Chapter 9: The Price(Of Peace)
An unparalleled comfort. The only comparison could be what she imagined an unborn child felt like in the comfort of its mother's womb. Only this . . was different. It brought a different kind of warmth. A new kind of comfort. It brought peace to any inner turmoil.
Yuna's eyes opened slowly. The lights in the room were very low, making the room dark. She felt someone lying next to her. And for a moment was afraid. But, slowly, the events of the previous day played out in her mind. Yuna looked down at the warrior in her arms. She recalled, with a little embarrassment, that first morning on the small ship. How she had woken up snuggled up to Paine.
Well, this was different.
She was still gently hugging Paine, and this time Paine was the one curled up to her. One of Yuna's hands was resting behind Paine's hand. She noticed that she had absentmindedly begun to gently run her finger's through the girl's silver hair.
Yuna stopped herself and studied Paine's face, wondering what she was dreaming, if anything. In the dim light it was hard to tell, but she could almost swear that she saw slight movements behind the warrior's closed eyes, indicating dreams.
The warrior looked so peaceful. Then again, most people did while sleeping. But she just looked so relaxed, so peaceful, Yuna was just amazed at how beautiful the warrior really was. What also surprised her, now that she thought about it, was that just a few days ago Paine had been stoic and quiet. Reclusive, hiding her feelings. And it only took a few days for that to crumble.
Of course, Yuna realized that near the end she was partly to blame. The brunette let out a quiet sigh and felt Paine stir. She loosened her hold on the girl as Paine slowly woke up.
Paine's crimson eyes seemed to glow in the dark, almost. Yuna thought she was just imagining it. But Yuna realized that the warrior's eyes did seem to glow faintly. Paine, for a moment, looked ahead blankly before her eyes slowly traveled up to Yuna. She flinched when she caught the island girl's eyes. Yuna could almost see the gears in her head turning.
"Morning." Yuna greeted softly, feeling it was appropriate to speak quietly this early in the morning. Paine looked slowly around the room.
"If you can call it that." she whispered. Her eyes went back to Yuna and then down at herself, noting just how close they really were. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. It wasn't a look of confusion or shock. It was more like she was trying to think of something to say or do.
"Feeling better?" Yuna asked.
Paine looked back up at her and was quiet for a few moments longer. Her eyes darted from side to side, like she was thinking. They settled back on Yuna's dual-colored eyes. Paine nodded slowly.
"Yeah. Thanks." she said quietly. Yuna detected a hint of nervousness in the girl's voice. Paine sighed, "I, uh . . I think I need to get back to my own room." she said. "Otherwise Rikku won't stop asking me questions if she wakes up later and I'm not there." she smiled softly.
Paine didn't move immediately, instead, it almost seemed like she was stalling. She just stared at the wall for a few seconds and then looked back up at Yuna. Yuna saw the faintest hint of a smile on Paine's lips. But before she could be sure, Paine slowly moved off the bed.
She started for the door but stopped halfway, "Yuna," Paine turned around the face the brunette, "I was serious yesterday. I said that I wasn't going to . . train you," she said with obvious distaste in her voice, "anymore, and I meant it. I'll go and tell Fayne later, since he was the one who gave me the order." Yuna nodded as she said this. Paine turned and went to the door, before she opened it she turned back around, "Again, thank-you, Yuna."
The silver-haired girl opened the door and left. Once the door was closed, Yuna felt a pang of sadness. She didn't know where it came from, only that she felt . . alone.
She wrapped the covers on the bed around her and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the feeling. But it didn't go away until she fell asleep again.
*******
For Paine, waking up in Yuna's bed had been . . disorienting. And at the same time, she had never felt so at peace as when she had been in the island girl's arms. When Yuna asked her if she was feeling better, she actually had to think about it. She realized, though, that she was. She felt more open, more at peace. So much of the inner turmoil was gone. Most stemming from confusion, her memories, and her actions. But now, much of the pain brought by those three had been remedied.
Paine stopped in front of her door. She remembered what had happened the previous morning. How no matter how quiet she had been, Rikku still woke up.
Then again, she had been sure it was just a coincidence.
She slowly opened the door and slipped into the dark room, trying to let in as little light as possible. She quietly closed it and went to her bed. She removed her boots but didn't bother changing. She just laid down and closed her eyes.
For a while she couldn't sleep. She listened to Rikku's light snoring while she thought. She tired to think about what she would say to Fayne. Savage was the only person she truly feared. He was an enigma. It was difficult to tell how he would react to certain things.
He might just accept it and move on. But he could also be furious. She had seen him enraged before. She never wanted to be the one on the receiving end of his wrath. Then again, and for some reason she feared this more, he could react with a subtle anger. That seemed to be the most dangerous, because when he was like that you truly had no idea what he was thinking.
Paine's mind drifted back to Yuna. The girl had affected her in a way that no one else ever had. Well, almost no one. She was the only person who helped her give strength to the other voice inside her. The one that was trying to help her. It had promised her something, and it hadn't taken long for her to figure out, through all the hints, what it was.
Love, Paine thought, smiling, it promised love.
She almost laughed. As if Fayne would accept that as a viable reason! He'd probably just shake his head and not care. He'd also bring to mind Yuna's feelings. Like, did she love Paine?
That made the warrior pause in her thoughts. She had yet to take that into consideration. She frowned and let out a short sigh.
How could I be so stupid?! I might be feeling all of this for nothing! I'll just have to go on lonely, loving but unloved. How depressing . . how fucking ironic! And I can't just go up and ask her. Fuck, that would top every stupid thing I've done so far!
Paine turned onto her side and slid a hand under her pillow. Her fingers rested on the hilt of a dagger. It was more for comfort than protection. It was her favorite blade. Perfectly balanced, sturdy, and something else. She slid it out from under the pillow and unsheathed it. She could see in the dark better than most. The blade was covered with ornate designs. On one side of the blade a flower had been carved into the metal. At the base of the blade, where the hilt ended, someone had carved "Fehdan Vmufan".
Winter Flower.
Paine smiled and sheathed the blade. From somewhere inside her, a calm voice said, Well, if it doesn't work out, you always have that dagger as a backup option.
No! I'm never going to . .
Oh? Are you're sure of that?
Yes.
Good, at least you're convinced.
Paine slid the dagger back under her pillow and turned to face the wall. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She imagined that Yuna loved her too. That the girl could help her. That she could be happy . . .
The thoughts continued as she fell asleep. They turned into dreams, replacing all previous nightmares.
*******
When Yuna woke up, all she saw was black. That confused her. She shifted and realized that she had cocooned herself in her blankets. She freed herself and sat up. She had had a restless night. She kept tossing and turning. And her dreams . . she was lost in a frozen wilderness . . .
All alone.
She shivered and looked around at the now lit room. She slid off the bed and went to the washroom. Her body was still sore from all the training, but she tried as hard as possible to ignore it.
At least she wouldn't have to endure that anymore.
Well, unless Fayne took over the task himself. That made Yuna freeze in place. The hot water was unable to block the chill that swept over her. Fayne . . whatever Paine had done would seem welcome compared to what Savage could do to her.
*******
Rikku jerked up into a sitting position. Her eyes were wide and staring into space. When she saw that she was in reality she sighed and fell back onto the bed. She screwed her eyes shut and groaned.
Oh . . no more fucking alcohol before bed.
She opened her eyes and looked around. They fell on Paine and she frowned. She remembered coming back to the room the night before and Paine not being there. So when did . . .
She shook her head and got out of bed.
She learned long ago that you needn't question Paine. The simple reason: You wouldn't get an answer. And far be it from Rikku to actually try and understand the reclusive warrior. How could she when she had no idea how the silver-haired girl thought?
Still, maybe it was that mysterious side, along with her natural beauty, that first attracted her to Paine. After getting to know her some, Rikku realized that Paine could have her softer moments, when she actually seemed like a normal person.
For a long time, Rikku thought that there was no chance Paine harbored any feelings for her. At first, it hurt her like she had never imagined. But, slowly, she grew to accept it. Just as long as she could be friends with her, be near her. That would be enough. There was no point in trying to force herself on the warrior. It would be the equivalent to fighting a lost battle.
But she still flirted with Paine every so often, with a small sliver of hope that she'd warrant a response. So far it was . . less than successful. Still, she was beyond the depression now, and showed no signs of going back to it. She didn't want to.
But lately . . something had happened. Paine had started acting differently. She normally didn't make fun of Rikku so often, but whenever she did it was normally less of a joke and more like an insult. But now, she was doing it more frequently, and they were lighter than they used to be. Almost playful. She seemed to have opened up a little.
Of course, at first Rikku thought she was still just making fun of her, still taking only enough interest in her to degrade, only more often now. She had started to feel a slight pang of depression again. That frightened her. Of course, she didn't show it. She just tried to cover it up by acting happier and more carefree than usual. As course that only succeeded in making matters worse.
To make things just little harder for her, it seemed as if Yuna, her own cousin, couldn't resist making fun of her to. Albeit only a little . . but still! She had almost given in. She had come to the point where she was about to give up and let darkness swallow her.
But then she told Yuna how she felt about Paine. She still wasn't sure why she had, but she did so that was fucking that. But she was so glad now that she did. Yuna had told her something, trying to make sense of the situation and make her cousin feel better. It had given Rikku hope. More hope than she'd had in a long while!
But lately, Paine had seemed kind of depressed herself. She had never really seemed like that before, just quiet and very, very, antisocial. Rikku wanted to help her, but she had no idea how!
She just hoped that Paine could work it out herself. Or that she'd go to someone who could. Of course Rikku wouldn't be included in that . . very short list. According to Yuna, Paine was probably trying to stay away from her because she was, in a sense, afraid of feeling for someone else. That, and Rikku was fairly certain that Paine wouldn't go to her for something like that. Paine just thought that Rikku was a dumb blonde.
Rikku quietly went to the washroom. She bathed, dried and dressed before coming out. Her hair was still damp when she came out. The air in the room always felt so much cooler after being in the hot tub. Paine was in bed, laying on her side, still asleep. Strange. Rikku went over to Paine's bed and sat down on the edge.
She tentatively reached out and, placing her hand on Paine's shoulder, gently shook her. Paine's eyes snapped open. They went from the bed to Rikku. She furrowed her brow and Rikku saw her crimson eyes move up and down her body. Paine's look of confusion passed and she propped herself up on one arm.
"Wow, it must be late if you're already up . . and dressed." Paine said.
Rikku let a soft smile turn her lips, "Not really, you're just used to getting up while everyone on the ship is still dead."
"Hmm." Paine sat up and let out a sigh.
Rikku nodded, a frown replaced the smile, "Yuna's training." she said quietly. Paine looked her in the eye for a moment before shaking her head.
"No. I . . I can't do that anymore. I told her myself yesterday. I'm just worried about how to explain it to Fayne.
Rikku made an O with her mouth, "You think he's gonna be pissed?"
"I have no idea."
"I know what you mean." Rikku murmured.
Paine shook her head, "You really don't." she whispered.
Rikku didn't hear her, "Well, I guess I'll go get some breakfast." she stood and walked slowly to the door. She made sure she had her key and took one last look back before leaving. Paine was still sitting on the bed, staring at the covers. Rikku closed the door and headed for the stairs.
*******
After washing up and dressing, Paine went down to the galley for the first time in days. She hadn't noticed the lack of food. One of Fayne's . . many . . lessons, was to teach the groups how to go without food for a certain amount of time. They had been starved. Weeks with the occasional scraps and little water soon became weeks without any food.
Paine didn't know exactly how long she could go, she never had to really test it. But the few days she had been training Yuna hadn't affected her at all, it seemed.
She got her food and was about to sit at a random, empty, table when she heard someone call her name. Startled, she looked around and saw Yuna and Rikku waving her over.
"I'm taking Yunie up to the top of the ship today." Rikku said as Paine joined them.
Paine looked at their plates as she sat down, "How long have you two been . ."
"Well, since I don't have to worry about training anymore, I figured I'd try and eat something." Yuna said, smiling.
"Yeah! Ya' big meanie, ya' nearly starved Yunie!" Rikku snapped accusingly.
"Hey, I didn't mean to . ."
"Paine." Yuna's voice drew her attention. "Rikku, I've already forgiven Paine."
Rikku sighed, "I know. But I still don't know why it took her this long to finally call an end to it."
"It may not be. Depending on how Fayne feels about the situation." Paine said. She took a bite of food. "He may force Yuna into one of his own training regiments." Paine stabbed a piece of food and stared at it for a moment. She dropped the fork and looked up at the brunette. "There's just something I don't understand. Yuna, when I told you that if you couldn't fight you'd be worthless, it . ."
"Huh?" Rikku raised both eyebrows at Paine. "So, you're sayin' that for the first five years I was worthless?"
Paine rolled her eyes, "It wasn't true."
"That's what I thought." Rikku grumbled before taking another bite of her breakfast.
Paine ignored the younger girl, "There are plenty of people on the Nek who don't fight. So I don't even see why Fayne should have a problem with this. Or why he was so adamant about me training you."
"Huh?" Yuna asked. Now she was confused.
"When Fayne first ordered me to train you, I objected. I said it was too early for any training. Especially the kind he wanted me to do. But he didn't care. He said that it had to be now. I still don't know why. He never offered any explanations. All he did was tell me that I had to. Then when he saw that you were resisting, he told me to make it harder on you. The more I think about it, the more I think he wanted a reaction. A specific reaction. I still don't know what it is, though."
Rikku scratched the back of her head, "Curious." Yuna and Paine both looked at her. "What?"
"Nothing." Paine said. "It's just that that didn't seem right coming from you." Rikku glowered at the warrior.
"Paine!" Yuna sighed.
"Thanks,Yunie." Rikku said, a grateful smile on her lips.
"I don't think it didn't seem right, I think it seems wrong." Yuna said, looking at her plate nonchalantly. Rikku was staring at her, looking a little hurt. Her eyes sank back down to the table.
Paine finished her breakfast and stood, "I'm gonna go talk to Fayne. I'm dreading it, but it has to be done. Hopefully he'll see reason from the get-go, but if not." she let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, then I'm in for a rough ride." she took a few steps and paused. "Hell, I'll be lucky if he doesn't kill me."
*******
Word had come in not too long ago that the Followers my be planning to mount an attack on Kilika Port. The simple reason: To make a fucking statement. Fayne had already calmed down the top brass and told them that they were merely rumors. They would try and see if there was any proof before mounting a full-scale attack. For now five ships were ready to set sail with plenty of soldiers just to satisfy the other heads of the Leaders. Of course, Fayne knew that if there was an attack they would send more than five boats.
Paine walked into the room to find Cid in an argument with one of Fayne's underlings. The head of operations was just standing in the back, every so often he'd shake his head. He preferred to only get involved in certain situations.
Fayne immediately noticed Paine and walked over to her while she watched another Al Bhed get into the argument on Cid's side. Politics on the Nek were very segregated. Only Fayne transcended those politics. The Nek may have belonged to Cid, but Fayne commanded total power. Which was, strangely, one of the reasons he chose to stand in the sidelines most of the time.
"Paine." Fayne nodded a greeting when he was close enough to be heard over the rising din of shouts.
Paine returned the nod, "What's that about?" she asked, gesturing towards the argument.
Fayne sighed, "The Kilika rumor. I swear it's the only thing anyone can think of now. I wouldn't mind that as long as they weren't so childish about it sometimes." Fayne rolled his eyes when he heard someone slam their fist on the main table multiple times. He smiled dryly at Paine before slowly turning around. "Will you people crid dra vilg ib!" he roared. The shouting immediately stopped. In fact, all noise ceased. "You may continue your . . discussion . . in a more adult manner. If you don't, I'll kick you all out of here for the next few days." he snarled. He turned back to Paine and slowly people began to talk quietly to one another.
"They act like children you treat them like children." Paine said, nodding.
"Precisely. And adding Al Bhed in there tends to work better than just all Spiran." Fayne took a a quick look back and then turned his attention back to Paine. "So, was there something you needed?"
"Actually," Paine took a deep breath, "yes, there is." she gave him a look and he nodded.
"Follow me." he led her to the back of the room. He opened a large wooden door and gestured for her to go in. When he followed he closed the door. They were in Fayne's quarters. A lot of the higher ups tended to have rooms up here. Closer to where they'd be needed in case of emergency. A large bed was set against the wall at the far left of the room. In the middle was a large desk with a high-back chair behind it. Maps covered the wall behind the desk. To her right was a dinner table(Fayne never ate in the galley), a wardrobe, and a door. There was a large, glass case near the wardrobe. Inside was Fayne's scythe. A silver blade, and black iron for the handle. Strange carvings adorned both the blade and the handle. The most interesting thing about the scythe were the stones set inside the handle. They gave the weapon the ability to block any elemental magic.
Fayne went to to chair and sat down. He studied the warrior for a moment before asking, "Well then, what did you need?"
Paine took a few slow steps toward the desk, "It's about Yuna's training." she began.
Fayne leaned forward in his chair, "Has it yielded any results?"
"Just the opposite. She is still just as resistant. Well, not as completely. She attacked me yesterday in a fit of anger, but she broke down immediately afterward."
Fayne nodded, his eyes lowered to the table in thought, "Hmm, that always makes it difficult to tell." he thought out loud.
"Sir?"
Fayne looked back up at Paine, "Well, it could mean that her resolve is fading. Or . . it could mean that she simply hasn't the stomach for combat. Whether she'd remain resistant is difficult to say." Paine felt a swell of hope as he said this. Maybe he'd actually call it off himself! "Further training would tell us for sure . ." he paused.
Paine felt the hope vanish like so much dust in the wind, "Sir. That's what I came to talk to you about."
Fayne raised both eyebrows, "Oh?"
"Yes. I . . uh . ." she took a deep breath.
Just fucking say it!
"I don't think I can do it anymore." Paine said. "Sir, she can't take violence. She's not weak, not at all, but she's just not a warrior. She can't take a life. This training is hurting her more than physically, and to continue it could have destructive affects on her. I just . . I can't bring myself to hurt her anymore, sir. I'm sorry, but I just feel that we need to stop."
Fayne was watching Paine with a blank face. No way to tell what he was thinking or how this affected him. Paine swallowed as she waited. Fayne took a breath and nodded.
"Maybe you're right." he said. Paine's eyes widened. Fayne nodded, he looked disappointed, "You won't have to continue this." he sighed. "Maybe you and Rikku can help her to find something to do here. Something she'd enjoy doing."
Relief flooded through Paine, "Thank-you, sir. I'll, uh, go tell her now."
"Very well, I just wish that the training had warranted some results. By looking at her I could tell she had potential. Go ahead and inform her that her training will no longer be necessary."
"Right." Paine nodded and left.
*******
Paine remembered Rikku saying she was going to take Yuna to the top of the ship, so that was the first place she went. The enormous deck of the ship was the perfect place for a lookout. You could see for miles in all directions.
A section of the deck had been made into a garden for people to relax in. While out at sea for a long time, some people began to yearn to see certain things. They had filled in a thirty foot long and thirty foot wide square dip in the deck with soil. They had then planted flowers along with other small plants. A path had been laid out through the garden.
Paine found Yuna and Rikku leaning on the wall at the edge of the deck, looking out over the ocean."I just don't understand why you left." Yuna said to her cousin. Neither one had seen Paine yet. "Were you even happy?"
"Of course I was, Yunie!" Rikku cried. "Why wouldn't I be. Your parents treated me like I was their kid, your sister. You were my best friend, and you still are. But . . I just wanted to be with my dad. I had only seen him once before he helped found the Leaders. That's why he left me with you and your parents. Pops thought I'd be safer with you. But I just couldn't stay away."
Paine cleared her throat and the two turned around, "Oh, hey." Yuna said.
"There you are, we've been waiting for you!" Rikku said.
"Well, how did it go with Fayne?" Yuna asked.
"Better than I thought. He just agreed that I should stop training you." Paine said.
"That's strange." Rikku said, furrowing her brow.
"Yeah. To tell you the truth it's a little scary too." Paine said. "He's not that accepting most of the time."
"Well, at least he didn't make you continue the training." Yuna said.
"Or train you himself." Rikku said.
"Yeah, thank the Fayth." Paine said. She looked out to the sea and then at Yuna, "Yuna, I need to talk to you." she cast a glance at Rikku, "Alone."
"Ya' know, I'm really startin' to feel left out." Rikku pouted.
Yuna sighed, "Sorry, Rikku. We'll spend a day together soon, okay?" she asked, a pleading smile on her lips.
Rikku nodded, "'Kay."
Paine sighed, "Yuna?" she was already heading for the stairs.
"Coming!" Yuna said. She took a last look back at Rikku, who was looking back out to the ocean, and then headed after Paine.
Author's Note: Well, at least this chapter was longer. The next two chapters are very important to the story for two different reasons. But, I'm not going to tell you what they are. A friend of mine read my story and told me(in person, she didn't review) that she knew a couple of songs that would go really well with it. I must say, she was right! The songs are Forgiven, and All I Need by Within Temptation. This is the first I've heard of the band and these songs go really well with this story. Forgiven has piano music that reminds me a little of X-2 and sometimes there are background sounds that remind me of the Farplane. Anyways, thank-you Aceina and Heart of a Wolf both for your reviews, I hope my story continues to satisfy.
- Thank-you for reading.