A Space Cowboy in the Desert
Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.
Chapter 10: No Luck in the Naming Department
Buzz found Woody outside the house, just like he said. The sheriff was sitting on a stump just a couple yards in front of the house and preoccupied with a small hearth that he had constructed. Poking away at the wood on the fire, Woody did not look up when he heard the front door close, but he did gesture with his free hand for Buzz to join him. The Space Ranger sat down on a small, fallen log next to a tree stump where Woody was sitting. Woody then looked up at Buzz. Buzz was half expecting Woody to tell him he did something wrong when he changed into his borrowed cowboy garbs, but thankfully, Woody said nothing of that nature. In fact, at first, he said nothing at all, but then after a moment of intense scrutiny, he nodded his approval. He then put his fire poker in the dirt and said,
"I've been figuring, maybe we should go along with this whole ranger thing of yours after all."
"I thought I was supposed to blend in, now you want me to be a Space Ranger?" asked Buzz confused. Woody waved his hand to emphasize that there was a misunderstanding,
"No, no, no. You see, Porkchop wouldn't be threatened if he thought you were just another hick lawman like me. You'd be a minor annoyance, at best. The pig already reckons that no one is powerful enough to stop him from subduing the good folk of this town and eating up all of our resources… If you were a lawman like me, it would give you an excuse to be with me all day. No one would bat an eye if I told them you were just a helpful ranger passing through. So that'll be your story when we get to town. It won't be too hard for you to play the part of a ranger, right Mr. Space Ranger? I mean, all you have to do is omit 'space' from everything you say and we'll be in the clear!" When it was clear that Buzz understood, Woody brought his attention back to the fire and started fiddling with the objects hanging near or over the flame again. Silence reigned.
"What are you doing?" asked Buzz eventually. Woody frowned,
"Well, I don't know how much shut eye you space folk need, but folks around here need a cup of Arbuckle's or two and food if they hope to stay alert after skipping a good night's sleep. I could fire up the stove in the kitchen in the back of the house, but what with Porkchop taking all the good kindling, this is just easier." Buzz felt a really guilty as he looked upon this physically and psychologically, tired man. Under what he felt was his watch, he had allowed Zurg to oppress Woody's planet completely undetected and then made the poor man stay up all night carrying him out of a arid wasteland. Buzz swore that if he got out of this mess, he would work ten times as hard to be vigilant of Zurg's activities. It was his duty as a Space Ranger and also his responsibility since Zurg was…. Anguish was plainly visible on Buzz's face, he had not forgotten what he had learned about his origins, but he had managed to keep it in the back of his mind until now.
Woody, mistaking Buzz's expression of utter misery being brought about from the sheriff's hostile little reminder, wanted to amend his last statement.
"Hey, don't worry about it. It's okay." consoled Woody, "I'd stay up for week if it meant finally having an insider like you to help me take down Porkchop. Now how about some breakfast?" finished Woody, effectively changing the subject and graciously, though inadvertently pulling Buzz out of the bad place that his mind had brought him. What was breakfast like on this alien world? That could be diverting discovery in itself. With any luck, Buzz would not discover new and uncomfortable levels of indigestion.
The two cowboys ate their breakfast quickly and Buzz was grateful for that since he did not want to savor the meal. Woody had given him toast which looked a great deal like tack rations and was just as bland. Then he handed him an opened can from the fire and instructed him to eat right out of it with a spoon. The food inside the can was called "beans". Woody also apologized for "not having any bacon to offer with the beans for the obvious reasons". Unfortunately the obvious reasons were not so obvious to Buzz. However, Buzz pretty much got the gist that for whatever reason, aside from wanting to take all the populace's resources, Porkchop just did not like bacon and beans. Buzz wanted to know exactly why Porkchop would take such a big interest in hampering one particular eating habit of a planet's inhabitants. So Buzz inquired,
"What is 'bacon' and why would Porkchop not want it served with beans?" Woody did not answer. The sheriff simply gaped at the "cowboy" in disbelief as the man kept dropping globs of beans off his spoon. Each attempt Buzz made to lift the utensil to his mouth was met with an unappealing slopping sound and it seemed to expedite the speed of which a sneaky suspicion was coming forth from the back of Woody's mind. Woody had his misgivings confirmed when Buzz, trying not to get greasy beans on his chaps, somehow managed to swat down on his spurs. Buzz jumped up and let out a yelp and Woody put his face in his palms,
"Passing you off as a ranger might not be as easy as I thought…." he groaned. Buzz, understanding how dire the situation was and recognizing how important it was to instill in Woody confidence in his ability to pull off this covert operation, regained his composure. Ignoring his stinging bottom, Buzz sat back down on the log. He then smiled and said in an upbeat tone that mimicked Woody's speech patterns and inflections,
"Don't you worry none, partner. I'll have 'em all convinced I'm just another plain ol' ranger if my name isn't Buzz Lightyear." Buzz's speech was not flawless, but quite impressive for a first attempt using a great deal of guess work. Buzz's superior effort was lost on Woody the moment Buzz soured the statement with his "space" name. Woody remembered that he still had to do something about name. That was only thing left to complete Buzz's cover.
"I reckon we need to give you a name that's not quick to give away that you are not from 'round these parts. And by "these parts", I mean this planet. 'Buzz Lightyear', I've never heard that name before. Who names their kid after the sound bugs make? And what the heck's a 'lightyear'? I mean, you might as well be called 'Seven Ways From Sundown Jones', no one will buy it!" Buzzed held up his hand, signaling that he had got the point,
"All right then, give me a name 'from 'round these parts'." said Buzz, still keeping up the bad cowboy talk act.
"So long as you don't talk much, you can talk normal like, Buzz. Being the tall… or in your case, short, silent type would not be out of the ordinary for rangers." Sigh… Another short crack, Buzz had a feeling that this was going to be an ongoing trend on this planet.
Despite Buzz's excellent intuition, he did not realize the true reason why Woody made the distracting statement at all. Woody did want to make it a point that the less Buzz spoke, the better, but mostly because when it came to thinking up names, Woody always came up short. In other words, the distracting comment was just that, a distraction while Woody tried to think of a better name for Buzz. Woody was so poor at naming things that he did not even protest when the townsfolk renamed the town "Woody's Round Up". It was a silly namesake, but for the life of him Woody could never come up with any name better.
Sadly, there was no getting out of having to rename Buzz, so the sheriff thought long and as hard as he could. Nothing came and he began to look all around as casually as he could for inspiration. He found it on his own can of beans he was holding "Nesbit's Best Beans".
"Nesbit." Woody finally said.
"Huh?" replied Buzz, not recognizing the word as a name.
"Yeah, We'll call you 'B. Nesbit.' 'B' for 'Buzz' and Nesbit will be your last name. We'll keep it simple. Plenty of folks go by just their first initial for one reason or another. Usually 'cause they had the misfortune of being given an stupid first name." The "stupid first name comment flew right over Buzz's head. After all, how could anyone think the name "Buzz" sounded stupid? If Buzz had indeed avoided the misfortune of being given a dumb name at birth, there was no escaping it now. Woody had truly given him a dumb alias, but not knowing any better, Buzz could find no argument in it.
"All right, Woody. From now on, call me Ranger B. Nesbit." said Buzz. Woody was pleased Buzz's reaction and with himself for delivering despite his naming handicap.
"Wonderful!" Woody cheered and gave a happy slap on Buzz's shoulder. The act was somewhat reminiscent of the suffocating-death-scare the sheriff has inflicted upon him earlier and it made the spaceman wince rather than happy. Buzz quickly stifled the involuntary hissing sound he made and got up. He had had enough of breakfast.
"Thanks for the meal, Sheriff. Are we ready to head out?" he asked. Woody hastily drank up the remaining contents of his pot containing the dark brown liquid called "Arbuckle's" and poured water on the fire.
"Now we are." quickly said Woody as he grabbed his shotgun and headed towards Bullseye's stable.
"In that case, TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" declared Buzz following close behind. Woody paused and rubbed the back of his neck in concern,
"Hey, how 'bout instead saying something like, 'Then, let's get this wagon train a' movin'!'?"
"'Wagon train'?" repeated Buzz confused. Woody sighed. Woody was sighing a lot lately,
"I sure hope this plan works…."