Author's note:
Thanks again for all the reviews! (: Here's chapter nine now. We'll see if Cat's plan will work out...
The song I used in this chapter is from Tori Goes Platinum. It's called Cheer Me Up and is by Victoria Justice (or Natasha Bedingfield, but this version is Victoria's). Love this song and it's perfect for Cat's little plan :P
All rights belong to Dan Schneider, I still don't own Victorious :D
CHAPTER NINE
GIVE ME A REASON TO SMILE
TORI'S POV
To Gorgeous Beck 3
From Tori Vega
I'm at Cat's, I won't make it home in time. You don't have to pick me up, she promised her brother could drive us. Sorry! See you later :*
To Tori Vega
From Gorgeous Beck 3
Okay. Would have loved to! See you soon, sweetie :*
I smiled slightly at the text message I just got from Beck. He called me sweetie. And he said he really wanted to pick me up. Uh-huu, he was such a gentleman. And this made me fall even more in love with him. Jeez, that wasn't normal anymore. We've been best friends for almost two years now and suddenly I felt so much more for him than friendship. Why didn't I notice it before? How couldn't I? Feelings ususally didn't change within one single day, did they? And especially not when you don't even want it! No, I didn't want to love him... It was wrong and I was totally aware of it. And I would do anything to make this feeling go away. But I was... a dead loss, yeah. The more I tried to deny my feelings the more I fell in love with Beck. That was awkward, but I couldn't help it. Wasn't it always like this? You always want these things you aren't allowed to want, right? And I wanted Beck. Oh yes, I wanted him! How couldn't I? He was nearly perfect... He was the most amazing boy I knew. And... He was all I ever wanted. It just had taken me some time to realize that...
"Tori, Tooooriiiii!" Cat shrieked. "Hey hey!" Without any warning she slapped me right in my face, which immediately got me back to reality again.
"Ouch! Cat! Are you crazy? What was that for?" I groaned rubbing my cheek.
"You looked like a mental ill person!" She screeched and giggled. "You had this dreamy expression on your face and you didn't stop grinning. You scared me, I thought you had some sort of attack." Oh my godness, did I really look like this while thinking about Beck? Ughh, I really should stop thinking about this boy. But wait... Oh, Cat! She had always liked to over-interprete things... But that was still no reason for slapping me, right? But that was just... Cat, I guess.
"Sorry..." I murmered a bit embaressed. "I was... distracted."
"Oh, why?"
"Not important... back to my problem."
"Kay, kay."
"So, what's your plan? Tell me everything!" I asked curious.
"What plan?"
"Cat!" Argh, someday I'm going to kill her, I mean it! I definitely wasn't in the mood for one of her foolishness-phases now. Okay, come down, Tori! You're here because she wants to help you. And she will help you! Well... if she remembers...
"Ahhh, don't scream at me!" She shrieked again and I took a deep breath. Sometimes she was just a handful...
"Cat, the plan you were talking about when you called earlier? Your... Beck-Tori plan, if you want so. You wanted to help me telling him how I feel, remember?" I said calmly trying to sound mellifluous and careless.
"Ohh, that plan! Yaay, time to start with plan Bori!"
"Bori?" I asked confused and raised an eyebrow.
"Yeeeah! Beck and Tori. Bori! Easy as that." Cat looked at me as if that was obvious and clapped her hands joyfully together.
"Wow. That's... creative." Bori. I've always wanted to have one of those cute pairing nicknames. But Bori? Seriously? It actually sounded to me like some sort of disease... Or fruit. Or something like that. But... whatever.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat shrieked offended.
"Nothing!" I replied quickly. "I mean it, it really is creative! "
"Oh, yay. Thanks!" She giggled happily.
"Cat, your plan, please?" I gave her a weak smile.
"Oh, yay, kay, kay! Sing him a song." She said and smiled brightly probably thinking she was done with explaining.
"What?" I asked confused.
"You don't want to say these three little words, cause you're scared, right?" She asked and I nodded in response still not knowing what she was up to. "But what if you don't really need to say them?" That made me even more confused. I slowly raised an eyebrow and Cat rolled her eyes making me feel dumb."Put your feelings into a song!" She said nonchalantly as if that was pretty obvious. "Tell him indirectly that you're in love with him. It's easy: You dedicate a special song to him - a song that shows him how you really feel. A looooovesong!" She screeched overzealously but immediately became serious again."Oh, but don't forget to tell him that it's for him! Because he might think you're singing it to André or someone else... And that would be sad. Cause you're in love with him, not with André, hahaha. Oh, imagine you were in love with André! That would be so funny! But...you're in love with Beck... So you have to sing this song to him!" She giggled excided. "And afterwards he'll know! He'll break up with Jade, you two get together and I'm a happy Kitty-Cat!" She giggled even more and clapped her hands together. "Oh, I just called myself Kitty-Cat! Yaaay, I love nicknames!"
Wow. I just stared at her for a few seconds trying to make sure I had understood everything she had just said. Singing a lovesong. To Beck. To confess him my feelings? That was...
"Cat, that's by far the best idea you ever had!" I said still a bit gobsmacked.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, it's just... your idea is perfect! It's amazing!"
"Oh yaay, thank you!" She squeaked and pulled me into a hug. "So, you're ready for this evening?"
"What do you mean? This evening? Huh?" I raised an eyebrow. This didn't please me... Not at all.
"You're going to perform at Nozu's tonight and you're going to tell Beck!"
"Uhm, what?"
"Didn't I tell you?"
"NO!"
"Oh, I called at Nozu's and settled everything! It's karaoke night tonight and you're going to perform!" She replied clapping her hands together as if this wasn't a problem.
"WHAT?" I shrieked panic-fueled.
"Yeaaah, this will be so much fun!"
"Cat, are you serious? You mean... I... I have to... Eh, wait! why do I have to perform? I thought these karaoke nights were optional! I can still cancel it, right? I don't have to if I don't want to to, right?"
"Oh, they asked if I know somebody to open the show so everybody could get into the mood for an amazing karaoke night! And I thought you are perfect for that... I told them that you would love to perform a song for a special person. They were stoked! Sooo, you're going to perform tonight! You have to! Hihihi, isn't that great?" She giggled once again and looked at me full of enthusiasm. My heart skipped a beat. What? She was joking with me, right? God, please tell me she was just joking with me! Me? Going to perform tonight? NO! No, no, no, no, no! I wasn't ready for that! I mean... I wanted to give Cat's plan a chance! It was great, it was perfect! But not today! Not now! Oh my godness... No!
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?" I finally screeched making Cat almost jump.
"Don't scream at me!" She whimpered and gave me a panic look as if she feared I was about to kill her. Oh, trust me, I really was!
"Caaaat! I'm not ready for that! I CAN'T DO THAT! Not today! This is all way too fast. And Beck is still in a relationship with Jade! I can't tell him how I feel as long as he's with her!"
"But Tori! You have to! It's all settled..."
"Yeah, because of you and your stupid overhaste!" I groaned but immediately regretted it. When I looked at her she was about to burst into tears. I bit my lip. Shit! I didn't mean to hurt her like that...
"Ahh, you hate me now!" She sobbed making me feel even more guilty.
"No! No, Cat, no!" I replied and pulled her into a soft hug. "Of course not! You're my best friend and I love you! I didn't mean it, I'm sorry! Look, it's just... you can't settle things for me if you haven't asked me before!"
"Sorry!"
"It's okay... Now it's too late anyways..." I replied and gave her a slight smile. "Soo... wanna help me preparing for tonight? I think I need my best friend to calm me down a bit. I don't want to mess up, right? And I have absolutely no idea what to sing. Or what to wear. Help me please?"
"Aww, yay! Sure! I have so many ideas!" She said happily.
"Good. But no decisions over my head please, ok?"
"I would never do that!" No, of course she wouldn't. I chuckled and shook my head.
"Just saying..."
"Kay, kay."
...
"Are you guys ready for our first perfomance tonight? We're going to start with a young lady, who's currently going to Hollywood Arts, so she's an amazing singer! She wants to perform an awesome song by Natasha Bedingfield for someone special... Oohoohoo, who could that be? Hope she's going to tell us! Thank you so much for opening the show, girl! Here's Tori Vega with Cheer me up!"
My heart skipped a beat as I heard the young man announcing my performance. Fine. Now it was too late to run away. Gosh, what had I led myself in for? I couldn't do that, I wasn't ready for it! Oh my god. Okay, Tor, don't panic! All is well! You can do that. Singing a song in front of Beck is nothing new to you, right? You did that a million times, you can do it now, too! No problem for you! Damn girl, pull yourself together now! I tried to ignore my sweaty hands and the sick feeling in my tummy, but I couldn't hide the nervousness and fear on my face. Cat immediately pulled me into another hug to calm me down a bit. Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard the encouraging words she whispered into my ear. Then she gave me one last hug and pushed me towards the stage. I slowly walked up to it trying to get my nervousness under control. My hands shivered a bit and the sickness in my tummy made me wanna vomit. God, Tori, pull yourself together. You're going to make it! This is going to be perfect! Come on girl, you can do that! I tried to calm myself. It didn't really help, though. As I turned around to realize everybody was starring at me I had to fight the urge of running away. I noticed the absent-minded smile on Cat's face and then flashed André a glance. He winked at me and grinned meaningfully. Why did I have this unpleasant feeling that he knew what was going on? I swallowed when I finally glanced over to Beck who gave me one of his amazing smiles and luckily still had no idea what I was going to do. I felt myself blushing and quickly averted his eyes. Then I took the microphone. Now there's no way back...
"This song is dedicated to a very special person..." I said with a shivering voice. "Uhm, yeah. You've already heard that, I know... Whatever... Hope you like it!"
"Go Tori, go Tori!" Cat's and Robbie's cheer made me laugh and actually calmed me down a bit for a moment. I still could feel Beck's eyes resting on me but I didn't have the heart to look at him. My heart beated pretty strongly against my chest making me wanna run away. It took me quite a lot to ignore it. But then I was finally able to focus on my plan. Okay, concentrate now, Tori! This is all for Beck, don't ruin it. With a deep breath I closed my eyes. As soon as the music had started I felt myself relaxing a bit. Wow, Cat was right. Putting my feelings into a song was so much easier than telling him directly... When the first verse started I opened my eyes again giving my best attention to Beck who was still smiling at me full of expectation.
Mmm...whoaa...whoaa
Yeah, uhh
You get me out of my seat
It's like I've been in bed for a week
I've been slippin' n' slidin' all over the place
And nobody cares I'm such a disgrace
You get me out of my mood
That's something only you can do
Cause I feel like I'm home when I'm in your arms
And that's why I need you to
Cheer me up
Come on dance with me
And you take my hand
Cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer me up (whoa...)
Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Give me a reason to smile
The kind that will last for a while
Like only you know how, make it OK now
You got your ways to make this girl's day
It's the magic that's in your touch
It makes everything mean so much
The poetry in your eyes is enough in itself to take me to a high
Whoa... (Take me to a high)
You Gotta Cheer Me Up...
Cheer me up
Come on dance with me
And you take my hand
Cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer me up (whoa...)
Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
You turn my frown upside down
My smile's lost 'n' found when you are around
(You cheer me up, cheer me up)
You turn my frown upside down
My smile's lost 'n' found when you are around
Oh, cheer me up
Come on dance with me
And you take my hand
Cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer me up (whoa...)
Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Only you got the magic
Only you got the key to my heart, to my heart
Yeah...yeah...oh
Only you got the magic
Only you got the way to my heart (you've got to cheer me up)
Oh, cheer me up
Come on dance with me
And you take my hand
Cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer me up (whoa...)
Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)
Even if we're the only ones dancing
As the song ended I felt relief rushing through my veins. Gosh, I really had done it. I had sung a song to my best friend to finally confess my feelings. Oh my god! I smiled shyly when I caught Beck's eye. He cheered for me like all our other friends but it meant so much more to me seeing him doing it. I could barely hear the young man's moderation and Cat's excited shriek as I slowly walked off the stage. Not a second later I felt her arms wrapping around my waist while she was still bouncing up and down looking at me full of enthusiasm.
"That was amazing, Tori!" She screeched and I gave her a little hug in return.
"Thanks, Cat" I said smiling and finally let go.
"And nooow... Go and talk to him! Go!" She whispered into my ear.
"I think I kinda have to..." I groaned nervously as she gave me another push. I slowly walked over to Beck who was standing there with his warms wide open to pull me into a tight hug. I didn't hesitate in jumping into his arms. He gave me a soft peek on my cheek.
"You were awesome, Tor!" He said with a grin when he finally put me on my feet again.
"Thank you, Beck" I replied shyly and felt myself blushing again. My heart beated strongly against my chest. It's now or never, Tori! Tell him! I cleared my throat and looked up again to meet his eyes. He smiled warmly still having his hands rested on my waist. "Uhm, Beck? Remember what I said before the song?" I saw him nodding and quickly broke eye-contact. "That this song was ded-" My voice broke when I noticed a dark dressed girl entering the restaurant.
"Yeah?" Beck asked further. I could swear there was excitement and hope in his voice, but I just shook my head. My eyes still rested on the gothic girl who was coming closer now. Wait, no! No, that couldn't be...
"Hi, babe" Jade smirked and pulled Beck into a tight hug."Sorry for being late, I couldn't make it earlier." Before he could say anything she kissed him passionately and I felt the sudden pain in my chest again. Like someone was stabbing me right into my heart. No, please tell me that this was not happening now. How could my life be so unfair? I wanted to tell my best friend that I love him just to be interrupted by his stupid girlfriend? No! No, no, no, no, no! I forced a weak smile and slowly turned around to face Cat, Robbie and André who were giving me a compassionate look.
"Wait, Tori, you wanted to tell me something" I heard Beck's voice behind me. Well, at least he wasn't kissing Jade anymore...
"Not important" I murmered trying to stay calm.
"You su-" For a second I was surprised why he broke his voice but then I heard this distinctive sound people made while kissing. My heart skipped a beat and I felt my stomach tighten when I slowly walked over to my friends. Cat immediately pulled me into an encouraging hug and whispered some kind words into my ear. It didn't really help, though, but I still was grateful for having her around. André murmered something I couldn't understand and then I felt Robbie's hand on my shoulder. The unpleasant feeling that they all knew about my problem was overcomming me again, but I didn't even care. They were here for me now and it just felt good.
I didn't know how long I stood there burrying my face in Cat's shoulder. And I didn't know why tell hell Beck didn't notice how he had hurt me. I mean... I felt invisible... He was standing right over there, right? You usually expect your best friend to realize how you feel. But no. My best friend/hopeless crush was too busy making out with his stupid girlfriend. Awesome. I took a few deep breaths trying so hard to calm myself down, but it just wouldn't work. The more I tried the more upset and desperate I became. When I finally detached myself from Cat's embrace I was even more sad than before. She looked at me wearing an encouraging smile on her face, but I slightly shook my head.
"I can't stand this anymore" I whispered trying to hold back my tears. "I think I need some air." Panic was rushing trough my veins again and my breathing was heavy. Without waiting for any reaction I turned around and stormed off. I didn't even stop when I heard Beck crying for me. I felt him trying to grab my arm but I ignored it and quickly left Nozu's. Gosh, what had I done? How could I be so stupid? Almost telling him how I felt... And he hadn't even understood it... He prefered making out with his GIRLFRIEND!
"Argh" I groaned while leaning against the stony wall of the restaurant and burried my face in my hands. "I'm such an idiot!"
I took several deep breaths. The fresh night air didn't really help to calm down, but it was better to be here outside Nozu's instead of watching them eating each other's face. Everything was better than that. And at least I could be alone now for a while. Thinking about how I ruined everything. That just wasn't fair. I should have known it. How could I ever think that Beck Oliver would love me back? And how could I ever think that confessing my feelings would help when he still had a girlfriend? Was I really this stupid? There was no chance for us. There never has been a chance and there never will be one. Time to face the truth. Tori Vega and Beck Oliver was never going to happen. I tried so hard to hold my tears back but with every minute passing by it got even worse. My knees felt weak and the sickness in my tummy made me wanna trow up. I slowly slipped down to the ground and burried my face in my legs. Would things ever be the same again?
"Tori?" The soft, well-known voice that was calling for me made me almost jump.