House and Dr. Nolan discuss his discharge plans

Another Sixty Minutes

"Let's talk about you going back to work."

"…"

"You know it's going to be soon. You're being discharged on the eleventh of October. That's twenty-three days away. What are your plans?"

"…"

"You don't want to have this conversation."

"I didn't say that."

"You don't have to say that. I can tell by your posture. What are you specifically apprehensive about?"

"…"

"I spoke with Dr. Cuddy, as you know. Your job is still there waiting for you. You'd have less administrative responsibility and limited treatment privileges, of course. But you'd have the same medical benefits, same pay, same office, same parking space."

"Yeah, it'll be like med-school all over again. I wonder if I'll need a hall pass to use the restroom."

"This isn't going to be easy. You know that. But I think it's worth the effort."

"Of course you do. You're not the one who has to do it."

"…"

"Sorry."

"It's okay. That's a reasonable observation. You're right. I don't have to do it. But you do and I definitely think you can. We've discussed the fact that you derive more personal fulfillment from your job than any other aspects of your life. And while I'd still like you to work on learning to derive fulfillment from personal relationships, I think it makes sense for you to put your energy there for now."

"There is no there."

"I just told you there is."

"It's the not the same there that it was when I left."

"Change is hard. Change for you is hard. Which change do you think will be hardest?"

"Sharing my position with a former fellow is about an eight out of ten on the suckage scale."

"Dr. Foreman."

"Yes."

"I actually met him at a benefit for the National Parkinson Foundation in 2006."

"Lucky you."

"He's very headstrong, confident in his ideas…kind of like you, actually."

"Oh, but we're nothing alike."

"You're basing that on the fact that he said he didn't want to turn into you?"

"Among other things."

"You mentioned this twice before. But we didn't really discuss it. If you are indeed going to be sharing a department with this person, it might be helpful to discuss whatever unresolved issues the two of you might have."

"…"

"Tell me more about him. What kind of person is he?"

"…"

"Just the facts, Greg. I'm not looking for a full biography here."

"He's thirty-six. He's got a younger brother who is serving time for drug trafficking. His father is a retired plumber and volunteers at his church. His mother is a housewife with late stage Alzheimer's. He's dating one of my other fellows…at least he was when I left. He kind of has an aversion to commitment. So they may have broken up by now."

"So you know a lot about him."

"I told you I hired a PI."

"Does he know as much about you?"

"..."

"I noticed that he dresses rather well."

"Yeah. I think he even coordinates his socks and underwear, although I have no proof of that."

"Do you think he might be compensating for something?"

"He stole a car when he was sixteen, spent some time in juvenile detention."

"What sort of people are his parents?"

"I've never met his mother. But his dad seems...like a typical working class, middle aged guy, humble and all that."

"It's probably hard to shake that stereotypical background when your brother and parents are still voluntarily marinating in it."

"Yeah."

"I'm guessing he thinks that's what people see when they look at him. The clothing is just a costume, intended to divert their attention from his past. It's not enough for him to be intelligent, educated or accomplished."

"Apparently not."

"Do you think he wants your job?"

"I know he does."

"Are you prepared to fight him for it."

"I don't know."

"Seems unfair to have to fight someone for something that was once rightfully yours."

"Yeah."

"Have you considered what your other options are?"

"I thought about teaching."

"At the university."

"At some university."

"I applaud your willingness to pursue alternative employment. But I believe that just being discharged will be enough of a life change for you to handle. Attempting to also change jobs or relocate might have disastrous results."

"If my job's gone, there's really nothing to stick around for."

"But you don't know that. You haven't even tried yet."

"You just want me close enough to Philly for follow-up appointments."

"Yes, I do. Because I think that will be vital to the maintenance stage of your recovery."

"Thing is, I don't really want to go back to work...right away."

"Why not?"

"I just...I don't know."

"I think it would be a mistake for you to have too much idle time on your hands. You yourself have admitted that your unhealthy behaviors tend to be precipitated by boredom."

"Yeah."

"If you're adamant and you really don't think you're ready to go back to work...I can keep you on disability for an additional thirty days. But after that, you'll have to file a whole new claim."

"..."

"Do you think that will be enough time for you to adjust, or to procure employment elsewhere?"

"I don't know."

"Have you discussed these matters with James?"

"Why would I? It's not his call."

"That doesn't mean you might not value his input."

"…"

"Unless he's what you're trying to avoid."

"Considering what we now know about each other, I think that any interaction we have from this point on is going to be like living in Awkwardsville."

"He didn't seem bothered to learn that you have contemplated him in a sexual context."

"That's because he's used to being told that by everyone. His patients contemplate him. The cashier in the cafeteria contemplates him. Hell, he probably contemplates himself."

"And you didn't too bothered to learn that he'd been sleeping in your bed."

"It's not like I was in it at the time. Just because Goldilocks sat in Papa Bear's chair, doesn't mean she wants to eat his porridge...if you know what I mean."

"Is see. Do you want him to eat your porridge?"

"..."

"Perhaps that's the problem. If your bed really is just right, it's too easy, too convenient. If there's no struggle or challenge, you can't trust it. It doesn't seem real, meaning it could vanish at any time. Then you'd be left alone again. That's quite a risk to take. It's safer to just not try at all."

"I refuse to believe he's been harboring feelings for me for fifteen years. I mean, he had countless opportunities to do something about it and didn't. And that metaphor was over, way before it even started."

"We talked about this, the importance he places on maintaining a certain appearance."

"Yeah…one which I doubt would include me, even if some part of him wanted it."

"Easier to run away then."

"Or limp."

"So where would you go?"

"My mom's trying to sell the house. There's water damage. It needs some major, structural repairs. Thought maybe I could help keep her from getting stiffed by contractors.

"That's very thoughtful of you."

"No reason to stay away from her, now that he's gone."

"But Kentucky is a ways from New Jersey. Would you find a new therapist in Concord?"

"I don't know."

"Another reason why I think you should stay."

"It's going to be a forty-five minute drive out here to see you, once a week."

"I already told you that I'd waive your co-pay in lieu of gas money."

"It's not about the money."

"It's about the time?"

"I just…don't like driving."

"Because of your leg?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Why does it matter? I need a reason?"

"Most people wouldn't. You do."

"Took a lot of road trips as a kid."

"Because of all the moving?"

"Just don't like being in the car for long periods of time."

"That's reasonable."

"Good to know."

"Perhaps I could come to you."

"That's ridiculous. I'm sure you have better things to do."

"If it's the difference between you continuing therapy and you quitting therapy, that is the better thing to do."

"…"

"Or I could meet you halfway. I have a friend at Lourdes in Willingsboro. He doesn't spend a lot of time in his office. So I could easily use it for an hour a week."

"…"

"Maybe you're looking for an excuse to sabotage yourself by discontinuing therapy altogether."

"…"

"What are you goals, Greg? What would you like to see happen?"

"I just want things to be the way they were."

"But you know the way they were wasn't healthy."

"I just meant, in regards to my employment."

"But you know that's highly unlikely. No matter what happens, good or bad, things will be different. That is the one guarantee here."

"So?"

"So wishing that were not so is consciously choosing to be disappointed."

"Like I need an excuse."

"What about in regards to your relationships? What are your goals there? We discussed establishing boundaries with specific people in your life."

"…"

"How do you plan to implement those boundaries?"

"I was thinking about buying a taser or maybe just getting some of the yellow tape…Police line. Do not cross."

"We talked about the do unto others thing. I know it's a cliché. But it's true that if you respect other people's privacy, they're more likely to follow suit and respect yours. Or at the very least, it's more reasonable to expect it. You'd be setting an example of how you wish to be treated."

"Yeah, because that always worked so well in the Old Testament."

"And what about Dr. Cuddy? You said that you thought it was possible that you'd been leading her on, that you'd given her the false impression that you might be interested in a romantic relationship. I know you've stated on several occasions that you have a tendency to be candid, that perhaps you've made sexually inappropriate comments."

"Yeah."

"Yeah to which?"

"Yeah, I've made sexually inappropriate comments."

"How does she generally react to that?"

"She used to hate it."

"She doesn't anymore?"

"No...I mean, when I first started working for her she was fairly professional. It was all Doctor House this and Doctor House that."

"So why did you do it?"

"I don't know."

"Take a guess."

"To annoy her?"

"Perhaps she got used to it, became desensitized."

"No. I think she actually started to like it. Which is just…It's like…I don't know."

"You were counting on her to stop you from being an ass."

"Exactly. When she started encouraging it…I don't know. It was weird."

"She took the fun out of it for you, by refusing to react?"

"No. Yes. I don't know."

"Perhaps you were troubled by the idea of her being willing to tolerate your behavior. You made a similar observation about Dr. Chase."

"Not the same thing."

"Isn't it? You rely on other people to establish boundaries with you. When they don't, you're completely lost."

"..."

"Why do you think you like it here?"

"I don't like it here."

"A few weeks ago you told me that you wanted to stay, that you didn't want to go home."

"I was...psychotic from Loxapine withdrawal."

"Maybe. Or maybe you secretly crave order. Maybe you secretly crave having other people tell you what to do and when. This environment provides you with both."

"..."

"Those are reasonable things to want, Greg. Because you feel secure when you know for sure that you're doing what you're supposed to be, or when you know that you can screw up, but it doesn't matter. Someone else will be there to fix it."

"..."

"But you say that Dr. Cuddy is encouraging your misbehavior."

"More or less."

"This is what happens when people try too hard to be their child's friend, instead of their parent."

"Are you saying Cuddy is like my mother? Because that's all kinds of creepy."

"She…seems to have a parental role in your life. She's obviously an authority figure. Does she have anything in common with your mother?"

"Aside from the complete lack of a backbone? They're both women…as far as I know. My mother never went to college. She never even had a real job."

"Did she want to?"

"No idea. She never mentioned any goals or aspirations. It was like she was programmed to go along with whatever my dad wanted."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Guilt?"

"You think she complied with your father's wishes out of guilt. For...cheating on him and bearing an illegitimate child?"

"..."

"And Dr. Cuddy is fairly ambitious, driven by a desire to succeed. What was your mother driven by?"

"I just told you, my father."

"I meant figuratively."

"I don't know. She seemed to care most about neutralizing conflict, about keeping the peace, about everyone getting along…even if it was completely superficial. And it almost always was."

"Is Dr. Cuddy superficial?"

"She adopted a designer crack baby to match her couch."

"You've stated before that your mother only had you and stayed married to your father because she felt that was what she was supposed to do…in order to maintain an image. Do you think you might be projecting that onto Dr. Cuddy?"

"No."

"Does that similarity between she and your mother make her more difficult to respect?"

"No. Her wardrobe makes her difficult to respect."

"I did notice that she dresses rather liberally, for a dean of medicine."

"You've...met her?"

"I got together with her to discuss your returning to work. I thought it would be better than conducting it over the phone."

"Where exactly did you get together?"

"My friend's office at Lourdes."

"…"

"That bothers you, that we spoke in person?

"No....might bother you wife though."

"I imagine that seeing her in such attire on a regular basis makes her sexuality rather difficult to ignore."

"…"

"Have you ever thought about telling her that it makes you uncomfortable?"

"No."

"Maybe you like being uncomfortable."

"Maybe."

"Seems rather unfair to her."

"How so? She's choosing to dress that way. What does she care if I enjoy looking at her. I can't possibly be the only one. Actually, I know I'm not the only one. I'm surprised she doesn't get jumped on her way to the parking lot at night."

"So you're bothered by this, but not enough to change it. Because you know that if it changes, you won't have her to ogle anymore."

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Would you consider getting involved with her?"

"Not for more than thirty minutes. Actually, that's probably fairly presumptuous. It would be like that car jacking movie, except the title would be Done In Sixty Seconds."

"You finish that quickly?"

"Or not at all. Depends on the...circumstances. With her I'm thinking it would be the former."

"So why wouldn't you consider getting involved with her, aside from your apparent erectile dysfunction?"

"She just adopted a kid. She can hardly handle balancing that with her job. I couldn't imagine her balancing that with a job and a relationship. She'd be looking for a father for her child, not a…boyfriend."

"So it sounds like you don't really respect her. Does she respect you?"

"I doubt it."

"Why?"

"She treats me like I'm an idiot in regards to anything that isn't purely medical. Actually, so do most of the people in my life."

"How so?"

"Like the kid. She had a Simhat Bat, which is a Jewish naming ceremony that was invented during the sixties, because all those girls who didn't get the benefit of being circumcised in front of family and friends were feeling left out. She didn't want me there. But she invited me anyway."

"Why would she do that?"

"She was hoping I would turn her down."

"Did you?"

"No, I accepted."

"How did you find out that she didn't really want you there?"

"She told Wilson…Wilson told me."

"And how did that make you feel, that she didn't want you there? I imagine she must have invited other colleagues, who she apparently did want there."

"I don't know. I didn't really even want to go. I just…figured she'd assume that I'd turn her down and wanted to give her the opposite of whatever she was expecting."

"Why?"

"…"

"Maybe you were playing games too…which leads me back to the showing by example thing. If you want people to stop messing with you, then you're going to have to stop messing with them first."

"Yeah."

"I take it you didn't end up going."

"No. I stayed home."

"Did you want to go?"

"I think maybe I did."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to be normal for once, do the normal thing. I thought maybe…if I acted normal…"

"You'd be normal."

"..."

"But she was already expecting abnormal, meaning that normal was going to elicit suspicion."

"Yeah."

"Did you share this observation with her?"

"Not exactly."

"You said that pretty much everyone in your life assumes that you're an idiot. What did you mean by that?"

"I just mean…when Cuddy got the kid, she was pissed that she had to work so much. She was pissed that she had to work at all, like that was somehow my fault. She claimed that the majority of her job consisting of babysitting me. But I know there's no way that can be true."

"And how did that specifically create a problem for you?"

"She wanted vengeance."

"In what form?"

"She…played some practical jokes."

"What kind of practical jokes?"

"Turned off the heat in my apartment, set up a trip wire in the doorway to my office...stole my cane."

"That's…rather unprofessional. It actually borders on illegal. Did you actually trip over the wire?"

"I didn't even see it there."

"Were you injured?"

"Just, you know…a scrape. Tweaked my wrist a little."

"But you could have been seriously injured. If you'd sprained or broken your wrist, you wouldn't be able to use your cane. Did you point that out to her?"

"I've got two hands."

"Why is it so hard for you to assert your rights?"

"It wasn't a big deal."

"Did she apologize?"

"Sort of."

"So what will you do to avoid this happening in the future?"

"No idea, because I didn't do anything to make it happen the first time."

"You're protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act. Perhaps you can file a complaint against her."

"Yeah that would go really far. Fifty percent of the complaints filed in the hospital are against me."

"Would you be willing to seek legal counsel if anything like this happens again?"

"I don't know."

"I think perhaps it's important that the people in your life realize you have limits to what you're willing to tolerate."

"Considering my track record, I think they would consider that immensely hypocritical."

"But again, the goal is to lead by example. If your behavior improves and theirs doesn't, that's on them. If they can't get over who you used to be or what you used to do, once you've made amends for it, that's their problem. You're only responsible for yourself."

"That's that wonderful disengagement thing Dr. Gender Bender was talking about in the 12 steps group."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Why do you insist on calling him that?"

"Because in case you haven't noticed, he used to be a she."

"Why does who he used to be matter more than who he is now? How is that even relevant?"

"It's not. It's just...kind of hard to miss."

"How would you feel if people identified you by the fact that you're an alcoholic or a drug addict, even though you are currently clean and sober?"

"…"

"I'm not scolding you, Greg. I'm just saying…think about it. Think about why you say the things you do, because you claim to not know."

"..."　

"Okay…you're almost completely tapered off of the methadone, which is great. You're taking fifty milligrams a day now. How's your pain?"

"It's not gone. But it's...lower."

"Number?"

"Between a one and three most days. No higher than a four since the initial detox."

"That's good."

"Zero would be better."

"Are you ever at a zero?"

"..."

"When?"

"Usually for a few hours, right after a workout."

"Endorphins?"

"Yeah."

"You've admitted to self mutilating in order to trigger an endorphin rush. Any chance you might try that again?"

"I doubt it."

"Why not?"

"Most of those...I was at a nine or ten. It was breakthrough pain."

"So you don't anticipate that happening now?"

"I don't know."

"Do you have someone you can call, if you think about hurting yourself?"

"Like who?"

"Like anyone. James or Dr. Chase perhaps?"

"I'm not some...emo teen cutter. I'm just...there was a point to it."

"I'm pretty sure all those teens think there's a point to theirs as well."

"It's not an issue. Okay?"

"Okay."

"..."

"You're still on five different medications right now, including the methadone, and looks like a sixth is as needed."

"So?"

"Some of these are taken twice or three times daily. How are you planning to go about making sure you remember to take all those pills?"

"You think I could forget?"

"All it takes is once Greg, and then you're telling yourself you don't need the drugs and before you know it, you're back here again. I'm telling you this only because I've seen it before. You're doing great on the Loxapine and Bupropion. I want you to keep doing great."

"I can get one of those little, plastic pill organizer thingies from the pharmacy. Has the days of the week printed on it and everything."

"And you'll remember to take it with you?"

"Yes, Mommy. I'm a big boy now."

"Would it help if you got a daily courtesy call?"

"I was thinking you could just pin a note to my overalls."

"I see."

"I'm not an idiot."

"No, but you are human. I've heard that humans are capable of making mistakes, and that sometimes those mistakes have consequences."

"…"

"I just don't want you to crash, Greg."

"I'll be seeing you once a week, right? If I forget, you can remind me."

"So you will be coming to your weekly follow ups?"

"Hey…it's not like I'll have anything else to do."

"I hope that eventually…that is not the case."

"Yes, I'm going to suddenly win friends and influence people. Thank you Dr. Nolan, for casting your magic spell on my life."

"Based on what you've told me, I think you already have some friends…two or three at least."

"Right. I'm sure you can set up a play date for us."

"I think you're old enough to set up your own play dates."

"But not old enough to remember to take my meds?"

"Right. Sorry. You're right. I just…"

"Invested a lot of time in me and don't want it to go to waste. Yeah, I get it."

"Is that an unreasonable fear?"

"Given my history? No. You have no reason to think I won't fuck this up somehow."

"That's not what I'm afraid of, Greg. I'm afraid of the things that are outside of your control, and how you will react to them if you aren't sufficiently prepared."

"Right."

"Promise me that you'll talk to me."

"Yeah, okay."

"And you can call me too. You don't have to just see me in person. You can leave messages with me here. Or you can have me paged, if it's an emergency."

"…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Are you okay?"

"Mmm hmm."

"What are you feeling?"

"..."

"But you're definitely feeling something."

"I was just thinking…that this must be what it's like."

"What what's like?"

"To have someone care about what happens to you."

"…"

"…"

"If you're trying to make me cry…congratulations."

"Payback's a bitch, isn't it?"

"It is."

"…"

"And I do believe you still owe me one decent, completely squirm and fidget-free hug."

"..."

"I intend to collect before I let you out of here."

"You're evil."

"I know."