As bad as that day was, it was no match for the one to come.
Locked away in her room like a hermit crab retreated into its secure shell, Veronica sat in her chair with her feet on the edge of the seat and her knees drawn up close to her chest with her arms tightly clasped around them. Tea cups and saucers sat cast to the side in a semi tidy pile waiting for a house elf to come and whisk them away.
One side of the curtains were tied back while the other hung limply, making the room seem sunny and yet shadowed at the same time.
Veronica's hair was tied back with an elastic band and her locks were visibly unwashed.
She didn't quite know how long she had sat there but judging by how many times she had blacked out mid-sentence she could estimate it had been about three days now.
Her bed was still made and had remained that way for at least twenty four hours.
"Veronica?" A voice came from the bathroom door that connected hers and Irma's rooms. "Veronica?"
She didn't move, half asleep as the door opened and Irma looked around at the silent room. "Veronica?"
"Hmm?"
"Some of us, Lupin, Severus, and I, and others. Well, we're a little worried about you dear?"
"Oh" was all Veronica said as she stared blankly at the page in the type writer.
"Yes" Irma circled around to face her. "Are you alright? You haven't left this room for days."
"Three hundred and eighty six."
"What?" Irma blinked at the random number.
"Three hundred and eighty six" Veronica repeated, her blank eyes never leaving the white sheet of paper before her. "I'm almost done. Just one more page."
Irma's mouth hung agape and she stared at the thick stack of pages on the desk. "You wrote all of this?"
"I did." Veronica very slowly sat up and stretched her tightly muscles, whining in pain as the cramps and pinches ignited. "At least, I hope I did. I'm not quite sure at this moment."
"Oh, Dear" Irma breathed.
"I just need the last page…but I don't know how I want to end it." She confessed. The ending is the most important part and she had to make it a good one.
"Well, you've been in here for days. You need to give yourself a rest." Irma insisted and Veronica thought before nodding.
She stood up and leaned on the desk a little, her legs slightly weak from disuse. "What day is it?" She asked through a yawn.
"Wednesday" Irma told her and moved to the closet to pull out a fresh outfit. "Go on, clean yourself up and you'll feel better. And then you're going to lay down and sleep until I say."
Veronica smiled a little and hummed. "You sound like Severus."
Irma paused and watched her go into the bath room before following at length. "Speaking of. Can I ask what happened between you two?"
"What do you mean?" The younger woman asked as she pulled her sweater over her head and pulled her hair out of the elastic.
"Well, usually when you wear yourself out like this He's the one to come check on you…I have to say I was rather surprised when he said he had not" Irma heard the shower head kick on and sighed. "Should I be…concerned?"
Veronica paused a moment, "No." She swallowed. "I don't think so. We're just…giving each other some space is all."
She stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain shut. The hot stream hit her body and instantly she began to scrub her body. But her mind, though dim from exhaustion reeled.
She hadn't even noticed in her driven state that Severus hadn't come to see her. Perhaps he was still put off by her bold display, or perhaps Remus had said something to him.
No, Remus wouldn't do that.
With a light sigh Veronica sat down in the shower and let the jets of water run down her back and hair.
Her body was stuck in monotony, an endless cycle of sitting, pacing, writing, and so on, dragging her deeper and deeper into a dull grey trench.
She lathered shampoo into her scalp and her nails massaged her skin soothingly.
She needed to get out. Out of the castle and into creation, if she delved too deep into her writing she didn't know if she would be able to stop.
Even when she was younger it would happen. If she worked too hard and too long on something and cut herself off from the world around her she would become muted in both person and emotion. It was a dreadful feeling, to feel as if one were dead amongst the living. To feel not quite part of reality.
The warmth of the water made her heavy and anchored down, so with a swallow she turned the knob and gasped as chilled water hit her and made her heart rate pick up and her brain snap back into action slightly.
She finished washing and stepped out and pulled on her robe as she ruffled her hair with the towel.
"Veronica?" Irma sighed as the young girl sat on the edge of the bed. "Veronica, I'm being serious. I'm worried about you, you're not yourself recently."
Veronica swallowed and stared at her small toes that peeked out over the edge of the robe before smiling and looking up. "Don't be, I'll be alright soon. Just let me rest a moment and I will be fine."
Irma frowned a little and pressed a hand to Veronica's forehead. "You've got a small fever."
"Don't be silly." Veronica rolled her eyes. "I haven't been around anyone to get sick."
"Well, it's not uncommon for the overworked to have lower immune systems. Not to mention the risks of fatigue." Irma handed her a warm sweater and soft slacks. "Dinner is in two hours, I suggest you rest until then."
"Yes mother." Veronica joked as the woman left her and she changed into the clothes and laid back on the bed. As she drifted off she heard a knocking at the door and with a sigh went to open it.
"He…Severus?" She blinked and frowned. "Hello. What uh…what are you doing here?"
Severus shifted back a little. "I wanted to check on you."
"Hm, Irma beat you to it." She smiled a little before shifting her gaze to the floor. "I'm alright, just a little tired I guess."
The man cleared his throat and handed her a stack of letters. "Your mail, since you haven't been to meals I've been collecting your letters for you."
"Oh" Veronica blinked, temporarily forgetting not only what Mail was, but also its very existence. "Thank you, I forgot all about it." She took the letters but lingered still. "Would you like to come in?"
"You should rest" He declined.
"I'll rest easier after we've talked." She added with a sheepishly before opening the door wider and he reluctantly entered. "I own you an apology Severus."
Severus blinked, already this conversation wasn't what he expected. "What for?"
"I shouldn't have acted the way I did in Hogsmead. I know you're not one for teasing." She stated like a contrite child. Severus paused before smirking a little, only because he knew that if he laughed she would get upset.
"You're right, we should talk." He agreed. "If we're being honest, I was going to come and see you, but I got caught up with something."
Veronica smiled, so she hadn't scared him away. At least not yet. "I was worried you were avoiding me" she confessed. "But I guess I'm just paranoid"
"Well, I would be a liar if I said that wasn't in my mind" Severus sighed. "But now I feel it would benefit us both if we were simply honest with each other."
Veronica scoffed, "I thought we were supposed to do that already." She sighed and sat on the bed, pulling him over by his sleeve slightly. "Alright, complete honestly. Do you want to go first?"
Severus leaned on the bed pole and swallowed. "Very well." He breathed as his hand crept to her shoulder and her smaller hand instinctively covered it. "I think you're a wonderful person. Kind, brilliant, with a marvelous future waiting for you. You're one of the only people in this world I could ever consider talking this way with."
He didn't look at her, if he did he was sure he would clam up. Instead he looked at the wall and forced himself to go on as Veronica listened to everything.
"When you said those things in Hogsmead I was surprised. It didn't sound like anything you would say, not even in my wildest dreams. At first I thought it was a joke, but then I was afraid that you were serious. When I realized you were, my first thought was to run."
"Why?" Veronica swallowed, she hadn't intended to go this deep. She didn't know where this was going and it frightened her a bit.
"Because I don't ever want you to get hurt." He swallowed. "I didn't want to hurt you"
Veronica's heart dropped and she felt her face heat up from shame and embarrassment. "So…you don't…"
"No, you don't" He corrected her, kneeling down to her level. "You may think that you do, but you don't. Trust me on this."
Veronica nodded and glanced at him. "My turn?"
He nodded, full of anxiety.
"Very well" She turned slightly to face him before leaning in and pressing her lips softly to his. Severus froze a moment, as if time had stopped for a split second. His hands moved to her shoulders and for a moment Veronica thought he might hold her, but instead the man pushed her away and held her at arm's length.
He stared at her with unreadable eyes that were as dark and endless as the black night sky. She longed for a sigh, a blink, and twitch to tell her something but instead he stood up with his hands still on her shoulders. She stood with him and held his hands on her shoulders, matching his stare with a softened plea in her eyes.
"Please." She breathed in a voice that was full of tears.
Severus felt a jolt in his chest but shook his head and stepped away, his hands falling to his sides.
"I'm sorry." He swallowed and left her there, closing the door behind him as Veronica felt her face burn and her stomach twist.
She was a fool.
A thoughtless fool.
Falling back on the bed she sniffed and didn't bother to smother her tears as she lay on her side with her legs dangling off the bed. A hard sob jerked her chest followed by another and more until her legs curled to her chest and her face was buried in her knees.
Neither one of them were seen until dinner when Severus arrived but Veronica was not to be seen.
"Where is she?" Irma finally said halfway through the main course. "She said she would be down here this afternoon."
"Maybe she's just tired." Lupin suggested, not looking all that great himself.
Irma frowned. "She was running a fever, I hope it didn't get any worse. Maybe I ought to take her something."
Severus sat behind his plate but didn't tough a thing, he listened to the conversation but couldn't bring himself to look their way and stared down at the table instead.
"Severus?" Lupin looked at him. "Have you seen Veronica today?"
The potions master swallowed. "I…briefly. She said she was tired."
After dinner they departed and Irma made of the door but found it locked, which was unusual. So instead she made through the bathroom door and peered in to find Veronica under the covered, the duvet pulled up to her ears with her back to the door.
Slipping through the door Irma slowly pressed her hand to her forehead and cheeks once again and found it even warmer than before and moist with sweat.
"tsk tsk tsk, poor dear" She whispered and pulled the covers closer.
Veronica remained still as the hand touched her tear stained cheeks then left, leaving her to her solitude and rest.