"Eleven days until Christmas," Maggie tried to keep her voice down. It would be their third Christmas with Addie, who loved the celebrations but who was still not good with dealing with a lot of emotion and excitement at one go. Her nightmares were back regularly now, though they had started to decrease again. The therapist Jackie had explained that it was all natural. Every time Addie processed something difficult and came out the other side, she was getting stronger.
Addie still adored Jamie, which surprised them both. As with all newborns, Jamie needed a lot of attention, though she was much less hard work than most. She was a very sweet-tempered child, and easily mollified; if she had food, was warm and clean, and being held by one of them, she was happy. Addie loved that Jamie often fell to sleep in her arms.
Kara and Kate were being a great help, too. They made a huge fuss of Addie every time they came over, and regularly took her out for treats and special time together, which allowed Alex and Maggie some downtime, most of which they spent sleeping when they could.
But with Christmas coming up, they had to formulate a plan. Kara had offered to host it at her apartment, but Alex pointed out that Addie would feel more comfortable in their own home. To keep things as low-key as possible, they decided that Kara, Kate, Ellie and Aoife would come over for lunch, stay for a couple of hours, and leave mid-afternoon, to give Addie time to wind down. Kara would bring the turkey, and Aoife and Ellie would come early to prep the vegetables and side dishes.
They had all agreed that they should invite Kit, but she explained that she would be spending the day with her cousin in the city.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
"I know. It's bad," Kit laughed, as Campbell drew her into a hug on Christmas morning. She felt guilty for lying to her friends to get out of spending Christmas with them.
"Hey, they don't know, it's not going to hurt them. And it's too much. A family Christmas. I mean, it's real kind of them to invite you. But we can just have a non-Christmas together. We'll eat pizza, drink single malt, watch movies. And they can have their family day together."
"Is this weird? Us?" Kit was anxious.
Campbell shook her head. "We're good friends, Kit. Nothing more. We both know neither of us is ready for anything more intense. And there's nothing wrong with that. I feel so relaxed around you. Nothing is difficult. I don't have other friends like that. So spending Christmas with you … it's kinda great."
Kit smiled, and dropped a chaste kiss on Campbell's cheek. "We're all good then?"
Campbell smiled. "All good."
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
"She's been so good to me. For so long. She's always treated me as part of the family, right from the start. But right now, I could strangle her," Kara admitted to Kate. They were on their way over to Alex and Maggie's place for the Christmas celebrations, and Kara's heart was heavy. She had just flown to Midvale, to try to persuade Eliza to celebrate with them all, and she had been met with hostility and icy disdain. She hated what the whole situation was doing to Alex. Alex should be happier than ever right now, with the new baby and Addie, but Kara could detect an almost constant anxiety in her beloved sister. And Alex was trying so hard not to show it, either to the children or to Maggie.
Kate took Kara's hand in hers and squeezed gently. She knew there was nothing she could say that would make the situation better. She also knew the pain of losing a mother, but in her case, it had been much less of a loss. Her own mother had always treated her appallingly. But Kara's mother – both her mothers – had loved and cherished her, and then, suddenly, both had gone. Her birth mother's loss was a tragedy, but at least Kara knew that she hated to leave her. Eliza's withdrawal from the family was deliberate, even after she had seen for herself that Alex had had no choice but to shoot Jeremiah. Kate, too, was finding it hard to forgive. "Let's have a good Christmas, huh?" she kissed Kara softly on the top of her head.
"You make up for it all, you know that?" Kara meant every word. She looked deeply into her lover's deep blue eyes, and she felt overwhelming love.
"You've made everything right for me too, babe," Kate whispered.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
The Christmas celebrations were low-key, but still so very special to all of them. Ellie delighted everyone by appearing with only one cane and, toward the end of the day, she even took a few steps unaided. She would have walked further, but Aoife appeared and gave her the death glare, so she smiled cheekily and picked up the cane again. But it was clear that she would be back to full strength in short order.
Maggie smiled widely, and welcomed everyone into their home. She made sure that everyone was happy and laughing, but Kara could detect an underlying anxiety in her, and she knew it was due to Eliza's continued refusal to forgive Alex.
Alex was taken up for much of the day taking care of baby Jamie, with the help of Addie, whose adoration for her baby sister only seemed to grow each day. Just after lunch, Kate's eyes filled with tears when she saw Jamie fall to sleep in her big sister's lap. She crouched down next to them. "You're the best big sister in the world, you know that, right, Doodle?" she asked Addie.
"I love Jamie," Addie said. "She looks just like Mommy. And she's so snuggly."
"She's snuggly with you because she loves you," Alex rested her hand lovingly on Addie's head.
At 4pm, Aoife stood up and helped Ellie to her feet. "It's been wonderful," she said. "The best Christmas ever. But now we're going to leave you in peace."
"Us too," Kate took her cue. "Thank you. It's been amazing."
After they had all hugged and said their goodbyes, Maggie saw them all to the door. When she came back, she stood for a moment at the door to the living room. She watched as Addie lay on the floor, petting a somnolent Gertie. Alex was on the couch, baby Jamie at her breast. "That's it, Sprout," Alex said, her hand gentling the baby's soft head. "That's good. You're such a good girl."
Maggie smiled and moved to sit next to Alex on the couch. A few minutes later, Jamie unlatched from Alex. "I'll burp her," Maggie offered, throwing a towel over her shoulder just in case.
Alex watched quietly as her wife expertly dealt with the baby, who was almost asleep when she finished winding her. Maggie took her to her crib in their room and lay her down for a nap. She came back into the living room, and noticed that Alex flinched slightly when she cleared her throat. Alex had been staring sightlessly into the log fire. Maggie put an arm around her, smiling when Alex leant into her. "You okay, babe?"
Maggie felt Alex nod her head against her shoulder, but she could tell by the tension in her body that it wasn't entirely true. "Time for family cuddles," Maggie said. "C'mon, Addie," she called to their elder daughter.
Addie climbed up and snuggled in, and they all came together in a warm embrace.
"This is all we need," Alex tried to keep her voice even. "Us. Just us. We're gonna be fine."
"I love you, Mama. And Mommy," Addie said.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
"I'm going to the pharmacy," Jane Rizzoli told her wife.
"It's Christmas Day, Jane," Maura's tone was gentle and reasonable. She knew Jane wouldn't listen.
Jane reached for her glasses and her iPad. Just a couple of moments later, she let out a snort of triumph. "I knew there would be one open. On 3rd," she showed the iPad to her wife.
"That's over a mile from here," Maura protested. "You've had too much beer to drive. And it's icy out there."
"I'll wear my winter boots," Jane insisted. "I want to know now."
Maura knew she wouldn't win this one. "I'll drive then," she said, reaching for the car keys.
Jane shook her head. "You said it yourself. It's icy out. You might fall over."
"And you won't?" Maura looked skeptical.
"I'll be back in 20 minutes," Jane was already shrugging on her jacket.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
"It's been amazing," Campbell said. And she was surprised to find that she meant it. "It's my first Christmas without the family or … her," she tried to keep a cheerful tone. "I've loved the whole day."
"Pizza and single malt. What's not to love?" Kit teased.
"I still think you cheated at Scrabble. I mean, what kind of a word is 'qiviut'?" Campbell complained.
"It's in the dictionary," Kit said smugly. "And you can't blame your loss just on that, I beat you by over 150 points."
"Well I'm out of practise," Campbell pretended to pout. "You just wait, Palmer. I'll get my revenge. And what kinda name is Palmer anyway? You said your family comes from Tanzania. Somehow Palmer doesn't sound like much of a Tanzanian surname to me," she teased. In truth, she had no idea what a typical Tanzanian surname was.
"I didn't know you were such an expert," Kit teased back. "As it happens, Reilly, I'm only 75% Tanzanian. My grandfather was Scottish."
"Hence the skin," Campbell couldn't help running a finger over Kit's hand. She turned away, embarrassed. Kit's skin was beautiful, and she just wanted to touch her all the time. "And the enthusiasm for single malt," she changed the subject quickly, before things heated up.
Kit grinned. "I just like to pay homage to my heritage," she laughed. Reluctantly, she picked up her jacket. "You've been a great host. Hostess. Whatever. It's been fun. We should do it again some time."
"New Year?"
Kit's face fell. "I'm working until 1am New Year," she said.
"Come over after. I'll be awake. We can drink a toast."
Kit smiled. "If I get off on time, I might just do that. I'll text."
Campbell pulled her into a tight hug. "Don't be a stranger, Palmer," she said. When Kit left, the apartment suddenly felt empty and cold.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
"Maura," Jane's eyes were wide. "We did it. You did it. We're doing it again," her face split into a huge smile.
"It's looking that way," Maura's smile matched her wife's.
"Well, your life is already ruined after the first kid. What's another one to add to the mix?" Jane teased. In truth, she was beyond excited. She was buzzed to be having another baby, but she was also looking forward to watching Maura blossom and fill out so beautifully. She just hoped the pregnancy wouldn't be too hard on her.
"So have you had any more thoughts about the guest house?" Maura asked softly. She wanted to build a guest house in their huge grounds, so that they could have Angela on hand. Jane had expressed horror at the suggestion, but Maura knew that she would come around. Jane pretended to be irritated by her mother, but they were as close as a mother and daughter could be – in their own, sometimes eccentric, way.
Jane rolled her eyes. "If that's what you really want."
"I only want it if you want it," Maura was not going to let her get away with that. She could tell Jane was as keen as she was, and she didn't want Jane to use it as an excuse to blow up every time her mother annoyed her.
Jane grinned. She knew she had been busted. "I want it too," she admitted with a laugh. "I'm still putting that lock on our bedroom door, though. We do not want THAT to happen again."
Maura laughed. For all her big talk, Jane hated talking about sex, and being caught by her mother had scarred her deeply.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
Kit smiled as she got out of the squad car. "Thanks, Dave," she said to the cop behind the wheel. "I'll be back on the road tomorrow, I just need to finish the fuel line on my truck," she nodded to the truck parked in the driveway of Ellie and Aoife's house.
He waved and smiled as he drove off.
"Hey, KP," Ellie welcomed her as she came into the kitchen in search of coffee.
"Hi Ellie, how's it goin'?" Kit asked. "I thought you had your hydrotherapy this afternoon?"
"Just finished," Ellie gestured to her still-damp hair. "The physio's just getting dressed. This is great. I'd like you two to meet. I think you'd really get along," she heard footsteps on the stairs. "Here she comes now," she looked up at the door. "Kit, meet..."
"Campbell!" Kit laughed, as she caught sight of her friend. She drew her into a friendly hug.
"Either you're real fond of physiotherapists in general, or you two know each other," Ellie laughed.
"Me? Never met her before," Campbell teased. "Hey Kit. I had no idea. I've been coming here for nearly a month. I can't believe it never came up. Kit's one of my drinking buddies," Campbell deliberately played down their friendship, not wanting Kit to be subject to any sort of interrogation by her well-meaning friends.
"Me?" Kit pretended to look shocked. "I never let a drop pass my lips."
Ellie snorted.
"So, did your patient behave?" Kit wanted to know.
"Nah. She's a nightmare," Campbell said with an exaggerated sigh. Ellie was by far her favorite client, and they had already formed a fast friendship. "I wanted to stop coming, but I felt so sorry for Aoife having to put up with her all on her own."
"A true act of charity," Ellie deadpanned.
"So you got more work to do?" Kit asked.
"Nope. That's me done for the day," Campbell said.
"In the mood to hold my fuel pipe for me?" Kit looked pleading. "It can get real fiddly."
"If you pour me some of that coffee, I'll consider it," Campbell grinned when Kit filled a mug for her, automatically adding cream and half a sugar.
Ellie quirked an eyebrow. For drinking buddies, Kit certainly knew how Campbell took her coffee.
"Get your skinny ass out here, then," Kit said gruffly.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
Maggie turned over in bed. She felt the sheets next to her; cold. Clearly Alex had been absent for a while. Jamie was sleeping soundly in the crib next to their bed.
After feeding Jamie and returning her to her crib, Alex had headed downstairs. She was feeling antsy, and she didn't want to disturb Maggie's sleep. Maggie was working so hard to take care of them all, and Alex could see how tired she was.
When Maggie came downstairs over an hour later, she saw Alex, huddled in the big armchair by the window, just staring at the stars. Alex didn't spot her until she was right by her.
Maggie grabbed the comforter that they kept over the back of the couch and brought it over to the chair. "Move over," she settled herself next to Alex, and pulled the comforter over them both. "You got chilled again," she rubbed Alex's arms, trying to soothe away the goosebumps.
Alex leant into her embrace. She couldn't articulate what she was thinking. But that was the great thing about Maggie. She didn't have to. She could just … be. The softness of Maggie's baggy t-shirt, and the feel of her skin reminded her that she was not alone. Tears pricked her eyes.
Maggie could tell that Alex was warring with herself. She could also tell that it wouldn't help to talk. Not tonight. She pulled Alex in closer. "I love you babe," she whispered.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
"Oh God," Ellie's voice shook. "Oh God, Aoife. I don't know how you do that."
Aoife crawled back up her body, a smug grin on her face. "I think we both know EXACTLY how I do that. All you need is a ..."
"Stop," Ellie pleaded. "I get it. I got it. Jesus. I got it more than once. Mrs Sawyer, you are nothing short of a genius."
"With a very long tongue," Aoife loved watching the blush spread over her wife's face.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
J'onn smiled as Addie threw herself into his arms. "Unca J'onn!" Addie cried. "Come see baby Jamie. She's playing with Auntie Kara while Mama sleeps. Ellie is playing Scrabble with Aoife, and Sergeant Kate and I are making an airplane, out of real wood."
J'onn lifted her into his arms, and strode toward the living room, where the others were gathered. "Mr Schott not here yet?"
"He's on a date with Lyra," Maggie told him. "So it's just us for games night. And Alex. I said I'd wake her before we start."
"No need," Alex's voice came from the door. "I'm ready for you all. Hey, J'onn," she gave him a quick hug. "Hey, Bug, is that your airplane?" She was very impressed with the progress that Addie and Kate had made on the one-eighth size model.
"It's nearly all Addie's work," Kate told her.
"And once it's finished, we're going to fly it, right Sergeant Kate?" Addie was bursting with excitement. The radio-controled model had been a Christmas gift from Kate, after getting permission from Maggie and Alex, of course.
"In a safe place, sure we are, Addie," Kate agreed. She could see the bags beneath Alex's eyes. She knew it was natural that both Alex and Maggie were sleep-deprived, with a seven-week-old baby. But she still looked tense, too. Kate just wanted to wrap her in a warm hug, but she realized that Alex was not in the right place for that. Alex wanted them all to pretend that everything was okay, so that was what they would do. Kate sneaked a quick glance at Kara, and she could see that she was worried for Alex too. "So, Maggie. How about you and I gang up on Kara and Alex, and we beat them at pool?"
"Not a chance, Sergeant," Alex replied.
Six games later, and Alex had a look of triumph in her eyes.
"One day I'm gonna win a game," Maggie pretended to grouse.
"Not today, Dimples," Alex shot back, some of the familiar spark returning to her demeanor.
Maggie pouted dramatically, but inside she felt good. This had been a good idea. She couldn't do anything about Eliza, but she could show her love and support for her wife. And Alex was responding to her home-made family.
"My turn," Ellie said, unexpectedly. Nobody had suggested that she play, not since her accident. Her mobility was much improved, but it wasn't easy for her to stand for any length of time. "Danvers, you up for a real challenge this time?"
Alex grinned. "Bring it on, Sawyer."
After five games, Alex had to admit defeat. "Three to two," she admitted, as Ellie sank the last ball with ease. "I've been beaten by an invalid," she teased. She knew Ellie preferred it when she was rude to her, it made her more relaxed.
"You just wait until I'm back up to speed," Ellie threatened.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
"I hate it when you're out there on your own," Kate kissed Kara tenderly as she flew in from the balcony, her suit smudged with ash.
Kara smiled, and reached out to touch Kate's face with a dirty hand. "You know I'm always careful. And I am almost indestructible," she tried to laugh. She knew that Kate worried about her, even when it was unnecessary.
"It's that little word. 'Almost'. It's not quite good enough. But you're okay, right?" Kate wanted to know.
"Never better," Kara said. She looked closely at her lover. "What's getting you so anxious?"
Kate shrugged. "Nothin'. I just … I sometimes think about what life was like before you. I've gotten used to having you around. It's kinda nice," she grinned sheepishly.
"So you like having me around, then?" Kara smiled flirtatiously.
"Yeah. I mean, I don't adapt too well to change. So, if you'd like to stick around a while longer, I could live with that."
"You could?"
Kate nodded.
"Well, I'll have to see what I can do," Kara sniffed the air unhappily. "That smell's me, right?"
Kate nodded. "Burning oil."
Kara wrinkled her nose. "You joining me in the shower?"
Kate's shirt was already off as she followed her into the bathroom.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
Kit didn't mind night shifts as much as some of the other cops – mainly cops with families, she realized, ruefully. She saw a different side to the city at night. Yes, sometimes it was more dangerous, and darker in the metaphorical as well as literal sense. But other times, she got to meet people she wouldn't normally come across. She learned to be gentle with rough sleepers, realizing that the vast majority of them were victims, not criminals. And other night workers would greet her cheerfully, grateful not to be alone at such antisocial hours.
But tonight, it had all gone to hell. The night had been mostly quiet, and then an 'all units available' call came down the radio. When she got to the liquor store, she saw four men being handcuffed and dragged away. The scene was chaos. And then she saw him; Officer John Thorne lay on the floor, half propped up by the wall. And there was so much blood. The place was swarming, with other cops, EMTs, and more. She knelt by his side. She had been joking with him in the locker rooms less than a day ago. She could tell immediately that he wasn't coming back from this.
SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG
Campbell looked at her watch. Who would be pounding on her door at 6.30am? She peered through the spyhole, to see a distraught-looking Kit. She immediately opened the door.
Kit was dressed just in jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was still damp.
"Kit? What is it? Are you okay?" Campbell asked, as she ushered her in. She put a hand on her arm, and was concerned to feel her shaking.
Kit nodded. "I'm fine. I'm good."
"Come. Sit," Campbell led her to the couch. "You're shivering."
"Am I?" Kit looked confused.
"Kit. Katherine. You're scaring me now," Campbell spoke quietly as she pulled a soft blanket around her shoulders. "I don't know what the hell you're doing, coming out in January in just a t-shirt. You'll freeze to death."
Kit looked up at her. She looked at her watch. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize how early it was."
"Kit, what is it?"
"He died," Kit said, bleakly. "A young cop. He was only 19, Cam. He'd been out of the Academy for three weeks. He died in my arms," Kit didn't think she would ever forget watching his blood washing down the drain of the shower as she tried to scrub him off her. She had held him, and comforted him, as he died.
Campbell took her hand and held it between her own. She knew there was nothing she could say to make anything any better.
"It made me think," Kit knew she had to say it. "Life. It can change in a heartbeat. It can end in a heartbeat. I know it's early. I know we've both been hurt. But if we wait too long, who knows what could happen? We have to grab life while we can. It could end tomorrow. I mean, I hope it doesn't," she gave a small laugh. "I hope it goes on and on. For decades. And I want to spend every day of those decades getting to know you better. I want to be with you, Cam. I think about you all the time. I've never met anyone like you. You're it for me. We don't have to do anything. We can still take things slow. We can go any speed you like. But I'd really like it if we could be … a thing," she smiled, sheepishly.
"A thing, huh?" Campbell smiled softly.
"A thing," Kit confirmed.
"I think can do that," Campbell agreed. "I'd like us to be a thing too. In a way, I kinda thought we already were. You don't get it, do you Kit? I fell in love with you the very day I met you. I've been trying to be, you know, sensible. Sensible is over-rated."
"I love you too," Kit blurted out. "I think I always have."
"Well, if we're going to be a thing, that's a pretty good place to start," Campbell smiled. "Okay. We're going to do this right. First, you get your skinny ass into the kitchen, and I'll make you some breakfast. Then I have to go. I have to be at the hospital for 7.30am. And you," she traced the bags beneath Kit's eyes. "You need to sleep. So you're gonna stay here and I'm gonna tuck you into bed. I'll be back before 4pm. We can talk then. Or not. It's going to be okay, Kit. In fact, it's going to be great." She took Kit's face very softly between her hands, and kissed her so tenderly that Kit thought she might cry. Campbell pulled back. She smiled. "I think I'm going to like being a thing."