Mickey feels something poking his back and groans. Whoever's trying to wake him up by poking him can go fuck themselves.
Wait. Why isn't he dead? He was shot, he was sure he'd die, so what the fuck happened?
He gets poked again and rubs his eyes, turning around to face the person trying to wake him up. He freezes when he sees the red bangs and the green eyes.
"Ian?"
"I want the gun back, Mickey!"
"I… what?"
"The gun!"
He stares at the pale and thin boy in front of him, at the tire iron in his hand, at the walls of his bedroom filled with posters and drawings and at his own old worn out clothes. He remembers this moment, remembers it all too vividly. The moment when everything changed. The moment when he and Ian became more than just acquaintances, the moment when Ian Gallagher started to make his way into his heart.
He remains unmoving, staring at Ian as memories of everything he and Ian have been through, in all the different lives they've lived, come to his mind. They say when you're about to die a movie of your life passes before your eyes. Maybe his is just a little late.
He wonders what would happen if he just gave Ian the gun back. Maybe he'll leave and never talk to Mickey again. And he and Mickey won't love each other, but Mickey also won't die because Kash got jealous, and Ian won't die in a fire or kill himself because Mickey couldn't take care of him. Maybe Ian has a real chance of being happy, if he and Mickey never get started. And Mickey will do anything for Ian's happiness, even if that includes his own sorrow. Because Mickey will never be happy without Ian, but he also can't be happy knowing Ian's not okay. So maybe it's better they never get started.
"Give me the gun back, Mickey!" Ian yells once more, when Mickey doesn't move.
Mickey nods. "All right." He gets the gun from the first drawer of his nightstand, but before he gives it back, he has another idea. "I don't want you around Mandy, though." He knows that if Ian and Mandy stay friends, Ian will be around a lot, and maybe all of it will be for nothing.
"Mandy's my girlfriend."
Mickey scoffs at the blatant lie. "Break up with her. I don't want you - I don't want a Gallagher - dating my sister. Break up with her or next time I won't just get the gun, I'll make sure to use it in that towelhead pussy you call a boss, and on you as well."
Ian frowns, clearly confused by Mickey's demands, but nods. "Ok, I'll do that." Mickey throws the gun on the end of the bed and Ian reaches out to get it, eyes never leaving Mickey, suspicious of Mickey's every move. Once Ian has the gun tucked away in his waistband, he raises his chin and makes a demand of his own. "I'll break up with Mandy, but I don't want you coming to steal from the Kash and Grab anymore. Next time it won't be Kash by himself there. I'll be there, and I know how to use this gun, and you can be sure I will. Got it?"
Mickey suppresses a smile. Ian looks so cute, trying to act tough, and he wants to laugh at his bravado. He only nods, however. No, he won't be going to the Kash and Grab again. No, he won't be seeing Ian again. No, they'll never have a life together. When Ian leaves, seeming satisfied with himself, Mickey allows himself to lie back onto the bed and hide his face on the pillow while tears stream down his cheeks. He willingly gave up his own happiness for Ian's, and he knows it's for the best, he knows it's the only way to keep Ian safe, but he can't quiet down his own heart or the sobs that rip through his body.
When his father goes through his room to go to the bathroom some minutes later, he pretends to be asleep. He tries to control his breathing and calm down his mind. He needs a plan, a way out. If there's one thing he's learned, it's that he can and deserves to be happy. If he can't have Ian, he has no reason to stick around. And so he begins to plot.
Mickey doesn't tell anyone about his plan. He saves some money when he can, from scams and drug deals and some runs with his dad. Terry gets most to himself, but Mickey always manages to hide some. He has his own deals on the side as well, so pretty soon he has some money set aside. It's not much, but enough for bus tickets out of this place for him and Mandy, for some food and to pay for a cheap motel for a couple of weeks. He figures he can find a way to make some money before that.
So one day when he and Mandy are alone in the house, he lets her in on it. She freaks out, yelling at him for making plans for her, but she wants out, of course she does. Their family is shitty at best, she has no friends now that Ian has stopped talking to her (Mickey doesn't know at what pretense, but he's glad for it), and no prospective of life. Mandy, just like Mickey, has no reason to miss South Side Chicago.
They leave on a Tuesday morning, backpacks filled with the few belongings they have and heads filled with dreams. Mickey has has some fake IDs made for them, since they're both still underage. If it also makes it easier for them to hide from Terry, that's a bonus. The IDs are well done at that, and Mickey actually paid a lot for them, but they're worth it. According to the cards, they're called Michael Maguire and Amanda Maguire, brother and sister, 19 and 18 years old, and they're from Philly.
It isn't easy, of course not, but neither of them are afraid of working hard and they've both been through so much that being hungry from time to time or even spending a couple of nights on the curb is not the end of the world. They have faith that things will get better, that they didn't leave the South Side for this, and, eventually, they do.
And so it is that eight years later Mickey finds himself sitting on a bench in Central Park during his lunch break and marvelling at the road that brought him here. He's been through hell and back, but he made it. He works for a logistics company and is just shy of getting a Business degree. Mandy is an aspiring actress, working as a waitress and fulfilling the cliché while she waits for her big break. They share an apartment in Queens and live as peacefully as possible when you're roommates with your sibling.
He admires the children playing in the grass, the artists playing for a handful of coins and the tourists walking around in large groups and taking pictures of everything.
"Excuse me," someone says next to him, waking him up from his reverie. He looks up, still a bit distracted, and sees green eyes he could never forget. There, right in front of him, is Ian Gallagher. Ian fucking Gallagher, all tall and built and looking older and more handsome than Mickey has ever seen him, wearing jeans and a green T-shirt that accentuates the color of his eyes, a messenger bag slung over his shoulder, standing right in front of Mickey in the middle of fucking New York City!
Mickey blinks a couple times, shocked. It can't be. There's no way. No fucking way.
"This is going to sound weird, but…" Ian starts, seeming insecure. "Do I know you?"
There it is, the fork in the road again. If he says no and walks away he won't see Ian again, which sucks, but then again it was the plan all along, and he knows Ian will be safer. If he says yes, it might lead to Ian being hurt, and that's something Mickey promised himself he'd never do again.
"No," he answers quickly, standing up.
"Are you sure? You look very familiar."
"I have no idea who you are, dude," he answers rudely, before turning on his heels and leaving with fast steps, his heart threatening to explode.