the sensible one?" Tanith asked.

"When I started driving. It really, it really changed me. I feel the weight of your life on me -"

"I no longer care," Tanith said, "let's do this, Skul disappear!"

Skulduggery drifted backwards until he was level with the back window.

"Tanith, music," Valkyrie instructed.

Tanith pressed rewind and the track went back to "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer."

"Fletcher, film," Valkyrie instructed.

Fletcher pressed record.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose.

Valkyrie looked to Fletcher and mouthed along to the words.

"Watch out!" Tanith cried.

Valkyrie looked out the front window and braked suddenly.

Tanith flew forward and hit the dashboard.

"Jesus Christ Val!"

Skulduggery swung round to the window, "watch your language!"

"Jesus!" Tanith reached out the window as Skulduggery disappeared back.

Fletcher stopped filming.

"Well?" Valkyrie slowed the car and stopped in the road.

"We got it," Fletcher said.

"Whoo! Skulduggery get your bony carcass in here. We're going for MacDonald's!"

Tanith looked to Valkyrie.

"We're getting McDonald's?" Tanith and Fletcher asked simultaneously. They eyed each other suspiciously.

"Hell yeah! I want food and I really want to get out of the snow and it's closer to a McDonald's than it is to home so let's go!"

Skulduggery landed beside the car. He opened the door and climbed inside, his Jesus robes soaked at the bottom.

He shut the door and Valkyrie started the car.

Valkyrie sat at the computer in Grimwood, her chips and empty burger packaging spread out in front of her.

She connected her phone up to the computer and sorted out the videos. The first take into the bloopers folders, the final one into the proper folder.

She clicked on the video from today and played it through. Skulduggery really suited a beard. Maybe he had one when he was human. She'd have to ask China. They had a plan for a vine or two with China but it would take a lot of work and many, many trips to the Sanctuary. She'd ask her then.

For now though they had more snow related vines to do and next on their list - Blades Are For Skating."

Next week, "Blades are for Skating"

The usual stuff, requests send them in, know the language send it in. You know the drill.

There's no shout out this week, so this bit's empty

Until next time, au revior