Fast upload, but hey, I'm uploading! I'm trying to get this done as it was demanded as a Christmas present (;
So here is this really steamy, sex filled chapter... Enjoy?
Happy reading! (:
I got up from the couch and followed suit, tugging my hair back into a loose bun. I stood in the doorway of our bedroom and watched him sit on the bed, suddenly shirtless. He sat with his face in his palms, breathing steadily as if he were meditating. I didn't want to interrupt him, so I stood there and watched him with acute awareness of his rigidness. I don't know how long I stood there, but I silently watched him breath in and out methodically, like it would soothe me a bit to see him doing something so normal. His stiffness and distance in those couple of minutes struck a chord in me and made my mind gear up and start working like a machine to figure the meaning behind it.
I started walking as silently as possible, as not to disturb him, and walked to the other side of the bed. My silken night gown flowed to my ankles and made me giggle as it brushed the tops of my feet. I crawled across the massive bed and hesitated behind him, but he didn't move. I placed my finger on his shoulder and started absentmindedly running my fingernail up and down his arm, watching the chill bumps rise up. I leaned in next to his face, stopping at his ear, and letting my breath tickle it.
"What's wrong, Draco?" I whispered almost quiet enough I wasn't even sure he heard it. I began to run my finger up and down his spine, seeing him shiver and left his face from his hands. I sat back behind him, wrapping my legs around him and beginning to massage his back, kneading out the knots. Soon he started rubbing up and down my legs before picking up my foot and massaging it deeply. After a moment of massaging each other into a relaxing bliss, I shook my foot free from his grasp and crawled around him to sit on his lap facing him. He held me loosely by the hips and I started running my fingers up and down his arms, making him close his eyes in relaxation. "You never answered my question." I declared.
Without even opening his eyes, Draco ran his hands under my silken night gown and lifted it up and over my head. My lips collided with his in an instant and his hands started kneading my breasts with wanton need. I groaned into his lips and grabbed onto his back, feeling the muscles contract and shiver beneath my grasp. I felt him grow hard underneath me, and, as if he read my mind, he let go of my breasts and turned me over gracefully, laying me on the bed with care. He kissed me hotly for a little after that, letting his hands wonder over my body. Eventually he moved his lips to my breasts, taking one into mouth while gently rubbing the other. Slowly, his rhythmic encircling of my breast became faster and harder. I watched him; he was so beautiful, yet so…animalistic. He suddenly stopped and raised himself up. He moved his eyes up my naked body; his lips were parted ever so slightly, and he slowly licked his lips. Draco looked up with his wants clearly expressed in his face, but he pushed them aside for a moment. Instead of pleasuring himself or me, he decided to be cute for a moment. He began kissing my stomach, light and fluttery like butterflies, causing me to giggle. It was extremely pleasurable and only made me crave him more. He started moving his kisses up in a line between my breasts to my neck. There his kisses became deeper and harder. He was driving me mad!
"Draco, I need you…" I moaned. It was a primal urge that needed satisfying. Draco understood, and with an intense look in his eyes, he grabbed his pants and pulled them off before he thrust himself into me. Before he started to move inside me, he reached up and brushed my hair away from my face, and softly kissing me. It was romantic, something that made me melt into him. But then I became aware again of him inside me, so I broke our kiss and craned my neck so my lips were at his ear. "Please." My throat was thick and sexy, and he kissed my shoulder before he started moving again. I reached up to the headboard, grabbing on intensely while he pushed into me. I could feel his heat radiating inside of me and hear his heavy, labored breathing as he moved himself back and forth. All my senses were hypersensitive, but to Draco only. I felt, heard, smelled, tasted, and saw just him. My mind wandered nowhere else; I was in the moment with the love of my life.
Draco quickened his pace; I felt him deeper within me. Beads of sweat ran across his forehead. It was all too much…too blissful. He made a slight grunt each time he forced himself farther, deeper, and harder. I released the headboard and I entangled my arms around his neck. The intensity of the feeling between my legs grew more and more. I bit my lip, arched my spine, and ran my fingernails down his back. With one final push, I reached climax and yelled Draco's name. He had finished at the same time as well. He laid himself down next to me and kissed my cheek.
"Thank you, Hermione. Merlin, I love you…" Draco whispered with an almost sad undertone. I was confused. I turned myself to face him, but he did not turn his eyes up to meet mine. He didn't touch me either, just laid there stiff and rigid. We always cuddled and smiled into each other eyes afterwards… What was wrong? I lied as close to his side as I could, feeling him absentmindedly touch my back, not really comforting or lovingly.
"I love you, too." I whispered while tracing his abs with my fingernail.
"You should go to bed." He said, sitting up and pulling his pants back on. "I've got some Healer stuff I've got to handle." He started walking across the room before he turned back and lifted my chin. He placed his lips on mine, with minimal pressure, and then it became heavier. He put so much fervor into the kiss, but it was so final, so labored, and it was like he was memorizing everything about it. I thought and hoped the kiss would never end, alas, it did. Before I could even respond he had already disappeared through the door. I immediately went under the blankets, and I held onto a pillow before I started crying into it.
The time ticked away slowly as my tears flowed like waterfalls down my cheeks and onto the fluffy pillow that still had his musky smell on it. But his warmth wasn't there, his hands were absent from my body, his heartbeat wasn't there to put me to sleep, and his love wasn't there to envelope me. All that was left next to me was the cold, vacant side of the bed and my tears, which fell and left me behind so quickly.
After what seemed like a decade, with no return from Draco, I decided to get up, put some clothes on, and go to bed alone. But when I got up, I saw a shaft of light being cast from the office through the cracked door. Draco was indeed still up, so I gathered my courage, and some clothes, and snuck down the hall to see what he was doing. Halfway down the hall, I heard loud banging noises coming from my destination which caused me to jump. After waiting for a moment, I heard it again and decided to continue forward to see what it was about, why Draco would ignore such noises that sounded like books falling from the utmost top shelf and crashing to the ground at full speed.
I found when I got to the door that it wasn't the books falling all by themselves, but Draco angrily throwing them across the room with a frighteningly feral attitude that I had never seen him express before. He eventually threw something so hard that it knocked over a glass vase, breaking it into hundreds of pieces. He leaned over, grabbing and tugging at his hair before releasing a violent growl and kicking over the rest of the stack of books he had been throwing. He walked over to his couch and nearly collapsed onto it, immediately burying his face in his palms, and then, from what I could tell, he started weeping uncontrollably.
This wasn't like anything I had ever seen before, the Draco I had seen these past few months has been nothing but radiant confidence and sheer happiness. Not once has he shown a shred of disappointment or anger towards me or anything; but seeing this Draco was terrifying and tragic. I wanted nothing in this moment but to walk up to him and hug him, but the ferocity that I had just witnessed had me pulled in another direction, the complete opposite direction. I could either completely ignore his blatantly obvious request that he made hours ago to be alone, or I could waltz right in there and demand to know what was going on. But I found myself at a crossroad, neither advancing nor retreating, but staying in the middle of reality and dreaming. I couldn't move my legs, even if I wanted to, and I just stared at his shoulders rising and falling steadily with the fireplace as their backdrop.
Soon his shoulders stopped moving and Draco moved his head up to watch the fire dance and cackle to its own beat and jokes, carefree while Draco sat there in a stupor. Like the wind I moved back silently to the room, sliding in between the comforter and the sheets in a robotic state. I don't know what broke my heart more, watching Draco's break, or not knowing why his was breaking…
The next morning I awoke to a cold and motionless bed, my forehead hot and sticky, and hair stuck to my face. I stumbled into the bathroom before I decided I needed a shower so I could think. I turned the water all the way on hot, slipped out of my clothes, and into the shower letting the hot water beat out the knots in my back. I let it wash over my head, washing away everything that had troubled my mind slip with the water and disappear temporarily down the drain. I let my hands run over my body, imagining they were Draco's instead.
"I like it when you rub my back." I arbitrarily told Draco during one of our sit down dinners on the floor in front of the fire.
"Well, I get turned on when you run those long fingernails of yours all over my back." He eyed my fingernails as if I were going to suddenly attack him with them. I giggled to myself as I popped a tortellini in my mouth. "What are you giggling about over there?" He questioned, before he himself popped a tortellini in his honey lips and chewing.
"Nothing, okay, fine, maybe I was laughing at your arousal." I winked at him causing him to cat crawl towards me, stopping inches away from my face. He smiled at me deviously, before he whispered:
"You have no idea about my arousal." Instantly he crouched like a cat and jumped on top of me, gently knocking me over. His lips hung above my teasingly, before he started sniffing. "Smells like someone needs a shower." He winked at me before picking me up in his arms. "What do you say? I think we should take one together to make sure we get you all clean." He kissed my cheek and tickled me senselessly while he walked us into the bathroom. He sat me down on the edge of the tub and told me with his finger to wait for him to come back. He started to walk to the shower, but then halfway he turned around, ran back to me, and then kissed me before he went to actually turn on the shower.
I giggled like a school girl until he came back and kneeled in front of me. He grabbed my hand and started kissing my hand, and then he ran his kisses up my arm before he went to my face to kiss me everywhere but my lips. He laughed at my poutiness at his childish behavior with his kissing me, so he finally kissed me so softly I wasn't even sure it really happened. Then he suddenly had my foot and he kissed the top of it, tickling me and causing me to laugh. He ran up my leg, teasingly kissing my inner thigh before he unbuttoned my shorts skillfully with his mouth; showing off as he unzipped them with his teeth. He kissed the little patch of skin exposed by my exposed zipper before he lifted up my shirt a bit and kissing my stomach. He lifted my shirt over my head, kissing a line up my torso as he travelled up. He unbuttoned my bra and let it fall in my lap, giving each one of my nipples a soft kiss making them grow hard with want. He beckoned me to stand up with him, but as he stood, I stayed where I was so I could undo his pants, although not as seductively. I let his fall to the ground, deciding I would get his boxers later, and as I slid my hand up his side as I stood, I unhinged his shirt from his body, tossing it to the side.
Looking into my eyes, he took my face gently in his hands and brought my lips to his. He kissed me so sweetly and passionately that I almost melted. He parted my lips, and teased me with his tongue before diving into my mouth and causing me to groan. His hands slid down to my side where he gripped my hips, massaging them slightly as our kiss deepened. I hooked my fingers in his boxers before pushing them down far enough that they would glide to the ground by themselves, then I gripped his strong arms, feeling his muscles flexing. He groaned and slid his hands down to my shorts, taking them off and my underwear in one push. He picked me up in that same instant, letting me wrap my legs wrap around him. Our kiss hadn't broken once. He stepped out of his boxers and stepped into the shower with our lips still attached to one another.
The water spilled down my back, and I threw my head back in ecstasy. He took one of my breasts in his mouth, and I felt him growing hard underneath me.
"Draco," I moaned, "please." He took his mouth off my breast and kissed me on the mouth while he placed my back against the wall. He lifted me up and slid me back down until I felt him going at an agonizingly slow pace inside of me. I slammed myself down on him, causing him to groan and start sucking on my neck feverishly. He got my message and started pumping into me, the heat from him and the shower became overwhelming. I gripped his hair, my eyes rolling back in my head. While one of his hands held my hips in place, the other began to wander around my body. He kneaded my breasts while he suckled on my neck, and then he traced down my spine once, causing me to gasp in absolute elation.
"I'm not going to last much longer," he grunted as he thrust into me and I nodded my head at him, hoping he got that I wasn't going to either. He slid his tongue down my throat and he went to my breast, taking my nipple in between his teeth and teasing it with his tongue. I gasped and moaned, tugging his hair as he thrust into me one last time and waves of pleasure rippled down my spine and connected me with him at my core. He groaned my name into my neck, and after my pleasure had dulled a bit he lifted me off him and my feet hit the wet floor. I became aware of the water, the steam around us, and his heavy breathing. He kissed me for a long moment, putting passion into such a simple kiss.
"I love you," I mumbled into his lips, feeling him smile.
"I love you so much," he whispered back, rubbing my back while we stood under the downpour of the shower head.
My throat tightened up at the memory, the thought that it felt so far away and unreachable now taunted me. I turned off the shower, and stepped out to dry myself off.
I moved like a robot getting ready, not touching my hair, and aimlessly putting on a shirt and pants. I stood at the top of the staircase, wondering whether or not I wanted to walk towards the smell of food, and face the Draco that I saw last night. My feet finally decided they wanted to move and I found myself in a slow precession to the kitchen. I walked in to see Draco waiting at an already set table, everything looking the same as it always had in the morning, except this morning I saw a letter beside my plate.
"Good morning," I mumbled, getting a nod in return. He gestured to the empty seat across from him and I slowly made my way to the table. I sat down across from him and picked up a fork and started picking at my food.
"Hermione," Draco said randomly, causing me to jump. "I think you should read that letter." He gestured toward the letter, which I realized had my name scrolled across the front in Ron's handwriting. My heart stopped, and I used all my strength to shake my head at Draco. This is the first sign of acknowledgment I have gotten from anyone since I left, even Harry and Ginny. "Hermione, it might be important. It might be about Rose or Hugo." I dropped my fork and hurriedly picked it up with shaky hands. It read:
Hermione:
I don't know where you are, but where you belong is home. I know those words seem empty and wrong after all that happened, and I truly am sorry for what happened. But the truth is I'm so lost without you. Please come home, I love you, despite everything I did. I never meant to hurt you.
-Ron
My heart sank, and I set the letter down, picking up my fork and returning to my breakfast, praying Draco wouldn't question anything that just transpired. But he aggravatingly asked.
"What was it about? It must not have been that important…" He eyed the letter warily, but gave up when I slipped it back in its envelope.
"Just Ron begging me to come home… I don't think he knows that my home is –,"
"You should." Draco said with a stone cold expression. I dropped my fork again and my jaw followed suit. "I think you should go home to your kids and Ronald." He said in a strained tone, but other than the slight strain everything else rang serious and true.
"I – I don't understand." I stammered out, watching the world go dizzy.
"Hermione, I know this is sudden, but I don't – I want to be with Pansy." I felt like I was going to faint, but I willed myself to stand up, which probably wasn't a good idea.
"I don't understand, Draco." Tears were streaming down my face, my whole body started quivering. Suddenly the world stopped spinning and the last thing I saw was the ground.
I woke up in a dark room; the feeling of sorrow crashed onto my chest and pushed down hard, suffocating me. I fought hard to breathe in life, but bright lights flashed in front of my eyes, the end seemingly near. I heard a slight chanting coming from somewhere in the room, but they weren't saying the same words over and over again. They were saying the same string of phrases that pushed the heavy weights harder onto my chest. "I think you should go home to your kids and Ronald…" "Hermione, I know this is sudden, but I don't – I want to be with Pansy…" "I want to be with Pansy…"
Suddenly I was being shaken, the tears pouring everywhere as I raced towards the light that crushed me more and more every second I got closer to it.
"Hermione, you're having a nightmare, wake up." I heard the voice of an angel pulling me the other way, away from the crushing, back towards the dark chanting room. "Hermione, you have to wake up." Finally my eyes did as bade, and I saw his face, concern etched across it, staring at me. "What was that nightmare about?" I was on the couch and he sat back down at my feet, staring intently at me as if I was about to beat him silly.
"I was in a dark room, and I heard your voice all over…" I shook my head, trying to recall it. "It felt like someone was stacking weights on my chest every time I heard you say you wanted to be with Pansy." Tears welled up in my eyes and I jumped towards Draco, who flinched a considerable amount, and I wrapped my arms around him to only be pushed off seconds later. "Draco, tell me that wasn't true… You were just – Draco?" I looked to him for a bit of guidance, only to watch him rub his face, years had grown on him throughout the night.
"Hermione, I meant what I said." He didn't look at me, but at the fire that was once there. "I want to be with Pansy." I hoped he was saying it over and over again to convince himself, but I knew this was probably a false hope.
"W – Why?" I choked out, holding the couch pillow to my chest for comfort. He gathered in a breath, and sat up straight as if he were about to recite something.
"Because, she's the mother of my child and, with her, I don't have to hide. Hermione, I'm tired of hiding, and I – I just – I don't think I feel the same for you. I think the rush of it all; I don't think it was love." He paused, his stare looked pained, but he looked me right in the eyes with his dead eyes. "I didn't ever love you, I just lusted for you." He stood up and started pacing, but my eyes stayed exactly where he had just been sitting. I stared, unable to cry or feel anything. I wasn't sure if I wanted to feel anything, because that would hurt too much.
My grip on the pillow loosened and I let it fall to the ground, but I continued to stare, no aware of what was even going on. Eventually noise stopped completely, I couldn't even hear myself or Draco breathing. Was he even in the room anymore? I slowly turned my head to try and find him in the room, and I spotted him staring at the fireplace again, his back turned to me. He seemed so broken in this instant, something that broke me a bit too. A tear glided out of my eye, just one tear, and I wiped it off with my hand, sniffling as I did so. Draco slowly turned his head towards me and stared. He swallowed audibly and walked over to me, leaning down on his knees to take my hands in his. I stared over his head, unable to look him in the eyes, and I felt my heart break a little when his thumbs started rubbing over the backs of my hands.
"Hermione, I just, I never meant to hurt you." I snorted in disgust with the statement that men so love to tell me.
"Don't lie to me." I whispered, but I knew he heard me loud and clear.
"I'm not, Hermione, I really didn't, I –,"
"Don't trick me into thinking you care now, my heart can only – my heart can only take so much." I choked the last part out with a quivering jaw, causing a single tear to land on Draco's hand.
"Hermione, I didn't want to hurt you. You don't understand…" He shook his head, and then stared at the tear.
"Yes, you're right, I don't understand, Draco. And I don't think I ever will." I shook my head before taking my hands out of his and pushing his away. "I should go, you know, back to Ron. You know, the only place I'm obviously wanted." My voice rang with hostility. "You know," I said, standing up and leaving him on his knees. "I'm not going to lie and say I never cared and that I don't love you." He looked up and caught my eye, shaking his head afterwards. "But obviously you will." I whispered before heading to the bedroom to collect my things. When I was done I noticed him standing in the doorway, watching me carefully.
"I'm sorry." He said after we stared at each other for a very long minute.
"Whatever is causing you to do this; I hope it's the right choice for you. I hope this is what you really want. I hope after I'm gone you'll finally be happy." And with that I apparated with all my things into the back yard of my once happy memories. I finally dropped to the ground and cried, draped over my suitcase for support.
The tears flowed out, not caring where they were, or how loud they caused me to be. But they didn't fill the hole, they didn't brighten the darkness, and they didn't stave off the sadness, the heartbreak. But I pushed it away for a minute, just enough to walk through the back door, enough to collapse on the couch before it, the bending and breaking, started over again. I didn't care how loud I was, let Ron see me hurt, let my kids know I didn't come back happier than when I left, let them know I got nothing by getting away for months. Let them know that my heart was still broken.
It was my entire fault either way. I was never good enough for Draco or Ron. If I was good enough for Ron, he would've never said those things to me, never hurt me physically and emotionally, I would have been loved this whole time. If I was ever good enough for Draco, well it wouldn't have ended like it did; he would have never caused me the pain that he did… This heartbreak was too much, the idea that disappointment is almost expected from every human being, but the realization that you're the disappointment is a hard pill to swallow. True story was that I wasn't good enough for anyone, and I probably wouldn't ever be.
I was sent into a panic attack at this notion, the weights began piling on my chest again, and I saw black. It was like I was in the ocean, drowning in the shapeless form of it, barely treading enough to breathe. But someone pulls me from it, up onto a ship; I feel them push the hair out of my face and shaking me, as if that would bring life to my seemingly lifeless body. "Hermione," I heard them faintly calling my voice, not the voice of a captain, but the voice of an angel. I saw lights again, like in my dream before, but this time I didn't hear Draco's voice pulling me away from it. This time I was all alone.
Well, hope I didn't disappoint... and yea, I know, hate me!
But, please keep reading!
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