Author's Note - Thanks to all who reviewed my last chapter and demanded I update soon. Sorry for that cliffhanger, but it did motivate me to get this out to you all before I leave for vacation (a vacation without computers or internet access, oh my). Also thanks to my beta Aly for her continued support through this fic. What would I do without you?
Deciding on what exactly to show Rose was a complicated decision for The Doctor. All he was sure of was that she needed be taken through both his regenerations since he'd left behind the Time Lord this Rose knew … and remembering what he had witnessed earlier in her flat coupled with her request a few seconds ago, a Time Lord she also apparently loved.
A slow smile crept across his face at the recollection of her declaration. He hadn't been able to control himself when he had burst into the middle of Rose expressing her feelings for him. It was a silly moment of pride. Rose was admonishing her mum for not being supportive of her love and The Doctor had thrust himself onto the scene as if to proclaim his own "Ha! Take that!" to Jackie, but of course it was all a selfish act, because Rose really wasn't talking about him. That was plain to see when she flushed red and wouldn't meet his eyes. No, thick-headed Doctor … it wasn't you and the slight sting of that awareness reminded him of what needed to be done. No more experiencing time with Rose simply to experience it. Things had to be set right and he was about to take that first step, but how would she respond?
The topic of regeneration was never one he had broached with Rose until it was absolutely necessary. He remembered his reason why, but now that he had the wisdom of hindsight, The Doctor was kicking himself for being so apprehensive about the whole thing. Regeneration was something he had kept from her for fear she might leave. If Rose knew it was a probability that he might change his appearance and have no say in the matter would she still find him appealing? The memory of her asking to be taken back home, minutes after witnessing one of his physical transformations, was still fresh in his mind. That was a feeling of rejection he could never forget. Still it was all very much like being a young infatuated fool afraid his girlfriend might break up with him … how very human. Naturally it was Rose who was capable of drawing out those feelings, making the Time Lord very unlike his own species.
Rose, you made me more like you.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but were you intending to actually do something other than cause me to go blind. I'm starting to worry. Is this how it's supposed to happen, because I can't see a thing?" The Doctor heard Rose ask, inevitably forcing him to pick out a memory and stop moping about what her reaction might be.
"Yes, just warming up the old hands. Hold on there and here weee gooooo." He stalled and then focused in on an image of them inside The TARDIS just as Rose was waking up from her collapse after he had pulled the Time Vortex from her.
"I sang a song and The Daleks ran away." The Doctor heard his old self joke inside his now shared memory with Rose and he chuckled at his ability to make light of a dire situation. That character trait never went away, did it?
Then centering away from what he was projecting onto the girl, The Doctor tried to sense if there was anything amiss inside her. During their time together, he had become closely attuned with Rose and so, using his capabilities the best he could, The Doctor tried to sense heightened emotions, a sharp intake of breath, tightening of heart muscles, or an accelerated blood flow coming from Rose. After his quick sweep, he could only conclude that she was calm, probably not completely aware of what was going on. He knew it was a memory, because the experience was his. Rose on the other hand had not been exposed to this part of her life yet.
He waited and eventually Rose gave him the reaction he was expecting. It came after she saw the first sign that something was wrong with her Doctor. "Stay back." He had yelled to her in the memory and that's when he heard the Rose that was with him in the here and now gasp, "Oh no."
"Is everything alright?" The Doctor asked carefully, wanting to calm Rose and circumvent any negative effects from the mind melding.
It was a precarious thing he was doing by showing the girl these memories. He knew they were nearing the part of his recollection that would be the most difficult for her to take in and he wanted Rose safe from experiencing too many emotions at once. "Is what you're showing me … is this going to happen or am I seeing something that's already taken place, but don't remember?"
She didn't ask if he was creating false images for her to see and he was glad for that. It meant trust was beginning to form between them. "This is the future, Rose. It's what's going to happen. I know, because … well, you'll see."
The part of the memory that The Doctor had been dreading was soon upon them and Rose's response was not a surprise. "Is The Doctor dying?" She asked quietly as if unsure of her own voice or the answer she might get, "Am I to go back and save him? He's … Oh, Doctor." Rose abruptly cried out upon seeing him engulfed in flames.
She stumbled away from the man across from her, inevitably losing the connection they shared. When her eyes came back into focus they fell on the only person who could answer the meaning behind such a horrible future. "What's happened to him?" She sobbed, the tears beginning to form in her eyes.
"Please, come back. I assure you he's fine." The Doctor slowly approached Rose, offering his hand, "You pulled away too soon." His use of a soothing voice caused some of the girl's panic to subside and she let him pull her back in.
Quickly blinking away the pools of water that had begun forming in her eyes, Rose cleared her throat and replied, "I'm sorry. Go ahead. If you say he's fine, well … he must be fine." Then she took both his hands and placed them against the side of her head again. "Ready." She said, trying her best to grin, but coming up a smidge short of a true smile.
"Ready." The Doctor repeated, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat during Rose's alarm.
He didn't like to see her in pain and knowing that there would only be more for her to experience the more he revealed, caused a slow ache to start building inside his chest. Trying to ignore the sensation he felt, The Doctor pushed through the memory of him turning into the more svelte and uppity hair version on himself. "It's called Regeneration, Rose. It's what happens to a Time Lord when he's near death. He is able to survive, but unfortunately becomes physically different and slightly changed personality wise, but he's always the same man." He said to her still continuing to channel his past and Rose's future into her mind.
"There's one more thing I would like to show you." He continued and moved onto his next regeneration.
Rose did not reject the new scene, but he could hear her sniffling and recognized the sounds of crying. She was putting on a brave front, by accepting what he showed, but that didn't mean she wasn't affected by it.
The Doctor didn't feel the need to take Rose through much of this memory and moved on swiftly to the end. He couldn't help, but cringe at the sight of him crying out, "I don't want to go." And then that version of him was gone, left behind was the Time Lord he was now. Once the scene faded to black, The Doctor pulled his hands away from Rose, anxious to see her face. His movements were probably too fast, but now that he was done The Doctor needed to see how the girl had weathered the big reveal. "Rose," He spoke timidly, "Do you understand what I've just shown you?"
The girl's mouth was slightly parted in shock and her vision came to rest on his face, her eyes widening with recognition, "You're him." Was her only reply.
"Yes, I am The Doctor, but how are you feeling?" He asked.
Worry was taking a hold of him. She wasn't saying much of anything about the experience he had journeyed through with her. He had seen the symptoms before, although had foolishly assumed Rose would be strong enough to fight off this negative reaction to mind melding. Her brain was shutting down temporarily as a form of protection from the overload of all she had seen. "Rose, Rose … look at me. Stay with me." He placed both of his hands on either side of her face and brought it close to his, "You are strong enough to handle this."
Too much too soon.
"What? I feel fine." Rose stated matter-of-factly and then much to The Doctor's dismay the girl promptly fainted into him.
His arms instantly went around Rose's torso as a means of holding her upright against him and as he did this his brain scrambled to come up with a good solution to this predicament he now found himself in. Then suddenly, The Doctor heard at the sound of footsteps approaching. "What's wrong with her?" Amy said coming to stand at his side.
"She couldn't handle it. I thought she would be fine … I mean after everything we've been through together, I didn't think this would happen. It was such a long shot, but I miscalculated … how could I miscalculate? It's Rose … I would think that in this case, especially with her, I would know. I should have known." He was rambling and was aware that his words were racing out of his mouth at a rate far too fast for Amy to understand.
"Doctor, stop. Whatever it is, I'm sure there is a way for you to figure this out. Please, you have to calm down. It won't help her in the least for you to be out of sorts over this." Amy appealed to his common sense while placing one of Rose's arms over her shoulder, trying to help The Doctor keep the girl upright.
"No. Don't touch her." The Doctor said, through clenched teeth, his words coming out harsher than he'd intended.
His response was a product of the emotional turmoil he now found himself spiraling in, but after the words were out of his mouth he was instantly horrified at what he had done. Amy reacted to his harsh demeanor, by taking a step backward and placing her arms firmly at her side. The expression on her face showed the shock and also hurt she felt, "I'm sorry. I was only trying to help." She whispered, lowering her eyes to the ground.
The Doctor shook his head, "No, don't apologize, Amy. I'm the one who should be doing that. I'm sorry for all that I've put you through today and tonight as well." He said, noticing as he talked the darkness that had taken over during his time with Rose in the alley-way.
She looked up at him and nodded. The Doctor took this as her way of accepting his remorse for the wounding words and then he continued, "I'm far from perfect as I'm sure you know by now and I appreciate everything you've ever done for me, you know that right? You keep me on the right track and well, I need you to do that for me right now. Can you be strong for both of us, because I'm feeling very weak at the moment?"
"Of course, I'll always be here for you … even when you're a git." Amy responded.
Her name-calling at any other time would more than likely have been a tease, but at that moment The Doctor could sense a bit of truth behind Amy's choice of insult. He had been a git to her and would have to make it up to her somehow after their situation here was resolved. "I guess I deserved that."
Amy sent him a half-hearted smile and then let the subject slide by turning her attention back to Rose, "So, what do we do now? Will she be okay?"
The Doctor's eyes fell on the face of the girl resting her head against his chest. She was breathing, alive and well. Rose only needed time. That was all. "She'll wake up, eventually. As to when that will be, I can't tell. It could be a few hours or days, but her mind will come round when it's able."
"What should we do until then? Maybe, take her back to the TARDIS?" Amy suggested.
"Nah, much too dangerous. Her mum might come looking for her and believe me I've already experienced the wrath of Jackie Tyler when her daughter was missing … not a pretty sight." The Doctor said, still smarting from the remembered pain of the slap he'd received from Rose's mum, "Amy, remember when I asked you to be strong for me?"
"Uh, yeah … that was like one minute ago." She replied.
The Doctor sighed not believing what he was about to say, "Well, I'll need to take you up on that, because we're going to have to take Rose back to her mum."